What my Psychologist told me
Replies
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I hope you're able to overcome your "craving" foods and your pain right now. Hugs.
Most times it's not even a craving. More like, I just want to eat it.0 -
Hey guys,
I started seeing a psychologist when I lost a loved one, had the hardest time in the world accepting it and began questioning life. He's been a huge help. We also discussed how I use food as a coping method. Not any food, just the sweet fattening crap. I told him that I have tried moderation many times and most of the time it leads to binging.
His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"
That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?
Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?
You will have to learn to "make friends" with your trigger foods such that you can enjoy them rather than use them to fill your void. I don't know what that path may be for you. Could be avoidance for a while, could be moderation, could be whatever works for you.0 -
I am so sorry for your loss. I can certainly sympathize as I lost my dad this past year. And the stress of losing weight, along with grief, is a hard process, but it can be done. I applaud you for seeking help. Your doctor seems to have good intentions but telling yourself you can never have "x" or "y" again is probably a bit more than you can chew right now. I think a better approach would be to take things one day at a time. We can't do anything about the past and tomorrow is not yet come. The only thing we can control is our actions in the here and now, and even that is sometimes difficult. I haven't had a Coke in nearly a month and don't even miss it really, but it didnt happen by me saying I'm never having another Coke. One day led into two days without it. Two days led into three and so on and so on and now the craving is just not there anymore. My dad died from a massive heart attack.. directly related to his diabetes and high blood pressure. I'm angry that he didn't take care of himself and it's pushed me harder to take care of myself. My heart goes out to you. I wish you the best. Feel free to friend me on here if you'd like. We can push each other.
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I can't eat chocolate or most sweets in moderation.I have tried and other than sweets I do a great job with moderation and portion control.so I try to avoid all sweets. I do have them and won't say I can NEVER have them again, but for me I can't just have one piece or even one portion. I bought candy on Valentine's day and told my husband I was going to have one piece and freeze the rest. SEVEN pieces later I finally admitted it was a horrible idea and gave them to the kids and told them not to tell me where they were......I am out of sight out of mind with sweets. So guess that was my long way of saying I agree with the doctor.
This is me. I can't have chocolate or cake/cookies/ice cream in the house. If we get it for an occasion (like a birthday or holiday), I enjoy a reasonable amount, but once that day has passed I get it out of the house. I have my husband bring it to work, give it to someone upon leaving my house, etc.
My kids are only 3 and 9 months, so they shouldn't be eating that stuff any more than I should! (Of course not the baby at all, but you get my drift.)
I lost 82 lbs after my first baby and am trying again. (Breastfeeding is killing me this time - it can also make your body hold on to weight - something no one ever tells you!) I kept all those trigger foods out of my house except for those special occasions. My husband inadvertently lost his belly as a result, too, so he was happy. After a little while I didn't miss those foods. After having them for a holiday, it did make me want them again the next day, but I just had to suck it up and deal because the food was no longer available. After a couple of days I didn't miss it.
Exercise also makes me not want to overeat. It's not even a conscious thing.
Best wishes to you, and I'm so sorry for your loss :flowerforyou:
Edited for typo0 -
I am very sorry for your loss.
It is a very individual thing and no right or wrong answer. You have to find out what is right and will work for you. Your psychologist knows you better than the anonymous people here. You know yourself best. Find the right answer for you.
Everyone is different. There will be people that can NEVER eat their trigger foods and people that can NEVER cut them out entirely. For me, I have found that I will still have the foods I love. The BIG difference is the amounts, portion size and control over how much I eat. This is what works for me.
Know yourself well enough to know what you have to do. That is all any of us can do.0 -
I think you should listen to your doctor, at least for the time being. Give yourself time without it all and then re-evaluate things in 3 months. During that time you will notice you don't miss it and you no longer crave it so that when you eventually do have something you will be able to stop with that one piece and binge because you don't miss it. Also for me giving up those carbs has helped with the sugar cravings. Sadly I started eating carbs again and have started craving the chocolates again. So I'm back to low carb. I've mostly given up complex carbs but will continue to have fruits and veggies as I see fit.
Listen to the doctor and give the advice time to work or not work. You will never know how it works if you don't at least try it his/her way. I do know giving it up completely and the no complex carbs worked for me. Give yourself 3 months.0 -
Here is how I deal with that sort of stuff.
I don't keep it in the house. Ever.
I do occasionally buy a single item when I'm out, but I buy a single item and eat it and I'm done.
I occasionally go to buffets or potlucks where it's served. I get one item per trip, because I don't want to look like a pig and you look like a pig if you walk up 20 times to get 20 cookies.0 -
I can't eat chocolate or most sweets in moderation.I have tried and other than sweets I do a great job with moderation and portion control.so I try to avoid all sweets.
Yep, same here. Sweets do not enter my house unless I plan on eating it all in one sitting. Work is another story, they are everywhere. Kinda makes it hard but I have been able to avoid them in the past. I think to myself, is it really worth the calories? Fortunately I am picky when it come to my chocolate or any sweets.0 -
The psychologist who leads my women's eating disorder support group would disagree with your therapists advice. She is a big proponent of "normalized eating" and believes that cutting out any particular food is not ultimately workable for most people.
Getting behind what the food means to you, what you hopes it does to meet your needs, and ultimately, the awareness that it CAN'T meet your emotional needs, is one of the keys to overcoming disordered eating.
Different therapists, different approach. Again just like a diet, it's NOT a one size fits all. She should listen to her therapist at least until she learns if it works for her.0 -
If there is something that I can binge on and control it, or if I don't have to have much of it to satisfy me, I will eat it. I can eat chocolate in moderation without going overboard, but if I went to Burger King even once, I would eat 3 days worth of calories and spiral downhill in disappointment from there. I think it's just something you have to weigh out in your mind. If you can control yourself when you eat it, you should definitely try to fit it in.0
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Good morning, I suppose he/ she is thinking of it as a drug, with which sugar does share similar properties, so giving it up and getting it out of your system is ONE WAY to handle the problem. But I don't think it is the best answer for most people. Telling yourself you can never have a food again is a challenge.
I'm in the process of trying to reshape my life and diet and am using a high protein diet. I've found that with this I have fewer cravings for sugar, sweets, and pastry. In fact some things I used to love are now too sweet. And Protein causes a body to feel less hunger as it stays with you longer. With my diet I have fewer carbs but can use those in the plan any way I want so I don't have to tell myself no to everything, just not as much and when the days carbs are gone, not now.
I'm sorry for your loss and wish you the best on your journey!0 -
I just want to say that all of you have such wonderful advice. Thank you :flowerforyou:
I am sorry for all your losses, as we get older life sure as hell becomes scarier, at least for me.
Thank you again.0 -
You ask "Will I really miss it?" YES! A thousand times yes. And when you miss it enough, you will binge on it.
I have been through treatment for binge eating disorder and am now in recovery. Your psychologist's advice makes me a bit angry. Deprivation doesn't work.
When I was in treatment, we had to learn how to eat everything in moderation including cookies, cake, pasta and all of those other allegedly bad foods. It was hard but it worked.
If you suspect you truly have a binge eating disorder, seek treatment but not from that psychologist. That's for sure.0 -
Yes, giving up the food completely will make you forget how it tasted. If you forget how it tastes you won't remember it anymore. If you eat it in moderation and are prone to binging then a single cookie can make you remember how good it tastes and you end up eating 20 instead of the designated one. So just cut it off completely. Feeling a sugar craving grab a banana. an apple a kiwi, any fruit will do, and snack your heart away. Just feeling hungry, head for the veggies! Grab something crunchy and go ahead eat as much as you want!0
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You ask "Will I really miss it?" YES! A thousand times yes. And when you miss it enough, you will binge on it.
I have been through treatment for binge eating disorder and am now in recovery. Your psychologist's advice makes me a bit angry. Deprivation doesn't work.
When I was in treatment, we had to learn how to eat everything in moderation including cookies, cake, pasta and all of those other allegedly bad foods. It was hard but it worked.
If you suspect you truly have a binge eating disorder, seek treatment but not from that psychologist. That's for sure.
I don't know if it's a true eating disorder or just a comfort food disorder (does that exist?). I can't begin to tell you how many times I have tried eating chocolate in moderation... never works.0 -
Yes, giving up the food completely will make you forget how it tasted. If you forget how it tastes you won't remember it anymore. If you eat it in moderation and are prone to binging then a single cookie can make you remember how good it tastes and you end up eating 20 instead of the designated one. So just cut it off completely. Feeling a sugar craving grab a banana. an apple a kiwi, any fruit will do, and snack your heart away. Just feeling hungry, head for the veggies! Grab something crunchy and go ahead eat as much as you want!
I do enjoy fruit! Especially bananas and strawberries.0 -
maybe it is best to abstain from your most desired "bad foods", at least until you have come to a place in your life where you feel more in control of your actions and can use moderation and are better able to employ healthier ways to cope with stress.
This ^^^^0 -
Hi OP, I can totally relate. I have lost my sister (1st) and then my mother within a years time frame (Both passed from cancer). My sis was only 45 and my mom 67. Both way to young.
I gained easily 30 pounds from eating out of depression. It has been over a year now since the passing of my mom and it is getting easier, but there are still really tough days.
After my mother passed I went on anti depressants for a time, but the side effects did not work for me. I want off shortly. Through the support of my loved ones, I am mostly doing good.
I just started the weight loss journey, (After yo-yoing for the last 2 years. I hope to be finally figuring it out and not putting food in my mouth for comfort.
I don't have much advise, but if you need another friend for support or just need to talk, please feel free to add me as a friend.
My thoughts and prayers with you. Sending hugs your way.
Birdie0 -
Hi OP, I can totally relate. I have lost my sister (1st) and then my mother within a years time frame (Both passed from cancer). My sis was only 45 and my mom 67. Both way to young.
My heart goes out to you. :-(0 -
It depends. Certain things I can do in moderation, like a piece of chocolate before bed. One of my huge downfalls is alcohol, I have tried multiple times to moderate but it seems too difficult for me. I haven't had a sip in 8 weeks tomorrow and I feel better than I have in a long time. It really depends on you and what.
Andrew0 -
It depends. Certain things I can do in moderation, like a piece of chocolate before bed. One of my huge downfalls is alcohol, I have tried multiple times to moderate but it seems too difficult for me. I haven't had a sip in 8 weeks tomorrow and I feel better than I have in a long time. It really depends on you and what.
Andrew
Congratulations! Keep it up. I don't really do alcohol as I tend to over do it when I drink. I don't know why. It's not like I like the taste but after I catch a buzz, I don't want it to go away.0 -
Moderation works the best. When you binge because your thinking of the loved one you lost, think of that person watching you. Would they want you to be healthy, would they be proud of you because you didn't binge on something or would they be disappointed in you if you binged.0
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What does moderation even mean? Once a day, several times a week, once a month? Me...I have found that giving up trigger foods works best for me. People will say if you don't eat "those foods" you will feel deprived and end up binging... I have found the opposite. When I stop eating them overtime, AND fill up on satiating healthier choices, I don't crave the junk. If I don't crave it no I don't feel deprived lol. People pooh pooh food addiction but I really believe certain foods are addictive namely sugar and wheat and eating them feeds a cycle of cravings especially for some people. Would someone tell an alcoholic to just have one glass? Or a smoker oh just have one cigarette? My 2 cents based on what works for me.Hey guys,
I started seeing a psychologist when I lost a loved one, had the hardest time in the world accepting it and began questioning life. He's been a huge help. We also discussed how I use food as a coping method. Not any food, just the sweet fattening crap. I told him that I have tried moderation many times and most of the time it leads to binging.
His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"
That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?
Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?0 -
Well, it seems to me you spent good money to see your psychologist and trusted him to get you through a very hard time in your life. Now you are dealing with another issue and since he knows you fairly well may be privy to what triggers you have and why you have them.
How important is it really in the big picture of your goal is it to have "x, y. z"? Will that jelly roll really help you achieve what you want? I actually asked my self that question when I REALLY WANTED a Starbucks white chocolate mocha Grande ... I looked at the price, I could TASTE it in my mind, I looked at the calories that it had in it - 470 calories! I would have to do a free run of 55 minutes to have that 'treat'. Oh I DO have treats from time to time (like we have "oooey gooey Thursday" when we buy portions (for one each) of any kind of bakery or frozen treat we want). However outside of oooey gooey Thursday whatever calorie count there is for a treat I have to "earn it first" by exercising off the treat calories BEFORE I have it - it is amazing how much an "I just don't feel like 55 min of jogging or even 15 or 30 minutes of exercise prior to indulging will quell the desire for 'whatever'. Yes, it is a discipline, a 'gimmick' to pace yourself and make you think BEFORE you indulge - it works for me. *lol* there ARE days I will run for an hour because I REALLY want something but I can tell you that is rare. (oh and that exercise has to come on top of 'the usual')
There are other options too that may help you as well
* Don't keep it in the house
* Have to drive or walk to get 'whatever'
* Find a replacement for 'whatever' - ie while never a huge ice cream fan I did find Moose Tracks 'adorable' and would have a half cup a couple times a week. I liked the creamy, chocolate however I found that I really enjoyed a light Greek yogurt (coconut vanilla) sprinkled a tablespoon of chopped almonds. A couple months later I did dish up another half cup with my partner and after two bites gave it to him - it was to sweet. Okay that was an epiphany for me - our tastes can and do change. We have conditioned to so much sugar (its added in so many things you wouldn't even believe. If you go to things you can buy fresh as opposed to pre-packaged 'convenience foods' you may find you have a lot less sweet cravings.
I wish you luck in your quest to find your own way. What works for some may not work for others - above all to thine own self be true. Look deep inside and you will find your own answers.
With regards,
CC0 -
Maybe "never" eating something again is a bit extreme, but I'd definitely say cut out those foods around which you feel a lack of control, at least for the time being. Two things helped me in this regard: 1) not having any trigger/binge foods in the house. That doesn't mean I'll never eat sweets again, it just means I won't buy them but I'll eat them at a special occasion. 2) replace all treats with an alternative. I used to always eat something sweet after dinner so now I drink herbal tea after dinner. And instead of potato chips (I'm a potato chip monster!) I eat kale chips. I guess my point is, I tried the whole "never eating it again" thing and I found I just craved things I couldn't have. For me, finding lower calorie and healthier replacements was key. Now I don't crave those things, but I still don't have them in the house.0
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What does moderation even mean? Once a day, several times a week, once a month? Me...I have found that giving up trigger foods works best for me. People will say if you don't eat "those foods" you will feel deprived and end up binging... I have found the opposite. When I stop eating them overtime, AND fill up on satiating healthier choices, I don't crave the junk. If I don't crave it no I don't feel deprived lol. People pooh pooh food addiction but I really believe certain foods are addictive namely sugar and wheat and eating them feeds a cycle of cravings especially for some people. Would someone tell an alcoholic to just have one glass? Or a smoker oh just have one cigarette? My 2 cents based on what works for me.Hey guys,
I started seeing a psychologist when I lost a loved one, had the hardest time in the world accepting it and began questioning life. He's been a huge help. We also discussed how I use food as a coping method. Not any food, just the sweet fattening crap. I told him that I have tried moderation many times and most of the time it leads to binging.
His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"
That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?
Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?
Moderation, at least for me, means deliberately eating a defined amount and no more. Cheese is a trigger food for me and last night I was able to eat tacos and 90 grams of shredded cheddar (the amount I planned in my food diary), without going into a "blackout" and eating the entire block of cheese. For me, that's moderation. If I gave up all my trigger foods, though, I would eat nothing but tomatoes (YUCK!! :sick: ) the rest of my life. Of course, the "sweet fattening crap" that I binge on, too, OP, can be given up but you may notice that you just transfer the obsession to some other type of food. I've binged on salads and fruit when I had nothing else. Healthier, but bingeing is bingeing.0 -
Hello, for right now I would give it up. I would never make it an all or nothing. Once you reach your goals you should have your favorite foods within moderation. Moderation is the key, good luck on your journey.0
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I'm sorry for your loss, I personally ate a lot more and a lot worse after losing my dad over a year ago. I think it's different for everyone what will or won't work, for me I binged daily, but I finally cut out sweets and higher calorie lower nutrient food for a few weeks, and have now learned to have them in moderation. If you told me two months ago I'd have this kind of will power I wouldn't have believed it. So do what works for you, my biggest help was the realization that cutting it out for a while didn't mean forever, and that I needed a healthier relationship with food. In the past I'd feel like I couldn't ever have it again and would fail, now I know I can but am choosing to have it less often, or only if it fits my calories. I also don't get cravings the way I used to, feeling like a bottomless pit.
Good luck to you.0 -
I do like to eat all the potato chips in sight so I don't have them in the house most of the time. It really is the way I think though. When I feel confident and sure of myself I can have an ounce or two, but most of the time I end up eating 1000 calories of them.
With everything else: candies, ice cream, french fries, and even chocolate, I'm fine.0 -
I think your psychologist is partly/mostly right. Asking yourself the questions "do I want this, do I need this" is a way to help become more mindful about what you're eating. I think a lot of binge eating tends to be pretty mindless -- you're not necessarily making a conscious decision to go eat that much, but it's soothing, so you do it, and before you know it you've consumed way to much.
I quit drinking nearly four years ago, and there were three specific reasons I did so -- it was creating problems in my relationship with my spouse, I felt I was setting a bad example for my children, and there was ample evidence I was damaging my body. When I found myself wanting a drink, I'd run through those questions internally. I found it helped remind me why I quit, and to recommit to my goals. I've also taken a similar approach to eliminating some foods that were unhealthy for me, and to establish healthier habits.
Moderation is much harder, in my opinion. But something similar might help. When you're eating, try to keep your goals in mind and why you set them in the first place. Does what you are about to eat fit in with your plan to achieve those goals? Understanding the answer to that question might help make it easier to pass on something that isn't appropriate right now.
The saying about "one day at a time" can be helpful as well. It's a whole lot easier to make the decision you're going to abstain for something for today, instead of all time.
Good luck to you, and I'm sorry for your loss.0
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