What my Psychologist told me
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Personally, I think it's all about will power. We all have our weak moments. I have them too. Still do but if you really want something, like really really want it with all your might, you will do it! If you don't really want it, your mind will just zone out and whoops, there goes a bag or box of junk several minutes later. If you really wanted to lose weight, you would think twice before getting it but if you also want that sweet, tell yourself, "Will it be possible to fit it in my calories? If so, how many calories is it? Would I be willing to sacrifice half of my daily calorie intake? Is it really worth it?" Whatever you decide, well, stick to it. If you decide to eat it, get what you will eat, put it on a plate and put the rest away. Be diligent and eat what you placed on the plate. If you have the impulse to get more, don't do it. If you decide not to eat it, great!
You have to find that inner voice that gives you strength to say No. Hope all goes well for you in the end. (:0 -
dont worry me too... its like im addicted to a drug .... i love chocolate so much0
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I agree about being more mindful of what your eating. Going cold turkey with trigger foods reduced my cravings dramatically, which was a big part of my success with staying on track, but another thing I always find myself doing is asking myself "how will I feel after eating this?" In my experience every binge was never worth it. Sure the food tasted good at the time, but the after math, the bloating, and the total blah of how I felt is not something I liked experiencing whatsoever. I like feeling healthyI think your psychologist is partly/mostly right. Asking yourself the questions "do I want this, do I need this" is a way to help become more mindful about what you're eating. I think a lot of binge eating tends to be pretty mindless -- you're not necessarily making a conscious decision to go eat that much, but it's soothing, so you do it, and before you know it you've consumed way to much.
I quit drinking nearly four years ago, and there were three specific reasons I did so -- it was creating problems in my relationship with my spouse, I felt I was setting a bad example for my children, and there was ample evidence I was damaging my body. When I found myself wanting a drink, I'd run through those questions internally. I found it helped remind me why I quit, and to recommit to my goals. I've also taken a similar approach to eliminating some foods that were unhealthy for me, and to establish healthier habits.
Moderation is much harder, in my opinion. But something similar might help. When you're eating, try to keep your goals in mind and why you set them in the first place. Does what you are about to eat fit in with your plan to achieve those goals? Understanding the answer to that question might help make it easier to pass on something that isn't appropriate right now.
The saying about "one day at a time" can be helpful as well. It's a whole lot easier to make the decision you're going to abstain for something for today, instead of all time.
Good luck to you, and I'm sorry for your loss.0 -
Not a bad suggestion, but for me - if I'm going to binge, I'll find something. I'd have to literally have nothing in the house but foods that I hate in order to stop all triggers.0
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Eat to live not live to eat is a great reshaping thought.0
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Yes, when we find foods, or anything for that matter, that we can not consume in moderation, we have to give them up completely.
For the people that are saying that they could never imagine not eating a christmas cookie or a candy on halloween, trust me when I say, its okay and we do not have to indulge in these things that are harmful to us to enjoy holidays. I am a recovering alcoholic, 6 years sober. I have people (typically other alcoholics because people that do not have issues with alcohol do not care) that seriously freak out on me and feel so sorry for me because I can not drink at Christmas or on vacation. They could never imagine a life where they can enjoy it with out alcohol. I actually feel sorry for them that they can not enjoy a holiday or a vacation with out feeling like they have to have alcohol to make it complete.
Yes, a happy and enjoyable life can be lead with out eating a cookie or candy or what ever we binge on. A few minutes of enjoying the way a food tastes does not come close to the feeling of shame for hours if not days after when we binge..0 -
Yes there are certain foods I can't even have in the house. There aren't that many otherwise I'd have a whole other issue. So, I just don't have them around. Maybe once a year I'll have some. I like to wait til there will be people around to share, but I'll still eat way more than I should.0
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I went to a psychologist during treatment for an eating disorder. Can't remember exactly what I was told (I too was unable to moderate) but what worked for me was not even going there. Not having foods in the house that were problem foods for me. Over time (and I mean it has been 6 years since I was actively seeing psychologist) if I felt strong enough I would test myself. Certain foods I still can not have in my house.
However I have taught myself that it's okay to have 2 biscuits while at work (work supplies them) and biscuits are a trigger food for me. I have 2 at work and don't have any more that day. I go home, I've had 2 biscuits as a 'treat' and I've felt okay. Sometimes though it can lead to binging if I have stressors within that I am also dealing with. So when I have other stress I avoid even having biscuits while at work just to be safe.
Over time you may be able to somehow incorporate foods back into your life when you feel able to. I wish you well in your recovery xox0 -
For me the trade off is feeling so much better when I don't partake. Since the payoff is so gratifying, it's much easier to remain abstinent.0
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I agree with you,,,,I can't even have one slice of bread or that will be the end of my diet. No bread for me is the only way to go 0
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Everyone is going to be different. I am at a place now where I can enjoy every food in moderation...but there was a time when I would just say to myself, "I don't eat cake" or "I don't eat fried foods"....Probably a good idea to "give them up" and then see if you can reintroduce in moderation.
The one thing I can't have in moderation is diet pop, so I've gone cold turkey since Jan. 1st. Hoping I can get to a place where I can enjoy one from time to time, but if not, then no diet pop for life!0 -
It depends. Certain things I can do in moderation, like a piece of chocolate before bed. One of my huge downfalls is alcohol, I have tried multiple times to moderate but it seems too difficult for me. I haven't had a sip in 8 weeks tomorrow and I feel better than I have in a long time. It really depends on you and what.
Andrew
Congratulations! Keep it up. I don't really do alcohol as I tend to over do it when I drink. I don't know why. It's not like I like the taste but after I catch a buzz, I don't want it to go away.
Do you have any American Indian in you?
It has to do with your neurological pathway. Some of us are wired differently than others. Most people that are capable of drinking in moderation have an off switch, they get tired and do not want anymore. Then there are people that are not born with that switch in their brain. Even if we KNOW we will regret it later while we are doing it, our heads keep telling us to drink more, and we do.
Andrew, a big GOOD JOB to you. 8 weeks is a big deal. I know my first 12 weeks were the hardest. You are going to feel better and better every day you wake up sober. :flowerforyou:0 -
You ask "Will I really miss it?" YES! A thousand times yes. And when you miss it enough, you will binge on it.
I have been through treatment for binge eating disorder and am now in recovery. Your psychologist's advice makes me a bit angry. Deprivation doesn't work.
When I was in treatment, we had to learn how to eat everything in moderation including cookies, cake, pasta and all of those other allegedly bad foods. It was hard but it worked.
If you suspect you truly have a binge eating disorder, seek treatment but not from that psychologist. That's for sure.
I don't know if it's a true eating disorder or just a comfort food disorder (does that exist?). I can't begin to tell you how many times I have tried eating chocolate in moderation... never works.
There are specific behaviors that define binge eating disorder and they're very similar to alcoholism. You can go here
http://bedaonline.com/understanding-bed/characteristics/ to learn more but the basics (taken from that page) are these
Eating until feeling uncomfortably full
Eating large amounts of food when not physically hungry
Eating much more rapidly than normal
Eating alone out of embarrassment over quantity eaten
Feeling disgusted, depressed, ashamed, or guilty after overeating
When people say "I just don't keep those foods in the house" - those are not people who have an eating disorder. Someone with an eating disorder will go to 7-11 at 2am to get candy. It's not an addiction but it has the signs and behaviors of addictions, especially alcoholism.
I went through very intensive treatment at an ED clinic and learned how to eat normally. Now that I feel like it's under control, I have to learn how to eat less so I can lose all the weight that I gained as a binge eater.0 -
Hey guys,
I started seeing a psychologist when I lost a loved one, had the hardest time in the world accepting it and began questioning life. He's been a huge help. We also discussed how I use food as a coping method. Not any food, just the sweet fattening crap. I told him that I have tried moderation many times and most of the time it leads to binging.
His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"
That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?
Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?
If you are still reading the responses to this do a search for radiant recovery on the net. This has a lot of resources and shows why your psychologist suggested you leave it alone.
good luck0 -
You ask "Will I really miss it?" YES! A thousand times yes. And when you miss it enough, you will binge on it.
I have been through treatment for binge eating disorder and am now in recovery. Your psychologist's advice makes me a bit angry. Deprivation doesn't work.
When I was in treatment, we had to learn how to eat everything in moderation including cookies, cake, pasta and all of those other allegedly bad foods. It was hard but it worked.
If you suspect you truly have a binge eating disorder, seek treatment but not from that psychologist. That's for sure.
I don't know if it's a true eating disorder or just a comfort food disorder (does that exist?). I can't begin to tell you how many times I have tried eating chocolate in moderation... never works.
There are specific behaviors that define binge eating disorder and they're very similar to alcoholism. You can go here
http://bedaonline.com/understanding-bed/characteristics/ to learn more but the basics (taken from that page) are these
Eating until feeling uncomfortably full
Eating large amounts of food when not physically hungry
Eating much more rapidly than normal
Eating alone out of embarrassment over quantity eaten
Feeling disgusted, depressed, ashamed, or guilty after overeating
When people say "I just don't keep those foods in the house" - those are not people who have an eating disorder. Someone with an eating disorder will go to 7-11 at 2am to get candy. It's not an addiction but it has the signs and behaviors of addictions, especially alcoholism.
I went through very intensive treatment at an ED clinic and learned how to eat normally. Now that I feel like it's under control, I have to learn how to eat less so I can lose all the weight that I gained as a binge eater.
mainly right... but it is a physiologically based i.e. parts of a persons brain overreact to simple carbs and the person gets addicted in a very similar way to heroin addiction. This is science fact rather than opinion.0 -
You ask "Will I really miss it?" YES! A thousand times yes. And when you miss it enough, you will binge on it.
I have been through treatment for binge eating disorder and am now in recovery. Your psychologist's advice makes me a bit angry. Deprivation doesn't work.
When I was in treatment, we had to learn how to eat everything in moderation including cookies, cake, pasta and all of those other allegedly bad foods. It was hard but it worked.
If you suspect you truly have a binge eating disorder, seek treatment but not from that psychologist. That's for sure.
I don't know if it's a true eating disorder or just a comfort food disorder (does that exist?). I can't begin to tell you how many times I have tried eating chocolate in moderation... never works.
There are specific behaviors that define binge eating disorder and they're very similar to alcoholism. You can go here
http://bedaonline.com/understanding-bed/characteristics/ to learn more but the basics (taken from that page) are these
Eating until feeling uncomfortably full
Eating large amounts of food when not physically hungry
Eating much more rapidly than normal
Eating alone out of embarrassment over quantity eaten
Feeling disgusted, depressed, ashamed, or guilty after overeating
When people say "I just don't keep those foods in the house" - those are not people who have an eating disorder. Someone with an eating disorder will go to 7-11 at 2am to get candy. It's not an addiction but it has the signs and behaviors of addictions, especially alcoholism.
I went through very intensive treatment at an ED clinic and learned how to eat normally. Now that I feel like it's under control, I have to learn how to eat less so I can lose all the weight that I gained as a binge eater.
mainly right... but it is a physiologically based i.e. parts of a persons brain overreact to simple carbs and the person gets addicted in a very similar way to heroin addiction. This is science fact rather than opinion.
It's important not to confuse the idea of sugar addiction and BED. Binge Eating Disorder, as characterized by the DSM-V does not include any language or concepts of addiction. It's an eating disorder just like the other ones we hear about all the time.
Many of us who have been through treatment find that we can eat sugar in moderation without any kind of special willpower or sense of deprivation once we find and work on the cause of our ED.
I do believe that too much sugar causes many problems in the body, mind and spirit and that people with BED do gravitate towards sugar and foods that metabolize quickly into sugar because we like the rush of endorphins and serotonin.
However, excess or compulsive sugar consumption does not indicate BED. While it's true that many people in treatment reach for sugary foods or foods that break down into sugar (e.g. pasta), food is a self-soothing coping mechanism. Now I have a toolkit full of non-harmful ways to self-soothe.0 -
I don't think that's the best way to deal with a food addiction. Is it really going to be reasonable to NEVER have a piece of birthday cake or chocolate again? No cookies at Christmas? I think that kind of all or nothing thinking will just lead to binging and guilt.
I think it is reasonable to tell yourself that you are abstaining from trigger foods for awhile...but eventually you have to learn to eat them in moderation.
I agree that it will leas to binging and guilt.
I have trigger foods that I am working on having control over. I measure things out into portions as soon as I get home from shopping, this helps me be more aware of what I'm eating. That being said, this past week was a horrible stressful week for me and I stress ate, but I was aware of every portion and how much I was eating which slowed me down 100%0 -
Hey guys,
I started seeing a psychologist when I lost a loved one, had the hardest time in the world accepting it and began questioning life. He's been a huge help. We also discussed how I use food as a coping method. Not any food, just the sweet fattening crap. I told him that I have tried moderation many times and most of the time it leads to binging.
His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"
That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?
Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?
If you are still reading the responses to this do a search for radiant recovery on the net. This has a lot of resources and shows why your psychologist suggested you leave it alone.
good luck
Of course I'm still reading the responses. You've all been a huge help. I will look at that now, thank you!0 -
It depends. Certain things I can do in moderation, like a piece of chocolate before bed. One of my huge downfalls is alcohol, I have tried multiple times to moderate but it seems too difficult for me. I haven't had a sip in 8 weeks tomorrow and I feel better than I have in a long time. It really depends on you and what.
Andrew
Congratulations! Keep it up. I don't really do alcohol as I tend to over do it when I drink. I don't know why. It's not like I like the taste but after I catch a buzz, I don't want it to go away.
Do you have any American Indian in you?
It has to do with your neurological pathway. Some of us are wired differently than others. Most people that are capable of drinking in moderation have an off switch, they get tired and do not want anymore. Then there are people that are not born with that switch in their brain. Even if we KNOW we will regret it later while we are doing it, our heads keep telling us to drink more, and we do.
Andrew, a big GOOD JOB to you. 8 weeks is a big deal. I know my first 12 weeks were the hardest. You are going to feel better and better every day you wake up sober. :flowerforyou:
Not American Indian, just a crazy Sicilian
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YEP....Sweet things especially chocolate is my nemesis. If I have a little there is like a flip that gets switched in my brain and I lose my damn mind and begin binging on anything and everything...but prefer to binge on sweet stuff, like baked goods. I can't even replace it with artificial sweetener because it will do the same thing for me.
Ok so this is my struggle. I have up all sweeteners of all types when I first began to lose weight...the longer I gave it up the less I cared about it. I would not even eat jelly, cereals, drinks with sweetener of any kind in them, I mean nothing (unless hidden in food like pasta sauce or I allowed myself protein powder / bars)....anyway...once I began to eat it again, I thought this is no big deal I can handle this and for a few months I could until I was eating sweets everyday and felt I could not go without them. So I had to stop again.
At this point I vacillate between thinking I need to stop fully again and think about how realistic it is to not have anything sweet for the rest of my life....sure I can do it, but how realistic is it....don't know...I know it is a daily struggle and I seemed to struggle a bit less when I was really strict on them however getting to that point is so incredibly difficult and I have tried so many times again.....WOW all of those words to just say I have no idea right now.
I can relate 100%. Right now...I try to exercise off all sweets that I have eaten..but that can be tough when it's been 600 calories plus! I can't seem to do the "moderation" thing either!0 -
not for me I give up the foods I like and I end up on a binge. everything in moderation and when I realized this I stopped the binge cycle on was on for years. everyone is different0
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One of the steps in the process of healing is to first know who you are.Knowing what your limitations are.I am an individual who has struggled throughout my life with food addiction.I had to learn what my trigger foods are.I then had to learn what my triggers to those foods are.I had to make a conscience decision for my own well being to refrain then find a healthy alternative.It is a process that requires a whole lot of mental effort.In time the process does get easier. If you can get through one day at a time. I remind myself that I am no different than the person that has a drug addiction,or alcohol addiction or any addiction for that matter.You can not put a individual that struggles with alcohol in a situation where alcohol is readily available.It would only be a matter of time before the individual indulges in the weakness.Same for people with food addictions.Even though we have to face food everyday,start with one item at a time that throws you off the wagon.For example chocolate is a trigger food for me...I refused to purchase or consume any chocolate for 30 days.The first three days were hell!! By day 29 the affliction was under control.Now six months later I know I can live without chocolate.If I decided to indulge again I know the consequences, therefore I do not give myself permission nor do I look for excuses to indulge.For me it is not worth it.It is mental work daily to overcome any form of bondage or stronghold in your life.If you can face the pain and walk through one day at a time, you will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel.Good luck to you on your path to healing.0
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I am so sorry for your loss.
I think if abstaining from a food that doesn't improve the quality of your life or makes you feel bad after you eat it either emotionally or physically then avoiding it is an acceptable answer.
In the past 18 months, I have had to give up wheat, peanuts, tree nuts, dark and milk chocolate and anything with more than a maximum of about 20 grams of sugar, they make me feel like **** and I break out in hives and have severe allergic reactions to some of them. I have also limited chips and high fat items because when I eat them I feel bad.
The choice really isn't whether or not to eat something, the choice is choosing how you feel emotionally and physically which does have a direct correlation to what you eat.
I am an ex-binge eater, I have eaten more calories in one sitting that most people on here eat in three days. The result of the binge was deep passed-out sleep, food drunk basically. Whether the drunk result is from food or alcohol doesn't really matter than much, numbing the pain was the desire and the result.
After more years of therapy than I care to admit to, more conversations about God, spirituality, and what I want for my life, it comes down to "everyone has 40 years in the desert". Meaning everyone has insurmountable obstacles that they must go through to come out on the other side and pain needs to be felt and dealt with, hiding from pain or disappointment won't stop it or make it go away it just makes it take longer to go through. But that's why we have proverbial rainbows, after storm there are you, the pain is gone and you can start again.
Hugs to you, just do the best you can every day, some day will be better than others and everyday you have a new opportunity to make different decisions.0 -
I'm sorry for your loss too. I lost my dad a few months ago.
There are things I know I can't have in the house because I'll just go haywire. BUT I don't go without either.
For example: I love chili con queso. I don't keep it in the house for 2 reasons: 1) I'm the only one in the house that likes it; and 2) I'd go haywire. SO, instead, I go to Don Pablo's, and order a kids size queso that's about 3 ounces, and count out 8 tortilla chips and go to town. That way, I get my fix, and in a controlled way.
I was willing to give up my red cream soda that I love, because I knew that I could get it at White Castle if I really needed a fix. Soon enough, I was able to live without it, but last week my office co-workers and I had White Castle for lunch, and I got that to drink. I actually couldn't finish it because it was so sweet. So things do change sometimes....
It's all about finding a ways to make things work for you.0 -
NO FEAR BE BRAVE. SPEAK THE TRUTH EVEN IF YOUR VOICE SHAKES -- LOVE YOU FOR THIS!!!!I am an ex-binge eater, I have eaten more calories in one sitting that most people on here eat in three days. The result of the binge was deep passed-out sleep, food drunk basically. Whether the drunk result is from food or alcohol doesn't really matter than much, numbing the pain was the desire and the result.
After more years of therapy than I care to admit to, more conversations about God, spirituality, and what I want for my life, it comes down to "everyone has 40 years in the desert". Meaning everyone has insurmountable obstacles that they must go through to come out on the other side and pain needs to be felt and dealt with, hiding from pain or disappointment won't stop it or make it go away it just makes it take longer to go through. But that's why we have proverbial rainbows, after storm there are you, the pain is gone and you can start again.
I LOVE THIS!!!! Just what I needed for where I am at right now. God it hurts when you are going through it, like I am right now. It doesn't go away no matter how much I eat or drink. It has been there all my life, and I am going to get through it this time and not go back into the desert alone again. God bless! Thank you so much. Smiles0 -
I think that your psychologist is not an expert on nutrition or diet, and should stick to his area of expertise. What you do need to do, is not eat when you are depressed, or bored, or anxious, or stressed, or whatever. Instead, find other healthier ways to deal with these emotions. Exercise really is great for dealing with all of those things.
This makes no sense. Did you just discredit the advice of her psychologist, and then give her advice your damn self?0
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