I got hurt feelings

moya_rargh

Takin' back da power, whompin' s*** in da shower.
Muthaf***in' water droplets, 50 miles an hour.
Swimmin'in an ocean of shampoos, gels an' lotion.
Towel dry my f***in' a$$crack, back an' forth motion.

tomaspetro

being*****s couldn't *** ***** person
synergistic coug*** we*** a ** worsen
jiggling fl*** upon the***** in** quagmire
folding my f** into ************** desire

RECowgill

I got hurt teeth they're all throbbing in my skull,
Tie some strings around them I could use a hearty pull,
Not one or two I think... at least 4 or 5,
The pain is so intense it's a miracle I'm alive.

Ok not 5 more like 6 maybe 8,
Hurry up and yank them before it gets too late!
My mouth is held together with old mudpies and gum,
Tiny ropes and woodboards nailed in... geez do I feel dumb.

I made some bad decisions, ones I can't take back,
Hurt feels would be an improvement, I'd gladly take that Mack.
In fact I have no gums left it's all just twig and bone,
This is only manageable with a steady diet of hydrocodone.

I eat the pills like candy in fact it's all I injest,
It would fit my macros if I could only eat the rest,
Ok I have one real tooth left it's hiding out in back,
Please don't take that one, cut it some toothy slack.

It needs a break, just like me, it's the only one,
Please give me some hurt feels instead then I could feel done.

tomaspetro

Not quite done. Don't give me the last word.

When uncomfortable content comes to mind,
choice of words can seem unkind.
Offense please, none be taken
cause I'm talkin' bout constipatin'.

Yes, the malady of grunt and groan,
gritted teeth and spitting foam,
sweating brow and efforts spurned,
perhaps some calories should be earned!

Effort vast throughout my tail,
all, it seems, to no avail.
Butt, before I leave a bloody trail,
the cure for me is in this tale.

Prunes I tried, and apples too,
carrots peas and fibrous food,
chocolate and whole wheat crackers,
and other things(all non lip-smackers).

Finally and gladly found,
rewarding me with plopping sound.
Magical, my new found fruit,
rewarding me with more than toot!

No need, my friends, to pull my hair,
normal now, I sit in chair.
Fist raised high I do declare,
my savior is the lowly pear!

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

Although I read, although I stared
Regarding poop I haven't cared

I'm reaching deftly for my tissue
But constipation's not an issue

And so I quest and so I thrive
For other goals, or four or five

I think the one that's here to stay
Is just to keep the pounds away.

tomaspetro

you made laugh, for that I'm pleased
after all, I could'a sneezed
Thanks so much for bustin my bubble
I hope it tweren't too much trouble
I got goals, I've seen to that
they had to wait wait for one good bowel movement.

tennisdude2004

I like to work real hard on my tennis swing,
As you can tell from my name tennis is sort of my thing
But when I finally manage to hit a wonder shoot
Nobody comments, no one gives a jot.

I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feeling
You could of least said well done dude.
I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feelings.
I think you're just damn right rude!

tomaspetro

for cryin out loud, quit your complainin
do somthin now to hold your pain in
Look at the size of your partner in tennis
surely ain't some big time menace
looks 2 foot six and that with shoes
you been drinkin some stinkin booze?
besides if you did hit a wonder shoot
I simply wouldn't give a hoot.

dirtmagnets

Before this week I wasn't brave enough
to venture into this forum for it seemed rough
But now I am here and I've found this great thread
And I've laughed 'til I've cried and then shook my head
You're stuck with me now, I hope you don't mind
I had no idea that HERE my people I'd find...

I have a sick, coughing kid - he is only three
and staying up nights with him is hindering me
Today my mind is not as sharp as I'd like
So I'll end my poem now and go back to the tyke.

tomaspetro

How dare you, I say, claim lack of courage
4 kids in tow like a barbarian scourge.
dirt magnets are they, not you my friend
and one who is sick, your life's got a trend
keep writing rhymes if they make you happy
and get those kids to take a long nappy.

SweetTrouble_

I remember this thread,
I thought it was done/put to bed.
I'm happy to see it alive,
I hope it will grow and thrive.
We'll need to use our brain,
and learn how to maybe refrain.
Stop rating, creeping and spanking,
Who am I kidding...this thread will be tanking.
Everyone should give it a try,
If you can't rhyme you're not gonna die.
You might be laughed at and that's okay,
I gave it a whirl and tried it today.

dirtmagnets

How dare you, I say, claim lack of courage
4 kids in tow like a barbarian scourge.
dirt magnets are they, not you my friend
and one who is sick, your life's got a trend
keep writing rhymes if they make you happy
and get those kids to take a long nappy.

Ah yes, nap time it is for the sick little guy
but for his brothers a nap just will not fly.
Though it matters not, because on this day
I'm off to nap with him - they'll have to go play.
The teen and the husband, they will make do
and supervise both of the wild middle two.
Perhaps I can even make them fix our dinner?
A nap and no cooking could mean this day's a winner.

dirtmagnets

Oh no, it appears that I've killed this thread
I liked it so much...it can't really be dead.
Please come and play, it's fun to rhyme
Otherwise I might wisely use my time!
Ha, be productive? Surely I jest...
Wasting time online is my favorite quest.

tomaspetro

There's trolls in my head that won't let me speak
To bed they say, and wait a week
Perhaps I could baffle these stinking vermin
by reciting prose in dainty German
But Ach du LIeber! is all I know
not enough to keep the show
So play with yourself, I've got to say
and I mean it in a kindly way.
I'll check back from now to infinity
for others, perhaps, with poetic virginity.
And with yourself I'll gladly spar
retrieving words from my two cent jar.

TLwineguzzler

Oh dear! Oh dear! I loved this thread
But it looks like the poets have all gone to bed
Three days it has been since there was any action
So think I will bump to get a reaction!

Satiable

Oh dear! Oh dear! I loved this thread
But it looks like the poets have all gone to bed
Three days it has been since there was any action
So think I will bump to get a reaction!

Poets in bed, bumping, looking for action…
TLwineguzzler, your words are laden with attraction.
How DARE you? This forum is a sanctuary!
Never before has there been a post so tawdry.

Certainly I'll concede the occasional misunderstanding.
Innocent avatar photos of muscles commanding
Are taken, by some, as prurient mating displays
When really they're proof that some people don't skip gym days.

Yet, on this occasion, someone must speak in defence
Of this pure and incorruptible fitness website; hence,
I'll thank you to reach down and pluck your mind out of the gutter.
(Or at least post pics next time. Actually, that would be better. )

neutralmilkhotel83

Eminem's in here taking notes for his next meet @ 8 Mile...

TLwineguzzler

Oh dear! Oh dear! I loved this thread
But it looks like the poets have all gone to bed
Three days it has been since there was any action
So think I will bump to get a reaction!

Poets in bed, bumping, looking for action…
TLwineguzzler, your words are laden with attraction.
How DARE you? This forum is a sanctuary!
Never before has there been a post so tawdry.

Certainly I'll concede the occasional misunderstanding.
Innocent avatar photos of muscles commanding
Are taken, by some, as prurient mating displays
When really they're proof that some people don't skip gym days.

Yet, on this occasion, someone must speak in defence
Of this pure and incorruptible fitness website; hence,
I'll thank you to reach down and pluck your mind out of the gutter.
(Or at least post pics next time. Actually, that would be better. )

(Ooh Matron!!!)

I wrote those words in all innocence
Not meaning to cause any offence
'Tis not me with my mind stuck in the gutter
but your inSatiable desire to feel a flutter!
My meaning was merely they'd gone to sleep
Their future prose in their heads to keep

:flowerforyou:

Satiable

(Ooh Matron!!!)

I wrote those words in all innocence
Not meaning to cause any offence
'Tis not me with my mind stuck in the gutter
but your inSatiable desire to feel a flutter!
My meaning was merely they'd gone to sleep
Their future prose in their heads to keep

:flowerforyou:

A flower? For me? All is forgiven!
In fact, I invite you to offend again!
My amateur rhymes should earn endless derision,
For a virtual posy I'll call anyone friend.

Perhaps the more talented word-smiths are sleeping.
More likely, they're here but remain on the fence.
Not wanting to join me (yourself notwithstanding)
In such clumsy stanzas sans meter or sense.

Yet perhaps they will now, for your reply's a delight.
So charming! So quick! Touched with light-hearted fun.
Will you continue to dazzle this night?
Such skill to turn usernames into a pun!

TLwineguzzler

(Ooh Matron!!!)

I wrote those words in all innocence
Not meaning to cause any offence
'Tis not me with my mind stuck in the gutter
but your inSatiable desire to feel a flutter!
My meaning was merely they'd gone to sleep
Their future prose in their heads to keep

:flowerforyou:

A flower? For me? All is forgiven!
In fact, I invite you to offend again!
My amateur rhymes should earn endless derision,
For a virtual posy I'll call anyone friend.

Perhaps the more talented word-smiths are sleeping.
More likely, they're here but remain on the fence.
Not wanting to join me (yourself notwithstanding)
In such clumsy stanzas sans meter or sense.

Yet perhaps they will now, for your reply's a delight.
So charming! So quick! Touched with light-hearted fun.
Will you continue to dazzle this night?
Such skill to turn usernames into a pun!

My poetry skills are really quite lacking
I'm so much better with my calorie tracking!
Yours however are clever and witty
You seem a dab hand at producing a ditty

Limerick sized verses are much better for me
A need to keep it short, I'm at work you see!
So I'm off now before I get collared
And catch you later when I log on to my PC

ComradeTovarich

Ah damn, looks like it's my time to shine
And defeat all these pos(t)ers with their weak-*kitten* rhymes.
M-F-P can't contain me,
Under these shades my spirit is free.
Protein erryday like a brotha's made of whey,
Gotta make sure dem pounds have all gone away.
But enough about me, I been on too long.
Let me tell ya little bout these forums in my song.

Meanies left and right, all the noobies shake in fright;
Swole guys and swole girls just wanna bring the light.
Would you drop your pants for the poster above you?
"Nah, unless it's jof, I just ain't gonna do it, dude."
White knight chronicles blockin' the inbox,
Make a brotha' so sick he needs the detox.
Kitteh gifs, and spambots gettin' real odd.
Then she posts some porn... "Where the hell are the mods?!"
"Doctor Oz up in here,
Get your cheap diet here!"
Juicin' to lose em', eat all your cals in quinoa,
I can't understand when you got all this help, brah.
But we got our success tales and legends of old,
All those brothas and sistas that made it through the fat folds.
Let me sit a second, pour a little water for 'em,
And keep on with the deficit so I can join 'em.

I know I haven't been here long and that's a real shame,
But I think it's safe to say I understand the game.
Ya' stay a while, maybe a month or two or eight,
You'll understand that all this s&$% is worth the weight.

tomaspetro

Comrade T you blew me away
I have become impoetent!

tomaspetro

well that passed quickly
was feelin kinda prickly
thought I might be sickly
but I'm paid up on my fat fee
been write'n in my di' ry
lettin others look see
how much I'm eatin cal'rie
but then was passin sweet pee
could anybody help me?
am I gettin dia be ?
is it just anomaly?
then the answer come to me
your 64 and fat see
your changin up to wannabe
burnin up the fat ty
cells that go to kid ney
not takin this too light ly
I been told polite ly
though your gettin sight ly
you aint high and mighty
check it out

Blessed9jaBeauty

Hurt Feelings I felt,
at my favorite store
Single digit sized clothing,
did not fit anymore
Where did I go wrong?
Was it all the cakes and pies?
Pizza, cheeseburgers,
Bar-b-qued ribs and thighs?
Nope, it had to be the cookies,
chocolate and ice cream,
Fudge and caramel flowing
like a decadent stream...
But I've always eaten like this
What could have changed?
Unwanted metamorphosis
has got me feeling deranged
I had to put my foot down
had to change the pace
Tired of being called, "The fat girl,
with a pretty face"
Some MAJOR steps are what it took
in the right direction
To improve my health,
get fit
and truly love my reflection
I still eat what I want
Just in moderation
Logging everything I ate
brought new realization
That I didn't get overweight just over night
It was days, weeks and months
of not eating right
Hurt Feelings I no longer feel
at my favorite store
Starting to see a leaner figure
a healthy me
Back to clothes I adore


Thank you for this thread:flowerforyou:

Go_Mizzou99

My Bourbon Free MFP Observations
By Go_Mizzou99

Does coffee count as water
Not for all sons and daughters
I bet they have more difficulty
When a calorie is not a calorie
Let's move on the the haters
They are the posting agitators
Pervs sure are a different breed
They show up with amazing speed

Cheers!

leila_bunny

At first I didn't understand this thread
It went way over my head
Now I feel cheesy
Rhyming on this thread
Somebody stop me
Before it gets out of hand
I have a solution
Just put me in a mental institution

tomaspetro

Let it get outta hand
it's your move, take a stand
You'll never know, if you give up
whether you've got an empty cup
And if you try but get committed
even though your clothes are fitted
just give a shout or scream or gurgle
introduce your pink striped turtle
to the guy that' looks surprised
that's me, I've been lobotomized.

Skinnymunkii

So happy to see that this thread has survived!
The poets among us have kept it alive...
To my shame, I've neglected to post,
but I see some new talent...better than most!

Impressed with the verse that's been shared here so far,
Higher and higher, they're setting the bar.
Shakespeare himself would be proud of each poet...
You're all just amazing...And I think you should know it. :flowerforyou:

mank32

Ah damn, looks like it's my time to shine
And defeat all these pos(t)ers with their weak-*kitten* rhymes.

welcome to my bloch, Comrade. this is war. :flowerforyou:

mank32

I've been lobotomized.

nice brain-cooling device!
does it run on ice?
does it work real nice?
does it keep you from flipping your lid?