My husband says he isn't attracted to skinny women

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Replies

  • Natmarie73
    Natmarie73 Posts: 287 Member
    OP, have you asked him what his definition of "skinny" is? You might be surprised that what he thinks is skinny is not what you think skinny is. My partner is a big guy as in BIG and he has said I am too thin already. I just explain that I don't want to get thin, I just want to lose body fat and build muscle.

    Perhaps you could explain that by losing weight you won't necessarily look like those horrible anorexic photos of TV stars when they do extreme diets but will instead still have curves and be more toned and healthier. And I don't think he will stop being attracted to you anyway, attraction is way more than just physical body shape.
  • 33Freya
    33Freya Posts: 468 Member
    I think you need a visual reference. Get out a few magazines and ask him about the girls in them.

    He may just mean "skinny" = "unhealthy."

    My husband doesn't like "skinny" either. We watch Project Runway and he's making the skinny person jokes.

    tumblr_mazpd0S6Iv1rs47u7.jpg

    Also, are you going for skinny?! Because fit girls aren't necessarily skinny. We can build curves in the free weight section of the gym- want a nice round butt? SQUATS and LUNGES will make that happen. If you are trying to get skinny, you may want to adjust your goals...

    My fella expressed that he was worried I would want to become muscle bound like some of the extreme female body builders. I told him the truth that I don't want to have the focus and determination it takes to get that way, and even if I did, I wouldn't stay that way long. Your fella may just need reassurance that you won't get too skinny. Tell him you're going for HEALTHY so you can be strong and happy with him for years and years.
  • prima073
    prima073 Posts: 93 Member
    Have you asked him this?

    This.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    Just break up.















    Seriously... 3 pages in?!
  • lemonsnowdrop
    lemonsnowdrop Posts: 1,298 Member
    When I ask him, all he says is he'll love the way I look no matter what, but if I've always been this size, how can he know for sure? I've talked to him about it, I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation, and what the outcome was like.

    I think that "skinny" to him is like VS and swimsuit models, but I just want a flat stomach, no back fat and to lose my love handles. They're not very lovely.
  • lemonsnowdrop
    lemonsnowdrop Posts: 1,298 Member
    Just break up.















    Seriously... 3 pages in?!

    Yeah, not exactly motivation and support, but thanks for trying.
  • susie3g
    susie3g Posts: 267
    If he married you, I'm sure there is a lot more than your size that attracts him. I can understand your concern, but I think you might be worrying unnecessarily. If he loves you, he will be there for you.. big or small.
  • susie3g
    susie3g Posts: 267
    When I ask him, all he says is he'll love the way I look no matter what, but if I've always been this size, how can he know for sure? I've talked to him about it, I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation, and what the outcome was like.

    I think that "skinny" to him is like VS and swimsuit models, but I just want a flat stomach, no back fat and to lose my love handles. They're not very lovely.

    How can he know for sure? Well.. if he gained or lost weight, how do you know you would still be attracted to him? Just a little something to gnaw on.
  • susie3g
    susie3g Posts: 267
    Hopefully the man you married love you for you, not just your shape.

    Is he attracted to old women? Because you are going to be one some day. I'm sure you love him and you're smart and didn't marry some shallow dude who's only concern is a girl's appearance.

    This reminded me of the poem "When You Are Old" by Yeats:

    When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
    And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
    And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
    Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

    How many loved your moments of glad grace,
    And loved your beauty with love false or true,
    But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
    And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

    And bending down beside the glowing bars,
    Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
    And paced upon the mountains overhead
    And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

    OP, I am going to hazard a guess here: I don't think it's going to prove to be a problem.

    BEAUTIFUL!
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    Guys, I never said he wouldn't LOVE me if I became thinner. I know he will. But some guys are just physically attracted to curvier, thicker women, and that's not a lie. I just don't want his sexual attraction for me to wane because I lose weight.

    sex is 10% of a relationship. bad sex / no sex is 90%

    it's a real worry you have. don't let anyone negate that. but the only one who can really have this convo with you, is your husband. I know from your profile that you were a fairly young bride, and sometimes young couples aren't as comfortable talking about sex and kink with each other. but he's your partner and it is something you should talk about - not just A talk but a lifelong conversation, because the answers will change over time.

    plenty of us on here have had VERY fulfilling sex with partners who were not our physical ideal. sex is about more than that. married sex / long-term monogamous sex even moreso.

    but you still need to address your worries with your husband.
  • j6o4
    j6o4 Posts: 871 Member
    Who wants to be skinny when they can be lean? Being lean looks way better and is harder to achieve.
  • RoseGoldDinosaur
    RoseGoldDinosaur Posts: 133 Member
    He married you. Probably he loves you. #justsayin

    Become happy and confident. Happy and confident are universally attractive.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    When I ask him, all he says is he'll love the way I look no matter what, but if I've always been this size, how can he know for sure? I've talked to him about it, I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation, and what the outcome was like.

    I think that "skinny" to him is like VS and swimsuit models, but I just want a flat stomach, no back fat and to lose my love handles. They're not very lovely.

    Well, for one thing, he's going to see you every day during this process. His schema of you will change automatically and constantly without him really being all that aware of it.

    If you went away to a resort for a year to lose this weight, it might be more of a concern, though it would be surprising to me if what you describe as your goals would turn him off. But it's practically a non-concern with him being a part of your day to day life.
  • SouthPawSings
    SouthPawSings Posts: 54 Member
    My boyfriend and I have talked about the shape my body will someday take and how he is attracted to 'women with meat on their bones' and I've gone so far as to have him rate abs on those inspirational quotes. The bottom line is, if the man really loves you for you, he won't care what you look like and he'll be happy that you're healthy and going to be with him for a long time.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    OP, I have the same fear. My husband (pretty fit, good-looking guy) also has a preference for bigger women. I've noticed all his exes were on the heavy side... I voiced my concern to him about losing my ta-ta's and him not being attracted to me anymore; his repsonse was "yeah, cause thats the only reason I'm attracted to you" - snark aside, I realized that while my size wasn't a hindrance to our chemistry, romance or attraction; it also wasn't the catalyst. There's so much more beyond the D cup and extra squishy...

    So, talk to him. Tell him your concerns. I'd bet the bank you'll find out the same thing. :flowerforyou:

    ETA: Ok, I see you've talked to him. Now trust him!
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    My ex-BF said he was totally not attracted to fat women. Funny though that he only dated fat women. I don't think we had the same definition of fat.

    You may have a completely different idea of Skinny than what is in his head. Also random skinny women he doesn't know or have any prior feelings for doesn't necessarily translate over to you, the woman he loves and married.
  • easjer
    easjer Posts: 219 Member
    You know what my husband finds hot? Angie Everheart at the top of her modeling career. She was always #1 on his guilt-free cheat list.

    You know what I am not and never have been? Angie Everheart, at her biggest and ugliest, let alone at the top of her modeling career.

    Sexual attraction takes many shapes and sizes, and is influenced by many factors (an interesting aside to/example of that would be the guy who I can't remember at all - blogger who is Mormon, gay and married to a woman with whom he has a lot of sex and 4 kids despite being openly gay). I had a very hard time believing my husband could find me sexually attractive when I weighed 350 lbs, and I have a hard time now that I weigh 315 and have cottage cheese lumps, saggy baggy skin and ugly stretch marks. But the thing is that it's not just physical attraction. It's mental attraction, emotional attraction and so many other things.

    In reality, you can't know how he will feel until you are there. He can't either, though he's right when he says that he'll probably still be attracted to you when you are smaller. I guess the question I would ask is what it would mean if he was less physically attracted to you - would you change your healthier ways? The answer to that question is worth considering, for your own mental health.
  • BurnBabyyyBurn
    BurnBabyyyBurn Posts: 79
    I call BS. I've heard this from so many guys. What they mean is they don't want a walking skeleton with ribs showing in all the wrong places. Girl, do what you wanna do. It's your bod and I'm sure he won't complain anyways.
  • bsbgales
    bsbgales Posts: 20
    I think you should sit with him and find a place where both of you are confortable. Maybe he`s trying to make you feel ok with yourself or maybe he does like bigger girls, the important thing is to talk to him about it.
  • wrenegade64
    wrenegade64 Posts: 410 Member
    Young lady, if your husband can't appreciate you AND respect you for the positive choices you are making in your life to enhance your health and vitality, then it is his loss. It all starts with YOU! How you feel about you, how you can enhance you, how you can improve you, how you can make you happy being YOU! If he truely loves you, he will sing songs of praise and raise you up on a pedistal for what you are doing for yourself. BOO-YAH!!!

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