Friends say I am too skinny now
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I remember that the most recent winner of The Biggest Loser, Rachel, was given a lot of greif in the media about looking too thin at the finale. She WAS really thin, but I think that because the public saw how heavy she was starting out, they were quick to judge her. But really, if she was a stranger standing in line at Starbucks would you really look at her and think, "Wow - she is too thin!" Probably not. And it was a contest for a lot of money - my bet is that she will probably put a little back on now that the competition is over. If you are in a healthy weight range for your height, and you are able to meet your nutritional needs I would say that this is "their" problem and not yours. Only you (and hubby) know how you look standing naked in front of the mirror and only you know how you feel. Are you energetic or do you feel sluggish and tired? Does your hair and skin look great? Or are you noticing that your skin is dry and you seem to be losing a lot more hair in the shower? If you are not noticing any of those problems just keep doing what you are doing and as my hubby would say "Don't let the turkeys get you down!" He lost 70lbs in three months and his mom started complining that he was looking too thin because she could see his collar bone and sholder bones that had been "hiding before". After hearing this for about the 10th time, he finally pulled up his shirt and showed her that he still had some belly fat to lose, and said emphatically "I'm not too skinny!!!" She backed off, but I do think that somewhere in the back of his mind he took what people were saying to heart because he started gaining weight again after that. Long story short, try not to let others get you discouraged. Only you know in your heart what is best for you and your body. It is just plain bad manners to comment on someone's appearance when unsolicited if you don't have anything nice to say. A "wow, that was so rude!" might put them right back in their place if all else fails. Good luck!0
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Just wanted to say thanks so much to everyone that responded. I have been getting so much criticism lately I was actually starting to believe it. I feel fantastic, and maybe need to get a thicker shell! Not let things bother me and brush it off like you said. It's just so odd that no one said anything when I was obese, and had tons of health problems.
THANK YOU ????0 -
Don't worry. I'm getting these all the time. I'm 165cm/52kg. I feel great ... but people are saying that I'm to skinny and that I need to gain weight. One of my neightbours said that she is so worried about me and that I'm starting to look anorexic. I was stunned, I honestly didn't know what to say to her, inside I was screaming "Mind your business, it's my body". Instead I just told her not to worry, that I'm fine, because I didn't want to make her feel bad like she did with me.0
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I cannot figure out why, in our culture, it is "ok" to pick on slim people. It's no more ok to do that than it is ok to pick on overweight people. Nobody wants to be made to feel bad about themselves.
Having said that, if you are healthy, and happy with how you look, them screw 'em!0 -
Everyone says that to me too. I'm 18% BF. That is at least 10% too high. So sod 'em. I'll decide when I'm too skinny.0
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You're fine. People just aren't used to the new you. They'll get over it. I also think people have a hard time telling what an appropriate weight is anymore, since so many people are overweight, being overweight seems "normal" now.0
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Poor you.0
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Yup. Just this morning the mother in law was on the phone asking my partner if I was ill. She hadn't seen me for about 6 months so my weight loss was probably a shock. I'm somewhere between 5'3 and 5'4 (hard to tell because my bones are all wonky lol) and 105lbs so I am a couple of lbs underweight but I wouldn't expect it's a noticeable amount between the healthy range and underweight. I don't like what I see in the mirror myself so I have a plan that involves gaining a little bit back and everyone else will just have to deal with it until I'm happy with myself.0
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First let me say I am obese. Reading the thread has called me to question my own comments of those that have lost weight. I think I have used the word skinny to people I know with the intent of compliment, as a term of comparison from where they were. And from an obese prospective there are ALOT of skinny people. So I'll have to keep a closer tabs on my usage of that word.
With that said, I have thought a person had lost too much weight and did not say anything. I would inquire about their maintenance plan or such but avoid a commentary on their looks. Mostly as I know much of my thoughts are somewhat locked into this vision of what the person used to look like. So it takes time for me to get over what my brain says it should be seeing (the overweight person) while looking at a thinner person. Kind of like looking at a man that has had a beard most of his life, then shaves.0 -
Congratulations on reaching your goal - we all know on here how tough it can be. I hope you feel as amazing as you look.
As for the comments, I get those too, mainly at work. I have always had thin arms and legs, I carry weight on my belly which is not noticeable in my baggy work uniform. I cycle to work and run, and colleagues have never had a problem with that but when I finally started paying attention to my nutrition as well for some reason it became a massive issue: "why aren't you eating cake with us, are you anorexic now, you're so skinny why are you on a diet" etc etc. It seems that exercise is "acceptable" but trying to eat healthily at the same time means you have some kind of issue. At first I was rising to the bait trying to explain that I was NOT on a diet, just eating properly so my body would finally reflect the amount of exercise I do but then I just gave up. Now some of the men are asking me what I eat and how I've built up muscle - it's just the girls that have the problem now it seems. Some of them are even telling me that if I carry on I'll get "bulky" :frown: I'm a UK size 8!
I try and tell myself they are jealous, but it still hurts. Even some of my friends say "oh you are taking all this too seriously" when I just want them to be as proud of me as I am of myself. I do have days off (bf and I are going out for thai and drinks later and I am going to have exactly what I want and not care) but that's a reward for being good all week at work! At least he is supportive and tells me I look good!
Keep it up and try and ignore them :drinker: x0 -
a good friend told me it looked like I was a cancer patient
This is not a "good" friend. Learning to stand up for yourself is like going through a health journey but for your self esteem. Start sticking up for yourself one day at a time until it becomes habit :flowerforyou:0 -
You're at a healthy weight (not underweight for your height and you don't look ill to me) and if you're happy then pay those comments no mind, when people have said to me you look too skinny or stop losing weight in the past when I've been trying to lose I've used my Mum and/or husband as a BS filter, it's good to have someone you can ask who genuinely is happy for you to look good and be healthy, I know my Mum and Husband would have a word if they thought I was going too far.
To put into context I'm 5'5" and was down to 8stone4 (116 pounds) when I was 18 and my Mum told me straight that my weight concerned her (I wasn't purposefully losing weight or counting cals, just went through a phase of not eating properly when I was going through a rough time, also this was too small for my frame so I'm not saying this is too low a weight for everyone my height) However, a couple of years later, when I was down to 9 stone/126 pounds (I'd put on some weight after getting myself together and gone up to 9stone8/135 pounds) my Mum kept commenting on how fab I looked and I felt good too. So that's now my goal, I've been up and down the weight scale all my adult life and you've got to think about when were you the happiest (or are the happiest if this is the first time at goal) in your own skin, everyone's different.
However (this does not apply to you OP) I do think there are some circumstances where there is nothing wrong with some gentle intervention if someone is genuinely underweight and harming themselves, but body shaming (like saying you look like you have cancer) isn't a very constructive way to do it. xx0 -
I've had a few of these comments. Funny how the same people weren't as concerned for my health when I was obese.
As long as you're happy and healthy, carry on. I am!
Yes....Isn't it true that people NEVER comment on the fact that someone they know is overweight and needs to loose some (to their face anyway), but feel they can openly tell someone that they are too skinny.0 -
Not wanting to be the devil's advocate here, but I've seen both sides of this.
I have been in your shoes; I've been in their shoes... Sometimes, they are genuinely concerned. I have a friend that I was worried was having body image distortions (I've had them also) which is a serious mental illness. She kept saying she needed to lose "this" and "that" and honestly there was nothing there to lose, it was all skin. HOWEVER, I kept supporting her but with positive things. I encouraged US to do more weights to build muscle. I agree that coming from strangers, it's nosy and rude. BUT if your usually supportive friends are getting worried, maybe it's a sign that you should re-evaluate?! But saying you don’t want to lose anymore and want to tone, I think you’re on the right track.
On the other hand, I've gotten comments like yours before. I take them as compliments, say thanks and smile. The "you're going to disappear", I take as a “wow! You’ve been losing a lot lately”.
Please, don't get me wrong, I'm NOT saying you are too skinny and that they are right! If you feel good, AWESOME! Best of luck
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I would have turned on one heel and walked away, never to return.... a good friend told me it looked like I was a cancer patient. Seriously.0 -
BMI isn't the be all end all but you're within your healthy range anyways. As long as your eating enough there is no reason to change what you're doing. Sadly, it likely has to do with jealousy for the most part.0
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Unless you lost weight for your friends' approval, their opinion shouldn't mean a f*** to you. As long as you are healthy, who cares? Ignore it just like I ignore all of my friends' opinions on matters that aren't an issue concerning my health or safety.0
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Honestly I think that our society is so used to seeing overweight and obese people that when they see a "normal" sized person they tend to believe there is something wrong with them. In my personal experience, have now lost about 18 pounds recently, I have a had 2 different people ask me if I'm sick. Sick? Really? Were I sick I don't think I could have accomplished that 150 miles of running thus far in 2014. And those comments were from people who would be clinically described as morbidly obese. In other words they saw me as someone who had something wrong with them. My advice is exercise, eat right, be yourself, and disregard the haters. Stick with us on here. We think you look great!0
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a good friend told me it looked like I was a cancer patient
This is not a "good" friend. Learning to stand up for yourself is like going through a health journey but for your self esteem. Start sticking up for yourself one day at a time until it becomes habit :flowerforyou:
Skinny body shaming is a thing now. It's sad, but true.
The cancer comment gets people into trouble - I got that one not too long ago - and you should have seen the look on her face when I said, "I am a cancer patient".
I have brain cancer, but that's not why I'm at my present weight, but it just goes to show people don't think before they speak.0 -
Yep i know the feeling, Ive been getting this mostly from family members recently
I still dont know what to make of their comments because i think some of it is that there are not used to seeing me small because i was overweight for so long
Just last night my brother turned to me in the gym and said you wouldnt want to lose anymore, we wont be able to see you
I shrugged it off, but then he continued to say go away and eat a potatoe now that did bother me because i DO eat
my boyfriend has also said he thinks ive lost too much and i would look better if i put on some weight
I honestly dont see what they are referring to i think i look fine and definitely not too skinny , yes granted i wouldnt mind having a bit more shape esp in the glute area but im working on that
Do i just put it down to them not being used to seeing me small?0 -
forget about weight. What are your stats. What size clothes do you want? Do women want to wear a Size 2 or 0? I have been told that does exist. Of course height matters. Ask critics what is their clothes size or waist size. Compare and that is a read.0
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IF you have a decent relationship with food and aren't struggling with an eating disorder, then don't pay any attention to them.
Of course...when my hubby asked me to not lose anymore (when I got to my goal weight LAST time) I listened because he knows what he likes.
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crabs in bucket: when one gets close to the top and is about to climb out and escape, the others grab it and pull it back down. ignore.0
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I think you look great! I was about the same as you, not over 100 before I was 18. My weight has fluctuated about 25 lbs since I was 20. I am trying to lose the 25 lbs and get back to where I was in high school and maintain it. (I am only 25, so it hasn't been that long, haha).
The funny thing is, you are just about back to where you were in high school and how many times do you hear people say "I wish I could be as thin as I was in high school." You do you and congratulations on the weight loss in a year! You look fantastic and don't let anyone tell you different!0 -
You're fine. As long as you are not obsessing over staying this way and are otherwise content.
Your BMI is over 19. (According to WebMD, at 18.5 you would be considered underweight.)
Sure you're thin, but as long as your eating habits are healthy, you're fine.
People in general have just gotten used to "normal" looking so much fleshier because we are all so fat (especially in America, but we've become adept at exporting it worldwide).
Yep, you look out of sync to the norm (which is a really good, awesome, healthy place to be!!!). So try to let it go, keep at what you're doing and realize the general population is wear fat goggles!
:drinker:0 -
I've been told after losing 125 lbs that i look too skinny when I am still not pleased with myself... my solution? weight training. now that i've burned the fat, now its time to pack on the muscle. because its okay to weigh more on the scale if the weight gain is muscle0
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I hear "wow, you've lost a lot of weight!!" or "skinny-minnie" (i'm far from that, but I'm a lot smaller than I was)
My responses is always "that's the plan!" and they shut up.
There is only one person that I will listen to if they were to say I'm losing too much, and that's my mother. She's the one who was genuinely concerned when I was at my heaviest, and she's my biggest supporter. She's out for my health, and nothing else!0 -
My husband and I (more him than I) have been getting this a lot lately too, and it's very frustrating. The people who are making the comments to us, unfortunately, are overweight and unhealthy. I feel like people are used to seeing you at certain weight & frame, that when you start to make lifestyle changes, lose weight, and become more fit & healthy... for some reason, people have a hard time with it, and don't really know how else to channel that energy other than to make rude comments. Also, when you're eating healthy & watching your caloric intake around others, it just reminds them of the crappy choices they might be making -- which is another reason for the negative comments, in my opinion.
In the words of the STUNNINGLY gorgeous Dita Von Teese, "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches."0 -
sucks. no one cares though0
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It pretty much comes with the territory, especially if you were quite overweight before and lost a lot of weight. This was the case with me. I was 250-300 lbs. previously at 6'2" but I have since dropped down to the 155-160 lb. range where I've been hovering for the past year or so. Pretty much the only people that haven't made sh*tty comments at one point or another are my doctor and very close family members. Everyone else has had their share of jokes and malnourished/ED remarks, with my dad (who himself is obese) being the main perpetrator.
I guess I was kind of asking for it, though. 155 is on the lower end of a healthy weight for my height and I didn't do much resistance training while losing, so I have that long, gangly look which I suppose could seem very odd to those that haven't seen me in awhile, definitely a stark contrast to what I used to look like. Still, that doesn't excuse all the comments. Being genuinely concerned is one thing, but just saying something to be hateful is quite another. I feel great, my doctor gave me a pat on the back at my last visit and I'm enjoying life like never before, so what's the problem here?
Unless you are told by a medical professional that you need to gain weight or else you're going to suffer severe consequences, I wouldn't pay any mind to anyone else's comments. If what you're doing is healthy, carry on.
People are so accustomed to seeing obese or a variation thereof nowadays that a truly skinny person can seem very much out of the norm.0
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