Grrrrrr the jealous....ventage thread!

MTDork87

Oh yeah. And here's my story too...

So I called to schedule a quick check up with my doctor and it turns out she's not going to be there when I'm free but she recommends this other woman I've never seen. My doctor knows about my weight stuff - especially concerning my high cholesterol - and she has kind of been my biggest cheerleader. So this new woman comes in and I had lost 20 pounds in the four months since I had last been in (I go to the doc often, I've got lots of health stuff) and I was so excited to see if it reflected in my cholesterol. This woman looks at my charts and says with no emotion "your cholesterol is fine but you should really lose some weight." Ok, first off, I'm only 5 pounds overweight medically for my height AND I'm a curvy girl so five pounds heavier than "normal" might just be "normal" for me. Second, if she had LOOKED at my charts and extensive notes my normal doctor keeps on me, she'd see the weight struggles and how good I am finally doing and know not to say something so insensitive to someone who has been where I have. And she calls herself a DOCTOR!

Grr. Never again to any other doctor than my lovely one.

groovybeenz

I think one of my friends is kinda crazy. First of all I'm about 5'4" and 250+lbs. She told me I don't need to lose weight and I'm just big boned.......... First thing I said was "you need glasses". The girl is half my size and thinks she needs to lose weight but not me????? I mean I don't really need people up in my face telling me I'm fat and I need to lose weight but my friends don't have to be in denial about. It really makes me wonder if she's serious or if she just is trying to be nice. BTW, this is the same one that gets upset that I won't go out to eat all the time.

Tarreemha77

I also sometimes have to lift patients themselves depending on the severity of the situation as I work on the ICU unit and patients may come to me not alert. Thanks to my current fitness goals this has become easier also. I may lift a person who is anywhere from 95lbs to 350 or more depending who comes in.

nopeekiepeekie

I have had a couple people irritated that my statuses on here are linked to my facebook because it made them feel lazy. One, I will not take my statuses down because of how you feel, because if you feel that bad about it, maybe you need to do something. Two, I like that people support me on here and on my facebook. The ones that cheer me on, keep me going on my journey, and I have even "recruited" a few people onto here, and they have started to change themselves.

I have this issue a lot too. I'm not stopping my FB feeds either. If you don't like what I'm doing, hide me from your feed. Otherwise, just tell me I'm doing a good job.

Scorpiomom222

[/quote]
I have this issue a lot too. I'm not stopping my FB feeds either. If you don't like what I'm doing, hide me from your feed. Otherwise, just tell me I'm doing a good job.
[/quote]

EXACTLY! Just be happy that I'm doing something for me. You don't have to feel compelled to do anything except tell me I'm doing good.

sharonsds

I recently lost 50 lbs, and still have another 70 to go. On a recent vacation, family I hadn't seen in a year proceeded to ask me how much I lost and how much more I planned to lose. Essentially - how much did I weigh, where am I now, and where am I going. I found this a bit rude. Certain things you just don't ask a lady - her age & weight, particularly.
I would never ask another woman how much she weighs - regardless of her fitness level.

spob

Thank you for each of your stories. What a great topic Deanna. As I read through each of your recounts sometimes I cried, laughed and in all cases empathized. Three things struck me. 1) The only thing that is more constant than change is a human beings acceptance of it! 2) That probably most people do not really understand the impact of what they say. (a lesson to all of us)
3) That maybe a part of the self actualization aspect of arriving at our goal weights and empowered bodies is this process of trying to explain ourselves away to those that are jealous etc. that leads to the quiet ability to be both comfortable in our skin and in no way inclined to feel the necessity to explain ourselves or our lifestyles to any one.

I hope for each of you and myself to reach that point. In the mean time remember some will never get it, some are jealous and some people can not stand dead air and will fill silent moments with verbal stuff. In all cases you have all done such great things and wow how you have inspired me and others. Even those that say uncomfortable things:drinker: probably in other circles are bragging about their friends' amazing success. People are funny like that! :drinker:

jsecret

When I was lighter and younger I had been working out and eating healthier trying to lose those last few pounds and thought I was looking great. The guy I was dating at the time took notice and his comment was "Wow, you're almost skinny!"

Uhm... wait... ALMOST SKINNY? What the hell kinda comment is that?! I will never ever forget that one.

As for the fact you never ask a girl her weight I always find it hilarious that I refuse to tell ANYONE my weight. My husband has to beg to find out since he's very encouraging of my diet/weight loss but by no means would be disappointed if I said screw it and gave up. But although I won't tell anybody at all about my current weight or how much I've lost, I am more than happy to let every single person on this site know! lol.

mlagena

When I was lighter and younger I had been working out and eating healthier trying to lose those last few pounds and thought I was looking great. The guy I was dating at the time took notice and his comment was "Wow, you're almost skinny!"

Uhm... wait... ALMOST SKINNY? What the hell kinda comment is that?! I will never ever forget that one.

Wow, omg! I had practically the same thing happen to me when I was younger! Except at that time I was about 195 not my current 251! Anyway, one guy I was seeing told me I looked better *in* my clothes. Um, THANKS?!?!

loopybec2002

I posted this on another post a couple of weeks ago. A young lad I wok with (after I started losing weight) Said to me. I've never been with a fat girl but I'd make an acception for you would you like to be the first...... I was like Hell NO!!! This lad actually thought he was giving me a compliment.

loopybec2002

Oh the other one that sticks in my mind is from the skinny receptionist at work who has a home gym in her basement married to the boss and has stacks of cash.
Never had a weight problem in her life.
So she mentioned how good I was doing in my weightloss and I proceeded to tell her about my fitness pal and how I'd lost 19lb and was really excited because it was working and I was losing it. She then spent 1 hour telling me how I could lose weight properly by eating a piece of fruit for breakfast a cup a soup for lunch and a normal meal for tea. She also proceeded to tell me why I had put the weight on and what I had done wrong in my life. From a friend I wouldn't mind but this lady doesn't even socialise with me outside work she doesn't know why I put the weight on and if I wanted a weight loss lecture I'd find somebody who had accomplished weight loss!!! Thank goodness she doesn't work with me anymore!

MTDork87

Oh the other one that sticks in my mind is from the skinny receptionist at work who has a home gym in her basement married to the boss and has stacks of cash.
Never had a weight problem in her life.
So she mentioned how good I was doing in my weightloss and I proceeded to tell her about my fitness pal and how I'd lost 19lb and was really excited because it was working and I was losing it. She then spent 1 hour telling me how I could lose weight properly by eating a piece of fruit for breakfast a cup a soup for lunch and a normal meal for tea. She also proceeded to tell me why I had put the weight on and what I had done wrong in my life. From a friend I wouldn't mind but this lady doesn't even socialise with me outside work she doesn't know why I put the weight on and if I wanted a weight loss lecture I'd find somebody who had accomplished weight loss!!! Thank goodness she doesn't work with me anymore!

Oh my goodness! How COMPLETELY inappropriate! If someone tried to lecture me with "Fruit, Soup and then a meal" I'd probably do something I'd regret later...

baker_c

I hate the "LOOK"!! It's the look you get when you know you have extra calories and you've saved them for something special, like a piece of cake and then you grab one and you get the "look" - like did you really need that piece of cake? Or you sure you need that right now? I hate the "LOOK" people give you when you go grocery shopping and people have to scan your cart and then there's the "LOOK" - I have kids that do eat junk food and they are both very tiny girls. Just because it's in my cart - doesn't mean I'm the one eating it.

blh_1010

So my grandparents and parents have all told me the past 2 years that I need to watch what I am eating. Then my cousin (she is old enough to almost be my grandma) told me that I needed to watch what I ate a lot more because it was showing. That was at in the middle of my M.Ed. Hearing all of this made me more and more depressed and made me eat more. So after I finished my M.Ed. I realized I really had gained the weight, and then I started MFP. Now that I have lost 16lbs since July, everyone in my family is worried about me. "Don't lose to much weight, you'll look sick" and "You need to eat more" and "You just don't look like you did before"...umm what? I am finally doing what they asked and now I am getting more biff about it? My grandparents are staying with us and my grandma shovels food down my throat while she is here (staying until Tuesday). She brought all the foods I can't say no too, but I am limiting my intake, and she asked me if "I was sick, like those really skinny people become". Umm what? SO confusing. My boyfriend, who I live with is extremely supportive so that's good, he just keeps worrying about my butt "WOW your butt is getting smaller, don't lose all of it, I like your big butt" That's the only thing he said to me where I stopped dead and didn't know what to say. So I told him "I can't help where the weight loss comes from, but I will tell you big butts is a thing of my family, and I doubt it will ever go away completely" lol

blh_1010

I hate the "LOOK"!! It's the look you get when you know you have extra calories and you've saved them for something special, like a piece of cake and then you grab one and you get the "look" - like did you really need that piece of cake? Or you sure you need that right now? I hate the "LOOK" people give you when you go grocery shopping and people have to scan your cart and then there's the "LOOK" - I have kids that do eat junk food and they are both very tiny girls. Just because it's in my cart - doesn't mean I'm the one eating it.

I get the look when I am out with friends and I just get done talking about MFP with them or something and I want to SHARE a slice of cake with them from the resturant we are at....I then have to explain to them, that I don't do this every day, and I can eat whatever I want I just don't eat like I use too and eat the whole thing. I think they think I have given in...but in all honesty even though I am trying to lose weight, I don't stop eating candy or sweets or whatever because of it. I just limit it and usually when I go out, I know if I can have it or not, because I already added everything in on here before leaving the house. People sometimes! OR when you have a cart full of healthy fruits and veggies and a cake or cookies on top of it all. I get the "LOOK"....umm ok...a box of cookies that i am taking to a cook out and probably will eat two (if that) isn't going to do me in people! lol

xDeannaGarciax

one of the best ones I have had said to me " you'd be pretty if you were skinny" - the next "you have a pretty face" I just reply with "yeah. shame about the rest of me" haha.

That's awful! I'm sure youir beautiful

xDeannaGarciax

I hate the whole skinny minny thing and the "when are you going to stop" and "aren't you done losing weight yet?" Umm I probably will never stop because once I go into maintenance mode I still have to watch what I eat and exercise. I think people think that those lines are complimentary or something. It would be nice to just hear "you look really good" or "you look healthy" but I think people are afraid that will backfire or something.

Aw Sarah, you do look really good. But your right I think some people are afraid to tell you that, why, I have no idea...it's really weird though.

And we have agreed, not just "another diet" lifestyle change:bigsmile:

xDeannaGarciax

I think one of my friends is kinda crazy. First of all I'm about 5'4" and 250+lbs. She told me I don't need to lose weight and I'm just big boned.......... First thing I said was "you need glasses". The girl is half my size and thinks she needs to lose weight but not me????? I mean I don't really need people up in my face telling me I'm fat and I need to lose weight but my friends don't have to be in denial about. It really makes me wonder if she's serious or if she just is trying to be nice. BTW, this is the same one that gets upset that I won't go out to eat all the time.

I wached a show on Dr. Phil about this recently. It explained alot.

tater8589

I get annoyed when I tell someone I'm on a diet and they tell me I don't need to (ah yes I do, I'm just a few pounds from overweight for my height and my belly is gross.) And my husbands friend telling me how to change my diet and workout... I do workout (a hell of a lot more than him, not to mention i'm 3 yrs older and female...different body chemistry) and my diet (though not perfect) is pretty healthy (and it might be nice if he stopped bringing crap food in, and making a quart of tea with 1.5 cups sugar... which i don't drink due to the sugar) I also get annoyed when I complain about sturggling to lose weight and get the are you preg question...GRR no if I was preg I would be happy!

bennettv

I've had people give me huge explanations of why they can't do what I've done. All of the reasons are out of their control and well, it's not that their lazy. First off, I never said anyone was lazy. Second, I work full-time, have two kids, and volunteer in my community. I don't have any more time than anyone else. The difference is that I've made me a priority. I don't expect anyone else to make themselves a priority. My fitness is not a threat to anyone. I just want to scream...People this is not about you!

StVal

I haven't anyone in my life that has been negative when it comes to being healthy. However, I know I've been a big ol' negative when it comes to my sister talking about getting the lapband. It's not that I disapprove it, it's that she doesn't put forth the effort to do anything about getting healthy and losing weight in the first place. She refuses to making healthy choices, like instead of going to McDonald's or to the taco shop and eat homemade foods and foods that are better for you like veggies and chicken, etc. And no, I don't think french fries is a healthy vegetable. She refuses to get out there and walk at least, much less do any actual exercise. I ask her questions like "when you get the lapband, do you think you can really change your eating lifestyle overnight?" or "are you going to tone up the extra skin that you will have leftover?" Her answers are always "yes", but I just think that if she really wanted to make such a drastic change, she'd start before and work herself to that point. Besides, she isn't really that much overweight that she needs it in the first place. She's just being lazy and taking the easy way out. With some exercise and healthy food choices, she'd lose her weight just as fast.

meagalayne

Ughh... Was visiting my best friend from Uni this past week. She and I have been good friends for 5+ years and we lived together for a few of them. She was always the skinny one (size 6-10) while I always struggled with my weight (around 190lbs/size 14). Now that I am down to approx 140lbs and a size 6-8 she jokingly accuses me of anorexia because I watch what I eat and count calories, and although she attempts to sound supportive you can see that it is just veiled disappointment and frustration in herself since she has put on weight over the last year. The entire trip I ate at least 4 times a day (small meals), and yet she continued to suggest that I looked "ridiculous" and she couldn't believe how skinny I am (I still have another 10lbs or so to lose, and lots of toning to do!). In the end I had to lecture her about the inappropriateness of her comments. Such a drag! I was really hoping she could be happy for me...

sherry_80

The problem i come across is my mom and my sister, when i actually started changing my lifestyle was before mfp.
When my sister told me her daughter was diabetic type 1, I can"t bring sweets around, i feel bad for tempting.
I feel guilty so i don't and i started bring other stuff that my kids like. like veg trays and fruit trays anything with dip,

I have been doing this for awhile, I recently stopped seeing my sister and mom, because every time i tell them i am not on a diet,
I am changed my lifestyle. My sister translates this to "YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF, YOUR NOT HAPPY WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR LIFE" , " I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM" "I AM OBSESSED WITH EXERCISE" because i try something new, oh its just another fad. yeah i am done with her. I don't call or go to her house at. and i call my mom once a month.
and i try to keep our conversation on text, because i make her read what she writes.

I makes me laugh, because i know there's something wrong with her mind. I think its envy.
The way i look at is I may be overweight bigger than her, but i don't have saggy skin.

After she had her kids she lost weight very quickly and didn't know about the saggy skin that comes with it.

MTDork87

Ah jealousy. This helps me when someone says something unfathomable...

Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.


** I feel that we could add "If you lose weight, some people will be jealous and try to bring you down. Lose weight anyway" **

:-)

spob

Wow that was powerful and I am copying that to post on my fridge. Thanks!!!:drinker:

atynk

Everytime I go to my parents I break into their cupboard and eat some Nutella off a spoon lol.. my mom always comments on how I can't eat stuff like that. Then I have to remind her I only eat it when I am here and its not much so I CAN eat stuff like this and its ok. My sister is the same way, if she comes over and sees a mcdonalds bag she is like "oh you are in trouble " but I remind her I work my *kitten* off everday so i can have things like that and not care.
I don't get why they don't understand that I know exactly what I can and can't eat to keep this weight off.... nobody like the food police, I monitor myself enough on my own!

amandapratt

I went to the gym last night with my mother to renew my gym membership and to get her one. She took a look at my card (photo was taken last year) and said "Wow, you look like you're wearing a fat suit!" I'm still not really sure as to how to feel about her saying that. I'm equally torn between being really angry and crying.

♥Faerie♥

I hate when someone tries to force food on me, they say things like "your so tiny, you can afford to eat it" and, "oh, one little bit is not going to hurt you"......ummm...... I am "so tiny" because I say no to the doughnuts/cookies/candy/pizza/or whatever else you may be trying to get me to eat....what annoys me even more, when I say no and they roll their eyes....ugh....

xDeannaGarciax

I've had people give me huge explanations of why they can't do what I've done. All of the reasons are out of their control and well, it's not that their lazy. First off, I never said anyone was lazy. Second, I work full-time, have two kids, and volunteer in my community. I don't have any more time than anyone else. The difference is that I've made me a priority. I don't expect anyone else to make themselves a priority. My fitness is not a threat to anyone. I just want to scream...People this is not about you!

I hear you. I'm not trying to get fit to make you jealous, it's about me and how I feel about myself and my health, not about anyone else. This is aaaaaalllllll me!

xDeannaGarciax

Ughh... Was visiting my best friend from Uni this past week. She and I have been good friends for 5+ years and we lived together for a few of them. She was always the skinny one (size 6-10) while I always struggled with my weight (around 190lbs/size 14). Now that I am down to approx 140lbs and a size 6-8 she jokingly accuses me of anorexia because I watch what I eat and count calories, and although she attempts to sound supportive you can see that it is just veiled disappointment and frustration in herself since she has put on weight over the last year. The entire trip I ate at least 4 times a day (small meals), and yet she continued to suggest that I looked "ridiculous" and she couldn't believe how skinny I am (I still have another 10lbs or so to lose, and lots of toning to do!). In the end I had to lecture her about the inappropriateness of her comments. Such a drag! I was really hoping she could be happy for me...

Awww that's a bummer. It seems to be hard for people who we have relationships like that with (unless you take the journey together like my best friend and I did) to be happy and supportive and they try to be...a$$e$ because their un-happy with themselves. Jealousy can create some monsters out of people I've witnessed it first hand with some ex family members who were close like friends. Makes them crazy yet obsessed with me and all I do now. Just be happy that you feel good and look Fabulous!! That's all I can do and I have the wonderful support of my husband my kids my family and my wonderful friends I know it's a bummer:flowerforyou: