Huge Emotional Setback

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  • NRSPAM
    NRSPAM Posts: 961 Member
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    Let's be clear, you did not 'drive' him to this other woman. Grown-up, decent, human beings talk about their problems and try to solve them. If they feel it's unsalvageable then they gently and honestly say so and find the best way for both parties to exit the relationship. They do not simply go looking elsewhere and then blame the wronged party. Chin up hon, you deserve better.

    ^^^Definately this!!! ;)
  • hoyalawya2003
    hoyalawya2003 Posts: 631 Member
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    My marriage is ending. I found out my spouse wasn't faithful and to stick the knife in a little further, he doesn't 'like me as a persons' so he felt driven to look outside the relationship. I just feel like retreating to my bedroom with a million bags of cookies :( I need to find the motivation to take my life back and regain some self esteem!

    Do not, do not, do not listed to his comments that "he doesn't like you as a person." He is trying to justify his horrible behavior. As a pp said, it is about him and the bad choices he has made, not you. Do not let this affect your self esteem. I have BTDT too, and I let it eat at me. You need to concentrate on you, and what makes you feel good. No, not the bag of cookies. Pick a short term goal (preferably exercise) and meet it. Concentrate on one step at a time. Don't beat yourself up on the days that you don't meet that goal.

    (((hugs)))
  • JewelsinBigD
    JewelsinBigD Posts: 661 Member
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    The fact that the marriage is ending is the PERFECT reason to take better care of yourself! Use this and let it empower you! And get a good attorney.
  • toadg53
    toadg53 Posts: 302 Member
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    I totally agree with craftywitch 100%. I was in your shoes 40 years ago. My ex told me he didn't love me and wanted a divorce when I was 1 week away from giving birth to our child. Totally out of left field. I know what a shocker it is. My heart hurts so bad for you. But, remember that HE is the one that stepped out. He is the one that is the jerk. He's the one that's the liar and the cheat and the one that cannot be trusted. Therefore, his opinion of you doesn't count. I agree that you should seek counseling ... for YOU. This is all so new to you, I am sure your head is reeling. But retreating into a bag of cookies, or a half gallon of ice cream, or whatever your choice is, is NOT the answer. All it will do is reinforce what he has said about you in YOUR mind. And it's not true. Take it one day at a time, hold your head up, and yes, definitely talk to a good divorce attorney. Just to know what your rights are. You don't have to make any decisions yet, and you're better off, really not to. Good luck. Remember, you have a LOT of friends here. Use US, instead of those cookies ....xoxo
  • Praying_Mantis
    Praying_Mantis Posts: 239 Member
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    My mom is going through a break up right now with her cheating boy friend. It's sad because his kids and her (grownup) kids had just gotten to a point where we were referring to each other as siblings. He really screwed things up. Quite frankly, if I ever see him again, I might break him in half. He made my mom cry and that's not acceptable.

    That being said, you must be going through a lot. Don't let him get away with assigning blame to you. A real man would've sought other avenues or tried. You were blindsided so I don't think he ever made any such gestures. You have some young ones that are looking to you to stay strong. If they were strong enough, I'm sure they'd kick their dad in the 'nads for you.

    +1. Especially this: Don't let him get away with assigning blame to you.

    (Awww, Tomomatic. Can I adopt you?)

    ETA emphasis
  • TFaustino67
    TFaustino67 Posts: 551 Member
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    This ~>
    Taking care of yourself is the best revenge there is to someone who has hurt you. Make a happy life for yourself, forgive and move on.

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