Teenagers and random room inspections

tjsoccermom

I have an understanding with my kids - the wife and I pay for the roof over their heads and nothing in the house is off limits to me or their mother. I have never done a random room inspection but the possibility is and always will be there.

This ^^. I have two teenagers and haven't done any random room inspections but they both know that at any point in time we reserve the right to do whatever we want in their rooms as they are living in a house provided by us. My teenage son is quite the slob, so periodically we help him clean his room anyway. I do feel that we have very open relationships with our kids and I would have a keen sense if something was going wrong. We also reserve the right to read their texts and or social media pages anytime. Not a right we've exercised often but they are well aware that we will if we deem in necessary.

We don't consider ourselves controlling, just not naive. We were once teenagers and my brother-in-law had gotten into drugs in high school but his parent's refused to see what was going on. We're not going to make the same mistakes. Someday my children will understand and appreciate the work that goes into being the parent of a teen.

RushBabe_214

Whaaaaaaat?

Random room inspections for no ****ing good reason?!?

Unless I have good reason to suspect they're doing something illegal or harmful to themselves....Hell. To. The. No.

And this is coming from someone who considers herself to be a fairly strict parent.

Good grief...

keem88

i don't have any kids, my parents though were the kind that would clean my room when i was at camp or some ****, mostly because i really was a downright slob. i never had anything too crazy to hide, when i was middle school i used to hide snacks in my room all the time and binge on them in the middle of the night. my sister actually found a box of zebra cakes in my dresser but never told my parents about it. in hs i never kept alcohol in my room, that was kept at my best friends house whose parents never checked her room and didn't really care if we were drinking, because we were at their house drinking, not going anywhere and at a safe location.

when i do have teens, unless there is valid suspicion of something going on (not just paranoia) i would first talk to them about my concerns, give them the chance to come upfront with anything before doing a check.

i always always so scared to talk to my mom about anything (i didn't tell her i got my period when i was 12 for like 2 years bc i was scared she would get mad at me bc i was in middle school still and i was embarassed - my mom was very strict and is very conservative and traditional) but when i have kids i hope that they can talk to me about anything and everything, and never feel the need to hide anything in their room to begin with (or in their best friends room lol)

HeidiMightyRawr

Unless they give me reason to distrust them with important things (illegal or harmful), I think they should be allowed to have their privacy. As teenagers, I'm sure most have stuff they'd rather their parents didn't see, they're not necessarily bad. Honestly, I don't think random room inspections are going to create a healthy relationship, and is more likely to just cause arguements and/or more secrets to be kept. I'd want my kids to trust me and feel they can talk to me about anything, while also feeling secure that they have their own space.

I don't disagree with checking their rooms, making sure it's tidy etc etc but I wouldn't go snooping or rifling through all their stuff.

janatarnhem

Yeah...if there is owt to be suspicious about! I have ...and would again, inspect my teenage sons rooms! As a parent, you need a clear picture of what is going on, if they are stepping out of bounds! My eldest meddled with canabis,. He needed to know the consequences, sanctions and pros of doing it!

suremeansyes

I told my 13 year old that since she lives in our house and we pay for all her stuff, we reserve the right to check things we need to check if we feel she's being unsafe.

HOWEVER, that being said, will there be -secret- checks? No. I told her that if we feel the need to see something, we will let her know about it...

...five seconds before looking at it.

brewji

Coffee filters make me lol

I live in BC, they would know better.

thatonegirlwiththestuff

I do plan on doing random room inspections/checking social media sites, etc when my kids are teens. It can be construed as an invasion of privacy, but it really is for their benefit.
Although I don't think I'd call them on anything unless I felt it was absolutely necessary.

JenniCali1000

I never have and never will inspect my teen's room unless I suspected they were hurting themselves in some way. My son and I don't have perfect communication (and who does, really?) and I am in no way one of those ignorant parents, but I think trust is best built when it's a two way street.

RabbitLost

Trust but verify. Give me a reason and I'm digging in with a backhoe. I remember the *kitten* I did growing up. I'm not going through what I made my mom go through.

tehboxingkitteh

Coming from a good kid who had her parents snoop and find birth control I was on for endometriosis, which, in turn, caused them to change their will instead of being freaking adults and talking to me about it... I'm against it, unless mine gives me a reason to.

Why didn't your parents know you were medicated for endometriosis in the first place?

I was 19 and had just moved home after being in a bad car accident, which rendered me unable to work. My parents and I didn't have a good relationship. Or, well, we didn't converse much about.

paperpudding

Coming from a good kid who had her parents snoop and find birth control I was on for endometriosis, which, in turn, caused them to change their will instead of being freaking adults and talking to me about it... I'm against it, unless mine gives me a reason to.

Why didn't your parents know you were medicated for endometriosis in the first place?

I was 19 and had just moved home after being in a bad car accident, which rendered me unable to work. My parents and I didn't have a good relationship. Or, well, we didn't converse much about.

yes I think snooping on a 19 year old is way over the top.

I would not snoop on my teenage childrens rooms, I don't think this is right at all, unless extremely extenuating circumstances.

Sure, quickly check the room in general - but not open doors without knocking and not rifle through drawers.

ldrosophila

my son is only 2months so I don't have much experience on this, but heck yeah I'd inspect now would I let him know I found his porno? Not sure

xombiebite

my parents never went through my room. they'd be disappointed with the findings anyway.

i worked at a group home and had to do room inspections but thats because they'd take the Bounce sheets, coffee filters, cutlery etc plus i had to look for drugs that i knew were in there

craftywitch_63

I raised three kids now aged 39, 31 and (as of yesterday) 29. They're good people and I'm very proud of them.

If I ever thought I had a reason to, hell, yeah I'd search their rooms, read their diaries and give them drug tests,possibly all at the same time. My oldest son gave me reason a couple of times and I busted him with alcohol. He's now a cop.

My thought is, as minors they have absolutely no RIGHT to privacy. For them, privacy must be EARNED. Yeah, I know it's not popular but think back to when you were kids. Bet you kept things from your parents that you shouldn't have, right? Yeah you did. :noway: I just don't like underhandedness. If I tossed their rooms, I did it with them standing there, I didn't sneak in when they weren't there.

As for the magazines and coffee filters . . . been there . . . but it was Maxim magazine. I explained to my sons that real women don't look that way, the pictures of the models are airbrushed, etc., etc. and that was the end of that (boys will be boys after all!)



My daughter was a different matter - it wasn't porn, it was keeping her the phone long enough to do her schoolwork! Ugh(Funny enough, she's a PBX operator at a hotel/casino in Las Vegas! :laugh: )

HawkeyeTy

Whaaaaaaat?

Random room inspections for no ****ing good reason?!?

Unless I have good reason to suspect they're doing something illegal or harmful to themselves....Hell. To. The. No.

And this is coming from someone who considers herself to be a fairly strict parent.

Good grief...

Why you so angry???

BillyC96

This does not include going in to investigate a bad smell caused by an unintended new life form being cultivated in a long forgotten dish.

Been there.....I never knew a half glass of Tang could actually turn green until a few months ago

I have picked up stray dishes and found clothing stuck in them. Ewwwwww

AnexRavensong

The coffee filters is surprising to me! O_o LOL what's wrong with old fashioned tissues? Unless I'm misunderstanding what they were used for.