Anyone else's parents ignorant and sabotaging in dieting?

RissyChris

Look, I know some of you are gonna say that parents try their best and sure, that might be true in your situation. But in mine, it is not, and I want to see if others have the same sort of problem I do with my ignorant parents.

My Dad is a first-generation American. He was raised in an Italian family and has NO CONCEPT of calories, salt limits, actually ANYTHING related to nutrition. He doesn't know what carbs are, thought that 'artificial sweeteners' meant something had no sugar in it, and tried to make a case to me that because honey is not 'artificially sweetened' it had not only 'no sugar' but also 'no calories.' He doesn't believe in the TDEE and has no clue what a BMI means. He thinks that his BMI is obese because he is an 'athlete.' Yeah, an athlete who is on heart medication for his high cholesterol, has had 10 kidney stones, and a beer belly. Yeah. Athlete. Sure.

My mom once made a soup she declared had 'no calories' in it cause it was "All vegetables, and veggies don't have calories. Duh."
:noway:
I cried because she was so f*cking stupid. No. I cried because not only was she so f*cking stupid, but because when I tried to nicely explain to her she was wrong, she called me an 'ugly anorexic *****' and called my father in the room, who laughed at me and agreed that I was ugly and stupid. I hate them so much I can't put it into words.

Additionally, my parents let me get obese as a child. No, it was not my fault. If i didn't finish everything on my plate I got slapped. Hard. In the head, not the butt. And my father would tell me I was going to hell if I didn't finish everything on my plate.

The man gave me solid foods at 2 1/2 months old. And the solid food he gave me was...wait for it...gravy-dipped balls of white bread and stringy, chewy chicken. Yeah, that won't damage my metabolism or intestines. Why give your baby milk when you can just have them choke on solids? I bet he wanted to kill me, I wouldn't be surprised. Please, I'm NOT EXAGGERATING!

My whole childhood was filled with Burger King. We didn't cook cause we were, you guessed it, poor as ever, and my parents wanted to get cheap meals. So by the age of 7, I had developed a golf-ball sized kidney stone! YAY! THATS SO NORMAL FOR A 7 YEAR OLD WHO NEVER FED HERSELF IN HER LIFE! Clearly my parent's fault, I didn't cook at age 7 and under, when the stone had been developing for YEARS.

And then it happened three more times until I was 11, when after 8+ surgeries and countless meds I was stone free. great. that doesn't solve the problem. my idiot parents would take me to burger king or boston market after surgery to 'reward me.' they kept giving us crappy foods and once again if i didn't eat it all i was 'evil and going to hell' and i believed them cause I'm a child and they're my parents, I looked up to them. I was naive. I would eat so my dad wouldn't yell and hit me, but I would also eat cause that was the only way I could get him to show me love.

Either way, by the time I was in 11th grade I was morbidly obese. 175 pounds, 5'2, female. and suicidal!

i hated myself. So when I was 18 and going to college, I started to go to the gym with friends. I lost a great deal of weight over the course of two-ish years. My parents were LIVID.

At 145 my mom called me 'anorexic.' You do realize that at 145 my doctor said I was obese and gonna get even higher cholesterol than i had, and wanted to put me on a diet? My dumb mother wanted me to eat more! So she'd add extra oil to my food so I couldn't see the evil of her hidden, disgusting unnecessary calories (we're talking at least 700 calories worth of olive oil ADDED to lasagna, which is already bad enough).

Now I'm MUUUUCHHH less than 145 (i'd rather not say because I do have a petite frame and I don't want you all branding me some ED maniac because I'm technically underweight, my heart is fine, my energy is fine, i'm fine) and my parents have not gotten over their stupidity.

I want to measure my food, but my parents try to stop me. They break all the weight loss stuff i buy. I had a fitbit and my mom threw it out. I had a new scale and my dad SMASHED IT. I HATE THEM SO MUCH! I can't even weigh my stuff cause I know if i buy a new scale my dad will smash it! I even bought a no-stick pan so i wouldn't have to use oil and my dad put oil in it, burnt it, and said 'this is mine now.' I'm 19 years old and have had no support in life.

Tell me, when in these past 18 years living at home would i have had time to gain enough funding to move out? When would I have found a way out? People tell me to move out...WHERE. HOW. WHEN. WItH WHAT MONEY? THERE IS NO WAY OUT.

i commute to school cause i can't afford to live there. i try and maintain my weight at home, but my ignorant parents are literally murdering me. i thought about sticking my head in the fireplace yesterday because my dad was yelling at me for absolutely no reason. He was cooking his oily disgusting dinner and was mad at my mom for not eating half of the pan (i mean, he could put it in the fridge for leftovers but NOOOO that's crazy you have to finish everything on your plate). so he turned to me and said "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU AND YOUR CRAZY CALORIE COUNTING."

:frown:
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME COUNTING CALORIES!??!?!?!??!!

I'm sorry, but it made no sense. He later acted like nothing happened and offered me candy. I declined. I hate him and he's absolutely insane.

Anyone else have parents who are so devious, so slimy, so absolutely worthless and unsupportive that they try to sabotage your diet, your mind, and your life like this? I need to know others have problems like this, I'm absolutely freaking crazy over how stupid they are. The ignorance never ends with them. Luckily it ends with me.

katiemegcz

You have a ton of anger, ad rightfully so, but carrying that around won't serve you in your mission to be healthy. My best advice...do two things. First, go straight to your financial aid office on Monday. Being the beginning of the year, at the very least you can apply for financial aid for next year to get you into a dorm. If your family is financially challenged, believe me when I say you WILL get aid, even if it is in the form of loans, which you can pay off. Do NOT wait on that step. The financial aid staff are experts at walking you through, and sometimes even have school-based grant money available to help.

Second, find out if your school has a counseling office. Go see someone to talk through this who can help you know all the ways your upbringing has affected you, and how you can move forward.

The fact that you don't want to share your weight concerns me a little. I am not saying your parents are right about you having an ED. I don't know you at all, and they sound...well...fun. But get some expert unbiased feedback about your weight goals as well.

Good luck to you. You are worth all of the things you are doing for yourself.

nomeejerome

OP:
I don't know where you live, (or all of the circumstances) but if you are in the US, here are some places you can contact for some help. Also, chat with your school to see what options are available there. If need be, you can always show them your post.

By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.211.org/

http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html

eta:
adding this link just in case

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

randomtai

OP:
I don't know where you live, (or all of the circumstances) but if you are in the US, here are some places you can contact for some help. Also, chat with your school to see what options are available there. If need be, you can always show them your post.

By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.211.org/

http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html

eta:
adding this link just in case

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

+1

Will_Thrust_For_Candy

OP:
I don't know where you live, (or all of the circumstances) but if you are in the US, here are some places you can contact for some help. Also, chat with your school to see what options are available there. If need be, you can always show them your post.

By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.211.org/

http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html

eta:
adding this link just in case

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

+1

+2

Rocbola

Parents can be ignorant to proper eating. MOST of the world is ignorant to proper eating. Just ignore it and keep on your own path.

DavPul

OP:
I don't know where you live, (or all of the circumstances) but if you are in the US, here are some places you can contact for some help. Also, chat with your school to see what options are available there. If need be, you can always show them your post.

By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.211.org/

http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html

eta:
adding this link just in case

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

+1

+2

+3

MysteriousLdy

+4

Cyan99

I absolutely think you should try applying for financial aid and moving into halls of residence or dorms. The stress of living in a place you're not happy will do you as much harm as a bad diet.

Remember to focus on "health" instead of "weight", and that you can still enjoy food, enjoy cooking and enjoy experimenting with new meals. Food isn't your enemy.

I don't know how much fitness training you do now, I imagine you've had to do a fair amount to lose that much weight, but I would recommend running & yoga as ways of balancing your emotions and staying calm. Obviously you're angry at your family - by the sound of it you have every right to be - but don't let that damage your mental health. It's not fair to you to let someone else's problems make you to angry to be happy. Focus on the fact that you WILL find a way out and you WILL live a better lifestyle than your parents.

The fact that you've managed to see a need for change and take active steps towards that while still a teenager and still living at home (family pressure is one of the strongest influences on people) is pretty f*cking impressive. Just make sure that you don't let your parents, and your relationship with them, cloud your attitude towards food and eating in an unhealthy way.

I'm going to add you on here, and if you ever need to talk to anyone please feel free to message me. I'm not an expert on life, eating or families, but I will be supportive.

cathylopez1975

My daughter is 20 and in college. Please check with the counseling office. There is someone there who will help you. Also, sorry about your dad's abuse. You can let it ruin your life by keeping up the anger and letting it turn to bitterness, or you can let the anger go. It isn't hurting your dad-it's only hurting you. My mother was unkind in her favoritism of her adult children and I had to let my anger over that go. She didn't recognize what she was doing, and so me being angry and hurt was only hurting me.

Also, is it possible for you to get a job while in college? I worked summers and weekends. I got married in college to another student and parental supported ended. I needed the $ to keep going to school.

Check out financial aid for real. My daughter is paying for most of her college through loans and work-study.

Good luck. Don't let you upbringing and parents define who you are. You can do this!

ladymiseryali

So in other words, your parents are abusive pieces of garbage who should never have had children to begin with? I'm so sorry you had to deal with that and I'm even more sorry that no one tried to get you out of that situation. Definitely get therapy and if you're assaulted by your parents again, call the cops. That's against the law and although you are technically an adult, you can still report abuse to the proper authorities.

knra_grl

My daughter is 20 and in college. Please check with the counseling office. There is someone there who will help you. Also, sorry about your dad's abuse. You can let it ruin your life by keeping up the anger and letting it turn to bitterness, or you can let the anger go. It isn't hurting your dad-it's only hurting you. My mother was unkind in her favoritism of her adult children and I had to let my anger over that go. She didn't recognize what she was doing, and so me being angry and hurt was only hurting me.

Also, is it possible for you to get a job while in college? I worked summers and weekends. I got married in college to another student and parental supported ended. I needed the $ to keep going to school.

Check out financial aid for real. My daughter is paying for most of her college through loans and work-study.

Good luck. Don't let you upbringing and parents define who you are. You can do this!

OP:
I don't know where you live, (or all of the circumstances) but if you are in the US, here are some places you can contact for some help. Also, chat with your school to see what options are available there. If need be, you can always show them your post.

By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.211.org/

http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html

eta:
adding this link just in case

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

+1

+2

+3

All of this. So sorry that you grew up in such an environment. You have done considerably well under the circumstances.

LKArgh

I am sorry for what you have gone through. Some of the things you describe, they have nothing to do with nutrition or parenting style or culture, they are simply abuse. Were you a minor, I would have advised you to contact child protective services, as from what you describe, your physical and emotional health would be at risk. Since you are an adult, seek counselling. There comes a time for some of us when we need to distance ourselves from abusive parents, of completely cut the off. It is not easy, but sometimes it is the only way to start and heal yourself emotionally. Get a job if you don not already have one, look into financial help and seek counselling. This is not about food and it will take time and distance from your family to feel better. Do not try to change them, you will only hurt yourself more.
To add: I have been in your shoes, regarding controlling, abusive and irrational behaviour, and I know how it feels. You need to find someone to talk to. You are an adult, your parents cannot control what you do any more, you can make a plan and leave. There is more to life than this and you no longer are helpless, there is help if you look for it.

stormyxpony

You need to get out!!!! Their abuseive and toxic people!!!!

RissyChris

I absolutely think you should try applying for financial aid and moving into halls of residence or dorms. The stress of living in a place you're not happy will do you as much harm as a bad diet.

Remember to focus on "health" instead of "weight", and that you can still enjoy food, enjoy cooking and enjoy experimenting with new meals. Food isn't your enemy.

I don't know how much fitness training you do now, I imagine you've had to do a fair amount to lose that much weight, but I would recommend running & yoga as ways of balancing your emotions and staying calm. Obviously you're angry at your family - by the sound of it you have every right to be - but don't let that damage your mental health. It's not fair to you to let someone else's problems make you to angry to be happy. Focus on the fact that you WILL find a way out and you WILL live a better lifestyle than your parents.


The fact that you've managed to see a need for change and take active steps towards that while still a teenager and still living at home (family pressure is one of the strongest influences on people) is pretty f*cking impressive. Just make sure that you don't let your parents, and your relationship with them, cloud your attitude towards food and eating in an unhealthy way.

I'm going to add you on here, and if you ever need to talk to anyone please feel free to message me. I'm not an expert on life, eating or families, but I will be supportive.

thanks for this. while i appreciate everyone linking me to suicide lines/ED lines the real thing I was hoping to get out of this was some perspective into other people's success stories who have survived horrible parents like mine. also i appreciate the add.

another question, cause I'm new to this site as of today, what's up with the +1's?

RissyChris

My daughter is 20 and in college. Please check with the counseling office. There is someone there who will help you. Also, sorry about your dad's abuse. You can let it ruin your life by keeping up the anger and letting it turn to bitterness, or you can let the anger go. It isn't hurting your dad-it's only hurting you. My mother was unkind in her favoritism of her adult children and I had to let my anger over that go. She didn't recognize what she was doing, and so me being angry and hurt was only hurting me.

Also, is it possible for you to get a job while in college? I worked summers and weekends. I got married in college to another student and parental supported ended. I needed the $ to keep going to school.

Check out financial aid for real. My daughter is paying for most of her college through loans and work-study.

Good luck. Don't let you upbringing and parents define who you are. You can do this!

I have financial aid, I already talked to the office, they said pretty much 'too bad' and sent me on my way. i've already transferred schools and won't do it again, I'm gonna be a junior soon, so there is no point. it just sucks all around.

Cyan99

another question, cause I'm new to this site as of today, what's up with the +1's?

Welcome!!

The +1 's are pretty much just that - someone agreeing with what was said and seconding it. People have some slang and abbreviations around here that I haven't even learnt yet (I've been here a few months).

randomtai

I absolutely think you should try applying for financial aid and moving into halls of residence or dorms. The stress of living in a place you're not happy will do you as much harm as a bad diet.

Remember to focus on "health" instead of "weight", and that you can still enjoy food, enjoy cooking and enjoy experimenting with new meals. Food isn't your enemy.

I don't know how much fitness training you do now, I imagine you've had to do a fair amount to lose that much weight, but I would recommend running & yoga as ways of balancing your emotions and staying calm. Obviously you're angry at your family - by the sound of it you have every right to be - but don't let that damage your mental health. It's not fair to you to let someone else's problems make you to angry to be happy. Focus on the fact that you WILL find a way out and you WILL live a better lifestyle than your parents.


The fact that you've managed to see a need for change and take active steps towards that while still a teenager and still living at home (family pressure is one of the strongest influences on people) is pretty f*cking impressive. Just make sure that you don't let your parents, and your relationship with them, cloud your attitude towards food and eating in an unhealthy way.

I'm going to add you on here, and if you ever need to talk to anyone please feel free to message me. I'm not an expert on life, eating or families, but I will be supportive.

thanks for this. while i appreciate everyone linking me to suicide lines/ED lines the real thing I was hoping to get out of this was some perspective into other people's success stories who have survived horrible parents like mine. also i appreciate the add.

another question, cause I'm new to this site as of today, what's up with the +1's?

Horrible and abusive are on two different levels. Horrible is subjective. Abuse is not.

kdeaux1959

You have a ton of anger, ad rightfully so, but carrying that around won't serve you in your mission to be healthy. My best advice...do two things. First, go straight to your financial aid office on Monday. Being the beginning of the year, at the very least you can apply for financial aid for next year to get you into a dorm. If your family is financially challenged, believe me when I say you WILL get aid, even if it is in the form of loans, which you can pay off. Do NOT wait on that step. The financial aid staff are experts at walking you through, and sometimes even have school-based grant money available to help.

Second, find out if your school has a counseling office. Go see someone to talk through this who can help you know all the ways your upbringing has affected you, and how you can move forward.

The fact that you don't want to share your weight concerns me a little. I am not saying your parents are right about you having an ED. I don't know you at all, and they sound...well...fun. But get some expert unbiased feedback about your weight goals as well.

Good luck to you. You are worth all of the things you are doing for yourself.

The advice on this page is very good. When a person's parental input is extreme (alcoholism, food, drug abuse, sexual abuse, and the list goes on) a child will usually do one of two things... They will fully embrace the lifestyle and become much like their parents OR they will fully reject the lifestyle which will have a myriad of results... Sometimes this means that they will go the polar opposite and go from being obese to being anorexic or go from being an alcoholic to being a teetotaler. Other times, they will reject the lifestyle to the point that they will find themselves in the same rut as the parents but in a different way. You don't want to so reject being obese and unhealthy that you would treat your own children the same way if they happen to want a piece of birthday cake... (I am NOT saying that you would turn out this way -- just saying that in many cases it does tend to end up this way)... Counseling and getting out of the environment does seem to be your best option at this point. I am sure your parents actually do care about you very much... It is just that they don't know how to deal with somebody that they think has a problem and fail to see their own problems... Don't reject them as parents but certainly you are right to reject the concepts of nutrition that they are bringing to the table. Best wishes on getting things sorted out and may you find true happiness and health in the days ahead.

veganbaum

My daughter is 20 and in college. Please check with the counseling office. There is someone there who will help you. Also, sorry about your dad's abuse. You can let it ruin your life by keeping up the anger and letting it turn to bitterness, or you can let the anger go. It isn't hurting your dad-it's only hurting you. My mother was unkind in her favoritism of her adult children and I had to let my anger over that go. She didn't recognize what she was doing, and so me being angry and hurt was only hurting me.

Also, is it possible for you to get a job while in college? I worked summers and weekends. I got married in college to another student and parental supported ended. I needed the $ to keep going to school.

Check out financial aid for real. My daughter is paying for most of her college through loans and work-study.

Good luck. Don't let you upbringing and parents define who you are. You can do this!

I quoted this poster for her comments regarding anger. You rightfully are angry, but as noted, that anger is only going to hurt YOU, and not change your parents or your situation. Holding on to such anger can affect you physically and mentally. Letting go of it can do wonders for a person. It's not easy. Being in school, you should have access to mental health counselors at your school's clinic. Depending on the size of your school, they may have several who each approach mental health in different ways. If that's the case, you should try each of them and see which one you think works best for you. Then have regular sessions with them to try to work out your anger, and any other issues that may arise while working through it.

Yes, it's easy to tell you "move out," "take out student loans," etc. I know loan debt and repayments are an enormous burden that have become the norm for a lot of people in the US. If you can avoid them, you should. However, you ARE in an abusive situation. There's no question. You're 19, which means you have likely developed fewer coping mechanisms than someone older than you may have, and can make it harder to deal with difficult situations. So, if you CAN find a way to get out, yes, you should. Do you know others you could rent a place with together? Can you work full time over the summer, get two jobs if you must (and can find them), to save for a dorm room or studio apartment next school year? Do you know someone from whom you can just rent a room? If you cannot, PLEASE at least take advantage of the counselors at your school. It seems your plan was to stay at home until you graduate, which if you stick to four years, will be in a little more than two. That's a long time to remain in such a toxic situation.

As the above poster also mentioned, you could try to find a job that allows you to work weekends and summers. I did that as well during my undergrad years. If you continue to live at home, that would keep you out of the house more, and allow you to save so that maybe if you can't find a way to move out now, you can move out for your last year of school. It would also give you money to buy your own food, and maybe that would give you a little more control. You might say that your dad would throw it out. Well, buy yourself breakfast and lunch at your cafeteria or whatever (find the healthiest options you can, gives you more control than at home), or buy things daily that you can consume at school. There are ways to work around everything. It's not easy, you just have to find a way or make a way. Your situation is not easy, so unless you move out, you need to make a way to be as healthy as you can.

As a last comment, in your profile you say that you have lost nearly 100 pounds and that God gave you your body and you shouldn't treat it like crap. You already admitted you're underweight. I echo the responses of others to also seek counseling regarding the possibility of an eating disorder. And lastly, if you really believe your comment about God, maybe you should ask yourself what you think God would want in order for you to have a HEALTHY mind and body and life, and act accordingly.