Anyone else's parents ignorant and sabotaging in dieting?
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If the OP weighed 175 in 11th grade, and is now two years older than that. . . and has lost 100 pounds, my guess is that her weight is dangerously low. OP, I hope you take the advice of others here and get into a good counseling program to handle both your food and family issues.0
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100 pounds lost from 175....?
Yikes.0 -
You need counseling. Please get help.0
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Ops parents may be freaking partially is she looks skeletal. I want to see height and weight and photos. I recommend she consult with a health professional regarding her WEIGHT.0
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Hi! I want to start by saying the following comes from someone who lived with abuse for way longer than she should have and this is everything I wish someone would have said to me:
Another poster mentioned that people who grow up in environments such as yours tend to go to one extreme or the other. This is totally true and it's really important that you talk to someone to ensure this doesn't happen to you.
There may be a bit of two issues going on here - one is just plain cultural differences where your family only knows how to show you love by feeding you. You rebel and don't eat enough, they push, you push on and on. Also, a lot of what you described is actual ABUSE. Not just crazy parents.
When you're right in the middle of the cycle of abuse the victim thinks "there is NO WAY out. I can't" and the perpetrators act like "There is NO WAY out. You can't" How many times have you heard of people tolerating because they believe there is no way out? It's a huge red flag and it's important that you know that this is part of the cycle. The moment when your brain shifts from "I CAN'T" to "I CAN" is freaking liberating let me tell ya. And most need a lot of help to get there. You've come really far by yourself, but every 19 year old needs help (everyone of any age needs help now and again) but most can get it at home - you can't and that's OK. Doesn't mean you can't get help - just means you have to look somewhere else. If you don't like the first counselor, keep pushing until you find one you do.
I think you agree with all of us when we say you have to get out. counseling will help you do this. Doesn't make sense right now, but please trust me - if you don't want to see someone for any of the other reasons posted, at least do it for this one. It will help you move out.
I'm guessing financial aid asks if living at home is an option and you say yes so they say too bad? It's their job to make sure they hold on to the purse strings and they're not qualified to judge the safety of your life at home. If this is true, you need to go a completely different route. Any one of the numbers listed will get you someone on the phone who can get you in touch with the right people to help you. 1. You can go to a shelter. Really - you CAN. I used to work at one and we had young women who abused by people other than their spouses all the time. They are there for people who feel like they have no where to go. Part of what they do is help step-by-step with the right funding for your situation, job help, and living arrangements. Along with the right counseling for you. 2. Talk to someone at social services. I'm not saying you have to live on welfare your whole life, I'm saying this type of school funding is through a different avenue and again they can hook you up with housing. Financial aid is for your average person looking for some aid to get to school. It totally sucks but you need to go ahead let "them" label your house as unsafe for your health so that they will help you get out.
This part is the most important:
You actually deserve to be healthy and happy. No really - you do. you have the RIGHT to live free of anger and resentment. You also have the RIGHT to live free of abuse - abuse from others and abuse from YOURSELF. You are smart and really CAN do this.
Doing what you're doing will get you more of what you're getting so go ahead and try a few things people have suggested here even if you're skeptical. You never know, right?
Add me and PM anytime,
Krispy0 -
When I became an adult, my parents stopped having any influence in any aspect of my life.0
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What I do know for sure is that if I look around and blame other people for any behaviours I want to change within myself, I'll probably accomplish the opposite of what I want.
It's time to start looking inward and getting help for yourself.0 -
To me, "sabotage" means something deliberate that someone does to derail your progress with full understanding of what they're doing. It sounds like your parents have some really warped views of healthy eating - I don't think they even realise what they're doing to themselves, let alone to you.
I don't know if that perspective can help you deal with the (totally legit) anger that you're feeling or not. In any case, it sounds like a difficult situation.
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When I became an adult, my parents stopped having any influence in any aspect of my life.
This. When I turned 18 I grabbed the reins of my life, even when I was still living with my mother. Then I moved out and truly became an adult. I suggest doing that.0 -
As a certified medical professional I have to tell you that this post throws up a lot of red flags and if it were possible sirens would be going off as people read this. I'm sure that the years of living in an abusive household have had their affects on you. You really need to seek professional help in the form of a nutritionist and psychologist. From firsthand experience in the world of medicine I can point out several of the things that you listed in the original post as things your parents were doing to make you angry as things that someone being treated for anorexia is told to do by their doctors so I'm not sure that you are sharing the entire story with us. Secondly, and the other posters can correct me if I'm wrong but from your post it seems that you not only hate your parents bad eating habits but you also have a lot of hatred towards food itself. This is not healthy.
Also, please understand that this is not an attack directed at you. I'm merely concerned for your well-being.0 -
I can see you've already gotten a lot of advice on dealing with the psychological aspect of your situation. I hope you talk to the counselors at school. Use the resources available to you!
Now, I'd like to see you out of that toxic home environment. I think a TON of your stress will diminish once you've gotten away from your family. I realize moving out on your own can be very daunting. Do you have any friends in college you can talk to about how they got started on their own? I knew plenty of friends that went to school full time, got jobs or did work-study, and then moved out. Most of us moved out into a roommate situation at first (very cost effective when you don't have the means for a place of your own) and then established more stability/finances/independence from there. Sometimes just talking to supportive people can help you get your mind around what you need to do for yourself. And they can help you take those first steps. Good luck. And even when it gets really bad, just remember you WON'T be stuck at home forever. You have your whole life ahead of you - and they don't have to be in it unless you want them to be.0 -
All of this - and yep, I got out. Have I fallen along the way? Sure. Still have scars & issues? Sure.
Yet, I'm also successful and have let go of my anger. I no longer allow my parents in my life beyond holiday card exchange, yet sincerely hope they find a way to be less harmful to themselves and those around them. Unlikely at this point in their lives, but you never know.
Overall, I'm healthy - and getting even healthier all the time.
Life is GOOD. And short. Get out and get on with your life, ASAP.
Because you CAN. And because you DESERVE to.Hi! I want to start by saying the following comes from someone who lived with abuse for way longer than she should have and this is everything I wish someone would have said to me:
Another poster mentioned that people who grow up in environments such as yours tend to go to one extreme or the other. This is totally true and it's really important that you talk to someone to ensure this doesn't happen to you.
There may be a bit of two issues going on here - one is just plain cultural differences where your family only knows how to show you love by feeding you. You rebel and don't eat enough, they push, you push on and on. Also, a lot of what you described is actual ABUSE. Not just crazy parents.
When you're right in the middle of the cycle of abuse the victim thinks "there is NO WAY out. I can't" and the perpetrators act like "There is NO WAY out. You can't" How many times have you heard of people tolerating because they believe there is no way out? It's a huge red flag and it's important that you know that this is part of the cycle. The moment when your brain shifts from "I CAN'T" to "I CAN" is freaking liberating let me tell ya. And most need a lot of help to get there. You've come really far by yourself, but every 19 year old needs help (everyone of any age needs help now and again) but most can get it at home - you can't and that's OK. Doesn't mean you can't get help - just means you have to look somewhere else. If you don't like the first counselor, keep pushing until you find one you do.
I think you agree with all of us when we say you have to get out. counseling will help you do this. Doesn't make sense right now, but please trust me - if you don't want to see someone for any of the other reasons posted, at least do it for this one. It will help you move out.
I'm guessing financial aid asks if living at home is an option and you say yes so they say too bad? It's their job to make sure they hold on to the purse strings and they're not qualified to judge the safety of your life at home. If this is true, you need to go a completely different route. Any one of the numbers listed will get you someone on the phone who can get you in touch with the right people to help you. 1. You can go to a shelter. Really - you CAN. I used to work at one and we had young women who abused by people other than their spouses all the time. They are there for people who feel like they have no where to go. Part of what they do is help step-by-step with the right funding for your situation, job help, and living arrangements. Along with the right counseling for you. 2. Talk to someone at social services. I'm not saying you have to live on welfare your whole life, I'm saying this type of school funding is through a different avenue and again they can hook you up with housing. Financial aid is for your average person looking for some aid to get to school. It totally sucks but you need to go ahead let "them" label your house as unsafe for your health so that they will help you get out.
This part is the most important:
You actually deserve to be healthy and happy. No really - you do. you have the RIGHT to live free of anger and resentment. You also have the RIGHT to live free of abuse - abuse from others and abuse from YOURSELF. You are smart and really CAN do this.
Doing what you're doing will get you more of what you're getting so go ahead and try a few things people have suggested here even if you're skeptical. You never know, right?
Add me and PM anytime,
Krispy0 -
just move out
the +1 means they agree with the above poster(s)
lol "just move out"
yeah I'll just go out on the street with my $0 and 0 friends and live my life like a hobo.
no offense, but thats a no-go. and i'm not that enthralled with the notion of living in a homeless shelter, I'd rather live here and deal with bull than live in a homeless shelter. but this forum was 'anyone else's parents ignorant and sabotaging in dieting?' not a place for people to say things like this and pretend its really 'that easy' to up and leave the only place i've ever known with no money and no job and absolutely no friends or external and extended family. i just wanted to know if other people's parents tried to sabotage their diets so i would feel like people understand my struggle.0 -
My daughter is 20 and in college. Please check with the counseling office. There is someone there who will help you. Also, sorry about your dad's abuse. You can let it ruin your life by keeping up the anger and letting it turn to bitterness, or you can let the anger go. It isn't hurting your dad-it's only hurting you. My mother was unkind in her favoritism of her adult children and I had to let my anger over that go. She didn't recognize what she was doing, and so me being angry and hurt was only hurting me.
Also, is it possible for you to get a job while in college? I worked summers and weekends. I got married in college to another student and parental supported ended. I needed the $ to keep going to school.
Check out financial aid for real. My daughter is paying for most of her college through loans and work-study.
Good luck. Don't let you upbringing and parents define who you are. You can do this!
I quoted this poster for her comments regarding anger. You rightfully are angry, but as noted, that anger is only going to hurt YOU, and not change your parents or your situation. Holding on to such anger can affect you physically and mentally. Letting go of it can do wonders for a person. It's not easy. Being in school, you should have access to mental health counselors at your school's clinic. Depending on the size of your school, they may have several who each approach mental health in different ways. If that's the case, you should try each of them and see which one you think works best for you. Then have regular sessions with them to try to work out your anger, and any other issues that may arise while working through it.
Yes, it's easy to tell you "move out," "take out student loans," etc. I know loan debt and repayments are an enormous burden that have become the norm for a lot of people in the US. If you can avoid them, you should. However, you ARE in an abusive situation. There's no question. You're 19, which means you have likely developed fewer coping mechanisms than someone older than you may have, and can make it harder to deal with difficult situations. So, if you CAN find a way to get out, yes, you should. Do you know others you could rent a place with together? Can you work full time over the summer, get two jobs if you must (and can find them), to save for a dorm room or studio apartment next school year? Do you know someone from whom you can just rent a room? If you cannot, PLEASE at least take advantage of the counselors at your school. It seems your plan was to stay at home until you graduate, which if you stick to four years, will be in a little more than two. That's a long time to remain in such a toxic situation.
As the above poster also mentioned, you could try to find a job that allows you to work weekends and summers. I did that as well during my undergrad years. If you continue to live at home, that would keep you out of the house more, and allow you to save so that maybe if you can't find a way to move out now, you can move out for your last year of school. It would also give you money to buy your own food, and maybe that would give you a little more control. You might say that your dad would throw it out. Well, buy yourself breakfast and lunch at your cafeteria or whatever (find the healthiest options you can, gives you more control than at home), or buy things daily that you can consume at school. There are ways to work around everything. It's not easy, you just have to find a way or make a way. Your situation is not easy, so unless you move out, you need to make a way to be as healthy as you can.
As a last comment, in your profile you say that you have lost nearly 100 pounds and that God gave you your body and you shouldn't treat it like crap. You already admitted you're underweight. I echo the responses of others to also seek counseling regarding the possibility of an eating disorder. And lastly, if you really believe your comment about God, maybe you should ask yourself what you think God would want in order for you to have a HEALTHY mind and body and life, and act accordingly.
Ah so much to respond to here.
Firstly, I can't afford counseling and my school recently was sued for how bad the counseling was at our school (they did some VERY bad things and basically told kids who were raped to shut up about it and go away).
Second, I HAD two jobs at the beginning of the year. Guess who made me quit them? MY DAD.
He forbid me to use the car and told me if I didn't quit I would ruin the family by wasting the gas to get to work. He claimed that since it was minimum wage, the job was paying less than it would take to drive to work...the freaking job was 10 mins from my house. Seriously! So once again he trapped me at home.
He won't let me drive to school either, he drives me in the morning to the train station, drops me off in the ghetto in the freezing cold, and has me commute 30+ minutes to the middle of a city (we have no campus) where I just go to class and come home after. He works at a machine shop and gets out at 5 pm, so I'm trapped in the city (with no campus) regardless of whether or not class gets out (I get there at 5:30 AM cause that's when he leaves for HIS work and he is all that matters) so if class starts at 10 AM and gets out at 12:00 PM, I'm sitting in the lobby of starbucks for the remaining time...which means 12-5 just sitting there or in the library, which is small and overcrowded so i never can get seating. this isn't just about me not being able to move out super easily and miraculously get counseling and a car and a job and then everything will be peachy!
and for the millionth time, I swear I don't have a freaking eating disorder, I'm just learning HOW to eat and mastering it after 18 years of pure diet hell.0 -
You are 19, leave home. As you are now an adult it's time for you to move on from your childhood and be accountable for your life as it is NOW, staying in this environment is NOT good for you, but if you CHOOSE to stay anything that happens will be on YOUR OWN head.0
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adding details so people don't keep saying the same things:
typo on my profile! i didn't lose 100 pounds, it was more like 90-85, I made an error there.
i've seen doctors, NOTHING IS WRONG HERE, so please stop telling me to seek medical advice.
i'm not going to a shelter, dammit, i just wanted to know if people had EXPERIENCES LIKE MINE.0 -
OP:
I don't know where you live, (or all of the circumstances) but if you are in the US, here are some places you can contact for some help. Also, chat with your school to see what options are available there. If need be, you can always show them your post.
By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.211.org/
http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html
eta:
adding this link just in case
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
+1
+2
+3
love this!!! This need to be posted in 60% of the forum topics!0 -
From your profile "God gave me a body, why would I treat it like crap by feeding it crap?" God also gave you a mind, why wasted it by making excuses? You need to seek help for yourself. Angry is not an emotion you want to live with. Also, get a job that you walk to, and living in a shelter, well, people do what they have to to better themselves. You are young, you still have so much life to live, so live it, without excuses. The saying goes "when you live in my house, it is my rules" so find a way to make your own home, even from nothing, build yourself up. What can you lose?0
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The OP should be thankful for her parents.0
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The OP should be thankful for her parents.
Are you sh*tting me? They abuse her! How is that something to be thankful for? Did you even read the OP?:noway:0
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