Husband doesn't show support :(

cbkb1234

Hello! I feel bad about the negative support your family is giving you!!! I won't call them out for what they are mentally doing to you but I will say that if you feel bad about yourself and you WANT to change to be healthier and more fit then go for it don't listen to what anyone says your the one who is living in YOUR body and NO ONE can tell you what you can and can't do you are an adult.

Anyway, add me if you would like support, anything from talking about family or your weightloss I would enjoy supporting you through out this journey of yours!!!


remember one thing: YOU make YOUR own happiness not somebody else.

djxil

Not all of us are jerks. I would suggest that you come to us for the support you need if you cannot get it from him or your oldest. Neither of them seem to understand how much it hurts you without their support.

As for why he would leave you, maybe, b/c once you lose weight, you will be happy and may attract some attention and you just may realize how unsupportive he is and that he is a afraid that you will find support in the arms of someone else.

As for your 15 year, she needs to learn a little respect in my humble opinion.

If you want support, friend me, I am very active on my boards and with my friends. I am getting fit and changing my lifestyle for me and only me b/c like you, I get little support from my wife in my journey, it's just not her way. Here, however, I get tons of support and provide tons, it has helped me in the real world too, opening up.

So, do this for you and only you. Your kids learning by your example will be gravy, your husband figuring out that he's got a hottie, icing on the cake. But do this for you.

AleciaG724

Just walk - and walk - and walk some more. It's great exercise & gives you time to think (or not think & just breathe). At some point you may decide to keep on walking without someone who is unsupportive and has a negative impact on your life. Best of luck to you.

jenilla1

Wow. Hope you can find support here. I could not live the life you are describing. I'm so, so grateful for my awesome husband!!! :flowerforyou:

P.S. Sometimes people feel threatened when you better yourself because they think you will leave them in the dust. Maybe that's your husband's problem.

Briargrey

Just FYI, a lot of guys are visual and like to look at a variety of body types -- so looking at thinner women doesn't mean he's attracted in a way that means he'll cheat on you because your body doesn't match that. It means he's looking at something different. I think we get way to hung up on what sort of visual stimulation our partners may use. I think if more people embrace sexuality and we don't freak out over it, our partners won't feel like they have to be subversive about it, etc. [There are exceptions, of course, where people are just awful about it and in this case, your husband may be a jerk so who knows]

Anyway, my point is...don't think that in particular means he doesn't like your body. Obviously he does from what he's said.

As for the rest -- I hate to give advice on relationship stuff, since we only have one side of the story, so I won't. If you want to do this health and lifestyle change, nothing should stop you. Make sure you are being healthy and doing things right and stand your ground on it, but start first with communication.

Kenazwa

Hon - can I just say "so what?" Do what you need to do for you and don't worry so much about what your husband is or is not doing or saying. You don't live inside his skin. You need to be comfortable living inside your own skin. Do what you have to do.

Men looking at other women is kind of like us looking at ... shoes, fashion ... whatever you're into. Don't worry about what he's looking at.

Oh, and P.S., I don't get family support. I've tried and failed to take off excess weight so many times that nobody believes in me anymore. I hope to prove us all wrong this year.

kathyflannery129

Just to set the record stright most husbands don't say they will leave if the wife doesn't lose weight....only jerks do...sounds to me like he is insecure about you if you lose weight. But you should be doing this for you not him....and your daughter sounds like she needs a lesson in manners....my children never called me fat or made fun of my weight ...sounds like she needs some work on her sensitivity i wonder if she is like that with you how she is with others....something to think about...but seriously you need to do what is best for you not them....they don't have to lug around the extra weight or have their health suffer. Tell husband that if he doesn't like it then he can leave...bet he doesn't....and by the way men looking at other women isn't at all like us looking at fashion...when i look at other men(and who doesn't every once in a while) it's because they look good and that's ok...everyone likes to be admired....be strong and do what is best for you and good luck....

honeriley

I really like this post. Stop worrying about your husband watching porn and your 15yr old calling you fat.

Get in the shape you want but go slow.

The key to most successful and lasting weight loss body transformations is not to lose weight too fast. And don't do manic endless cardio which you can't keep up long term. Just ensure that your measurements are getting a little better every week and in 6 months you'll have incredible results.

My wife did not support my weight loss journey much (apart from not making an issue of me spending money on a personal trainer and protein shakes). I just got on with it.

Uneya

Awww bless you..I can understand how you feel but the most thing to remember is that you are doing this for YOU and YOU only. When you keep the latter in mind it will be easier for you to achieve your target weight. As for your husband and the "lack" of his support, that is men in general. They really are not designed to "understand" women the way we crave to be understood. Put "him" on the back burner for now and start to embrace yourself more, and understand that others cannot love you until you start to love yourself first. When you start to ooze confidence and glow with inner happiness others around you will want to be more around you and want to be like you. By then your husband WILL notice you :-)

As for your 15 year old, that is how teenagers are nowadays,,sadly! Trust me I know a lot of teenagers who say far worse things to their parents. Do not allow her words to hurt you and that will happen as soon as you start to nurture yourself..at the end of they day when you start to feel amazing she could call anything from fat, ugly, cow stupid etc etc in which case with your new found confidence you will turn around and say "What ever! If you have nothing nice to say then keep quiet. Go and bully someone else. I am your mother and you need to accept that. Talk to me nicely and I will listen, be rude and I will not entertain you.".

I hope my words are worth some weight in helping you to see that you can accomplish your goal. Good luck and do keep us posted. .xx

Need2makechanges4me

So sorry you are going through this. I think that what might help you the best is to seek out some counseling for you. It is unfortunate that you are not getting support at home. It is my guess that your husband is insecure and is worried that if you lose weight then he will lose you too. He is showing a lot of control and control is a form of abuse. Your daughter is under his influence as well and he is not being a good role model. Best of luck to you.

JulieFinn

Your husband should not allow your daughter to speak to you like that, but then, he shouldn't be saying negative things to you either as he is your husband and SHOULD be supportive, so obviously he does not know the proper way to treat his wife. But, we do not have control over others, and can only change ourselves, so you should focus on yourself. Try your best to ignore their mean comments. I know what you mean about exercising in front of others... could you use your bedroom while your husband and children are in other rooms? I'm much older than you (by 20 yrs!) and I also have four children and I know how busy you are and how difficult it can be to try to lose weight. Hopefully MFP will be a helpful tool. You have my support!

sarahxcx

Hey, playing devils advocate a wee bit but maybe your Husband is afraid you will lose weight and become more attractive to others, maybe hes a wee bit insecure, you should sit him down when you are calm and have it out with him, you lose weight and get fit for yourself and no one else.
An as for your daughter, its hard being 15 and they will say anything to be mean sometimes, especially if she knows it will get to you.
Go out for a walk to begin with if you don't feel comfortable exercising in front of them, start with a wee bit of jogging, you will probably amaze your self with how much you can do after only 3 or 4 weeks.
MFP is a great place for support and feel free to add me as a friend
Go for it and don't let anyone hold you back :flowerforyou:

memabetts

A lot off men don't give support, Remember u r doing this for u!!!!! So you feel better in your own skin... He wilt get benefits from your weight lost.... but don't fight over it that will just turn the tables on you and you will over eat... be strong... you can do it... .

nickpapagorgio

for starters all men check out other women, it's natural. I have the wife that shows no support, she can eat anything an not worry. So I always have all the wrong foods around. Stick to your plan, hire a trainer at the gym if you can and you will feel better in no time. Worry about yourself first everything else will fall into place. Good luck

Christinelmt78

Do what's best for YOU, what makes YOU feel good, and if that means losing a few pounds and getting healthy, then so be it.. Don't let others get you down..it can be frustrating but stick with it and you will see the results you want..

ChristinWrites

There is so much wrong with this where to start. A man who threatens to leave you for doing something to improve yourself, who sneaks behind your back looking at other women and lies about it *to be clear, it's not unnatural to look at other people - we all do it, but the lying about it is not right* and who obviously wants to control every aspect of your life is not a healthy, well adjusted human being.

As to your comment that "most men" threaten to leave their wives if they don't lose weight - not real men. I don't believe that.

If my 15 year old talked to me that way, there would be hell to pay. My kids have been taught respect - and if they do act disrespectfully there are consequences for those actions, just like there will be in the real world when they are adults.

I hope that you will make self-esteem building a large part of the weight loss. Most people think weight loss builds self-confidence - and it does, but if you're self-esteem is already in the toilet, sometimes you have to focus on building healthy, strong relationships with self and others - and learning to form boundaries. You are worth standing up for - and it's your body and you can do as you damn well please.

I grew up in a household with a verbally abusive person and stories like this bother me, because it took me years to undo a lot of the damage and realize that other people's issues don't make me a bad or unworthy person.

hookemhorns2013

First I would like to say that I am sending lots of good vibes your way for a peaceful day As for your daughter, you know how kids can be and if you nip that in the bud and explain why it's wrong and hurtful to call people fat that should take care of itself. I use to jokingly comment on how fat my tummy was all of the time until my 5 year old and 9 year old started saying it to. I stopped doing that and explained to them how that makes people feel.
Your husband (unless he is a complete a**) is most likely feeling very insecure. When I started losing weight my husband got uncomfortable about it. Especially when I started talking about joining a gym. (Said everyone would be looking at me and asking me out lol yeh rightttt) He is older than me and although we have a very good love life he worries that one day I will want a younger man. I have assured him that I am not going anywhere AND I still joined the gym and told him he needed to come to grips with other men looking at me because I was doing this with or without his support. He stills gives me the playful "who was looking at you" talk when I get home but he's dealing with it. We had long talks about how I was not looking for other men and no matter how hot I get or if someone did ask me out, it would not matter because I am here with him and have been for 10 years. I am always here if you need to talk feel free to add me to your friend list.

D_T_H

just hang in there I have a wife that is afraid I will leave her if I lose the weight although she doesn't tell me she will leave me if I do lose the weight but she is not afraid to keep asking so when you leaving me for a younger more attractive women she couldn't be more wrong I am doing simply to feel better about myself and would never in a million years ever leave my wife I have loved for 20 years as for looking at other women I'm sorry sometimes we can't help that it's in our nature to look I look but would never touch I made a commitment and one I don't regret as time goes and the weight is gone she will realize this so again just hang in there do this for you if he does leave you that's his loss one that you will get over and he never will

TNM2014

Don't wait to reach your goal just to enjoy your life. Life is the most precious gift that we have ever been given. Sometimes when you make the choice to turn your life around , the people that are closest to you will start to look at and assess themselves and they feel like they are not up to par. They start to question this WONDERFUL THING that you have going on and they wonder WHY DON'T I HAVE THAT SAME THING. You cannot answer those questions for them but you can hold YOURSELF accountable and accept that YOU have been given the chance to become the best you ever. Take advantage of the positive understanding that you have been given and embrace this new journey and adventure that you are about to embark on!!!!! We live in the millennium and the sky is no longer the limit, honey we are reaching new heights and you are one of the leaders!!! soar and DARE TO BE DIFFERENT:flowerforyou:

LTGPSA

I'm sorry that your husband and your daughter are less than supportive and that their hateful expressions have hurt you. You don't deserve their disrespect. You can't relate your quest for better health to them. I.E., they've proven their choice not to support. You have to do this for you. As others have said - there are plenty of supportive people on this site. I'm one of those happy to share support if you'd like to send a request. Regardless, I wish you all the best on your journey toward better health. Now, get out there and take a walk today! 30 minutes per day is not hard and a great start. :flowerforyou: