Husband doesn't show support :(

tmauck4472

Honestly if he leaves you because you get healthy then he doesn't deserve you right now. And your daughter should be put in her 15 year old place. YOU and YOU alone allow both of them to treat you badly, which gives you an excuse to go ahead and overeat and stay unhealthy. You are the only one that can change that and it starts with YOU getting where you want to be and happy with yourself, but to do that you've to stop worrying about who he's looking at and not looking at. And for God's sake stick up for yourself, if you don't no one else will. Start this process and when he says something just smile at him, like you've got a secret, and go on about your business. And the 15 year old would NOT ever talk to me like that and you should stop that right now. Pay backs would be to make them eat all good foods and buy no more junk food for them to munch on. When they complain just smile and go on about your business.
Oh and your man does NOT have to support you in everything you want to do, he has his own way of thinking and supporting everything may be a bit of an over reach on your part. Don't wait for his approval if it's something you want to do. Don't give him an option of support or not just tell him what to expect from you and that if he doesn't like it then that's just to bad on his part, but be sure to go ahead with your plans or he'll know your all talk and no action.

mkcmurphy

Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?

You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE

This is wonderful. Thank you for wirting this - it's a beautiful "where is your heart" checker.

rockmama72

The very best thing you can do for yourself is to grow your self-esteem. Start accomplishing some small goals. Give yourself praise constantly, but don't expect it from others. (Not that it's not nice to hear, but you don't need validation to know you're awesome.) You need to raise yourself to be equal in your marriage and to be a strong parent for your kids.

Please don't worry about the lady-ogling. Haven't you ever admired a fine young thing? And wouldn't you admit that you find a range of body styles attractive, both men and women?

Edited to add: I also have a 15-year-old daughter. They suck sometimes.

flatlndr

Sorry to hear about the family support issues. Many others have touched on that topic, so I won't add anything. Instead, I'll add a different story.

Two friends were chatting, both in their early 40s ...
Friend 1: "Now that the kids are gone, I keep thinking about going back to college, and becoming the doctor I dreamed of being, but I'll be nearly 50 before I am done, and that's probably too late."
Friend 2: "And if you don't go, in 7 years you'll be the 50-year old without the medical training you always wished you had."
Friend 1: "You're right!" And she started the application process.

You want to trim down; you believe this will make you happier about yourself. Then go for it! The weight loss is not up to them; it's up to you. You can start your program without involving them at all. You can control the quality and quantity of your own food. You can do a bit of walking without their involvement or knowledge. Eventually, they'll see your success and commitment, and will come around and support you.

Best of luck!

skinnyinnotime

Well I wouldn't want to workou tin front of them either.

You know what, I would ignore their rude insults and do this for me. They can stick their support up themselves!

abrahamsitososa

Use that as motivation and work harder to prove people wrong.

blackmax78

for these hubbies that aren't supportive...
get a piece of lingerie a touch too small for ya...
pick your battle...
hold it up in front of yourself and tell him how you wold love to be able to wear it for him...
leave it somewhere he can see it or remind him of it once every couple of days...

limacharlie33

You seem like such a wonderful person and you deserve proper support! We're here to back you up! You do what you need to do to make you happy and healthy. Your family should be loving and supportive. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of that. Best of luck to you! We're here for you!

Georgianbaygirl67

Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?

You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE
[/quote

What a gentleman- and he hit it on the head. Your hubby sounds very insecure- sounds like he is afraid you will look at him when you are looking fine, and reconsider your choice!
Start walking- you will be alone, and get some fresh air, and you will feel great when you get back home, and ready to do battle if necessary. Grab an ipod and go!
So glad you reprimanded your daughter. She needs to respect you. Feel bad that you are in such a negative environment, but MFP will give you tons of support. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

rockmama72

for these hubbies that aren't supportive...
get a piece of lingerie a touch too small for ya...
pick your battle...
hold it up in front of yourself and tell him how you wold love to be able to wear it for him...
leave it somewhere he can see it or remind him of it once every couple of days...

This is a REALLY good suggestion. Weight gain often means less nookie because the gainee isn't loving their body. The partner feels bummed and cheated. Anger ensues.

eric_sg61

Use that as motivation and work harder to prove people wrong.

/thread

No one can truly stop you from doing anything. People have to adapt to you, you don't have to adapt to them.

Georgianbaygirl67

You are doing this for YOU- not your husband, or your daughter!

michellewalker8866

I am so sorry your hudband is that rude. My father was rude to my mother and make comments yo her and when shr would start lising weight he would pick fights with her. My mom died last year to complications to tyoe 2 diabetes. She would be 69 years oldvthis month. I swore I would not be my mom. Well I married a good guy. But I gained weight for two reason tyroid (which was removed 2 tears ago) and second I like mens attention. I figured if I gained weight no guy would pay attention to me. As I gained the weight i lost me. Then when I seen my mom die and I couldnt do fun stuff with the family because I weighed to much. I decided I didnt want to die I wanted to live. In all of this my husband hasnt said anything about ny size. Im the one who has a problem.since I have started my whole family has been supportive but they have a problem because im putting me first for a change. Your husbsnd seems like he wants to control you and your daughter is mocking your husband. You have to love yourself and people need resoect you. The person who was so critical of me was my mom I either was to thin or fat, never ok. So you and I have not a road of weight loss but emotional issue. If your wanting to get healthy for you, your going to have get strong and take one time. If your husband leaves you because you lost weight tell him dont let the door hit your *kitten* on the way out. If he loved you he wouldnt disrepect you. When you stop your husband from disrespecting you. You will either put your daughter in her place or she will see your not accepting that behavior and she will make changes. You need to tell yourself you are a wonderful person and deserve to be happy. You are not a door mat for no one. So please fight for yourself. Thd first few steps will be hard but it does get easier I promise.

Laura732

Call his bluff. My husband said the same thing five years ago. He's still here! If you wait for the people around you to 'be supportive' you may end up waiting a long time. There are some things you just have to do for yourself, and this is one of them. If you are self conscious exercising in front of them, start walking. You'd be surprised to find out how enjoyable a solitary walk can be. Getting out of the house to exercise might even be a better option. To this day, my husband STILL has twinkies, oreos, chips, and such downstairs in his 'pantry'. I pretty much stay upstairs in my area. I decided to get healthy and stuck with it.

rmars1234

I dont mean to sound judgemental , but your husband seems to be an idiot when it comes to being behind you instead of tearing you down. The whole , I will leave you if you lose weight is just because he has no confidence in himself and your relationship!!!

Keep focused , do what you know you need to do and everything will work out just fine for you!!!

karlalband

Just being here with us will help you get thru. My man has been doing the samething to me. So hang in here you can do it!

TomAJeffs

Perhaps your husband is worried that if you lose weight and gain confidence, you'll realise that he's an idiot and not worth bothering with.

All the more reason to lose the weight tbh.

karlalband

Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?

You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE

Here is your answer, this man is correct! :flowerforyou:

Losing_Sarah

I feel sad that you are experiencing this. I would personally never take my hubby doing any of that (looking at women online?!?, and threatening to leave if you don't do what he says) Seriously, that is controlling, disrespectful behavior.

I don't know how your reprimanding your daughter as you say you are for treating you badly, but you need to sit down and talk to her about speaking to anyone like that, ESPECIALLY her mother every time she does it.

Like some other posters have suggested stop talking about losing weight and start talking getting healthy to prevent potential illnesses such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and so on that are often associated with being overweight or obese.

I never talk about losing weight in front of my daughter. I only ever say I am working on becoming healthier.

MontaukGirl1973

I know that it's tough.... But you can do it. Losing weight is a journey traveled all by yourself. The hubby likes to eat and wants the wife to be there right with him.