Husband doesn't show support :(

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  • Inuyasha0977
    Inuyasha0977 Posts: 1
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    Explaining love is hard to put into words. I define love as treating your partner as if they were a god/goddess, rubbing their back, complimenting them, sharing thoughts and stories with them, enjoying children with them, sharing insecurities with them, and receiving 100% POSITIVE feedback. If your husband is saying those things to you he will not stop unless he gets help. Looking at other women is a HUGE F********* insult. I hate it when people saying i'm "fine" or "you don't need to lose any weight" and I'm clearly overweight. My doctor is even saying I'm overweight. Are these people lying to me? yes. What they don't know is their lies are being called out and again, It's a huge insult. Your beautiful and If you want to lose weight you must do it for yourself. Your husband needs therapy. What he is doing is ABUSIVE and CONTROLLING. For your daughter... I would sit down and have a good talk with her. Mention that one day she will have to grow up and she wont always have the little 15 yr old body. She might even be overweight one day. Tell her how much is hurts you. Tell her how much you've done for her. You work for her, you feed her, you buy her clothes. You gave her birth. How dare she bite the hand that feeds her. Your weight loss journey will be one D*** hard road if your family is treating you like this. Your on the right path. You want a better life for yourself. You husband and Daughter need that wake up call ASAP... Because when your skinny what are they going to blame their insults and rudeness on then? Are they going to say your too skinny now?
  • margannmks
    margannmks Posts: 424 Member
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    Hes already not looking at her but she is" fine the way she is" according to him so i dont think thats a good idea, itll just make her more uncomfortable with her body image. If a partner "threatens to leave" for any reason, open the door and walk out. Theres a difference between not being supportive and being detremental to someone. Sorry forgot to add this is about the guys idea on the lingere thing
  • JaniePapageorgio
    JaniePapageorgio Posts: 142 Member
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    Thank you so much ladies for showing me support I really needed that and please do not think that I let my daughter talk to me like that but when she does make comments she does get reprimanded for it and as for my hubby I am going to call his bluff I think he is more worried I will leave him if I were to lose the weight more then anything else but that is not the case I want to do this for me I want to look good and feel good about myself this is something I have been dealing with all of my life and I need a change I am so determined to stick with this I just wish I had their support but it makes me feel good to know I can count on people here in this group. :smile:

    Yaaaaaaay this is all I needed to hear :) It's your determination that matters!
    Also, yes "Howdy Ma'am" guy is sooooo right.
  • Slim_strategy
    Slim_strategy Posts: 199
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    Do not listen to them, family can be the worst influences sometimes when it comes to weight. My own mother is a walking contradiction because when I was overweight she constantly teased me about it and gave me nicknames like lumpy + dumpling + elephant etc etc. and now that I've lost all the weight, she keeps saying oh you look too skinny now but then when she asks me how much I weigh and I tell her, she'll say oh i'm jealous. because she is a yo yo dieter/ex anorexic so family do not always hold the best advice when it comes to your health because everyone has their own issues and opinions when it comes to weight (jealousy, insecurity, control) and you should do things because of how it will make you feel before factoring in other people's opinions (especially nasty ones! )
  • thatpixichick
    thatpixichick Posts: 77 Member
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    "he has the nerve to tell me that if I lose the weight that he will leave me"

    Honestly, this sounds like the words of an insecure man who's scared you'll lose weight, get fit, become a hottie, and suddenly find some gorgeous buff guy to run off into the sunset with. Or maybe it simply makes him feel inferior for not tackling his own fitness.

    Either way, you do this for YOU chick :flowerforyou: You deserve to be healthy, you deserve to do what will make you feel happier and better about yourself. If this man cannot cope with you blossoming into a beautiful flower and would rather keep you miserable and wilting in the dark, well.. Time to find a better gardener :wink: pahaha such a terrible analogy but you get what I mean! If your husband isn't willing to grow with you, or at least support you, all you're doing is crushing your own spirit to feed his.

    And as for the 15 year old.. Not excusing her behaviour, that is an AWFUL way to treat your mother, but she may be going through her own crappy teenage problems and is taking it out on you by being a b!*&h. I'd pay no mind to her.

    Go out to exercise, walk, run, bike, join a gym, swim. You can do this!!

    Add me if you like x
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
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    "he has the nerve to tell me that if I lose the weight that he will leave me"

    Honestly, this sounds like the words of an insecure man who's scared you'll lose weight, get fit, become a hottie, and suddenly find some gorgeous buff guy to run off into the sunset with. Or maybe it simply makes him feel inferior for not tackling his own fitness.

    And as for the 15 year old.. Not excusing her behaviour, that is an AWFUL way to treat your mother, but she may be going through her own crappy teenage problems and is taking it out on you by being a b!*&h. I'd pay no mind to her.

    Go out to exercise, walk, run, bike, join a gym, swim. You can do this!!

    Completely agree. Truth is that losing the weight will be harder without the support of your family but you can do it! Try to ignore the noise coming from them. And... withhold the whoopie. :devil:
  • oceanbreeze27
    oceanbreeze27 Posts: 66 Member
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    Wow. That is one murky situation you're in. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I don't feel qualified to give you advice about your home situation but I would definitely suggest you surround yourself with as many supportive people as possible; My Fitness Pal is full of them! If you are uncomfortable in your own skin, then it's time to fix it. Do what is healthiest for you. Attaining your fitness goals -- regardless of the obstacles -- will give you confidence, strength, and make you an even better person. I don't like to throw out the therapy card but perhaps you also want to consider finding a professional counselor to help you deal with your circumstances at home. I wish there was more we could do for you. Add as many friends as you feel comfortable adding and lean on us while you figure out what your next move is. :o)
  • alexandreariddle
    alexandreariddle Posts: 21 Member
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    I will NEVER let my kid call me or ANYONE else fat. SOoo disrespectful, I hear my nieces and nephews calling people fat all the time and I do NOT let that s*** fly. As for your husband... he is scared that you will be too sexy for him and leave HIM if you drop pounds, obviously he is a doof who doesn't deserve you. Unhealthy and unsupportive defense mechanism on his part, make him eat those F***** words. You can do this beautiful. :flowerforyou:

    Well said.

    Indeed. My thoughts exactly.
  • RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle
    RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle Posts: 1,349 Member
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    Do this for yourself. See if you can practice focusing on you and what you are capable of doing, and learn to stop letting in thoughts of blame towards other people. If you can change your thinking you will be able to do this with confidence. When I read your opening paragraph I saw a few distortions.And I completely disagree with "most men say they'll leave if their spouse doesn't lose weight". Most? Really?
  • lh1626
    lh1626 Posts: 241 Member
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    LOL!!!! Love the little weiner comment! That will shut a guy up quick! Guess sometimes you have to make a point. ]
    Chin up! You (and by YOU I mean WE) are heavier than we want. So what? We're here to support each other. We are in the same boat with the weight loss. You want to do this for YOU, not for anyone else. I know how you feel with the exercising in front of the family. My honey called me fat (once while arguing) . I NEVER forgot that. Then one day I was starting thinking. This will NOT affect me this way. I know who I am and who the hell is anyone to judge me. He's not the big guy in the sky. Frankly I went through all the emotions, hurt, sad, angry..... but then it was just a memory. I know I have to do this for me. I WANT to be the girl I was. The girl that could wear shorts and tanks. He is supportive now and I don't know why he ever said that. He's really a good guy who made that one mean mistake I could never forget. I no longer value the opinions of anyone against my goals (no matter who it is) But no matter what anyone says, DO IT FOR YOU. When I first started this, I hated getting on the treadmill. It's in the living room for all to see for God's sake! After a week or so of "hiding" (doing it only when everyone was in bed or gone), I realized that was not gonna work. Now I just turn on my daughter's ipod and tune everyone out. The more I do, the better I feel. You can do this! And if he leaves you (and I doubt he will) so what? You deserve wayyyy better than that anyhow. fyi, that ONE time my honey called me fat... my reply "Yeah, I know I'm fat, I can change that, YOU will always be stuck with a little weiner." haha.... not nice, I know, BUT it made me feel better. He has never said it since. Best of luck to you. Feel free to add me. again.... THIS IS FOR YOU. You will find all the support you need on this site. ((hugs))
    [/quote]
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    ...but apparently men are jerks no matter what...

    Can't quite put my finger on it, but something in the OP tells me there just might be more than one side to this story....
  • Mangopickle
    Mangopickle Posts: 1,509 Member
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    You have a marriage problem. Get to counseling with or without them. I am sure you would never allow your child to taunt another child over wt. I am in my 40's and if I spoke to my mother like that my 70 yr old father would end me.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    OP not only are you allowing your husband to destroy your self-esteem and self-confidence (what he's doing is a major mind f***), but you are allowing your daughter to see this. What you and your husband do now influence her behavior and self-image for the rest of her life. She's not just a b**** and shouldn't be written off like that. At 15, she may not have the language skills or self-awareness to tell you how she feels, but she is certainly screaming it out loudly and clearly by her actions.

    Not only do you need to do what you need to do to make yourself mentally, physically and emotionally healthy (counseling, maybe, or a support group in your area) but you need to get her counseling because she's crying out for it.

    :flowerforyou:
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    I think he's feeling insecure, he thinks that if you lose weight then you'll leave him. I've been there before!!it's no fun at all. If I where you, I would keep on trying to lose the weight and keep trying to live healthy anyway. And if your relationship is meant to be, he'll come around.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    Whatever decision you make, I'd also caution you against offering up this much PRIVATE information on a very public forum. You've given us your first name, probably your last name, your photo, your age, your location, and intimate details of your family life. Including others.
    A quick google, and I have your husband's name.

    Just a caution about putting that much out there. It's tough to take things back from the world wide web.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Whatever decision you make, I'd also caution you against offering up this much PRIVATE information on a very public forum. You've given us your first name, probably your last name, your photo, your age, your location, and intimate details of your family life. Including others.
    A quick google, and I have your husband's name.

    Just a caution about putting that much out there. It's tough to take things back from the world wide web.

    This. People can't be this naive. :noway:
  • handyrunner
    handyrunner Posts: 32,662 Member
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    I'm sorry your husband doesn't got your back but not all men are jerks. At the end of the day you have to do what's best for you and not worry about any one else. If he does leave you (and I truly don't think he will) then it's because of deeper issues and hopefully you both will work it out.

    Either way there is a great support group here and you can feel free to add me if you want to talk.
  • wantintolose40
    wantintolose40 Posts: 28 Member
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    I too have a family who does not really support my weight loss efforts. My husband always says I look fine and my boys are typical boys who don't really pay attention to my weight. You have to do this for you and only you. If any negative comments come out from others you just tell them that you are getting healthy for YOU! Your journey like all our journeys will have ups and downs, but take it one day at a time.......you will get there! I don't exercise in front of my family......I am up everyday at 4:30 a.m. to workout for and hour before getting everyone up to start the day. My body now craves a morning workout. If that is something you can do I say give it a try for a month and see how you feel during the day. I know if I don't workout in the morning and sleep in instead, I find I am more tired throughout the day than if I had gotten up and done my workout. I wish you all the best in your journey!
  • mommygirlgetsfit
    mommygirlgetsfit Posts: 2
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    Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?

    You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE :smile:

    AMEN!
  • BoiNeezy
    BoiNeezy Posts: 227 Member
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    Add me if you like

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