A question for people who've lost 150lbs+

UnrepentantThinner

Hey.

I wanted to ask something to the people who've lost an entire other person in weight.

Did the thought of losing weight scare you in any way? Not necessarily the process, though I know it's tough. But the thought of no longer being the "fat guy" in a group of friends or the "big girl" at work, that kind of thing? Did you ever wonder what the slim you would look like?

The reason I'm asking is that I'm in the process of losing 211lbs. That's a lot of weight. I have always been fat, ever since childhood. I'm used to people staring, making rude comments, shouting things from their cars, etc. It's normal. I know how to move out of the way on public transport so that I take up as little room as possible. I know how to eat in public to avoid being noticed. I know how to dress to hide the less flattering body parts.

I don't know how to be slim. Or even just regular chunky. It's alien to me. And it's kind of scary. At my size, I can justify why men don't hit on me or people might not like me. I'm fat, I don't fit in - quite literally sometimes, lol - and that's ok. I can't expect it to be any other way.

But at the same time, being this size is a form of protection. I can blame things on my weight, instead of looking inwards at who I really am. And if I lose the weight, I lose that protection. If people don't like me, they don't like *me*. If men aren't attracted to me, they're not attracted to *me*. If I'm turned down for a job, it's because *I'm* not good enough.

Does that make sense?

I'm not trying to be self pitying, or trying to find an excuse to give up. I'm truly determined to lose weight, whatever the consequences. But I'm wondering if anyone had or has the same concerns, and how they dealt with them.

Cath_Taylor

Hi there
Because it's a slow process, I'm thinking (hoping) the fat protection habits will slowly change too. I know for me my confidence is higher when I'm not carrying as much weight & can do more physically. Also take a look at the Success Stories forum, there are a LOT of changed people on there who describe how good it feels to have achieved their aims

muzichick

I get EXACTLY what you are saying. I lost 50 pounds, then worked through all those emotional issues for almost a year, before I could continue with my weight loss.

I was worried that who I was would change, or that I wouldn't be able to cope with the changes. So far, at about half way there, that hasn't been the case. The people around me are happy and excited for me, and for all the progress I have made. They have been nothing but supportive.

I've had a few comments from idiots (one person actually asked me, after I'd lost 50 pounds, how I was able to do my job at my size), but I finally feel like I am no longer the fattest person when I go places. I don't worry about fitting into chairs, or airplane seats.

I would definitely recommend some counselling about the issues that might be holding you back, wether they be low self esteem (me), or previous life traumas (me as well).

Feel free to add me as a friend, I am on MFP every day

ktsmom430

Never worried about this aspect of the loss. Did not truly believe I would ever be a "normal" size.

Kind of the opposite for me. I relish the anonymity of being the size I am now. I no longer get the nasty, mean comments from people that know nothing about me other than my appearance that they think is fair game to comment about in a truly rude and mean way. Never got used to insulting comments from people. I don't get these kinds of comments now, and to me that is a relief.

hopeless_rhomantic

I'm right there with you hun. My goal is to lose about 200, but I'm terrified of the after. I want to lose weight to be healthy, but I know people will act different. i've always been the big girl with the big heart. The nice big girl, the big girl with confidence. .... If I lose weight I'm afraid people will just see me as everyone else. I'm terrified I'll be the skinny girl without confidence after.... If you wanna talk add me, I'm on daily!

ShannonMpls

The sad truth is that the world is a different place for you when you're at a healthy weight. You will get used to it. You'll still pick up clothes that are way too big, not realizing you're three sizes smaller. You'll still turn to squeeze in between an aisle, despite the fact that you'll fit fine either way. you'll still give the person sitting next to you on the airplane an "I'm sorry" smile, even though you fit in your seat just fine. You can't use your weight as an excuse. Turns out I just LIKE to stay home most Saturday nights, and my weight isn't the reason. Turns out I'm not particularly coordinated. Turns out some people just don't like me and it has nothing to do with my weight. The good parts of my personality have emerged more, but so have some bad parts (I'm a lot more confrontational now that the worst insult someone can lay on me is b!tch instead of fatas$)....I certainly feel a bit more vulnerable in certain situations because, like you, fat was an armor. But for me, getting strong and fast took away my *need* for that armor. I can fight back; I don't need the shield any longer.

But you adjust. It takes time, but you'll get there.

seltzermint555

eh I am probably NOT the person to respond to this, as I haven't lost over 150 lb, I'm still in the obese category around 192 lb and have not had exactly the same type of issues as you describe. But I have kind of lost a whole person (114 lb lost since 2008).

I do kind of understand about insulating/protecting yourself with the weight. One major thing I've realized is that people pitied me a lot when I was heavier. I ranged between 260-307 at 5'8" for most of my adult life and was already over 200 lb in my teens, and I think I had a lot of girls & women who were super nice to me partly because I was soooo non-threatening to their competitive sides. For example, I had some half-a** friends through the years who clearly liked being the "skinny friend" and I was generally cute enough to not turn all the guys away in a club, but not thin or attractive enough to give them any competition. Harsh, but totally true. I also believe 100% that I was, in more than a few situations, treated differently on the job due to my size...but in a way that is kind of unexpected. I think less was expected of me because of my size. I think that I came across as such a people pleaser and was seen as that "sweet, fat lady" and therefore they didn't really expect me to be smart, strong, or have a lot of energy. I am all of those things. I started my current job wearing a size 18 which in my Midwestern town is pretty average, not that big for this area, and I can tell that they just expected more of me automatically - mentally and physically - then when I was much bigger. It was a bit weird, but I have come to get used to it. Also, even though I'm still just a 37 yr old spaz I get "checked out" all of the time by women...I don't mean lesbians (although that does happen and I am flattered) I mean women sizing me up, my body, my outfit, etc. It feels weird. I am not used to it!

Anyway. I do think it's awesome that you're already thinking about all of this stuff. There are so many people out there who are at a high weight and believe that all of their problems and insecurities will vanish and their lives will be perfect if they get to a "normal" or "healthy" weight. You are already ahead of the game in addressing these things.

If counseling is an option for you, I'd definitely recommend giving that a shot. Now OR later (or both)! I know in some situations it can be difficult and/or expensive to obtain. I've had counseling in the past couple of years and while it wasn't for weight-related reasons, usually all of a person's "issues" kinda mesh together and it can really help you out.

Good luck to you!!

muzichick

Part of my emotional issue regarding my weight, was because I was told repeatedly as a child, that no one would want to be with me.

Who says that to a child, right? Well, that's what I learned growing up, that I wasn't worth being with. As a way to pre-empt the rejection, I put on weight. People would reject me, because of my weight, not because of who I was.

My weight was also something I could control. My Mom would tell me not to eat things, because they would make me fat. Well, I showed her, I ate everything that she told me not to, including cheese melted straight onto a plate, bread with butter melted on it, sprinkled with brown sugar, ice cream by the tubful from the basement freezer.

Those are just some of the issues that relate back to my childhood experience, and it took a lot of deep thought (and counselling) on my part, to figure those things out, process the emotions, and then leave them in the past.

I would strongly recommend counselling, it was invaluable to me.

derekj222

eh I am probably NOT the person to respond to this, as I haven't lost over 150 lb, I'm still in the obese category around 192 lb and have not had exactly the same type of issues as you describe. But I have kind of lost a whole person (114 lb lost since 2008).

I do kind of understand about insulating/protecting yourself with the weight. One major thing I've realized is that people pitied me a lot when I was heavier. I ranged between 260-307 at 5'8" for most of my adult life and was already over 200 lb in my teens, and I think I had a lot of girls & women who were super nice to me partly because I was soooo non-threatening to their competitive sides. For example, I had some half-a** friends through the years who clearly liked being the "skinny friend" and I was generally cute enough to not turn all the guys away in a club, but not thin or attractive enough to give them any competition. Harsh, but totally true. I also believe 100% that I was, in more than a few situations, treated differently on the job due to my size...but in a way that is kind of unexpected. I think less was expected of me because of my size. I think that I came across as such a people pleaser and was seen as that "sweet, fat lady" and therefore they didn't really expect me to be smart, strong, or have a lot of energy. I am all of those things. I started my current job wearing a size 18 which in my Midwestern town is pretty average, not that big for this area, and I can tell that they just expected more of me automatically - mentally and physically - then when I was much bigger. It was a bit weird, but I have come to get used to it. Also, even though I'm still just a 37 yr old spaz I get "checked out" all of the time by women...I don't mean lesbians (although that does happen and I am flattered) I mean women sizing me up, my body, my outfit, etc. It feels weird. I am not used to it!

Anyway. I do think it's awesome that you're already thinking about all of this stuff. There are so many people out there who are at a high weight and believe that all of their problems and insecurities will vanish and their lives will be perfect if they get to a "normal" or "healthy" weight. You are already ahead of the game in addressing these things.

If counseling is an option for you, I'd definitely recommend giving that a shot. Now OR later (or both)! I know in some situations it can be difficult and/or expensive to obtain. I've had counseling in the past couple of years and while it wasn't for weight-related reasons, usually all of a person's "issues" kinda mesh together and it can really help you out.

Good luck to you!!

SO AGREE! Iv'e lost close to 100 and I feel/notice how people see me as a threat now. I was once the fat, unfit kid that everyone was friends with. Now I am an issue. I am fit, I am a runner, I look a lot more sexier (handsome, whatever), and I am very driven to do things. This all happened in 2 years. IN those years I just passed up friends and family that are doing nothing with their lives. Now they realize how lazy they are and hate me for it.

You will go through many trial and tribulations in this process, guaranteed. As far as the massive weight loss, if you do it the right way, and lose the weight appropriately over several years, your mind will have time to keep up with your body's changes. It's the people that lose too much too quickly that one day snap, because they don't know who is in the mirror and they spiral out of control with self identity and revert back to old habits.

Great topic. Good luck in all your endeavors!

greenmeena

Hey! Kudos to you for honesty. What you said resonated with me, fat as protection, because that's incredibly true for me too. I'm not hugely overweight by any stretch but realize this is what is holding me back.

The way I figured it out was when I read the Gabriel Method. He has an incredible story, how he made himself 400lbs overweight to protect himself from an abusive business partner. He teaches you how to get out of that mindset so that you can "reprogram" your head and your body to want to be thin. I highly recommend you check it out, and see that you aren't alone in that feeling. He has a website and all that so if you google him you'll find him.
best wishes

Ftw37

It gets easier to comprehend as you move progressively from start weight to goal weight.

I still have a long way to go, but I feel like a different person now. I'm happier. I have more energy. I'm not as angry at things anymore. I care more about my appearance.

I can't wait until I get to the end.

Feel free to friend me if you need a friend to help you on the way.

Frank

lemur_lady

I have only lost 76lbs so far, so about half of what you are asking. But one thing I am noticing so far is that despite other people constanly saying how much I have lost, how much better I look etc I still see the same person looking back at me in the mirror. I have a feeling that even when I get to a healthy weight its going to take a long time for my head to catch up with my body. I have aways been 'the fat one' the biggest in my class/group of friends/workplace. Im going to have a hard time accepting myself as a normal sized person.

My friend lost quite a bit of weight and while she now has tonnes of confidence it has made her so vain. She is always taking pouting pictures of herself and sleeping with any guy who wants her, she'll stop the car to pull over and ruffle her hair if she doesnt think it looks perfect. I am going to be careful not to let the weightloss go to my head like she has. I dont want to switch one type of body obession for another. I still want to be me just happier with myself.

dreawest

Fat protection. Man am I familiar with that. I remeber trying to explain to my father that being this size makes me feel safe in a way, like I won't be the target of sexual agression (yay for past traumas) and then it became a way of forcing my husband to prove he loves me. As in you should love me at any size and what I look like shouldn't matter. But I did the therapy and am happy now and I realized along the way that the risks and downsides to being heavy so outweigh the positives in my head that it was silly. And why would anyone deliberately make themselves harder to love? (My husband and I are fine, it was all inner dialogue and I'm sure he is glad I am tryig to lose weight but I believe he loves me regardless)

_Resolve_

It's an odd transition to be honest. What you will find is that the old bigger you will mentally be harder to lose than the weight itself. I still sometimes feel like im the biggest guy in the room, even though I know I am not now. I have been told from others that have also lost a considerable amount of weight that you will eventually forget what the old you felt like and begin to understand who the new you is. I am not there yet, I have a lot to learn about this new person I am, although I am not at my ideal goal weight yet I am close. Some days I mentally feel like a different person, other days I mentally feel like the 375 lb man I used to be.

I hope you find your way through the journey you are on, its a wild ride for sure!

jeardawg

This guy has a lot of good stuff to say,
http://www.gainsthroughloss.com/

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dreawest

On a more positive note, I also find the prospect of losing weight exciting. The clothes, the ease of movement, the sense of pride. That, to me, makes the worrisome stuff a lot more bearable.

This. I want to try more adventurous stuff like zip lining. I'm too heavy right now for many things but watch out world. I can't wait to do things like zipline, raft, horseback ride with my family.

_Resolve_

I think part of the issue is that I've never been a healthy/normal weight before. Being fat is all I know. Whether I like it or not, my weight is part of my identity, and it's daunting to think about what the "real me" will be like. Personality wise, I'm sure I'll be the same, though hopefully more confident! But body wise... eek! Sometimes I wonder if it's be better to just stay fat rather than run the risk of losing 200lbs or more, only to find out I look like a deflated balloon, lol.

But I guess a cute outfit can hide a multitude of sins! And it's not like my body is all that great now... But yeah, it's good to know I'm not the only person who's wondering what it'll be like on the skinny side of the fence.

On a more positive note, I also find the prospect of losing weight exciting. The clothes, the ease of movement, the sense of pride. That, to me, makes the worrisome stuff a lot more bearable.

Its all I ever knew as well, I am now lighter than I was in junior high school. But from what you are saying it would appear that you are ready to change your life.. motivational

markja

What an interesting post! I do believe that you've started something here. I don't think I've ever actually asked myself that question. If my perception of my normal self is 300+ lbs, how will I feel at 200?

While I don't have the same goal, it's still life changing and it does amount to losing the equivalent of a person. I'm struggling with words here, I keep wanting to say "small person" but, from our perspective, almost everyone else is a small person. I look in the mirror and see a normal guy. However, other people look at me and see a fat, middle aged, white guy. There is nothing those two perceptions have in common, save the gender.

If I consider that fear of losing the weight is at least a factor in my repeated failures then, perhaps it could be true. My self perception will change because there is more than a simple physical change happening. I will be different. Normal pants will be size 38, not size 48. Normal shirts will have one X, not three. Airline seats will fit. I could go on.

Am I afraid of not being the same man? Is this why I've been so dismissive of people who told me that I should lose weight?

You've really got me thinking about this. I'll get back to you with some answers.

One request, why don't you start a group?

funsmile1234

I have been thin and treated differently than when I became morbidly obese. I used my obesity as a shield to hide myself from the true me which was broken and in great need of repair. I knew I was teased and looked over all the time. I got the looks of disgust and did a lot of the same things you did. When I started losing weight people didn't try to be mean but would make comments like "you were so big", "you're looking so good." Well I was still the same person they were talking too my body had just shrunk. It kind of made me feel bad but I realized they were just making observations and let it go. I have gone through similar feelings in my head but from a person who has lost this much weight don't let those feelings stop you on what could be the greatest journey toward whole health in your life.

We live in a world where unfortunately obese people are incredibly judged and stigmatized and put in a category that is not always who they really are. I just wouldn't let anything stop you from what you really want even your own self. There is so much to be gained from losing an incredible amount of weight with self esteem and the sense of accomplishment. I hate to say it but people will treat you different. I wish we could live in a world where that wasn't true but it is. Just remember who you're doing this for, YOU. The payoffs for losing 150+ pounds are huge and all worth it. Good luck.

FitnFeistyLyness

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/lynneta71

thats my blog to my story


I have released over 200 pounds.. I started at 370.. I am now in the 160's.. my goal weight is 135..

I understand where your coming from right now your weight is like a force field a form of protection. your use to your life and what it consists of.. I wont tell you the changes will be easy, but you will still be you.. the difference is I gained so much confidence.. confidence to men =SEXY..

just think of all the things in your life that will change.. the rude remarks will be replaced with how great you look.. you can buy clothes off the rack and know they will fit.. . think of the adventurous things.. roller coasters. ziplining.. I did that when I got in my 180's WOW what a feeling.. being able to move.. lengthening your lifespan.. setting an example to family and friends about being healthy.

some homework for you sit down write out a list of all the things you can do that you want to do if you were at a healthy weight.. thats your WHY.. hold onto that.. read it often than when you get down to that healthy weight which i know you WILL start crossing them off.

trust me the process is worth doing.. you become a whole different person. someone that loves herself enough to take care of her body.. the new you will be unstoppable.. if you want support.. any of you.. I have been in your shoes .. feel free to add me or message me.

just remember your beautiful and you are worth it. you deserve to be the best version of you possible.nothing is impossible.. the word itself says im possible .. you are.. the only one that can hold you back from your goals is you.. lets do this together..

rubyredargyle

Am I afraid of not being the same man? Is this why I've been so dismissive of people who told me that I should lose weight?

You've really got me thinking about this. I'll get back to you with some answers.

One request, why don't you start a group?

I quite agree with you. I just started my journey to being healthier and I guess I've never really thought about this topic. I'm glad it was brought up though, because now that I'm thinking about it I'm starting to realize some of the ways I've been thinking about myself.

I also would love to join a group based on this topic.

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MystikPixie

I have not lost it yet, but the main thing that scares me the most is that my belly pouch wont go away. If I do manage to lose 150lbs and still have a flabby pouch it will seem as though it's for nothing. I'm not interested in trying to live forever, so this losing weight thing isn't to extend my life, it's all to just look better and be able to move around without making struggling sounds. But I don't want that belly pouch and wont have the money for cosmetic surgery...ever.

psych101

The sad truth is that the world is a different place for you when you're at a healthy weight. You will get used to it. You'll still pick up clothes that are way too big, not realizing you're three sizes smaller. You'll still turn to squeeze in between an aisle, despite the fact that you'll fit fine either way. you'll still give the person sitting next to you on the airplane an "I'm sorry" smile, even though you fit in your seat just fine. You can't use your weight as an excuse. Turns out I just LIKE to stay home most Saturday nights, and my weight isn't the reason. Turns out I'm not particularly coordinated. Turns out some people just don't like me and it has nothing to do with my weight. The good parts of my personality have emerged more, but so have some bad parts (I'm a lot more confrontational now that the worst insult someone can lay on me is b!tch instead of fatas$)....I certainly feel a bit more vulnerable in certain situations because, like you, fat was an armor. But for me, getting strong and fast took away my *need* for that armor. I can fight back; I don't need the shield any longer.

But you adjust. It takes time, but you'll get there.

wow, I could have written this myself - I see so much of myself in this :flowerforyou:

muzichick

I think part of the issue is that I've never been a healthy/normal weight before. Being fat is all I know. Whether I like it or not, my weight is part of my identity, and it's daunting to think about what the "real me" will be like. Personality wise, I'm sure I'll be the same, though hopefully more confident! But body wise... eek! Sometimes I wonder if it's be better to just stay fat rather than run the risk of losing 200lbs or more, only to find out I look like a deflated balloon, lol.

But I guess a cute outfit can hide a multitude of sins! And it's not like my body is all that great now... But yeah, it's good to know I'm not the only person who's wondering what it'll be like on the skinny side of the fence.

On a more positive note, I also find the prospect of losing weight exciting. The clothes, the ease of movement, the sense of pride. That, to me, makes the worrisome stuff a lot more bearable.

I dealt with all the same concerns/worries. I have also always been overweight, and I wasn't sure if I knew how to be anything else. So, I know where you are coming from.

muzichick

I have not lost it yet, but the main thing that scares me the most is that my belly pouch wont go away. If I do manage to lose 150lbs and still have a flabby pouch it will seem as though it's for nothing. I'm not interested in trying to live forever, so this losing weight thing isn't to extend my life, it's all to just look better and be able to move around without making struggling sounds. But I don't want that belly pouch and wont have the money for cosmetic surgery...ever.

I have lost almost 80 pounds already, but I am sorry to tell you, that the skin is going to be saggy, unless you are blessed with great genetics. Start saving your money for some plastic surgery now, it will be a nice reward, once you reach your goal.

muzichick

I am making a group, and I will invite those who expressed an interest. Please let me know if you'd like to be added.

I'm not sure if we should make it public, or private though (or if we can change that later, if we want).

lmhbuss

I would like to join the group!

refrank111491

Fat protection. Man am I familiar with that. I remeber trying to explain to my father that being this size makes me feel safe in a way, like I won't be the target of sexual agression (yay for past traumas) and then it became a way of forcing my husband to prove he loves me. As in you should love me at any size and what I look like shouldn't matter. But I did the therapy and am happy now and I realized along the way that the risks and downsides to being heavy so outweigh the positives in my head that it was silly. And why would anyone deliberately make themselves harder to love? (My husband and I are fine, it was all inner dialogue and I'm sure he is glad I am tryig to lose weight but I believe he loves me regardless)

I agree with this, although in a different way. I have thought about how I may have issues in the future if people STARTED to like me more. I am concerned that after losing all the weight, I might get attention from people who previously wouldn't have given me a second glance, and I might not be able to discern, at least in my mind, the people who like me for me and the people who like my new looks. I worry that I will constantly think about and question the sincerity of all my relationships, so it's not exactly the same as using your weight as a shield, but sort of.

fisherlassie

bump