A question for people who've lost 150lbs+

rubyredargyle

Am I afraid of not being the same man? Is this why I've been so dismissive of people who told me that I should lose weight?

You've really got me thinking about this. I'll get back to you with some answers.

One request, why don't you start a group?

I quite agree with you. I just started my journey to being healthier and I guess I've never really thought about this topic. I'm glad it was brought up though, because now that I'm thinking about it I'm starting to realize some of the ways I've been thinking about myself.

I also would love to join a group based on this topic.

MystikPixie

I have not lost it yet, but the main thing that scares me the most is that my belly pouch wont go away. If I do manage to lose 150lbs and still have a flabby pouch it will seem as though it's for nothing. I'm not interested in trying to live forever, so this losing weight thing isn't to extend my life, it's all to just look better and be able to move around without making struggling sounds. But I don't want that belly pouch and wont have the money for cosmetic surgery...ever.

psych101

The sad truth is that the world is a different place for you when you're at a healthy weight. You will get used to it. You'll still pick up clothes that are way too big, not realizing you're three sizes smaller. You'll still turn to squeeze in between an aisle, despite the fact that you'll fit fine either way. you'll still give the person sitting next to you on the airplane an "I'm sorry" smile, even though you fit in your seat just fine. You can't use your weight as an excuse. Turns out I just LIKE to stay home most Saturday nights, and my weight isn't the reason. Turns out I'm not particularly coordinated. Turns out some people just don't like me and it has nothing to do with my weight. The good parts of my personality have emerged more, but so have some bad parts (I'm a lot more confrontational now that the worst insult someone can lay on me is b!tch instead of fatas$)....I certainly feel a bit more vulnerable in certain situations because, like you, fat was an armor. But for me, getting strong and fast took away my *need* for that armor. I can fight back; I don't need the shield any longer.

But you adjust. It takes time, but you'll get there.

wow, I could have written this myself - I see so much of myself in this :flowerforyou:

muzichick

I think part of the issue is that I've never been a healthy/normal weight before. Being fat is all I know. Whether I like it or not, my weight is part of my identity, and it's daunting to think about what the "real me" will be like. Personality wise, I'm sure I'll be the same, though hopefully more confident! But body wise... eek! Sometimes I wonder if it's be better to just stay fat rather than run the risk of losing 200lbs or more, only to find out I look like a deflated balloon, lol.

But I guess a cute outfit can hide a multitude of sins! And it's not like my body is all that great now... But yeah, it's good to know I'm not the only person who's wondering what it'll be like on the skinny side of the fence.

On a more positive note, I also find the prospect of losing weight exciting. The clothes, the ease of movement, the sense of pride. That, to me, makes the worrisome stuff a lot more bearable.

I dealt with all the same concerns/worries. I have also always been overweight, and I wasn't sure if I knew how to be anything else. So, I know where you are coming from.

muzichick

I have not lost it yet, but the main thing that scares me the most is that my belly pouch wont go away. If I do manage to lose 150lbs and still have a flabby pouch it will seem as though it's for nothing. I'm not interested in trying to live forever, so this losing weight thing isn't to extend my life, it's all to just look better and be able to move around without making struggling sounds. But I don't want that belly pouch and wont have the money for cosmetic surgery...ever.

I have lost almost 80 pounds already, but I am sorry to tell you, that the skin is going to be saggy, unless you are blessed with great genetics. Start saving your money for some plastic surgery now, it will be a nice reward, once you reach your goal.

muzichick

I am making a group, and I will invite those who expressed an interest. Please let me know if you'd like to be added.

I'm not sure if we should make it public, or private though (or if we can change that later, if we want).

lmhbuss

I would like to join the group!

refrank111491

Fat protection. Man am I familiar with that. I remeber trying to explain to my father that being this size makes me feel safe in a way, like I won't be the target of sexual agression (yay for past traumas) and then it became a way of forcing my husband to prove he loves me. As in you should love me at any size and what I look like shouldn't matter. But I did the therapy and am happy now and I realized along the way that the risks and downsides to being heavy so outweigh the positives in my head that it was silly. And why would anyone deliberately make themselves harder to love? (My husband and I are fine, it was all inner dialogue and I'm sure he is glad I am tryig to lose weight but I believe he loves me regardless)

I agree with this, although in a different way. I have thought about how I may have issues in the future if people STARTED to like me more. I am concerned that after losing all the weight, I might get attention from people who previously wouldn't have given me a second glance, and I might not be able to discern, at least in my mind, the people who like me for me and the people who like my new looks. I worry that I will constantly think about and question the sincerity of all my relationships, so it's not exactly the same as using your weight as a shield, but sort of.

fisherlassie

bump

muzichick

I would like to join the group!

I think I have invited you lmhbuss. Please let me know if that didn't work

gracie11lexi13

Hey.

I wanted to ask something to the people who've lost an entire other person in weight.

Did the thought of losing weight scare you in any way? Not necessarily the process, though I know it's tough. But the thought of no longer being the "fat guy" in a group of friends or the "big girl" at work, that kind of thing? Did you ever wonder what the slim you would look like?

The reason I'm asking is that I'm in the process of losing 211lbs. That's a lot of weight. I have always been fat, ever since childhood. I'm used to people staring, making rude comments, shouting things from their cars, etc. It's normal. I know how to move out of the way on public transport so that I take up as little room as possible. I know how to eat in public to avoid being noticed. I know how to dress to hide the less flattering body parts.

I don't know how to be slim. Or even just regular chunky. It's alien to me. And it's kind of scary. At my size, I can justify why men don't hit on me or people might not like me. I'm fat, I don't fit in - quite literally sometimes, lol - and that's ok. I can't expect it to be any other way.

But at the same time, being this size is a form of protection. I can blame things on my weight, instead of looking inwards at who I really am. And if I lose the weight, I lose that protection. If people don't like me, they don't like *me*. If men aren't attracted to me, they're not attracted to *me*. If I'm turned down for a job, it's because *I'm* not good enough.

Does that make sense?

I'm not trying to be self pitying, or trying to find an excuse to give up. I'm truly determined to lose weight, whatever the consequences. But I'm wondering if anyone had or has the same concerns, and how they dealt with them.

I lost a lil over 150lbs 5 years ago and i know what you mean by what you said about being fat. I have felt the same way, but as I lost the weight I slowly started to change who i was. I was the girl who kept to herself and "hid" and gradually changed to a confident outgoing woman. i got pregnant with my oldest daughter and I enjoyed watching my belly grow. The numbers gradually went up as well. I gained a total of 60lbs during her pregnancy. and an extra 20lbs by the time she was 5 months old. I lost 40lbs before I got pregnant with my second daughter. I gained only 30lbs that time. I want to be that confident woman again. Its not the whole body look that made me confident it was the fact that I could buy cute clothes for myself. Clothes that I would dream about wearing. Like cute dresses, skirts that were just above the knee, shirts that looked very unflattering on a heavy set me because my rolls would show. I had discovered though that When I get to my weight goal I will need a body lift because I have so much extra skin on my thighs (it hurt to walk/jog/run when I was 150lbs because the skin would toss), lower belly, and upper arms. I don't let the loose skin get to me that bad because what it means to me is that I DID IT. I loss all that unnecessary weight. If I could do it on my complete own (no MFP) then you can do it with the help and motivation of others. Keep it up. The reward in the end is amazing and your outlook about your self will changed. You will love yourself the way you should. I'm gonna add you so I can see your amazing progress.

fishermanmatt

Interesting topic.

I admit I'm a bit apprehensive about losing the weight. Being fat is all I know. It's always in the back of my mind and been a consideration in nearly every decision I've made since I became aware that I was fat. How do you get it out of your mind and decision making process when it's always been something that had to be considered?

I think my biggest fear of losing the weight is not being happy. I wasn't happy in the past but could always blame it on being fat. If I get fit and I'm still not happy maybe that just means I'm a miserable person.

CelebrityStatus

I would like to join the group! Great topic, everyone always talks about the upsides of losing weight but rarely the emotional "downsides".

airangel59

Scare me? No.
But I do know where you are coming from re: protection.

I still have the fat mentality way of thinking about myself. Been heavy for over half my life and I'm significantly older than you OP.
My saggy skin no longer has that elastic snap back but I'm pretty happy to have the sag right now than it being filled up with fat. :bigsmile:

I recently hit my personal 'goal range' (day #640) . To me it's not a specific number, but a 3-5 lb range so I don't go nuts getting on the scale after a meal out & see I'm not at my goal number any more :noway:

What I can't get used to yet is that the face looking back at me in the mirror IS ME. It's NOT the face I started 643 days ago with.
My profile pics should be public . I'm happy with how I look, how I feel, how much easier it is to move around, get in and out of tight spots. Even shopping is a blast (I have no clue where to even look in stores to find clothing now, all mine is too big) and I still hate shopping.

The only thing I'd have changed is getting my butt in gear to lose the other half of me, when I was younger, but I can't look back -only forward.

As a kid (Jr High thru High School) I was teased etc about my weight but I never hid behind it. I was never outgoing but it had nothing to do with appearance. I did hate feeling I was the fat girl, felt all eyes were on me, thought all the whispers were about me, maybe they were. Funny thing is, yes I was heavy but a LOT less than I was in my adult life (kids can be cruel)

I had lost 63 lbs in my late 20s, got down to 135 and couldn't maintain it (I swear gained it all back and then some, but not sure how long it took) so I knew what the thinner me would look like ...just didn't realize it would take 30+ years to see it again. Sigh.
And I thought I was huge then (193 ish)

I don't think losing the weight has changed me, I still don't plan to wear form fitting clothes, still not into 'dressing up 'and wearing make up (shudder), am no more outgoing than I was before, lol. I'm still me but a happier me. I set my sights on losing the weight and I did it. :drinker: What I am scared of is yo yo-ing and gaining it all back (been there, did that)

Prud3nc3

Please add me to the group!

elghee123

I have not lost as much as you are or am going to be but after reading your post, I thought, maybe you need to not to give a s**t on what other people say or think, don't you think so? The idea about losing weight to live a better lifestyle. Be the punching bag of other people's idea of laughing stuff has to stop. Respect!

We deserve it.

HaibaneReki

Only lost 10 kilos since MFP (20 since my fattest days) and I can relate. Thanks for the post OP!

Brianne333

You perfectly worded how I have felt. I want to lose the weight, but I'm also strangely afraid of it. Glad to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts!