A question for people who've lost 150lbs+

muzichick

I would like to join the group!

I think I have invited you lmhbuss. Please let me know if that didn't work

gracie11lexi13

Hey.

I wanted to ask something to the people who've lost an entire other person in weight.

Did the thought of losing weight scare you in any way? Not necessarily the process, though I know it's tough. But the thought of no longer being the "fat guy" in a group of friends or the "big girl" at work, that kind of thing? Did you ever wonder what the slim you would look like?

The reason I'm asking is that I'm in the process of losing 211lbs. That's a lot of weight. I have always been fat, ever since childhood. I'm used to people staring, making rude comments, shouting things from their cars, etc. It's normal. I know how to move out of the way on public transport so that I take up as little room as possible. I know how to eat in public to avoid being noticed. I know how to dress to hide the less flattering body parts.

I don't know how to be slim. Or even just regular chunky. It's alien to me. And it's kind of scary. At my size, I can justify why men don't hit on me or people might not like me. I'm fat, I don't fit in - quite literally sometimes, lol - and that's ok. I can't expect it to be any other way.

But at the same time, being this size is a form of protection. I can blame things on my weight, instead of looking inwards at who I really am. And if I lose the weight, I lose that protection. If people don't like me, they don't like *me*. If men aren't attracted to me, they're not attracted to *me*. If I'm turned down for a job, it's because *I'm* not good enough.

Does that make sense?

I'm not trying to be self pitying, or trying to find an excuse to give up. I'm truly determined to lose weight, whatever the consequences. But I'm wondering if anyone had or has the same concerns, and how they dealt with them.

I lost a lil over 150lbs 5 years ago and i know what you mean by what you said about being fat. I have felt the same way, but as I lost the weight I slowly started to change who i was. I was the girl who kept to herself and "hid" and gradually changed to a confident outgoing woman. i got pregnant with my oldest daughter and I enjoyed watching my belly grow. The numbers gradually went up as well. I gained a total of 60lbs during her pregnancy. and an extra 20lbs by the time she was 5 months old. I lost 40lbs before I got pregnant with my second daughter. I gained only 30lbs that time. I want to be that confident woman again. Its not the whole body look that made me confident it was the fact that I could buy cute clothes for myself. Clothes that I would dream about wearing. Like cute dresses, skirts that were just above the knee, shirts that looked very unflattering on a heavy set me because my rolls would show. I had discovered though that When I get to my weight goal I will need a body lift because I have so much extra skin on my thighs (it hurt to walk/jog/run when I was 150lbs because the skin would toss), lower belly, and upper arms. I don't let the loose skin get to me that bad because what it means to me is that I DID IT. I loss all that unnecessary weight. If I could do it on my complete own (no MFP) then you can do it with the help and motivation of others. Keep it up. The reward in the end is amazing and your outlook about your self will changed. You will love yourself the way you should. I'm gonna add you so I can see your amazing progress.

fishermanmatt

Interesting topic.

I admit I'm a bit apprehensive about losing the weight. Being fat is all I know. It's always in the back of my mind and been a consideration in nearly every decision I've made since I became aware that I was fat. How do you get it out of your mind and decision making process when it's always been something that had to be considered?

I think my biggest fear of losing the weight is not being happy. I wasn't happy in the past but could always blame it on being fat. If I get fit and I'm still not happy maybe that just means I'm a miserable person.

CelebrityStatus

I would like to join the group! Great topic, everyone always talks about the upsides of losing weight but rarely the emotional "downsides".

airangel59

Scare me? No.
But I do know where you are coming from re: protection.

I still have the fat mentality way of thinking about myself. Been heavy for over half my life and I'm significantly older than you OP.
My saggy skin no longer has that elastic snap back but I'm pretty happy to have the sag right now than it being filled up with fat. :bigsmile:

I recently hit my personal 'goal range' (day #640) . To me it's not a specific number, but a 3-5 lb range so I don't go nuts getting on the scale after a meal out & see I'm not at my goal number any more :noway:

What I can't get used to yet is that the face looking back at me in the mirror IS ME. It's NOT the face I started 643 days ago with.
My profile pics should be public . I'm happy with how I look, how I feel, how much easier it is to move around, get in and out of tight spots. Even shopping is a blast (I have no clue where to even look in stores to find clothing now, all mine is too big) and I still hate shopping.

The only thing I'd have changed is getting my butt in gear to lose the other half of me, when I was younger, but I can't look back -only forward.

As a kid (Jr High thru High School) I was teased etc about my weight but I never hid behind it. I was never outgoing but it had nothing to do with appearance. I did hate feeling I was the fat girl, felt all eyes were on me, thought all the whispers were about me, maybe they were. Funny thing is, yes I was heavy but a LOT less than I was in my adult life (kids can be cruel)

I had lost 63 lbs in my late 20s, got down to 135 and couldn't maintain it (I swear gained it all back and then some, but not sure how long it took) so I knew what the thinner me would look like ...just didn't realize it would take 30+ years to see it again. Sigh.
And I thought I was huge then (193 ish)

I don't think losing the weight has changed me, I still don't plan to wear form fitting clothes, still not into 'dressing up 'and wearing make up (shudder), am no more outgoing than I was before, lol. I'm still me but a happier me. I set my sights on losing the weight and I did it. :drinker: What I am scared of is yo yo-ing and gaining it all back (been there, did that)

Prud3nc3

Please add me to the group!

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elghee123

I have not lost as much as you are or am going to be but after reading your post, I thought, maybe you need to not to give a s**t on what other people say or think, don't you think so? The idea about losing weight to live a better lifestyle. Be the punching bag of other people's idea of laughing stuff has to stop. Respect!

We deserve it.

HaibaneReki

Only lost 10 kilos since MFP (20 since my fattest days) and I can relate. Thanks for the post OP!

Brianne333

You perfectly worded how I have felt. I want to lose the weight, but I'm also strangely afraid of it. Glad to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts!

pyrowill

I'm sure its something to be scared of. You are essentially becoming a different person. not just physically but also mentally. In order to get down to the size you want to be you have to change mentally. If even a little bit. I'm sure though you will find that person to be a very likeable character and look good as well. I'm sure others will react to you in a more positive way as well. Don't fear this kind of change, its all positive.

Healthy4Sarah

Add me to the group please!

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sunnyeuphoria

I think it is really an evolution of self thing going on. I started out at 400 lbs.. and was getting remarks from people almost daily. I actually had a group of drunk college guys making a game out of seeing who could come up with the best remark about me at a sports bar once. Its horrifying. I have also been overweight my entire life to varying degrees... and a lot of what you say resonates with me. As I have lost weight I have noticed that people treat me differently... men and women. People hold doors open for me now, people smile at me now, and the snide remarks are few and far between. I know that a lot of people don't think that people really treat you differently as you lose weight and that it is just a difference in how you carry yourself as you gain confidence... but I had always felt comfortable about who I am and always presented myself as a kind and friendly person... people truly will treat you differently. That being said... as you lose weight and notice more and more that you can do, and the better you feel physically, the more you will change on the inside too. Its not like one day everything will hit you at once, you will slowly start noticing changes in how people respond to you, how you respond to others, etc. The only thing I don't like is how many guys hit on me now.... in very crude ways. I am a true southern lady and I don't appreciate a man being forthright and coming right out and saying that he'd like to have sex with me....I am talking complete strangers at times... that right there is the hardest thing to get used to. I don't mind attention from people, but I think there is a point where people step over the line lol :laugh: I actually also find myself stopping myself from going through small areas between parked cars and things because I am used to being bigger and couldn't have fit. I surprise myself sometimes when I walk all the way around, or avoid a booth seat because I used to not be able to fit... but then I do now. Its hard to get rid of the old mentality... but as time goes by... you get used to the new you.
There are of course going to be things you like about being smaller, and possibly things you will miss about being bigger, but I think all in all you will be glad you lost weight, and you will feel a heck of a lot better. Keep faith in yourself, remember why you are doing this, and stay strong! How other people react isn't really on the list of important reasons to take better care of yourself. You are worth it... .and I cant wait to see how great you do and your picture at goal! Friend me if youd like... would love to keep up to date with ya.

jenicejinxedmonds

If it helps, I've been the hot skinny chick...all through high school, I didn't start putting on weight until I had kids. Then I spent roughly 18 years (the same amount of time I spent skinny!) as the "big girl in the group. I worry about being skinny again. I worry that it will change who I am, back to who I was back then, a self centered, stuck up B who laughed at the big girls. Then I remembered, my weight doesn't define who I am. Being on both sides, I now appreciate the inner beauty of the big girl or big guy! there is actually a clinical term for this feeling, and I do fully intend on going to counseling once I hit my first goal, in order to make sure I'm dealing with the body image changes properly. Talk out my feelings, so that I am wholly healthy, and not just physically healthy.


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muzichick

I think I have invited everyone who wanted to be added, so if I've managed to miss someone, please send me a message (I was copying user names from below the avatar, but that didn't seem to work for people with the longer names).

:glasses:

ShannonMpls

I have not lost it yet, but the main thing that scares me the most is that my belly pouch wont go away. If I do manage to lose 150lbs and still have a flabby pouch it will seem as though it's for nothing. I'm not interested in trying to live forever, so this losing weight thing isn't to extend my life, it's all to just look better and be able to move around without making struggling sounds. But I don't want that belly pouch and wont have the money for cosmetic surgery...ever.

I have lost almost 80 pounds already, but I am sorry to tell you, that the skin is going to be saggy, unless you are blessed with great genetics. Start saving your money for some plastic surgery now, it will be a nice reward, once you reach your goal.

Or begin practicing self-acceptance now and use the plastic surgery money for an amazing, adventure-filled vacation.

Life is better when you're at a healthy weight. It's easier, more fun, and less stressful. If saggy skin causes health problems, insurance coverage is likely.

My body may not look like the body of someone who was always at a healthy weight, but it's mine and I can't fathom spending $20k on painful elective surgery to improve its aesthetics.

That's just me, but plastic surgery is NOT a foregone conclusion after significant weight loss.

seltzermint555

I have not lost it yet, but the main thing that scares me the most is that my belly pouch wont go away. If I do manage to lose 150lbs and still have a flabby pouch it will seem as though it's for nothing. I'm not interested in trying to live forever, so this losing weight thing isn't to extend my life, it's all to just look better and be able to move around without making struggling sounds. But I don't want that belly pouch and wont have the money for cosmetic surgery...ever.

I have lost almost 80 pounds already, but I am sorry to tell you, that the skin is going to be saggy, unless you are blessed with great genetics. Start saving your money for some plastic surgery now, it will be a nice reward, once you reach your goal.

Or begin practicing self-acceptance now and use the plastic surgery money for an amazing, adventure-filled vacation.

Life is better when you're at a healthy weight. It's easier, more fun, and less stressful. If saggy skin causes health problems, insurance coverage is likely.

My body may not look like the body of someone who was always at a healthy weight, but it's mine and I can't fathom spending $20k on painful elective surgery to improve its aesthetics.

That's just me, but plastic surgery is NOT a foregone conclusion after significant weight loss.

I agree with you. I am not into elective surgery period. I do think it is everyone's choice to make, though. I used to be WAY more judgmental about this than I am now. I've come to see that for some people it really does improve their happiness and quality of life. But for me, no thanks. I am too much of a perfectionist and I know that if I got brachioplasty for my arm flab, I'd want a tummy tuck for the belly flab...then something done to my thighs...then maybe a nose job...invisalign...I can see it becoming a neverending search for perfection for me. I'd rather live with self-acceptance.

Again...if others want to do this, good for them. But I tend to opt out of that.

(ETA: I don't equate invisalign with surgery LOL just another example)

ShannonMpls

I have not lost it yet, but the main thing that scares me the most is that my belly pouch wont go away. If I do manage to lose 150lbs and still have a flabby pouch it will seem as though it's for nothing. I'm not interested in trying to live forever, so this losing weight thing isn't to extend my life, it's all to just look better and be able to move around without making struggling sounds. But I don't want that belly pouch and wont have the money for cosmetic surgery...ever.

I have lost almost 80 pounds already, but I am sorry to tell you, that the skin is going to be saggy, unless you are blessed with great genetics. Start saving your money for some plastic surgery now, it will be a nice reward, once you reach your goal.

Or begin practicing self-acceptance now and use the plastic surgery money for an amazing, adventure-filled vacation.

Life is better when you're at a healthy weight. It's easier, more fun, and less stressful. If saggy skin causes health problems, insurance coverage is likely.

My body may not look like the body of someone who was always at a healthy weight, but it's mine and I can't fathom spending $20k on painful elective surgery to improve its aesthetics.

That's just me, but plastic surgery is NOT a foregone conclusion after significant weight loss.

I agree with you. I am not into elective surgery period. I do think it is everyone's choice to make, though. I used to be WAY more judgmental about this than I am now. I've come to see that for some people it really does improve their happiness and quality of life. But for me, no thanks. I am too much of a perfectionist and I know that if I got brachioplasty for my arm flab, I'd want a tummy tuck for the belly flab...then something done to my thighs...then maybe a nose job...invisalign...I can see it becoming a neverending search for perfection for me. I'd rather live with self-acceptance.

Again...if others want to do this, good for them. But I tend to opt out of that.

(ETA: I don't equate invisalign with surgery LOL just another example)

Exactly! I don't judge people who choose plastic surgery at ALL but I don't like the insinuation that it's a necessary part of weight loss. It's simply not.

A friend lost a good deal of weight and got a tummy tuck and lift or something - it was about half paid for by insurance. Then she was released and went home and nearly died on her bathroom floor due to a complication. She is fine, thankfully, but the recovery was brutal.

That's just not worth it to me. If others need it to improve their quality of life, cool - but it's not a post-weight loss requirement! And it makes me very, very sad when people use loose skin as an excuse to stay obese.

So let me say it again: Life will get drastically better if you move from morbid obesity to a healthy weight (or even an overweight BMI). It's just...easier. You may have a droopy tummy and look like a mess naked, but acceptance starts on the inside. My hope for everyone in that place is that the process of losing weight helps them develop self-confidence such that they don't need plastic surgery to feel better. You may WANT plastic surgery, but there is a difference between want and need (and true NEEDS are usually paid for by insurance if it is causing a medical issue).

impromark

I think it was here that someone said:

'You're not getting healthy because you look great. You look great because you're getting healthy."

Health first!

drapleb

Hello,

I went from around a high of 360 to a low of 206 lbs. At 206 lbs, I was working out with a personal trainer and doing cardio several days a week on top of that so I was very fit. The whole process was a learning process, and quite honestly I did not responsd well at first. I joined MFP because I regained about 71 lbs of what I lost and I think it is because I never lost the 'fat mindset.' A person can change, their diet, exercise habits, etc. but it is very hard to get out of that mindset. I was in a 10/12 at 200 lbs and I cannot tell you how many times I picked up a pair of my old size 24 pants and were 'shocked' that they did not fit.

People treated me differently, people were nicer to me, men at work flirted - a lot, and I was not prepared for that. Not to mention no matter how hard I worked out with the personal trainer, I still looked crappy naked (saggy skin) I had been so morbidly obese for so long my body could not rebound, and that also played on me mentally. I am not saying any of this to scare you, I just want to educate you so you can be better prepared than I was. I think because I never accepted myself at that lowest weight, that enabled me to put it back on easier if that makes sense.

However, there were also GREAT things, I was healthy, and I became a healhier person overall. The whole process educated me, on diet, food, exercise and myself. I knew what trigged my bad eating, and what I could push through, I also knew that I COULD do it. I felt amazing (not because I looked better) I just felt really healthy, my skin was awesome, I never got sick, I slept better, I was a better mom (more active with my kiddo), I was more social, and I stood up for myself in occasions when I previously would not have.

This may all sound like a ramble and it is hard to put all my thoughts from my journey into a few short paragraphs but I hope you get the gist. lol There are things that will be hard (at least for me there were) but the positives WAY outweigh all the other crazy stuff that you mentally have to prepare yourself for.

April

SaraRT1983

I know what you are saying. I lost around 70 lbs in a year and by the end of that year (despite me having an additional 40 more to lose) I started playing things over in my head about how the weight loss was effecting me...I suddenly had people who wouldn't normally give me a 2nd thought start to strike up conversations with me (I live in a very small town).....I had guys giving me double takes (I'm married and so why I took this as a compliment and it made me feel good about myself, it also weirded me out), I felt myself walking into stores and automatically going to the plus sized section and when I discovered the sizes were too big, I'd go to the regular sized clothing and I felt uncomfortable even shopping in there becuase I felt like everyone was looking at me like I'm still this big girl shopping in a regular girl sized clothing (if that makes sense?). I think after I lost the 70 lbs (coupled with my very sick mom), I let the "comfortableness" take over and I went back to my old ways which is why I'm here.....starting all over again. This time I'm not going to let the head games get in my way. I'm going to be proud of the new me!!! Hang in there girl, you got this!!

littlelaura

I use to be afraid to lose weight for a lot of reasons. I was afraid of being unsuccessful and also afraid of succeeding. I was afraid every time someone noticed a tiny loss and made positive comments it put pressure on me that I felt someone was now watching me and now something was expected from me. I hated that. I also felt worried that if I lost weight I would no longer be in the shadows able to hide behind my fat I would be in the light, front and center, people would notice me and I don't like being the center of attention. It was a lot to mentally come to grips with but in the end I decided to face my fears and lose weight for my health because once that is gone you can not get it back. I haven't lost an entire me yet but intend to do so.

MommyApple

Very nicely put!

thenewkayla08

I have lost a total of 107 (close enough to 150! ) and I have about 100 pounds to go. I can totally understand how you would feel about losing all the weight. It's scary. How will people "see" you without all the weight?
Personally I have always been extremely self confident in myself. When I weighed 370 and now that I weigh 263. I truly believe I got to the weight I was at was because of my confidence. Friends/family treated me like it didn't matter what I looked like. I covered my weight up with my cheerfulness. ALWAYS. It was just easier to stay fat and happy instead of miserable and skinny. This WAS my thought on the whole process. 370 was a scary number for anyone. But I saw it at the age of 21. If i would have kept going...who knows what the scale would have tipped to.
Long story short (haha) i do understand where you're coming from. But do not let that stop you. The benefits by far outweigh the hardships. Every ounce of blood, sweat and tears are worth the outcome. Every time i go shopping i always pick up the bigger size. In my head i'm still that girl that weighs 370 and wears size 28 jeans. Now i excitedly put on my 16's. It's exciting when i fit into THOSE jeans! With every pound loss, comes something else i can do or wear. One day i will see myself as a smaller person but until then i'll just reap the benefits. We are all in this together!

CrusaderSam

The problem is you can only see things through your own eyes. When I lost my bulk I though people were treating me differently too, but I was just being treated normal. I just didnt know it at the time. There is an whole other side to this coin that I could only see when I was hanging out with a friend of mine who had 200+ to lose(after I had lost my weight). The only way I could see this is with his interactions, so I was on the outside of things.

Him and I and a bunch of friends went out, and at one point we had to park the car very far from where we were going. So one of the guys didnt want to make the trips picking him up and dropping him off a bunch of times. In a way yes he was being a jerk, but at the same time he just wanted him to make the walk just like the rest of us had to(and It would have saved a lot of time too). So in a way the rest of us had to be nicer just to, and for him. Also people that were jerks to us were much worse towards him(to bad for you fatty), on the other hand people that were nice were much nicer to him(because they could see he was having a hard time they wanted to be extra helpful).

So looking back on it you just dont get the extra hate but you also give up the extra nice, you are just normal and it is just so different at the time. Also when I was getting even leaner and my muscles stared showing up I got a whole new set of rules thrown at me and I am still getting used to them even a year later. Bottom line is jerks will always be jerks, nice people will be nice and most people just dont give a rats As about you no matter what the number on the scale says.

JourneyingJessica

Wow i love this tread. I've lost 89lbs and am having a hard time with my mind catching up. I went shopping and walked into the GAP. Looked around and was like i can't fit into any of this. :sad: (even though i have two pairs of very old GAP jeans that do).

Then went to a second hand store and found a pair of size 12 banana republic jeans that fit perfect (score! $8). Then went to Old Navy tried on a size 12 it fit then thinking i could never fit into them. Tried on a size 10. I almost cried right there.

After i got home, I've been wondering could i have found a pair in the gap that fits :embarassed:

I just don't see myself as someone that can shop in regular stores yet. My legs and arms still feel (and look) big. I haven't really had the experience of shopping much yet. I just finally worked through and got to the point where every pair of pants i own fits or is too big (most too big & in storage yay!). I see a shopping panic attack in my future :explode:

MissLCWolff

I've "only" got about 100 pounds to lose, but I'm always scared of what life will be like after I lose the weight. I was overweight pretty much all of my life, but it wasn't until 2 or 3 years ago that I started really ballooning up and becoming obese. I've never known what it's like to really be thin and it worries me that I could start attracting the attention of people who wouldn't like me if they saw me at my current weight. I doubt I'll ever stop bracing myself for my hips to squeeze up against arm rests when I sit on an airplane or in a movie theater, pulling my pants/shorts/skirts up as high as they'll go to conceal my muffin top, or automatically grabbing the largest size available of whatever clothes I like when I go shopping.

spicegeek

My weight loss wasn`t as dramatic - 70 lbs - but I can relate - yes I was scared that nothing would change - you know what some things didn`t - I still do not have a guy - but I came to terms with that - Some things I didn`t expect changed in a good way - I got a whole bunch of new great friends I met working out - Some things changed in weird ways - mostly strangers reactions - people started treating me like a girl - totally threw me through a loop after being more or less ignored most of my life.

It takes time - it took me a LONG time to see myself as I actually looked not as I used to look - either way - you`ll be healthier and THAT is something good

Kimberlaw01

I hear you!!! I have no idea who is inside me .... but I want to meet her. My theory is that she's worth knowing