Overweight daughter

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  • Amanda_Gx6
    Amanda_Gx6 Posts: 320 Member
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    Perhaps you should try to focus your concern on her being healthy as opposed to losing weight. I mean, not to sound harsh or anything but if someone was constantly telling me that I needed to lose weight it would break my heart. I think the best thing for you to do is have one final conversation and basically say listen, whether or not you want to lose weight is your prerogative however you need to find some healthier habits otherwise you are going to face obstacles like diabetes, depression, high blood pressure, cholesterol problems, heart problems, etc.

    Focus on her HEALTH not her image. It may be the key to opening that door.
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    My daughter is 26, 287 lbs and about 5'7". She knows she needs to lose weight to be healthy and yet does nothing about it. I have tried everything I can think of to encourage her to start this journey. When I was doing WW I actually got her to join. She lost about 15 lbs and then for whatever reason gave up on it. I am now trying to get her to join MFP. I keep hoping that by seeing my success she will realize that it can be done. She lives in a different state then I do so it is really hard sometimes to get on top of her about this. Especially without hurting her feelings. Any mothers out there in a similar situation? Or maybe some girls in her age group that could tell me what they would want to hear from their mothers.

    Did you do this because somebody made you, or did you do this because you were finally ready too?
  • Iknowsaur
    Iknowsaur Posts: 777 Member
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    My mom has always been my greatest supporter in regard to weight loss, and ONLY because she f*cked off when I needed her too and got involved when I VERY DIRECTLY asked her to. Change comes from yourself, not from your peers or your parents. My dad wasn't as great about it as my mom, and our relationship was pretty tense for a few years. We're much better now that I've moved out, but still.
  • Ribena145
    Ribena145 Posts: 201 Member
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    Lead by example - she'll figure it out when she's ready....maybe she'll come to you....
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
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    It sounds like a total cliché, but it has to be the right time and it has to come from her. Model the healthy changes you want to see, don't harass her about her weight - she knows she's fat. When it's right, she'll get on board.
  • eddiesmith1
    eddiesmith1 Posts: 1,550 Member
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    I get it, too. My entire family smokes. My daughter quit when she got pregnant, but everybody else is going at it like it's good for you (outside; they don't force their second-hand smoke on me). If there were a way to nag/encourage/motivate them into quitting, I'd do it. But there isn't. Changing habits is hard and a person will only do it when he or she is ready.

    Most infuriating of all - my husband quit last year for about 3 months. He told me he had to quit because smoking was killing him. Then he started up again.

    I quite at least 6 times before it took (at least so far 8 months) It was cold turkey and I just decided one day and did it, many of the other attempts were using crutches (patch gum etc - that keep the addiction alive) It just came from within it's very tough (I know people who quit serious Heroin habits who said quitting smoking was far harder)
  • FemaleSheogorath
    FemaleSheogorath Posts: 18
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    My family pressured me to lose weight all of my life and it made me hate my body, it didn't make me want to lose weight. Once they stopped pressuring me, I started to accept myself more and now I'm trying to lose the weight.

    Don't pressure your daughter and don't bother her about what she's doing. She will do it herself when she decides to.
  • Shaky44
    Shaky44 Posts: 214 Member
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    . . . She lives in a different state then I do so it is really hard sometimes to get on top of her about this. . .
    Yes, her living in a different state must make it very difficult for you to "get on top of her" about a lot of things. Stop. She's an adult. Be a role model, not a nag.
  • DamianaKitten
    DamianaKitten Posts: 479 Member
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    She lives in another state. Do you really think what she wants to hear is "you're fat, lose weight" (regardless of what words you actually use, this is what you are telling her) when she talks to you? Let her live her life. If she wants help, she will come to you. If you keep pressing her, you will push her away.
  • sargessexyone
    sargessexyone Posts: 494 Member
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    leave her alone her body is not your business she is a grown women

    you have probably contributed to her feeling like massive **** about her self too btw ..so you really need to stop & be supportive of how and who she is NOW

    she is okay and loved and perfect just the way she is good looorddd

    I know that by asking for advice in a public forum that I should be prepared for the good and the bad, however this is a little harsh don't you think? Especially knowing none of the details about the kind of relationship I have with my daughter. You make it sound like I called her a fat pig to her face. I have NEVER told her she needs to lose weight. Thank you for making me feel like a piece of **** mother.
  • kanstulpants
    kanstulpants Posts: 20 Member
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    I agree with just about everything that has been said. Leave her alone. She knows she needs to lose weight, but it won't happen until she decides for herself to do it.

    I was a normal size until I gained a few pounds when I hit puberty. I felt like I was really fat, but looking back at pictures now I realize I wasn't. Maybe just 10 pounds overweight. However, my dad made several comments to me about it, (at the fragile age of 12) which then made me afraid to eat in front of him. So, I would always eat when he wasn't around. That way I would "win".

    I've been overweight my whole life since then, and I realized that if he had just left me alone, I probably would have been fine. But, now at 37, I need to lose over 100 lbs, and I still feel self conscious eating around him.

    (I don't harbor any bad feelings toward him. I realized that these comments were made during stressful times and he just didn't think about the effect things like that would have on a young girl with no self esteem)
  • Laurayinz
    Laurayinz Posts: 923 Member
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    My daughter is 26,... it is really hard sometimes to get on top of her about this.
    Then don't. She's a grown-up. yeah moms can give the whole motherly advice thing if it's asked for. Pushing her isn't going to help. She has to want it for herself.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    Don't be a nag
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
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    She needs to be ready.., if she is not ready.. she's not ready..
  • ywalchle
    ywalchle Posts: 101 Member
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    I come from a family over weight women, we love our food. However, I had the wake up call to lose weight when I went to the doctor and was put on Blood Pressure medication. I'm trying to get the rest of my family on board with me and it's not always easy. All I can suggest is just wait. It has to come from her and she needs to make the decision. Just love her and let her know you're always there for her. And when she does decide to jump on board, be there. That's honestly all you can do!
  • _Nicklebee
    _Nicklebee Posts: 42
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    The sad truth, she wont lose weight - and continue on it- unless she wants to. Simple as that. Everyone wants to push on a "diet". But diets fail. We need to change our lifestyle. Whoever thought eating Lucky Charms Cereal for breakfast was part of a "balanced breakfast" should be ashamed. Learning how to control our portions. What is "good fats" and what isn't. Getting in those fruits and vegetables. Learning to read labels. Its not about cutting out everything we love. It's learning how to control ourself. Maybe you need to sit down with her and have a real, actual talk. No "you're wayyyy overweight, go on a diet, now!" type talk. But really sit down, talk with her. Tell her it isn't "no more chocolate for you" but "hey you need to learn how to control yourself" Showing her protein can keep her fuller, longer. Take her to the Doctors, make her realize she DOES have a problem which can KILL HER. Some people need a wake up call. But like i said, she wont lose the weight unless she wants it.
  • DamianaKitten
    DamianaKitten Posts: 479 Member
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    leave her alone her body is not your business she is a grown women

    you have probably contributed to her feeling like massive **** about her self too btw ..so you really need to stop & be supportive of how and who she is NOW

    she is okay and loved and perfect just the way she is good looorddd

    I know that by asking for advice in a public forum that I should be prepared for the good and the bad, however this is a little harsh don't you think? Especially knowing none of the details about the kind of relationship I have with my daughter. You make it sound like I called her a fat pig to her face. I have NEVER told her she needs to lose weight. Thank you for making me feel like a piece of **** mother.
    She lives in a different state then I do so it is really hard sometimes to get on top of her about this. Especially without hurting her feelings.

    You're nagging her. If she wanted to change, she wouldn't need her mother harassing her across state lines about it. She is an adult. Leave her alone.
  • rubyredargyle
    rubyredargyle Posts: 49
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    Perhaps you should try to focus your concern on her being healthy as opposed to losing weight. I mean, not to sound harsh or anything but if someone was constantly telling me that I needed to lose weight it would break my heart. I think the best thing for you to do is have one final conversation and basically say listen, whether or not you want to lose weight is your prerogative however you need to find some healthier habits otherwise you are going to face obstacles like diabetes, depression, high blood pressure, cholesterol problems, heart problems, etc.

    Focus on her HEALTH not her image. It may be the key to opening that door.

    Actually, I disagree. My mother used to nag me to go exercise when I was a younger adult. "You should go walking, it'll make you healthy. Did you know that being overweight increases your risk of breast cancer and diabetes! I would hate for you to get those"

    You know what it did? I didn't go to a doctor for about 8 years. "Well, I'm already fat, so I'm going to get diabetes. I might as well eat that hamburger because it's not going to make a difference and at least I'll be happy. The doctor will only tell me I have to lose weight too". It's CRUSHING when it feels like everyone around you is telling you that you need to lose weight. Like that's the only thing about me that people see.

    My mom hasn't said a thing about my weight in about 4 years. And I'm FINALLY getting motivated to actually change. Not just diet, but actually CHANGE. She's had nothing to do with my decision. I've talked to her about things I'm finding out, and she's being supportive and even trying a few things with me. But seriously, it took about 4 years of not nagging and dropping (not so subtle) hints for me to feel comfortable talking to her about it again.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
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    leave her alone her body is not your business she is a grown women

    you have probably contributed to her feeling like massive **** about her self too btw ..so you really need to stop & be supportive of how and who she is NOW

    she is okay and loved and perfect just the way she is good looorddd

    I know that by asking for advice in a public forum that I should be prepared for the good and the bad, however this is a little harsh don't you think? Especially knowing none of the details about the kind of relationship I have with my daughter. You make it sound like I called her a fat pig to her face. I have NEVER told her she needs to lose weight. Thank you for making me feel like a piece of **** mother.

    nope, not harsh at all.

    it doesnt take calling her a pig to make her feel like ****.
    back off, shes 26. she'll handle it when shes ready.
    continue to be the model of success for her though.
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
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    Her losing weight is not up to you, it's up to her. She knows by now that you will be there to encourage her should she choose to change her lifestyle. Now leave her be. If she wants to lose the weight bad enough, she will. If she doesn't, then that's her prerogative. She's an adult - mommy doesn't make her decisions for her anymore.

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