Really unsupportive family
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Wingg_
Posts: 395 Member
I've lost around 20kg without counting calories by eating very very little and excising like mad and deprive myself from lots of food like sweets,chocolate and ice cream ect. After I've lost enough weight I've decided to maintain my weight and then I came across myfitnesspal and start to count calories. By doing this I've eaten a lot a lot more than before and I've been eating really healthily, everything in moderation that include sweet treats. But my parents are mocking me about me weighing my food and consider this action to be unhealthy and crazy which I cannot understand why. My mum will constant accuse me of trying to lose weight because I'm weighing my food but didn't she realise that I've been eating a lot more?! I'm really upset about this. We've argued about this issue a number of times and I'm really sick and tired of it. She just wouldn't give me a chance to explain what I'm doing right now. She would just say whatever she wants and end the conversation. I don't know what I can do now to change her mind except to stop counting calories to stop this drama...
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Replies
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What is your weight and height? Could it be your parents believe you are becoming obsessed with losing weight?0
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No matter who it is, you should never stop doing something that will help you get and stay healthy. You are an adult, what happens in your life is up to you, if you stop counting calories, or weighing your food just because your mother doesn't understand it or like it, then you are the only person who will ultimately suffer the consequences if you gain weight, or stop doing what helps you maintain your weight. If you need to have your mothers approval, then give her the information she needs to understand what you are doing. Look it up online, from medical magazines or doctors, how weighing your food is healthy, also explain to her that after you have been weighing your food for a while, you usually will get to a point when you don't need to do it all the time, you will know just by looking at a portion as to whether or not it is to much or to little, present her with all the information, if she chooses to read it or not is up to her but in any case simply accept that she has her opinion and leave it at that. At some point in time in our lives we must decide how we live our lives, and what is best for ourselves, regardless of what anyone, family or friends may think.0
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They are probably worried is all and don't know how to express it in any other way. If you ARE in fact eating enough to be a healthy individual then I would suggest setting her down with your proof meaning your calculated weight height tree bmr your food diary and all that info that will boggle her mind then maybe she will see your numbers make sense or she will be so confused she will want to leave the discussions alone in the future . Dont stop what your doing there is nothing wrong with weighing your food . I do everyday , its my way of retraining my mind to recognize what a true serving looks like
best of luck to you . And congrats on the loss :drinker: 0 -
Thanks for the support! I'm in fact eating more than her does but the difference is that she eats fried food and deserts which I don't however I do eat cheesecakes and ice cream. That makes her think that I'm still on diet, trying to lose weight... Whenever I try to explain, she will be like okay I don't wanna hear about it. So I guess I can only leave her alone. However, I've explained it to my dad and he seems okay with it. All he ask for is me to learn correct the portion size soon so that I can stop weighing my food. I'm really thankful for your support! I know what I'm doing is right and I'm going to benefit from this so I'm not gonna give up because of my mum!0
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Yes, I believe your mother is worried. I have an 18 year old and if I didn't know anything about MFP and calorie counting I would be super concerned that my baby was heading down a path of possibly developing an eating disorder.
Us parents can be very unreasonable when we think our kid's are doing something detrimental to their health and I can see myself not wanting to hear it as well if my mind was made up.
Do as others have suggested and sit her down when there is no tension between you two and SHOW and EXPLAIN what you are doing. Make sure to have documentation.
You are an adult technically but still only 19 years old. My 18 year old who will be 19 this year, I still tell what to do and a very big part of her life and how she lives it.
It will work out.0 -
What kind of documentation?... I know she is concerned and being Asian 19 years old is still not considered as an adult yet... So yeah... I'm not sure what kind of documentation to show her... I've read and research on calorie counting and stuffs but when it comes to explaining it to her I have no idea where to start explaining...0
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Like, sit her down and show her MFP and some of the threads so she cans see that her child isn't doing anything excessive or going down a road that can lead to an eating disorder.
Like, there are several threads, like "how to get into your sexy pants" and other threads with informative information about daily cals, macros, etc.
You need to educate her with evidence because as parents we always think we know better than you and your word, especially when we think you are harming yourself, isn't going to cut it.
Also, as someone suggested show her your BMI, TDEE, and daily calorie intake for someone your age, height, etc. Also there is documentation/info online to support that.
I guess I'm just trying to have you have some sort of evidence to arm yourself with when speaking to your mom. I see she has her mind made up so your words alone isn't going to cut it. I'm a big stickler on being able to back up words so I guess I'm just putting myself in her shoes. I, for one, would have already researched this out if it was my kid but you need to bring the research and information to her.0 -
Do you have access to a printer? Maybe at school or a library will have one.
I would print out several charts, like body mass index, tdee and so on. Then I would show her the charts and show her that your indeed a healthy weight and simply trying to maintain it. The reason I say print these documents out, is that sometimes its easier for a person to absorb the information if they see it on paper, rather then a screen. Then I would show her your good diary, and maybe even this thread so she can see your truly not doing anything wrong and that you have good intentions.0 -
What kind of documentation?... I know she is concerned and being Asian 19 years old is still not considered as an adult yet... So yeah... I'm not sure what kind of documentation to show her... I've read and research on calorie counting and stuffs but when it comes to explaining it to her I have no idea where to start explaining...
Yeah...if your mom is first generation that kind of explains it. My parents are also, just not from Asia. But I understand pretty well the weird beliefs they have. Most of the time it was quite harmless but I have had fight with my mom about certain food related issues in the past. For example, I'm allergic to wheat products. This wasn't found out until I was very much older since my parents didn't "believe" in food allergies. Since our people's traditional diet is very bread heavy, I was often sick as a child. When I was in high school I had the allergy test done myself. It was determined I had celiac disease. I also have an allergy to startches as well. So when I tried explaining it to my mother, she just didn't want to hear it. She didn't believe food could cause that. My father was more reasonable and went to the doctor with me. Afterwards he understood and kept my mother in check by making sure she allowed me to prepare my own meals. I had plenty of options and sometimes my brothers would eat what I make instead of my mom. lol.
Don't lose heart. Just continue on and ignore your mother. Sometimes our parents are just not as educated as we are. We can't blame them for that.0 -
Do you have access to a printer? Maybe at school or a library will have one.
I would print out several charts, like body mass index, tdee and so on. Then I would show her the charts and show her that your indeed a healthy weight and simply trying to maintain it. The reason I say print these documents out, is that sometimes its easier for a person to absorb the information if they see it on paper, rather then a screen. Then I would show her your good diary, and maybe even this thread so she can see your truly not doing anything wrong and that you have good intentions.
So agree with printing material out for her to see.0 -
Like, sit her down and show her MFP and some of the threads so she cans see that her child isn't doing anything excessive or going down a road that can lead to an eating disorder.
Like, there are several threads, like "how to get into your sexy pants" and other threads with informative information about daily cals, macros, etc.
You need to educate her with evidence because as parents we always think we know better than you and your word, especially when we think you are harming yourself, isn't going to cut it.
Also, as someone suggested show her your BMI, TDEE, and daily calorie intake for someone your age, height, etc. Also there is documentation/info online to support that.
I guess I'm just trying to have you have some sort of evidence to arm yourself with when speaking to your mom. I see she has her mind made up so your words alone isn't going to cut it. I'm a big stickler on being able to back up words so I guess I'm just putting myself in her shoes. I, for one, would have already researched this out if it was my kid but you need to bring the research and information to her.
Thanks for the suggestion I will try to talk her into it by showing her solid proofs!0 -
Do you have access to a printer? Maybe at school or a library will have one.
I would print out several charts, like body mass index, tdee and so on. Then I would show her the charts and show her that your indeed a healthy weight and simply trying to maintain it. The reason I say print these documents out, is that sometimes its easier for a person to absorb the information if they see it on paper, rather then a screen. Then I would show her your good diary, and maybe even this thread so she can see your truly not doing anything wrong and that you have good intentions.
Just one problem tho, I gotta get the information in Chinese... We are from hongkong and she is not English educated...0 -
I personally dont weigh my food either. I would rather estimate based on the total weights of the packet/portion of food I have bought. I would find weighing too time consuming.0
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What kind of documentation?... I know she is concerned and being Asian 19 years old is still not considered as an adult yet... So yeah... I'm not sure what kind of documentation to show her... I've read and research on calorie counting and stuffs but when it comes to explaining it to her I have no idea where to start explaining...
what's the "adult" age?0 -
You might be able to use google translate to translate the website.
But still, stay strong- I've been completely honest with my family this go around and it has been a whole different ball game. When I first started with MFP I would casually talk about TDEE and BMR and all the other things I was learning, and my natural excitement in learning overcame a lot of my mom's apprehension.
I don't live at home but I am super family oriented, so it is always difficult when the people we love start questioning the good choices we make.0 -
What kind of documentation?... I know she is concerned and being Asian 19 years old is still not considered as an adult yet... So yeah... I'm not sure what kind of documentation to show her... I've read and research on calorie counting and stuffs but when it comes to explaining it to her I have no idea where to start explaining...
what's the "adult" age?
Probably when I enter university?0 -
What kind of documentation?... I know she is concerned and being Asian 19 years old is still not considered as an adult yet... So yeah... I'm not sure what kind of documentation to show her... I've read and research on calorie counting and stuffs but when it comes to explaining it to her I have no idea where to start explaining...
Um.. ok.. :noway: :huh:0 -
You might be able to use google translate to translate the website.
But still, stay strong- I've been completely honest with my family this go around and it has been a whole different ball game. When I first started with MFP I would casually talk about TDEE and BMR and all the other things I was learning, and my natural excitement in learning overcame a lot of my mom's apprehension.
I don't live at home but I am super family oriented, so it is always difficult when the people we love start questioning the good choices we make.
I will try to persuade my mum! Thanks for the support!!0 -
Your parents sound like mine. They've been unhappy about my weight since I was 10. They (to my knowledge) never said anything about my husband's weight to him, until he got his BMI to 21, and they thought he was underweight. I knew that he was trying to get to a certain percentage of body fat and trying to build some muscle, so I wasn't worried about him. I knew his goals, and knew what he was doing to get there, and it wasn't unreasonable.
Doesn't matter which side of the coin you're on, there are always going to be people who don't agree with what you're doing or how you're doing it. And it's worse when it's your family because you can't seem to get away from them about it or shut them up. They feel they're entitled to render an opinion regardless of whether or not it's intelligent at all.
I don't weigh my food or measure it either. I try to make a reasonable measurement. You could open your MFP diary to them so they can see what all you're eating - that might ease them up a little. Share with them your goals.
The only way to get my parents off my back was to actually someone incorporate them into the realm a little. I'd "check in" once a week, and when they'd start getting on me about something, I'd laugh and say I didn't realize they'd recently earned their nutritionist certification or an MD in weight loss for obese patients.0 -
Try printing off your food diary for them and show them how you are eating for nutrition. Are your parents overweight?
I can understand why they feel that way because to someone who has never kept a food diary, it might seem OCD, or at least a bit strange, to see someone weighing their food. Try to understand their point of view first, understand why they feel like this. Then you might have an easier time explaining your own point of view, and how it's important to you to maintain your weight. Tell them how long you've been maintaining.
Good luck! It's tough being 19, for sure.0
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