Came for support....so disappointed

slmahrt

Hey a very great site to go to on Facebook is Steps to good health very supportive and gives you suggestions to do. I say go to that site very informative.

michyjl

Hi there I'm new to mfp and I'm so sorry people have been horrible to you that's very unfair. I understand how you feel I have to work very hard to get the weight to come off, harder than most people. I even had Lapband surgery 5yrs ago and while I lost 20ks I've still found it difficult to lose the rest. People just choose not to understand sometimes I think. If you don't mind me asking have you had your thyroid checked as if you have a under active thyroid it can be extremely difficult to lose weight no matter what you do. I'd love to support you and you can talk to me if you'd like to, don't give up, keep going and ignore those who haven't a clue, you're doing what needs to be done for you. Good luck and I'd love to chat again.

Junebuggyzy

This is the internet. People are blunt and mean. Most folks on here (who I have encountered) don't like the idea of using any gimmick to help weight loss. They swear it's not sustainable. It probably isn't. The thing is, they also don't know your motivation. Perhaps you WANT to yo-yo. They also don't know your research. Perhaps, you've found the one silver bullet to rapid and sustainable weight loss.

Again. This is the internet. People CAN be horrible, because they are safe behind their screen. It's not like you can jump through the screen and beat them up. Tho, life would be interesting, if we could.

There *is* support and motivation and help here. You have to look past the idiots and jerks to find it. You also have to have a thick hide for when you really *are* doing it wrong and people bluntly tell you. There really isn't a lot of sugar coating on the internet forums.

I've been on internet forums for years. I have never seen cruelty like this. Especially when someone is asking for support.

lizzyclatworthy

If it wasn't for the mean, blunt, rude bullies of mfp I would be courting an eating disorder. Did I like what they had to say? No! Did it hurt to.admit they were right? Yes.
Am I alive and healthy because of it... Sure am!
Instead of being ill miserable and sickly I am.strong and happy.

Had they been nice and supportive about it I wouldn't have had the shock I needed to change.

lindsey1979

If it wasn't for the mean, blunt, rude bullies of mfp I would be courting an eating disorder. Did I like what they had to say? No! Did it hurt to.admit they were right? Yes.
Am I alive and healthy because of it... Sure am!
Instead of being ill miserable and sickly I am.strong and happy.

Had they been nice and supportive about it I wouldn't have had the shock I needed to change.

Did you grow up in an abusive household? "He wouldn't hit me unless he loved me!". This is one of the saddest comments I've ever seen.

Lesa_Sass

If it wasn't for the mean, blunt, rude bullies of mfp I would be courting an eating disorder. Did I like what they had to say? No! Did it hurt to.admit they were right? Yes.
Am I alive and healthy because of it... Sure am!
Instead of being ill miserable and sickly I am.strong and happy.

Had they been nice and supportive about it I wouldn't have had the shock I needed to change.

Did you grow up in an abusive household? "He wouldn't hit me unless he loved me!". This is one of the saddest comments I've ever seen.

+1

There is a difference trying to explain something to someone and to be flat out mean to them, make fun of them and basically be a bully.

It is typically the same little group of people, and come in to dominate the thread telling people how dumb, illogical and stupid they are.

We treat people the way we want to be treated, I have a feeling if half of these posters were talked to in real life the way they talk to people on these forums, they themselves indeed would have a "butt hurt".

There is a difference between brutal honesty and being belligerent.

I also see a great deal of people offering up their opinion on things instead of their experience. As someone said on my wall the other day, The Dumb Is Strong On The Forums....

CrystalQ222

I am just posting this because I am very disappointed in my experience so far on this message board. I came here for support, just like everyone else has and instead I have been judged, told I was wrong, been called lazy and countless other things. I have been on this weight loss journey for a long time and for the last 18 months I have not lost anything, even when doing everything correctly (and that has been verified by 2 personal trainers that I work with, a nutritionist and my doctor). Because of this, I have decided (after LONG and THOUGHTFUL consideration and much real research) to be prescribed a medication to assist me. And, this is where people get judgemental and quite honestly, downright mean. I understand that for most people calories in/calories out works - and for those of you that it does - that is awesome! I applaud you! Great job on your successes and I truly wish you every success on the rest of your journey. That didn't work for me. We played with calorie intake. We increased and decreased activity level. We increased weights and decreased cardio...then vice versa. Me, along with my trainers and doctor have worked and worked to get the weight to come off and it hasn't. So, as I am starting this medication, I decided to join MFP to get a little support to help me with this journey. That has not been the case. I understand that I am not doing it the traditional way - but I am trying a medical plan to assist in something that I have been struggling with. I am not changing anything - I am continuing to work out, I am continuing to monitor my calories, track and weigh everything I put in my mouth and I am continuing with both of my trainers, my nutritionist and my doctor. I just don't understand why just because I had to ask for help to treat a problem, that makes me any "worse" than anyone else. I am doing the work - I am just not seeing the results and haven't for 18 months. I appreciate all the work everyone else is doing to make themselves better - I just am not getting that same appreciation or support from here - which is what I thought was the whole purpose for this message board. I am not ready to give it up yet...I am hoping that maybe I can find just a few people who can be supportive, but if that doesn't happen, I guess I will just leave the community.

It's so funny that these people were all picked on at some point in their lives and they turn around on these message boards and snoot their stuck up noses and become the bully themselves. There are a lot of people on here who are downright rude and should be given the boot because all they are doing is bullying people if it doesn't fit in their way of doing things. Just ignore them. I'm sure if they think about some of the things they say , they will realize they are no better than the bullies who bullied them. There are a few really nice people on here. Keep your head up and there is nothing wrong with taking meds. Not any different than getting surgery and "cheating" that way. Keep your head up :-).

Iwishyouwell

I understand that I am not doing it the traditional way...

I'm not doing it the "traditional way" either. Hell I don't even count calories or log food, I come to this board for entirely different reasons. I'm breaking a lot of MFP rules, but I'm doing what works for me. Loud mouths who like to tell me I'm wrong can kiss my ticker.

You're not losing weight communally. You don't owe any of these people a pound of flesh. There are lots of loud mouth know-it-alls around here who seem personally insulted if you don't reach Rome using their road. Who cares? Do what you need to do. There will always be others around who share your view.

And if not here, there is a big, open internet filled with just about every support group message board imaginable. Happy losing!

lizzyclatworthy

If it wasn't for the mean, blunt, rude bullies of mfp I would be courting an eating disorder. Did I like what they had to say? No! Did it hurt to.admit they were right? Yes.
Am I alive and healthy because of it... Sure am!
Instead of being ill miserable and sickly I am.strong and happy.

Had they been nice and supportive about it I wouldn't have had the shock I needed to change.

Did you grow up in an abusive household? "He wouldn't hit me unless he loved me!". This is one of the saddest comments I've ever seen.

yes, being aware of your cognitive dissonance is exactly like child abuse, well done!

I see the same thing with science deniers all the time so it wasn't hard to recognise in myself.
People are sometimes blunt with the truth. It's not abusive.

lindsey1979

If it wasn't for the mean, blunt, rude bullies of mfp I would be courting an eating disorder. Did I like what they had to say? No! Did it hurt to.admit they were right? Yes.
Am I alive and healthy because of it... Sure am!
Instead of being ill miserable and sickly I am.strong and happy.

Had they been nice and supportive about it I wouldn't have had the shock I needed to change.

Did you grow up in an abusive household? "He wouldn't hit me unless he loved me!". This is one of the saddest comments I've ever seen.

yes, being aware of your cognitive dissonance is exactly like child abuse, well done!

I see the same thing with science deniers all the time so it wasn't hard to recognise in myself.
People are sometimes blunt with the truth. It's not abusive.

But there is a difference between being blunt and being cruel. You can deliver hard truths in a compassionate manner. You can be supportive, firm, honest and kind -- none of those traits are mutually exclusive. Given your post, I'm not sure you understand the difference.

You literally advocated people being mean, rude bullies. Talk about cognitive dissonance -- I think may still have some work to do on that.

SugaryLynx

This is a very interesting thread to read through. To all who say this OP and others like her are not calorie counting correctly I have this to say: just because you have had success with your TDEE and calorie deficits does not mean that everyone else who uses the same formula and does not have success is doing it wrong. I recently read that our BMR and TDEE calculators can be off by 30-40%! That is a big difference when you are trying to find a calorie deficit for your body!

I do have a question for those who are knowledgeable on these calculations. Other than body fat percentage not being accounted for, what else can cause the calculation to be off by so much?

The fact is a calorie deficit, by definition means weight loss. Everyone's is different.

As far as what makes calculations off. Simple. They're simple calculators. Based on my current stats, most calculators will tell me I should maintain on around 1700 calories. I don't. I will lose on that intake. I'm maintaining around 2100 only doing strength training 3x a week and taking care of my kids and house. The idea is that, if you're being 100% accurate, keep a consistent log for a few weeks don't see changes. .. you do something different. Slowly move the calories up or down, depending on goals and go from there. It's trial and error.

Sreneesa

If you feel that way, stay off the forums and join groups/find supportive friends.

This


and you got to want it for yourself. You can't give up and place your worth and fitness goals on strangers on the internet.

Got to be stronger and realize that if you want this YOU got to make it happen. Tougher skin is needed if you decide to engage in any forums, etc.

Good luck.

lindsey1979

If you feel that way, stay off the forums and join groups/find supportive friends.

This


and you got to want it for yourself. You can't give up and place your worth and fitness goals on strangers on the internet.

Got to be stronger and realize that if you want this YOU got to make it happen. Tougher skin is needed if you decide to engage in any forums, etc.

Good luck.

But isn't it sad that the forums are like this? They certainly don't need to be.

The cruelty, the disrespect, the bullying, the jackassery - they provide no benefit, only detriment. Unless you consider making small, petty people feel better about themselves and their obviously miserable lives. I guess that's a benefit in some way...

randomtai

This is the internet. People are blunt and mean. Most folks on here (who I have encountered) don't like the idea of using any gimmick to help weight loss. They swear it's not sustainable. It probably isn't. The thing is, they also don't know your motivation. Perhaps you WANT to yo-yo. They also don't know your research. Perhaps, you've found the one silver bullet to rapid and sustainable weight loss.

Again. This is the internet. People CAN be horrible, because they are safe behind their screen. It's not like you can jump through the screen and beat them up. Tho, life would be interesting, if we could.

There *is* support and motivation and help here. You have to look past the idiots and jerks to find it. You also have to have a thick hide for when you really *are* doing it wrong and people bluntly tell you. There really isn't a lot of sugar coating on the internet forums.

I've been on internet forums for years. I have never seen cruelty like this. Especially when someone is asking for support.

You haven't been on internet forums much then....

Sreneesa

If you feel that way, stay off the forums and join groups/find supportive friends.

This


and you got to want it for yourself. You can't give up and place your worth and fitness goals on strangers on the internet.

Got to be stronger and realize that if you want this YOU got to make it happen. Tougher skin is needed if you decide to engage in any forums, etc.

Good luck.

But isn't it sad that the forums are like this? They certainly don't need to be.

The cruelty, the disrespect, the bullying, the jackassery - they provide no benefit, only detriment. Unless you consider making small, petty people feel better about themselves and their obviously miserable lives. I guess that's a benefit in some way...

Yes I do admit it is sad to be down right cruel and disrespectful to people.

But, you can't let them prevent you from achieving your fitness goals or any goal in life.

But I do agree Lindsey it's sad and pathetic and shows how miserable some are.

lizzyclatworthy

If it wasn't for the mean, blunt, rude bullies of mfp I would be courting an eating disorder. Did I like what they had to say? No! Did it hurt to.admit they were right? Yes.
Am I alive and healthy because of it... Sure am!
Instead of being ill miserable and sickly I am.strong and happy.

Had they been nice and supportive about it I wouldn't have had the shock I needed to change.

Did you grow up in an abusive household? "He wouldn't hit me unless he loved me!". This is one of the saddest comments I've ever seen.

yes, being aware of your cognitive dissonance is exactly like child abuse, well done!

I see the same thing with science deniers all the time so it wasn't hard to recognise in myself.
People are sometimes blunt with the truth. It's not abusive.

But there is a difference between being blunt and being cruel. You can deliver hard truths in a compassionate manner. You can be supportive, firm, honest and kind -- none of those traits are mutually exclusive. Given your post, I'm not sure you understand the difference.

You literally advocated people being mean, rude bullies. Talk about cognitive dissonance -- I think may still have some work to do on that.

I think maybe I should have put "mean, blunt, rude bullies" in quotation marks.. it may have helped the tone be better understood.
I think of it more as I was walking towards a cliff edge wearing a blindfold, they rugby tackled me to stop me and tore off the blindfold... but then I have always had a penchant for the dramatic :laugh:

pennyllayne

OP - not sure if you're still around but just wanted to say that you can't seem to escape the attitude of the many on this boarrd I'm afraid. I think it comes down to them either thinking they are genuinely helping with their "tough love" approach and then are surprised when people dismiss them so quickly (obviously these people know nothing about psychology and the brain response to criticism) or they feel the need to spread their simplistic "this works for me so it must work for everyone" 2 cents on this board because no one in real life would pay them for that kind of information.

The truth of the matter is on a very basic level when someone starts dieting weight loss almost always occurs as long as there is a calorie deficit. As you move down the path and things stop working so well it is still very much about calorie expenditure but that can be affected by a number of things (hormones, age, metabolic slowdown, muscle mass, water retention, how close to your goals you are, medical conditions, medications, WHAT you eat etc). Once things slow down you have to make changes to get things moving again. You say you have a number of professionals working with you on this so I am surprised that none of them have been able to figure out the problem, but it is well documented that whilst many people refuse to believe that anyone is "different" many many people have a MUCH harder time getting the weight off than others. I mean they can still do it but it takes a lot more effort and time and fiddling with things. 2 people on with the same calorie deficit and eating the same foods will not have the same exact weight loss or rate of it. It took me a year to lose 25lbs - that is an average of 2lb per month. That is very slow for someone who started out obese. But weight loss is not linear. You have months where you lose more, others where you lose less and others when you lose nothing. I have also been on diets where I stalled at the same weight for a whole month until I gave up. Had I changed something up, maybe taken a break, maybe I could have got things moving again.

And maybe the issue is that you do need a break. If you're close to goal and have been dieting for a while this is going to affect many things inside your body and maybe a period of letting your body know there is enough calories coming in is what it needs to say, "Ok we're happy to start shifting some more fat now!" You may be overstressing your body and if your cortisol levels are high this is going to prioritise fat storage rather than fat burning. Same thing for people who are more sensitive to carbohydrates. Their bodies prioritise fat storage of those carbs rather than using them for energy.

Anyway, there could be a number of factors to consider, but after you've been dieting a while the simplistic calories counting approach alone stops being as effective. Our bodies are very good at fighting back against fat loss, it's very common. If you need some support or want further advice I'm happy to be part of your circle and I'll do my best to help but honestly, you're not going to get what you're looking for on this forum. Some people have a hard time accepting that we are not machines and our bodies have a complicated process and accuse you of not hearing what you want to hear when you find their approach unhelpful. They don't offer insightful advice or suggestions that are a bit outside of the box that you can try, just that if you're in a deficit you will lose weight and if you're not? Well then you must be eating too much.

Good luck and I hope you reach your goal!