Came for support....so disappointed

CoopMaybrymommy

I am just posting this because I am very disappointed in my experience so far on this message board. I came here for support, just like everyone else has and instead I have been judged, told I was wrong, been called lazy and countless other things. I have been on this weight loss journey for a long time and for the last 18 months I have not lost anything, even when doing everything correctly (and that has been verified by 2 personal trainers that I work with, a nutritionist and my doctor). Because of this, I have decided (after LONG and THOUGHTFUL consideration and much real research) to be prescribed a medication to assist me. And, this is where people get judgemental and quite honestly, downright mean. I understand that for most people calories in/calories out works - and for those of you that it does - that is awesome! I applaud you! Great job on your successes and I truly wish you every success on the rest of your journey. That didn't work for me. We played with calorie intake. We increased and decreased activity level. We increased weights and decreased cardio...then vice versa. Me, along with my trainers and doctor have worked and worked to get the weight to come off and it hasn't. So, as I am starting this medication, I decided to join MFP to get a little support to help me with this journey. That has not been the case. I understand that I am not doing it the traditional way - but I am trying a medical plan to assist in something that I have been struggling with. I am not changing anything - I am continuing to work out, I am continuing to monitor my calories, track and weigh everything I put in my mouth and I am continuing with both of my trainers, my nutritionist and my doctor. I just don't understand why just because I had to ask for help to treat a problem, that makes me any "worse" than anyone else. I am doing the work - I am just not seeing the results and haven't for 18 months. I appreciate all the work everyone else is doing to make themselves better - I just am not getting that same appreciation or support from here - which is what I thought was the whole purpose for this message board. I am not ready to give it up yet...I am hoping that maybe I can find just a few people who can be supportive, but if that doesn't happen, I guess I will just leave the community.

mamato3inca

People here can be mean : ( I'm sorry. You might be better off adding some supportive "friends" on here and asking questions there instead of the open message boards. Feel free to add me!

PunkyDucky

If you feel that way, stay off the forums and join groups/find supportive friends.

TonyPillz

Theres a lot of trolls on here , just stick to groups.

lemonsnowdrop

Most people here aren't trying to be mean, they're just blunt and honest, which they've found is the only way they can get through to most of the people asking for advice or help. Either grow a thicker skin and appreciate both the good and bad feedback, or turn it all away. No need to feel discouraged.

takeadeepbreath

I've noticed a lot of people confuse "support" with "agreeing with everything I say no matter how dangerous or silly it is." If you just want people to say yes yes yes to you, you're in the wrong place.

CoopMaybrymommy

I guess I don't know how to do that....that was what I thought I was doing! Will look into groups. Thanks!

CoopMaybrymommy

I appreciate feedback - I don't appreciate being called "lazy" or being judged for what I am doing. Not when I am asking for support in the first place. I understand people want to make their point, but they can do that without name-calling and being nasty. I am not nasty to them, I feel like I deserve the same respect.

DebbieBiff

you have obviously added the wrong people..and Im sorry. People can very mean spirited and abrupt...like the last comment shows. The simple answer is to ignore them and let them get on with their own lives. They dont have all the right answers or they wouldnt be on here. You have to do whats right for you, and the only person you have to answer to is yourself. Stay strong, stay focused, and stay with the people who will support you...sod the rest x

motivatedmartha

I also suggest you look for friends to add rather than use the open forums - many here are very blunt although I am sure they intend to help. I sometimes feel it's a bit daunting out here

Don't let it stop you from carrying on though - even if you do need to seek medical support keeping track of your eating will develop portion control and embed the habits that will allow you to maintain once you come to the end of any medically supported programme you follow.

lizzylou36

I am so sorry you had a bad experience! It drives me crzy when people want to judge a persons personal life without walking in their shoes. You gotta do what you feel is best for you. When it comes to medication you need to be careful and make sure it is the right thing for you and your body, check out all the side effects and tread with caution! Medication can be bad but being over weight and out of shape can be worse! Look up things will get better

lemonsnowdrop

Why not just accept that there will be both positive and negative feedback? If a handful of users give useful, constructive advice and a few users are "nasty," don't you think you'll still come out more educated in the end? You need to learn to sift through what is important and ignore anything offensive. It's a public forum, after all.

gypsy_spirit

Been here for almost 2 years. I've read everything on the forums and I've learned A LOT. Most of the people I listened to were snarky. They gave the information, had no time for excuses, but they were most encouraging when you were open to changing your mind.

I have lost over 100 pounds and I have another 35 or so left. Without those people, I would still be eating < 1200 calories and killing myself with tons of cardio. Never going back there.

But, if you feel like people are being mean - as others have said - add like minded friends to your profile and stick to groups.

hannaawh

Some people on here are indeed pretty mean and ignorant, just like on every other site, but if you're asking something on here you should always make sure you mention all what you said above. People can't look inside your head. I'm sure everybody will understand once you've clearified all above.

Theresal77

I think you need to take the advice of the people below, I have seen people on here who think they need to loose weight and are in perfect health and yet others who do need the assistance. I think you should stick with those who are your friends and support you. Also if you feel you are not getting the support you need then I have to agree you should leave forums.

People are people, we don't all get along but you will find what your looking for if you keep searching. It does sound as if your giving up and that is not the way to stay positive.

You must make yourself happy before you can make others happy.

Pearsquared

You have to remember that MyFitnessPal is not in a bubble. This is still the internet, and on the internet, people tend to be much more unfiltered. You're going to get blunt, honest opinions. Posting on a forum is kind of like yelling your question out on a busy public street - you'll probably get answers you won't appreciate.

jlp100

I read some of the message boards (refrain from posting on most of them) there are some trolls that go looking to forcefully put other other people down and shove their opinion down the OP's throat its almost a form of bullying at times.

As mentioned by others you are best adding new friends (throw a post out for support) and then when you have questions or need support you can put this to your status and let your friends that you've added help you and give their support that way. Any 'friends' that are not agreeable to you or your just don't approve of, you can then chose to delete.

I have added a few really great friends who I have never met but I feel so close to.

Don't let the troll suckers get you down... they are not worth it!

Good luck to you and stick with it. Don't let the few tarnish your view of the many that are willing to support you. :flowerforyou:

zoeysasha37

I've noticed a lot of people confuse "support" with "agreeing with everything I say no matter how dangerous or silly it is." If you just want people to say yes yes yes to you, you're in the wrong place.

Bingo!!!! This right here!!

I know what thread your talking about OP, and I am sorry if you felt people where being mean but how would you feel if someone kept asking you the same questions, or repeating the same a statement over and over again daily, expecting a different answer.
Every day someone claims to be the "special snowflake" and says how this just doesn't work for them, and everyday people give the same answers as to why. It gets frustrating After a while.
I would suggest finding other members like yourself that advocate diet pills and such, and start your own group, then you won't have to worry about feeling judged.
Btw, the same story you told today, has been told time and time again on these boards, so it shouldn't be hard to find other members that agree with you.
As you probably know, I do not, but I'm sure others might.
So good luck on your journey and all your hard work! ;-)

Achrya

I'm sorry that you told people you're using Phentermine and then those people told you that using a pill to lose weight is a bad idea and hey, I'm even sorry that you're feelings are about it.


That doesn't make diet pills not stupid and potentially dangerous and it doesn't mean that people are wrong for saying such. Just means your feelings are hurt.

SezxyStef

I looked through your posts and not once did I see anyone call you lazy....or did you take a phrase to mean that.

because it is against the ToS of the forums to attack people and most know that and don't do it.

Now as for the support you posted on a phen post and most here don't agree with using "diet aids" because it has been proven time and time again that all you need is a calorie deficet and you may have been disagreed with in that thread...

But if that is the reason for this post you should stay away from the forms...check out the responses to me sometimes..if I quit everytime someone was actually mean to me I would quit at least 5x a day...stay out of the forums or develop a thicker skin.

vjohn04

Probably not what you want to hear.... but,

Suck it up, buttercup. Spend some more time and don't try to pass judgement so fast.

I came here to log my food and make progress towards my goals, not to be coddled on the message boards.

I've happened to find people with like-minded goals and attitudes that can share ideas and correct me when I am wrong, and take advice from me when I am right.

I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for.... and if not.... maybe try to be a little more open to other people's approaches and ideas.


ETA: I just saw you're the Phentermine lady..... yeah don't do that. (this is good advice)

Lizabelle1212

Browsed through some of your previous posts - the one asking if anyone had taken Phentermine - and it seemed you got nothing but helpful, supportive responses. Maybe you are giving too much credit to the negative ones. In a public forum, obviously the responses will range from positive to negative and everything in between, just like in real life and any other situation. It's up to you to weed through the negative and appreciate the positive, rather than getting caught up in the posts that don't seem as supportive.

jenny181111

just do what is best for you, I think everyone has had an issue or two on here.

For me personally, I just didn't look at the thread I had started after I got several negative comments.

xx good luck

kgeyser

I think people are merely confused as to how if you are currently:

1. Measuring and logging all your food intake correctly
2. Exercising regularly
3. Keeping a calorie deficit

That you have not lost any weight for 18 months, and how an appetite suppressant (which is the medication you yourself said was prescribed) is going to change the situation. That's not being judgmental and rude, it's simply logic.

Cranquistador

here is a flower

:flowerforyou:

motivatedmartha

Just to add - in their defence - some of the people who are blunt, direct and can come across as a bit rude , do have a wealth of experience. Look at what they've achieved and read what they say with an open mind . There maybe something there that you can pick up.
Like I used to say to my daughter when she was upset by people commenting on her fashion sense; look at the person's achievements (dress sense in her case) and decide whether their advice is worth following. You are right - we are all different (I go for low tech, simple approach to my diet/exercise) but listening to all views costs nothing - even if you feel they are getting at you!

Good luck - and make some nice friends!

Sovi_

SOBS

lucasmoten

There are so many ways this topic could be responded to after a review of your other postings, so I will simply say that I enjoy unique snowflakes. Good luck.

Myhaloslipped

Did someone actually call you lazy, or did they just say that you need to suck it up, be patient and put in the work? There is a difference.

ZombieEarhart

People were not mean to you, and I didn't see anyone call you lazy on that thread (apologies if I missed it). People pointed out that phen is another way to achieve a calorie deficit, that's all.

People on this board have a lot of experience and success working a calorie deficit (or surplus, if they're trying to gain). It is the entire premise of this website. Expect to be challenged if you claim that a deficit failed for you.

Challenging claims like yours is not meanness- many people request clarification or more details in the hopes of actually helping you, finding out what went wrong, what could be better. None of this is a personal attack, ok?

AllonsYtotheTardis

I've noticed a lot of people confuse "support" with "agreeing with everything I say no matter how dangerous or silly it is." If you just want people to say yes yes yes to you, you're in the wrong place.

^^^^ This