Daughter needs help

eslcity

Hello, I guess a few days ago I wrote that my daughter is overweight... she 11 years old and is 134lbs and 4'8'. BMI or 98..
I know it is horrible.. but we have been waiting for her to want to do something about it... and finally I have said enough is an enough and it is time to start walking... now that the weather is getting good.. (she hates all forms of exercise and because she is fat she feels self conscience about playing outside.. because children pick on her..)

I am happy to report she is walking (1hour a night) and doesn't complain after she gets started.... the hard part is getting her started.. we are trying to make the walk.. family time... and we play with her and make her run a little... by racing her...

We have limited all bad food from the house such as cookies and chips.... not just for her but for myself also...

I know as parents it is our job to support her and to help guide her... I was just wondering if there are parents like myself... that are trying to help their own son or daughter lose weight and what are you doing to get them to want to lose it...and what has been benefitual in their progress...

nomeejerome

Labeling food as "good" or "bad" is not the best start in creating healthy behaviors.

Miamiuu

Its good that you got involved and she will thank you when she is thinner. I was chubby growing up and not once did my parents tell me or help me exercise, or put me on diets. Im still over weight today. I do resent them a little for not getting me a gym membership, or being concerned about my weight.

OllyReeves

Good luck mate, I appreciate your fears. Good luck with this thread too, I anticipate a lot of people will jump on you about this.

rlw0031

I would say it is good that you got rid of the cookies and chips. try making a special dessert every couple weeks and enter give away the extra or throw it away. And allow for a treat almost daily, something she likes after dinner or something. Show her she can eat her treats in moderation and still lose weight. It is awesome she/you are walking an hour daily. That will really help. Provide healthy meals for her daily.

Mia_RagazzaTosta

It's good that you're getting her active and making it fun for her, but I'd stop with the "good food/bad food" mentality because you're doing more harm than good. There are no bad foods; there are just bad quantities of food. Teach her (and yourself) moderation and you'll be way better off.

FlaxMilk

I would try teaching her about how bodies work. Kidshealth.com and myplate.gov have education materials and games for kids. Knowing that you are fat and that everyone thinks you are fat can be depressing and demotivating. Understanding why your parents are changing the way you care for the family's bodies and what benefits that will bring (beyond not being fat) is a little more practical and doesn't focus on the aesthetics.

rlw0031

Why would they jump on them. They are trying to help their daughter. You can do that in a way that won't teach her to be an obsessive diet minded woman. Remember she needs to eat. Small deficit is best. Don't restrict her. Provide healthy foods.

Tabithas_Transformation

If she's already getting embarrassed by doing exercise because of her weight then she's probably aware that it's an issue. The best thing you can do as a parent is set a good example (as you appear to be doing) and educate her on healthy living in terms of keeping active and making better food choices (not necessarily 'good' or 'bad')

I'm not sure where you're based in the world but the NHS in the UK has a great family oriented Healthy Lifestyle page with lots of support and resources. I hope you can access it where you are as it has great tips

http://www.nhs.uk/change4life/Pages/change-for-life.aspx

Sunshine2plus2

Good luck and she will thank you later! I grew up a fat kid stayed that way clear into my late 20's! Just remember you cant out exercise a bad diet! Make sure everything you bring in the home is good and make sure if you have other children for them not to bring in bad food or eat anything bad around her!

Grimmerick

It is good to start now on getting her to embrace healthier habits, I think about the struggles with weight I have had literally my entire life and I wish I could have rectified it when I was younger. I'm not saying put her on a diet and force her to exercise, but show her how tasty healthier foods can be and get her into something physical she enjoys, maybe something her friends are doing, just to get her used to an active life. I wish my parents had helped me understand the importance of diet and exercise when I was young. and if anybody has a problem with it, F-em it's not like you are forcing her to eat certain foods and adhere to a strict exercise regime, you seem like a concerned parent who wants to lead her down a healthier path by example and not force, which I am sure a lot of us wish our parents did earlier on in our lives.

jlshea

Do you use a pedometer or anything to track the progress? That might get her motivated, seeing how many miles or how much time she's committing to her walking. Maybe set a goal each month to get in X miles and if the goal is met you can do something fun as a reward? With warmer weather coming up maybe you can start doing bike rides as an alternative or checking out a local YMCA. They have tons of fun kid classes.

Also, check with your insurance benefits. I work for a health care provider and we offer a program for kids and teens, its a family type program that focuses on diabetes prevention through better eating habits and working towards a healthy weight and is offered at no cost to the family.

Its really smart getting rid of junk foods from the house. It helps me and I'm 34 years old, having it not around is huge. If she likes to cook and bake maybe you can check out Pinterest for some healthy meal ideas together? Maybe if she starts helping prepare meals that are healthy it will help get her in that mindset? Maybe go walk around a farmers market and plan a fresh produce meal that she is part of.

Other kids can be so cruel.

LoraF83

Rather than forcing her to walk, why not find something she enjoys? There are lots of games for the Wii and Xbox Kinect that can get her moving. Play a fun dancing game as a family. Take walks if you want, but don't make exercise a chore or you are only hindering your cause.

And please don't label foods as "good" and "bad". You're setting her up for disordered thinking about food. Instead, talk about how to make healthy choices most of the time and that it's ok to have treats some of the time. My kiddo will chose fruit or pretzels or string cheese for snacks.....even though we have chips and cookies in the house. She does this because she knows that healthy food is good for her. Then, it's not a big deal when we have a bowl of ice cream a few times a week. Find that balance and moderation, rather than restricting her so severely.

lisaann1976

My daughter is 11 years old also and weighs closer to 150... i have tried and tried to motivate her but she has no interest in changing. I am lost. I have been getting her to walk with me once or twice a week. I am really hoping wih the weather getting nicer that I can get her outdoors more. If you find something that works please let me know.

ecottencat

I honestly see nothing wrong with this. You are making it family time and trying to make it fun for all of you including her. The other thing that might work is have her help with meals. Make cooking dinner family time and make healthy dinners and turn some of her favorites into something healthy by adding veggies or substituting something unhealthy for something else. If you have a gaming system. l would get one of those dancing games and have a family night where you are up and playing the game. Its all about doing this as a family and not singling her out. It takes time but once she sees the results in herself and sees you doing this along with her she will come around.

thatgirlkellib

Good luck, I know there are millions of kids that need this kind of help from their parents, keep up the good work !

Sunshine2plus2

My daughter is 11 years old also and weighs closer to 150... i have tried and tried to motivate her but she has no interest in changing. I am lost. I have been getting her to walk with me once or twice a week. I am really hoping wih the weather getting nicer that I can get her outdoors more. If you find something that works please let me know.

Its not about exercise! Start eating healthier foods! You can not out exercise a bad diet! Good luck!

gypsy_spirit

I'm not going to address any of the issues but one. By labeling foods as good and bad you are setting her up to fail. It's good to be knowledgeable about nutrition, but by 'banning' some foods from your house, you will be setting her up to binge on the foods she craves. Trust me, she will find and succeed in getting these foods sooner or later. It will also encourage secret eating.

It's a learning experience to eat healthy. Do it together. Talk about the benefits of eating well 80% of the time and leaving some room for treats in moderation. If you can help her learn this - she will have a mighty tool in her tool belt for being a healthy weight in adulthood.

thickerella

My son is a healthy weight, but I have kept an eye on his weight because *I* weigh so much. It is hard to know what a child's needs are calorically because they sometimes need more during growth spurts. There are time when my 5yo can eat more than me and my fiancee combined.

The key to keeping a child at a healthy weight is supplying lots of healthy choices, and exercise. Walking is a good start, but an 11yo should be running, climbing, jumping, and using her body in a variety of different ways.

If she doesn't want to do sports, what about something else that gets her outside and active? Are there any horseback riding lessons near you? It's been a LONG time since I've been an 11yo girl, but I remember a fairly passionate love of horses being pretty common at that age.

Definitely keep up the family activities, but don't label it as "exercise." Exercise should NOT be a chore at 11. It should be a function of being young, vibrant, and mobile. Play soccer with her. Basket ball. Chase. Challenge her to climb a tree. Run to the park. Buy her a game like Dance Dance Revolution or Wii Fit that promotes movement.

Whatever you do, don't make an issue about her weight TOO her. She will already have enough influences in her life telling her she is worthless if she isn't the right size, parents should not add to the pile.

jchadden42

I agree with much of what has been said. You want to be careful about labeling foods as good or bad, and you want to ensure that your daughter learns moderation so that when she is "allowed" cookies or cakes or sweets, she doesn't want/need to eat all of it. When I was growing up, we always had a choice to have some kind of dessert--homemade cakes or ice cream or cookies. As a result, I never felt like I was denied sweets, but I also never felt like I had to have them because they were available. Also, I would encourage you to offer fruit as a snack or dessert.

I'm impressed that you are willing to work with her and not just tell her to get off her butt and get moving. Lead by example.

wizzybeth

I think the most important thing for you is to avoid using terms like overweight, good/bad, fat, etc. Make everything about being HEALTHY. And yes, absolutely allow some treats in there, just maybe instead of buying a whole pack of Oreos, buy one of those packets with 6 smaller size cookies as a treat...one at a time!! It may be cheaper to buy an entire 1lb package of cookies but it is easier to binge.

Keep having healthy (not good! healthy! ) snack choices in the house: fresh fruit, baby carrots (watch the dip), celery sticks - other veggies. I would also avoid having too much by way of juices in the house - stick to water and milk.

Again it's all about being healthy - not fat/skinny. Do you guys all have bikes? Going on bike rides together is also a great exercise.