Daughter needs help
Replies
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Do you use a pedometer or anything to track the progress? That might get her motivated, seeing how many miles or how much time she's committing to her walking.
Thank you so much for your suggestion on using a pedometer.. in fact we have bought her a cheap one to wear all day.. and while I know it will not be as accuate as the one I wear.. it only cost 5USdollars.. However, the goal is 10,000steps.. each day.
and hopefully make a game out of it... I was thinking maybe giving her a Won (korean money = 1200 won equals 1USdollar) for each step above 10,000.. and because she likes comic books and since we normally buy them anyway.. we make it a way for her to work for it... and then get a prize at the end...0 -
I was 4'11 and 178 pounds at 11...and I remember not realizing I was fat until middle school when we had to change in gym. My parents never talked about it in front of me. I never even knew they thought about it until recently when my daughter turned 5. She is 3'9" and 70 pounds. Her BMI is just about 25 (should be under 24).
I am--to say the least--concerned. We talk about red-light and green-light foods. My kids can eat as many green light foods (fruits, veggies, lean meat) as they want, but they are limited to 2 red-light (cookies, candy, cake, ice cream etc) foods a day. I also limit myself. We are playing outside together (even when it was cold--they love to sled), and we use our Wii to play inside when we can't get out. Right now I am working on a love of movement and an understanding that all foods are ok in moderation. She takes gymnastics classes and wants to play rec soccer in the fall--which I will encourage. We even go to McDonalds occasionally, but we share one order of fries for 4 of us and no one gets soda.
You have a different issue. Your daughter knows she is different already. You need to work on her self-confidence. She needs to be good at something. Keep walking with her. Get her on a bike or swimming. And as everyone else said, it is especially important to make sure she knows this is about moderation and making good choices. Take her shopping and let her pick out two or three fruits or veggies to try (this always works to get my kids to eat more green-light food). She will be fine because she has a fine support system and her support system has a fine support system!:flowerforyou:
I am editing to add that I noticed that you posted that she is sneaking food and doesn't seem to have any self-control with sweets. I am going to add that maybe it is time to talk about WHY she is sneaking food. Is it the teasing? Does she eat emotionally? Can you make exercise her new coping skill? I'm rooting for you Mike...your situation could very well be mine in 6 years.0 -
I agree with everyone here who cautioned about the 'good food, bad food' mentality, and banning things from the house. If she wants the sweets (needs them) she will get them and hide it from you. Then she will feel guilty, resort to secret eating and a whole host of disordered eating habits MAY ensue.
While I agree there is no such thing as good food and bad food... there is food that she should avoid... What I'm going to try to do is start her off with telling her.. that she must leave just a little of (the normally what we would consider not so healthy food)...
ex if a pack of cookies have six cookies to a pack she must leave 2 for my wife....instead of eating the whole pack she would normally do.0 -
Hello, I guess a few days ago I wrote that my daughter is overweight... she 11 years old and is 134lbs and 4'8'. BMI or 98..
I know it is horrible.. but we have been waiting for her to want to do something about it... and finally I have said enough is an enough and it is time to start walking... now that the weather is getting good.. (she hates all forms of exercise and because she is fat she feels self conscience about playing outside.. because children pick on her..)
I am happy to report she is walking (1hour a night) and doesn't complain after she gets started.... the hard part is getting her started.. we are trying to make the walk.. family time... and we play with her and make her run a little... by racing her...
We have limited all bad food from the house such as cookies and chips.... not just for her but for myself also...
I know as parents it is our job to support her and to help guide her... I was just wondering if there are parents like myself... that are trying to help their own son or daughter lose weight and what are you doing to get them to want to lose it...and what has been benefitual in their progress...
Hey
I'm not a parent or anything but I do remember the days when I was a chubby little kid.
Anyway, don't stress it. Just get her a wii or some hula hoops and a skipping rope or a bicycle and don't forget to bring some cousins over and let her have fun. The pounds would melt away by itself.
Oh and a friendly suggestion would be to stop classifying cookies and chips as bad food because when I was a kid and my parents said something was bad I would sneak some from the kitchen and help myself to it. Just watch some kiddie educational videos with your wife that clearly show that those food are unhealthy, and I'm sure your daughter will come join you and watch it as well.
Also, I know you wouldn't intentionally do this, but don't force her to exercise, make her want to, you know what I mean? Like tempt her to exercise
Yup, that's about it.
Hope his helps
Ps: If I said anything offensive at all, or if any of my suggestions don't really help you with your situation, I'm sorry. x 0 -
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Also, I know you wouldn't intentionally do this, but don't force her to exercise, make her want to, you know what I mean? Like tempt her to exercise
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You can't offend me... at this time.. because you are making some good suggestions... I don't have to force her to exercise I have to force her to start... she normally doesn't want to start but after she starts there are no problems.. For her computer games and TV are more attractive...0 -
I totally understand, and I just want to wish you the best of luck
You sound like an amazing parent, your daughter is very lucky 0 -
I was 4'11 and 178 pounds at 11...and I remember not realizing I was fat until middle school when we had to change in gym. My parents never talked about it in front of me. I never even knew they thought about it until recently when my daughter turned 5. She is 3'9" and 70 pounds. Her BMI is just about 25 (should be under 24).
I am--to say the least--concerned. We talk about red-light and green-light foods. My kids can eat as many green light foods (fruits, veggies, lean meat) as they want, but they are limited to 2 red-light (cookies, candy, cake, ice cream etc) foods a day. I also limit myself. We are playing outside together (even when it was cold--they love to sled), and we use our Wii to play inside when we can't get out. Right now I am working on a love of movement and an understanding that all foods are ok in moderation. She takes gymnastics classes and wants to play rec soccer in the fall--which I will encourage. We even go to McDonalds occasionally, but we share one order of fries for 4 of us and no one gets soda.
You have a different issue. Your daughter knows she is different already. You need to work on her self-confidence. She needs to be good at something. Keep walking with her. Get her on a bike or swimming. And as everyone else said, it is especially important to make sure she knows this is about moderation and making good choices. Take her shopping and let her pick out two or three fruits or veggies to try (this always works to get my kids to eat more green-light food). She will be fine because she has a fine support system and her support system has a fine support system!:flowerforyou:
I am editing to add that I noticed that you posted that she is sneaking food and doesn't seem to have any self-control with sweets. I am going to add that maybe it is time to talk about WHY she is sneaking food. Is it the teasing? Does she eat emotionally? Can you make exercise her new coping skill? I'm rooting for you Mike...your situation could very well be mine in 6 years.
My daughter is not sneaking food that is one of the great things... she is very honest because i have always made it a policy to never get angry at her if she is honest... if it was an accident... and she had no evil intent in her actions...
I think you have a good point and I will see how i can also do it... and that is the red light - green light food.. but maybe modify it some since my baby is obese and i need to adapt to this fact.0 -
Hang in there. Your not alone. My son is 14 and overweight and we struggle with food issues. Some days, I feel like we got a good handle on it. Other days not so much. I am grown and I now only have 12 pounds on him. He has grown quite a bit so that's where I wonder did he gain cause he grew it or ate too much? Well good luck.
Since my daughter is still growing...and that she must eat healthy... however, I also know a little overweight it wouldn't be a problem but we are talking obese and I feel this is more harmful physically and mentally.. added to the fact I want to get this in control before middle school starts ... because she will have to go to a new school... where the students don't know her and will not know how wonderful a person she.. before they start teasing her.0 -
Since I live in Korea we tried martial arts- taekwondo but it didn't last long... My daughter has a very tender heart and is hurt very easily.... right now she is still in elementary and her friends have known her since kindergarten... but soon middle school will start and that means new people that don't know her and will already hate her because she is mixed raced (I am an American and my wife is Korean). I don't want to fuel the fire... so i want to help her... but i also don't want to hurt her in the process.. that is why i'm asking for suggestions...
I promise you I am not using harsh words to her... and I have never used the "F - word" or the dirty word diet with her...0 -
We have a 10 year old who has a little bit of pudge. We've never told her she's overweight, or addressed it with her. She's still growing. When she was little, she'd get a bit of a belly, and then would get tall (and the belly would go away). Then she'd do it again....get a bit of a belly, then get tall. Last couple of years, she keeps getting tall, but still has a bit of pudge.
We don't have any foods that are completely off limits, but we do limit things. For example, she likes Paradise Café chocolate chip cookies. She has 1 a night as a snack while we're winding down.
If she's hungry, we encourage her to have something like yogurt, applesauce, a banana, peanut butter crackers, cheese....something my 7 year old would call "a healthy choice." (I'm convinced she's going to be a dietician when she grows up! LOL)
That same applies to the 7 year old. If she wants a reese's peanut butter cup, we tell her she has to have something healthy first....preferably something protein. (Yeah, I know peanut butter has protein, but still.)
I've been told by dr's and nutritionists that since I have PCOS and insulin resistance, if I have a snack or a carb, to make sure I have a protein first. Protein's take longer to digest, and since carb's burn off rather quickly, it's important to have that protein in the belly first. That's why we chose to apply this concept to our girls. They have no problem with it either.
Our youngest is constantly on the move, but our oldest would rather sit and play on the computer. With the weather getting warmer, she does like to play outside - so we'll go outside to play - they can ride their bikes or scooters - and I've started taking walks with them so I can get healthier too. Before I lost the 88 ish pounds, I wasn't able to do that. (take walks).
Just keep encouraging healthy choices with foods, encouraging physical activity whether it's walking around the subdivision or taking them to a playground, and ABOVE ALL - make sure you let your child know YOU LOVE HER NO MATTER WHAT. Her weight is NOT what defines her. It is NOT the determining factor over whether or not people like you. People who only see pudge do not see who she really is. I tell my daughters every day that I love them, that they are smart, pretty and awesome. I tell them WHY too....My oldest daughter has red hair. I tell her how pretty it is and that not many people have hair that color and/or pay for their hair to be that color. It makes her special. When they talked about genetics in her science class, they "sorted" the kids by who had blonde hair, brown hair, etc. She was the only one with red hair. We tell her that's because she's unique and that it's in her genes.
Just like my youngest has blue eyes. Mine are green, and my husbands are brown. My sisters, brother, and father all had blue eyes - most of my cousins on my dad's side have blue eyes. We tell her that's part of what makes her beautiful.
Do everything you can to build up her self esteem so that when the kids at school pick on her, she'll have built up her armor enough that she's confident enough in herself to just let it slide off like it was nothing. Let her know that sometimes people aren't nice, and there's nothing you can do about it. It comes from negativity within themselves, not from anything she's said or done. Since she knows what it feels like when people treat her a certain way, she now knows that she shouldn't treat others that way either. Show her how to be the best version of herself she can be.
My parents harped on me ALL MY LIFE about my weight. That's all they saw. They focused on "what" I was instead of "who" I was. They told me nice boys don't want to go out with fat girls. They badgered me that I should lose weight for them because children are supposed to out-live their parents. They insisted I lose weight for my kids because they'd grow up without their mother. They used guilt, intimidation, bribery (We'll pay you to lose weight), shame...all things that tear people down. There was no focus on building me up. I felt like people who were fat were nothing/nobody, and that they would only love me if I were skinny. PLEASE DO NOT TREAT YOUR DAUGHTER THIS WAY!! It doesn't work. There's nothing worse than thinking people will only love you or think you're worth knowing if you're skinny.
*climbing off my soap box*
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Thank you for your message.0 -
Along the lines of getting a pedometer, my father used to take me for bike rides and he bought me a cyclometer (?). I'm sure there have been technological advancements in that area since I was a kid, but I had one that attached to the spokes on the wheel and displayed my speed and distance traveled on a little LCD screen mounted on the handlebars. I used to love going to the park and trying to see how fast and how far I could go. I was in my own little competition with myself and I never saw it as exercise... I was just having fun. It'll help if you can find a sport/activity for your daughter that she truly enjoys so it doesn't feel like work or exercise.
I will also agree with others about labeling "bad" foods or banning certain snacks. I have a close friend who grew up in a vegetarian/organic/all-natural household. She wasn't allowed to eat candy, fried foods, etc., and wasn't allowed to drink soda. The second we got to high school and those items were available for purchase, she was hitting the vending machines for some chocolate or a bag of chips and a can of soda every single day, sometimes several times a day, because she had never had that sort of freedom before. If her parents had just let her eat that stuff at home (in moderation, of course), she would have been like the rest of us who were able to refrain from buying those snacks since there was no novelty there. Now she's an obese adult who makes poor eating choices, despite growing up in such a healthy household. Your daughter needs to be taught that it's not necessarily the food that's bad or good, but our decisions regarding the food can be bad or good.0 -
Just popped in to wish you and your daughter the best of luck. All I can say is do your best to educate yourself and your daughter, (which you're clearly already doing!) and always be supportive, not critical.
She will thank you for it one day; even if she doesn't say it in words!0 -
All of this is:It's good that you're getting her active and making it fun for her, but I'd stop with the "good food/bad food" mentality because you're doing more harm than good. There are no bad foods; there are just bad quantities of food. Teach her (and yourself) moderation and you'll be way better off.
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It's great that you are helping your daughter. Never mind those nitpicking over details -- it's clear you love her and are making an effort. That's what counts.
Your comments make more sense now that I know that you are a parent of a bi-racial daughter in Asia, like I am. The social pressures are totally different in this part of the world.
First, it is (unfortunately) socially acceptable to call someone "fat" to her face. My doctor called me "fat" to my face when I was 120 lbs and pregnant! Total strangers -- salesgirls, grannies in the park -- feel perfectly comfortable telling healthy young girls they are "fat" and should lose weight. The ideal female figure is so unhealthy -- super skinny, not fit like in the West -- that I had a particular Korean fashion ad featuring an anorexic model blocked from my laptop. And this pressure is only on girls, not boys.
Taking walks is great. Instead of calling it exercise, just make it a fun family activity: On the weekends, go to parks, pools, skating rinks, bike paths, etc. If she has a sympathetic friend, ask the friend to join. Or sign her up for a fun active class, like dance or swimming lessons.
As a gentle child once subject to taekwando lessons myself, I feel for your daughter. I'd used to go 3 times a week to get beaten up by aggressive boys before I begged my parents to let me quit. The activity has to suit her personality, or else she will be miserable.
But as we all know, diet influences weight more than exercise. As the adage says "you can't outtrain a bad diet."
And, as parents, you do the groceries and cooking -- you decide the food in the house. You decide when and if you go out for dinner.
Get lots of fruit, veg, low-fat dairy. I sneak mine into my kids' meals at every chance. Every sandwich is layered with tomato and lettuce. Every cereal or pancakes has bananas, apples or berries. Every fried rice or stir-fry comes with tons of green veg. Snacks are baby carrots,, cucumber slices, mandarin oranges, yogurt pots.
Actually, I do tell my kids about "good" and "bad" foods -- because they are little and only understand simple terms. They understand that they can occasionally splurge on a "naughty" cookie or ice cream, but that an apple is "healthy and better". I think that's fine.
Fruit and veggie will also help fill your daughter up if she has a big appetite. Korean food can be really fattening. Just recently, I ordered a beef bimbimbap that was so huge, I couldn't eat half of it. It must have had 3 services of rice, tons of fatty meat, egg and oil in it!
Good luck! Your daughter will be fine. And, who knows, maybe she will have a growth spurt and even out...0 -
I didn't get to read all the responses, but I wanted to share a couple sites I've run across as far as taking homestyle/family recipes and making them healthier. www.skinnytaste.com and www.aleysvirtualgym.com Both of these have awesome recipes for indulgent sweet options that are healthy and can be eaten in moderation daily. Make sure desserts are not reward (you walked today so you can have dessert), but if healthy desserts are a part of your regular meal routine, that is good, as a small bit of something that seems sweet can leave you feeling fuller and more satisfied after a meal (it is some sort of psychological thing).... Best of luck in getting your whole family healthier.0
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Tough one, but keep doing the "family time" walks and eating a proper well balanced diet. She's young and will want to partake in things that all kids like (for example pizza) so find a way to make these types okay and fit it into your meal plans - pizza night with a side salad. Good and Bad shouldn't be used to label foods but it is how we view some things - just teach her moderation so she can grow up knowing that she can enjoy these things.
When she starts to gain her confidence maybe a sports team or activity that she wants to try like dancing or karate. These things can be a good ego boost to kids. Weekend activities such as a hike with a picnic are a good way to incorporate fun activity time as well.
When I was growing up we had dessert every day, but it was also part of our day, not something we focused on, a lot of the time it was a bowl of home canned fruit - but always something sweet after dinner. I don't think there is anything wrong with sweets if they are eaten in moderation.0 -
Tough one, but keep doing the "family time" walks and eating a proper well balanced diet. She's young and will want to partake in things that all kids like (for example pizza) so find a way to make these types okay and fit it into your meal plans - pizza night with a side salad. Good and Bad shouldn't be used to label foods but it is how we view some things - just teach her moderation so she can grow up knowing that she can enjoy these things.
When she starts to gain her confidence maybe a sports team or activity that she wants to try like dancing or karate. These things can be a good ego boost to kids. Weekend activities such as a hike with a picnic are a good way to incorporate fun activity time as well.
When I was growing up we had dessert every day, but it was also part of our day, not something we focused on, a lot of the time it was a bowl of home canned fruit - but always something sweet after dinner. I don't think there is anything wrong with sweets if they are eaten in moderation.
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In fact yesterday we got her to get 11,741 steps (pedometer as one poster suggested). I have told her that she can eat one red-light food... which we developed a list.. (of the more unhealthy food we have in the house) but if she eats it she must leave a little on her plate... if she eats a pack of cookies with 4 cookies she must leave at least one cookie... for someone else to eat.
We are preparing all her light meals in the refrig. Today, I put one orange, one strawberry yogurt, whole grain bread with one table spoon of peanut butter, and a Teras Whey Acai Berry Protein Packet just add water ( I bought them for me but she likes them so i let her drink them..) http://www.iherb.com/p/50583..
Would like people to comment about the acai berry protein drink... because i'm not sure if i should add that or not.0 -
I understand where you are coming from. My 13 year old son is 180 pounds. At his last Dr appt we fount out his cholesterol is high, his insulin level his high, and one of his thyroid levels was abnormal. His DR wants him to lose 20 pounds and to be more active. We had already made changes to what kinds of foods are in the house because of my own weight loss journey. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Lean proteins and healthy fats. I started having him help me weigh and portion our meals so he has a better idea of a portion size. And l let him help with the meal planning so that we the proper amounts of carbs, proteins, and fats. And I added him to my gym membership. He goes with me at least 3 times a week. I try not to nag him but getting him healthy is important. God luck with your daughter. Keep us updated...0
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I love how most of the people leaving comments are saying not to force her to excercise or take away foods she enjoyed, but yet the majority of us on MFP are here because we have been fat, mostly our whole lives. If my dad forced me to eat healthier and excercise then I wouldn't be bashing myself on a daily basis.
I agree that the foods she enjoys can be eaten, and you need to teach her moderation. You need to get her educated on why it is important, and what can happen in the long run if she doesn't start now.
You are making the right choices, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is obvious you just want the best for your child.0 -
Tough one, but keep doing the "family time" walks and eating a proper well balanced diet. She's young and will want to partake in things that all kids like (for example pizza) so find a way to make these types okay and fit it into your meal plans - pizza night with a side salad. Good and Bad shouldn't be used to label foods but it is how we view some things - just teach her moderation so she can grow up knowing that she can enjoy these things.
When she starts to gain her confidence maybe a sports team or activity that she wants to try like dancing or karate. These things can be a good ego boost to kids. Weekend activities such as a hike with a picnic are a good way to incorporate fun activity time as well.
When I was growing up we had dessert every day, but it was also part of our day, not something we focused on, a lot of the time it was a bowl of home canned fruit - but always something sweet after dinner. I don't think there is anything wrong with sweets if they are eaten in moderation.
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In fact yesterday we got her to get 11,741 steps (pedometer as one poster suggested). I have told her that she can eat one red-light food... which we developed a list.. (of the more unhealthy food we have in the house) but if she eats it she must leave a little on her plate... if she eats a pack of cookies with 4 cookies she must leave at least one cookie... for someone else to eat.
We are preparing all her light meals in the refrig. Today, I put one orange, one strawberry yogurt, whole grain bread with one table spoon of peanut butter, and a Teras Whey Acai Berry Protein Packet just add water ( I bought them for me but she likes them so i let her drink them..) http://www.iherb.com/p/50583..
Would like people to comment about the acai berry protein drink... because i'm not sure if i should add that or not.
Are you preparing her snacks without her input, or giving her choices? If it is the first, it sounds like something that cannot work on the long run. Take her grocery shopping, involve her in cooking, give her choices. "What kind of fruit do you want tomorrow for school?", "Do you want to buy cereal bars or yoghurt for your afternoon snack?" these are choices that leave her control and do not make her feel she is on a diet. Packing her meals without her input (if this is what you are doing), it sounds like a punishment, especially if it goes from "eat all the junk you want" to "this is your food, no choice".
I also do not like at all your idea of the pedometer. She is a kid, she needs to find a sport or activity she can love or at least learn to like. If it starts being about calories and steps at this age, this is just not healthy, sorry. The whole concept of counting, it is not age appropriate, at all.0 -
First of all great job in starting a family walk every night. I was a very heavy girl at age 11 and it is hard, but if you support her she will succeed. My turnaround came with the help of my sister getting involved in exercising with me everyday, and I learned about a healthier way of eating and portion control, which is the big one. Just teach your daughter that portion control is key. I do suggest that if there is a trigger food she has that she just can't control how much she eats, to keep that our of the house. Keep up the nightly walk and I bet after awhile she will want to incorporate more into her daily exercise. Maybe also create a reward ( on food related) after her first goal is reached. Good Luck and we are all here to support you! 0
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I've read through some of the posts here and it seems like you are pretty insistent on the "good" and "bad" labels, although you are now using different names. If you really want to go with that system, I would instead use "green light" and "yellow light" foods. Yellow light suggests that you should be careful how many/much of these foods you eat, whereas a red light suggests that you shouldn't eat them at all. I personally think the "yellow light" notion is more accurate and avoids teaching her that she's failed if she eats certain foods. Even a binge once in a while isn't the end of the world and shouldn't be considered a failure.
I also don't really get the concept of having her leave some of her "treat." It would be hard for me to look at that extra cookie sitting on my plate that I can't eat, and I'm an adult with pretty good self-control. Instead, why not create your own packs of appropriate portion sizes? If a serving size is three cookies, put three cookies in a plastic bag and give them to her at the end of dinner. I'm still very careful about only having the portion size I've selected in front of me because it's harder for me to resist food when it's right in front of me.
Good luck to you! It seems like your heart is in the right place, which cannot be said for all parents.0 -
I love how most of the people leaving comments are saying not to force her to excercise or take away foods she enjoyed, but yet the majority of us on MFP are here because we have been fat, mostly our whole lives. If my dad forced me to eat healthier and excercise then I wouldn't be bashing myself on a daily basis.
I agree that the foods she enjoys can be eaten, and you need to teach her moderation. You need to get her educated on why it is important, and what can happen in the long run if she doesn't start now.
You are making the right choices, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is obvious you just want the best for your child.
All they are saying is that foods should not be labeled as "good" or "bad" because it causes disorder thinking. And believe me, it DOES. My father went about helping me lose weight the wrong way and I have been struggling with binge eating disorder for the past 12 years.0 -
One of the most important thing that you need to do is to make your daughter and active part of this process. Right now the only thing I see that she has an active role in is leaving part of her treat. I totally agree with the person who said that it is necessary to portion treats. However, it should not be for you or mom to do, leaving her out. Personally, I would have her read the label. Show her how to find out what the portion size is and how many calories that portion contains and how many portions are in the package. Then have her count and portion her treats into baggies. As a teacher you must know that students learn much better by doing than by having things handed to them already finished.
As for getting her up and moving, I also agree with those who say that you need to find something she is interested in, something that she will want to do. Please don't tell me that there isn't anything, because I don't buy it. There is a whole lot more to do than just walking. Of course, everyone thinks about basketball, baseball, softball, soccer etc. Well what about ice skating, figure skating, playing hockey, ballet, tap, jazz, gymnastics, modern dance, tennis, track. There are soooooo many options. I don't know where you are from, but where I live, the universities actually offer a lot of things for kids. There's even a place called Sky Zone which is a trampoline park. It's loads of fun. Be creative. Don't give into putting yourself and your daughter in a rut.0
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