What is the proper etiquette for children's sleepovers?
Replies
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Maybe your son doesn't even know who this kid is. I agree with many of the other posts here. Let them get together for a play date (under your supervision) so you can decide if they get along. I'm much older than any others here but the same concerns existed 20 years ago. You dont know this boy or his parents and I would err on the side of caution. Wait until they are 12yo and want to have a
co-ed sleepover. You will be up all night..lol0 -
Ask your son if he wants to go.. if he says yes.. take him over there and drop him off and check out the house.. Don't be some overprotective parent that thinks your kid is an angel...0
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Just to play a bit of devil's advocate on this one, yes try to meet the parents see the environment etc. But if, as you say, the kid really is great, consider letting your son sleep over even if the parents/household isn't what most would consider ideal. TALK with your son before hand about what might make you uncomfortable and give him strategies for contacting you and/or leaving if he feels he needs to, but let him try it.
Reason I say this, there's always the one kid that's really sweet, but has a crappy home environment. That kid can quickly become isolated from the rest of his peers, not because of anything he does, but because of how people respond to his parents, or because he never gets to do normal stuff like sleep overs because of the impression his parents give off.
Now obviously I don't mean do this if you have any reason to think parents or home environment are dangerous, but just something to consider.0 -
NO.
I have to meet the parents and have a good feeling that they aren't psychos, druggies or they type of people that let their kids run wild.
Maybe I'm too picky, but it's my job to keep my son safe.
A lot of the time, I will have the child over to my house first, so I can have a bit of control over the situation. Plus I usually get to meet the parents that way.0 -
It depends a lot on the age of your son. Gather information. Always follow your gut! Even if your gut is coming from a bat **** crazy irrationally in love with your child place, which is where mine often comes from, it's always ok to say no. You're a good parent whatever you decide, because you are giving this thought and attention.0
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Ask your son if he wants to go.. if he says yes.. take him over there and drop him off and check out the house.. Don't be some overprotective parent that thinks your kid is an angel...
But he is. I've watched him *kitten* glitter.0 -
I'm just echoing what everyone else has said so far, but you should trust your gut and at least check the parents out first. If you don't like what you find, don't let your kid stay over at their house.
That said, you like the kid, so why not invite him over if your son still wants a sleepover? That allows the social interaction both boys need but you can have it in an environment you're comfortable with and the sweet kid with the skeezy parents gets a chance to be in a normal household for a night.0 -
and the sweet kid with the skeezy parents gets a chance to be in a normal household for a night.
:huh:
What makes the kids parents "skeezy"? And how do you know their household isn't normal?
Maybe the kid did bring up a sleepover with OP's kid and she just assumed that the OP knew.
OP: I don't have kids but I would want to meet the parent of my kids friends regardless of whether or not they were going to a sleep over.0 -
When my daughters were younger, I didn't allow any sleepovers unless I had already met the parents personally. I checked them out online and asked any mutual friends if they knew them.
This is my daughter I don't just hand her off to anyone for the night. And I declined many times. Go with the gut instincts as well. Parents have them for a reason.0 -
Hell no. Just, hell no. Your gut is obviously telling you that something is a little "off" with that situation, so no. And, wow, it really grates on me when parents refer to their children as "the kid" or "my kid" or the like.0
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i am the wierdo in the group as i have told my friends i am not keen on sleep overs (daughter is 6), i guess its cos its not something i did until i was 16. They think its funny, thats ok. I guess I will eventually get used to it.
But for someone who you do not even know thats a hell no sorry. You wouldnt be able to sleep until your child comes home.0 -
Ask your son if he wants to go.. if he says yes.. take him over there and drop him off and check out the house.. Don't be some overprotective parent that thinks your kid is an angel...
and when she checks out the house what do you think she will find? all she will see is normal behaviour. house might be clean, house might not be clean. This means nothing whats so ever. You must be protective of your child as one wrong turning you cant always take back.0 -
Okay, so I took the time to bold and number each and every instance of the story that gave me pause as a parent. Following are the explanations why they bothered me. Check the notes in the appendix. What follows will be a well supported resounding NO! to the sleepover. Please to blame the "NO" on your ex (it's one of the perks of having an ex isn't it? Just blame everything on them.) and do not give the lady his phone number. Please advise kiddo of the same under the penalty of losing any and all electronics privileges.
1-If she doesn't sound like the kind of people you'd at least hang out with, why let your child go unattended?I had a recent invite for my son to have an overnight that caught me off-guard. So, I'm wondering, in YOUR opinion/experience, what is the proper etiquette for sleepovers, or how would you handle this situation?
“Nikki” (the mom) called me last week at work. She found my number in the school directory. She sounded “rough”(1) for lack of a better explanation, and a bit like she was so incredibly preoccupied she was having a conversation with me and three other people around her at the same time(2).
The conversation went something like, “Hey, this is Nick’s mom, the blonde basketball player. He’s been buggin me non-stop(3) about having a sleepover with your kid(4).”
“I’m sorry, who is this?(5)”
“This is Nikki. My kid is the basketball player!” (Note, our kids are 7 years old(6), and we don't have sports at our school... so what he does outside of school, I would be clueless to).
“I really think you must have the wrong number.”
“Isn’t this LL's mom.”
“Oh, yes, this is… our kids are in class together?(7)”
“Yeah, I’ve got the blonde kid. So is he free tomorrow or Saturday? We’re going bowling Saturday, but I think (8)he could just come along…”
It was SO fast, completely caught me off guard, and I don’t know this lady for *kitten*. I said, “Well, Leland’s dad and I are divorced, so I’ll have to talk to him....” blah blah blah.
Anyhow, my ex is of the opinion it's no big deal, just say yes (8)and let him go. I say, I'd like to at least meet these people first? But I don't also know how to tactfully say that, cause i'm a huge p*ssy. LOL
Give me your parenting advice/opinions....
2-She should take an invite like this seriously and give it it's due attention.
3-Her kid bug's non stop? So is the invite just to shut him up? Will he be bugging your kid? Would you not prefer your child go to overnights with kids who "enjoy his company" or something like that?
4-Call me crazy but I'd like someone responsible for my child for a whole night to know his name and use it when attempting to pry him from my kung fu grip.
5-The fact that she could still not make it known who she or her child is during all the previous speaks unwell of her communication skills. I would not want to hear some explains in the morning of what went wrong during the sleepover due to bad communication.
6-7 years old might be too young for sleepovers with people who are not family or friends "as close as family" IMO.
7-The fact that the year's almost over and you did not even know that this kid is in your kid's does not speak to closeness on their parts
8- You "think"? If you want to get my kid from my kung fu grip sistah you better KNOW what you are planning to do during your time with him and that he will not be a third wheel or any kind of imposition on any of the planned activities. What if it's a bowling party and there's not enough food for my kid because she just snuck him in there?
[/u]The whole thing reads like a big, huh? [/u]
I don't know how basketball is but in 'merica it's 3 strikes and your out. So she is out like almost 3 times!0 -
and the sweet kid with the skeezy parents gets a chance to be in a normal household for a night.
:huh:
What makes the kids parents "skeezy"? And how do you know their household isn't normal?
Maybe the kid did bring up a sleepover with OP's kid and she just assumed that the OP knew.
OP: I don't have kids but I would want to meet the parent of my kids friends regardless of whether or not they were going to a sleep over.
I'm not assuming that they are skeezy, I'm saying after she's done her due diligence and decided that she does NOT want her kid staying at their house they're probably skeezy. Jeez.0 -
Exactly!Playdate first0 -
does your son even want to do this?0
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The best sleepovers are the ones that happen at someone else's house.0
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does your son even want to do this?
FTW!0 -
We constantly have kids sleeping over at our place because of uninterested parents. I went to pick up one of my 13 year old daughter's friends, expecting to meet a parent, and she was on the front porch waiting for us when we got there. I got out of the car and walked to the door and her mom was surprised to see me..she thought we had picked her up already..needless to say my daughter NEVER spends the night there! However she can come stay at our place anytime she wants.
I have to have communication with the parents before hand...you never know what could be going on.0 -
We constantly have kids sleeping over at our place because of uninterested parents. I went to pick up one of my 13 year old daughter's friends, expecting to meet a parent, and she was on the front porch waiting for us when we got there. I got out of the car and walked to the door and her mom was surprised to see me..she thought we had picked her up already..needless to say my daughter NEVER spends the night there! However she can come stay at our place anytime she wants.
I have to have communication with the parents before hand...you never know what could be going on.
Please allow me to translate:
Me Me Me. Me me me me me. Me me ME!0 -
No way. I'd have to know the parents first. In that case I'd say you're not comfortable with a sleepover yet but would love a playdate.
I have no problem leaving my 6yo kids at a friend's house for a couple hours, even if I don't know them well, but I don't think I'll even consider sleepovers until they're 8 or something, and I know the parents well.0 -
I agree...must meet other parents (both mom and day) first.
Perhaps invite at least her to coffee ... telling her you'd like to get to know her before agreeing to a sleep over (or even allowing your 7 year old son go off with her and her family for a day of 'whatever' they are doing).
Then next time do a play date with the parents and the kids ... at a park or something where you can see the boys interact with one another and the adults involved.0 -
I have kids of various ages (currently 8-22) and all have been on sleepovers since probably kindergarten. However, I have always MET the parents first and sometimes the kids stayed at our place first.
Kids do try to plan these things last minute - get used to - A slumber party - maybe you get a week or two notice - A Friday night sleepover/playdate thing - You're lucky to get a couple hours notice! Get used to it.
There is no harm in meeting the parents first! I insist on it, even if it is only the day before. That isn't a big deal. Especially if you aren't even sure which kid this is. Usually I know who the kids are, because I've met them at school, scouts, sports, etc. or at least my child has said the name a million times talking about who they hang out with at recess!0 -
You know... you could just be honest and tell her that you would really like to know her better before you let your son spend the night her house.
If she doesn't understand that, then the answer is automatically no.
Absolutely This!! ^^^
If she can't respect that you want to meet them first, then it's not somewhere I want my child spending the night.0 -
At that age I honestly don't see any point to a sleep over. A play date for a couple of hours is more then adequate.
My husband and I have already discussed this issue though it hasn't even come up yet, and we've decided we don't trust anyone enough to allow for a sleep over. A couple of family members, sure, but other then that... nope. (My kids are 2,4, & 6)
As far as being shy about asking to meet first... this is your child. Anyone who wouldn't expect you to want to meet first is a bit wonky in my opinion.0 -
I'm a mean parent and my kids are not allowed to go to sleep overs. It has been a rule since day 1 and it is not something I am willing to budge on. The ONLY place they are allowed to sleep outside of the house without us is at my parent's house.0
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My son has had sleepovers... often at Grandma & Grandpas or cousins, but a few times his "best friend." (Who no longer seems to be a best friend, but that's not the point.) I know that boy's parents very well, and we all do stuff together.
At the end of the day, and after some research, I just am not comfortable with an overnight at this juncture and I'll let her know that. I'll see if I can take them both roller skating or to Monkey Joe's this weekend instead.
As much as my son DOES want to do this, he couldn't even sleep over at the next door neighbors last week, and that's not even a "strange house" like this would be.
We'll see if she's up for coordinating a play date and leave it at that for now.0 -
Ask your son if he wants to go.. if he says yes.. take him over there and drop him off and check out the house.. Don't be some overprotective parent that thinks your kid is an angel...
But he is. I've watched him *kitten* glitter.
That just means he ate a bunch of glitter.. proof that he's not an angel! ;-)0 -
Ask your son if he wants to go.. if he says yes.. take him over there and drop him off and check out the house.. Don't be some overprotective parent that thinks your kid is an angel...
But he is. I've watched him *kitten* glitter.
That just means he ate a bunch of glitter.. proof that he's not an angel! ;-)
That totally explains the dog poop too... Damn.0 -
My kids aren't yet to sleepover range, but as others have said..
1) meet the parents, not just a meeting, but actually spend some time with them.
2) See the place, make sure there are no outstanding dangers
3) Talk to your kid. Make sure they have no reservations, and WANT to. Also let them know if at ANYTIME they are uncomfortable that they should call for you to pick them up.
My oldest is almost 4, and has not really even wanted to invite someone over, or been invited over (aside from birthday parties and such), but when the time comes, I'll want to have known the parents for a while (been to a birthday or two.. seen the place, yadda yadda yadda).0
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