What is the proper etiquette for children's sleepovers?

OkieinMinny

UH NO - you need to meet the parents and yes Im gonna sound B*tchy and snobby but I also want to know what kind of environment where my kid would be sleeping - how about a couple hours of play time for the kids first - to make sure you are comfortable and that your son is comfortable over there -

Galatea_Stone

Been down this road a hundred times with our oldest. Meet parents, play date, then yes or no.

You could still end up with a great mom married to a meth head. BTDT.

Otterluv

You say, I'd like to meet you before hand. Then you tell your child and them that you'll come over to their house for a bit. See how the kids play together. See what their house is like. See what the family is like.

Then go with your gut. Not much more you can do.


OR have them sleep over at your place.

This is how I handled those situations when my boys were little. Any reasonable parent would totally get your need to check the place out. Honestly, though, we had kids over at our house a LOT more frequently than we had our kids over at other people's houses. I think it may have had a lot to do with the video game consoles and whatnot. It was more work for us, for sure, but it was also a total blast having a bunch of kids over.

Derp_Diggler

I wouldn't allow it. I'd suggest they have a play date (or two) prior to any sleep over so you can meet the kid and the parents. You may not even want him around this other kid. Sounds like the mother is an idiot. And yes, I'm judging.

Pretty much this. It's your child, not a houseplant. You should be concerned with whom he spends his time.

*hi five* a man in agreement. My ex always makes me feel like I'm overprotective... which I am LOL But shouldn't I be? At least a little?

Yes I think so. As far as I'm concerned there's no such thing as the perfect parent, so I'm not chasing that ideal. And worse case scenarios being what they are, I'd rather be the slightly overprotective parent than the lackadaisical parent.

calibriintx

This lady sounds like a flake. I would just tell her that you'd like to meet her and her husband before making plans for a sleepover, and that unfortunately you're not available to meet prior to the weekend, and neither is your ex. I would only mention him so that she's not wondering why you had to call him if you were going to say no anyway.

If bowling is the happening the day after they wanted him to stay the night, you could suggest that you two come along. Or plan a lunch/play date. Honestly, unless she's just having an off day and isn't as flaky as she sounds, a meetup might never happen.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

If your son were a bit older, 12-13 I would say chill out a bit -- let him go bowling assuming the family picking him up looked respectable enough, but have him check in with after to see if he was comfortable. But a 7 year old? Not gonna happen.

I can forget the terrible phone etiquette because I hate to use the phone and would probably sound that way if I made a call on the fly.

DeliriumCanBeFun

i have a 12 year old, and we have the same with the sleepover issue.
i told her she is not allowed to sleep out at peoples houses, at all, period.
she can have anyone over our house, but she is not allowed to sleep out.

i would just tell the mom that you aren't comfortable with your son going, as you haven't met them yet.
if they are as flaky as they sound, they probably aren't interested in meeting you, and will move on to the next kid.

Never at all? That seems kind of harsh. I'm strict, but I take things on a case by case basis.
My 11 y/o son has had the same best friend for years, and my brother and I grew up with his dad and older brother so I do know the family well. They sleep over at each others houses all the time. But I do understand being leary of sending them where you don't know the parents. That same son has asked me a couple of times to go to a certain boys house, but I've never met his mom and the home life there sounds a lot less shall we say "structured" than mine. When I've said no, he wasn't surprised since we've had talks about it. You don't owe another parent anything but maybe a short, polite explanation. But I would recommend having a conversation with your child about why you made the decision, and also leaving the door open for further discussions in the future.

krispy1982

I definitely agree that you should just be honest. This is one of the hardest parts of being a parent I think - the dealing with other parents! But trust me, it just gets worse and it helps I think if you can start standing up for your own standards now. Soon it will be explaining to other parents why you won't let your 13 yo go to their house party where they will be supplying booze. (Don't blink! This will happen in what feels like a week!)

It's totally not weird to meet them first when he's only 7. Always go with your gut. Hang around at bowling for a bit and try out a few more 'play dates' until you're more comfortable. It may turn out they're just weird but not dangerous.

MyOwnSunshine

I have an 8-year-old daughter and feel the same as you and other posters.

Unless I know the parent(s), I would need to have a few playdates before I felt comfortable sending my child to their house for an overnight.

In your situation, I would let the mom know that this weekend doesn't work, but arrange a playdate in the next few weeks at your house, so you can meet her when she drops her kid off, and you can see how her kid behaves (important to me).

Oscarinmiami

You can never be too careful...I would want to meet the parents before any sleep over happens, and have the kid over to my house to see how he acts and treats my kid...just saying

cerumens

I would just say "we don't do sleepovers but would be happy to meet you at the playground, bowling alley, or wherever" - Get to know them well before giving them control of your child for any length of time.

Neeters1969

Miss Manners advises a two week notice on any sleepover activities, and that you meet the parents first. I have a tendency to consult her on these things.

This. Totally and absolutely this.

BlueBombers

I would never ever ever let my kids sleep over at someone's house if I don't know their parents VERY WELL, and even then I limit it to family (ie. Grandparents, my brother, etc). Maybe I am a little overprotective but with the stuff you see on the news these days I would never take the chance.

Edit: I also agree with others as you need to have this kid over to see how they play with your child. A must.

Lisa1971

I wouldn't allow it. I'd suggest they have a play date (or two) prior to any sleep over so you can meet the kid and the parents. You may not even want him around this other kid. Sounds like the mother is an idiot. And yes, I'm judging.

Pretty much this. It's your child, not a houseplant. You should be concerned with whom he spends his time.

YEP! Arrange a playdate first and then go from there.

lilRicki

Tell her you'll go bowling with them, but maybe next time he can sleep over

odusgolp

Thank you everyone... I feel a little less bat *kitten* crazy. Well... about this anyhow. LOL

pawnstarNate

Have you seen this van driving around the neighborhood?

odusgolp

Have you seen this van driving around the neighborhood?

That's my van...


Have you been stalking me?

Insanity2bSane

I'd vote no. .

I let my kid sleepover with neighbors. . I see them all the time. .I know the parents. the siblings.There a no red flags with them.

But. . if it's someone outside the neighborhood the dynamic is different.. The kid can't just come home if things get weird. Also. .you don't know the family well.. Even if you meet for bowling or at the park. you don't know the family. The family MUST include any adult in the home.. You have to have a good relationship with the father, the mother, and any older siblings living in the home before you send your seven year old son to spend the night.

Furthermore. I wouldn't turn the tables and invite their son for a sleepover either. If you do, then it becomes awkward to refuse when they ask next time. .not that feeling awkward should matter. . but it's nice to avoid if you can!. .Just say it's a policy or something. . Most parents will understand this and if they don't. . so what!?

This ^^^^^

NewCaddy

You know... you could just be honest and tell her that you would really like to know her better before you let your son spend the night her house.

If she doesn't understand that, then the answer is automatically no.

This.