What is the proper etiquette for children's sleepovers?

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  • nycmark
    nycmark Posts: 16 Member
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    Maybe your son doesn't even know who this kid is. I agree with many of the other posts here. Let them get together for a play date (under your supervision) so you can decide if they get along. I'm much older than any others here but the same concerns existed 20 years ago. You dont know this boy or his parents and I would err on the side of caution. Wait until they are 12yo and want to have a
    co-ed sleepover. You will be up all night..lol
  • Greenrun99
    Greenrun99 Posts: 2,065 Member
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    Ask your son if he wants to go.. if he says yes.. take him over there and drop him off and check out the house.. Don't be some overprotective parent that thinks your kid is an angel...
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
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    Just to play a bit of devil's advocate on this one, yes try to meet the parents see the environment etc. But if, as you say, the kid really is great, consider letting your son sleep over even if the parents/household isn't what most would consider ideal. TALK with your son before hand about what might make you uncomfortable and give him strategies for contacting you and/or leaving if he feels he needs to, but let him try it.

    Reason I say this, there's always the one kid that's really sweet, but has a crappy home environment. That kid can quickly become isolated from the rest of his peers, not because of anything he does, but because of how people respond to his parents, or because he never gets to do normal stuff like sleep overs because of the impression his parents give off.

    Now obviously I don't mean do this if you have any reason to think parents or home environment are dangerous, but just something to consider.
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
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    NO.

    I have to meet the parents and have a good feeling that they aren't psychos, druggies or they type of people that let their kids run wild.

    Maybe I'm too picky, but it's my job to keep my son safe.

    A lot of the time, I will have the child over to my house first, so I can have a bit of control over the situation. Plus I usually get to meet the parents that way.
  • RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle
    RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle Posts: 1,349 Member
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    It depends a lot on the age of your son. Gather information. Always follow your gut! Even if your gut is coming from a bat **** crazy irrationally in love with your child place, which is where mine often comes from, it's always ok to say no. You're a good parent whatever you decide, because you are giving this thought and attention.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Ask your son if he wants to go.. if he says yes.. take him over there and drop him off and check out the house.. Don't be some overprotective parent that thinks your kid is an angel...

    But he is. I've watched him *kitten* glitter.
  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
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    I'm just echoing what everyone else has said so far, but you should trust your gut and at least check the parents out first. If you don't like what you find, don't let your kid stay over at their house.

    That said, you like the kid, so why not invite him over if your son still wants a sleepover? That allows the social interaction both boys need but you can have it in an environment you're comfortable with and the sweet kid with the skeezy parents gets a chance to be in a normal household for a night.
  • Platform_Heels
    Platform_Heels Posts: 388 Member
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    and the sweet kid with the skeezy parents gets a chance to be in a normal household for a night.

    :huh:

    What makes the kids parents "skeezy"? And how do you know their household isn't normal?

    Maybe the kid did bring up a sleepover with OP's kid and she just assumed that the OP knew.

    OP: I don't have kids but I would want to meet the parent of my kids friends regardless of whether or not they were going to a sleep over.
  • WaKay
    WaKay Posts: 314
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    When my daughters were younger, I didn't allow any sleepovers unless I had already met the parents personally. I checked them out online and asked any mutual friends if they knew them.

    This is my daughter I don't just hand her off to anyone for the night. And I declined many times. Go with the gut instincts as well. Parents have them for a reason.
  • KimJohnsonsmile
    KimJohnsonsmile Posts: 222 Member
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    Hell no. Just, hell no. Your gut is obviously telling you that something is a little "off" with that situation, so no. And, wow, it really grates on me when parents refer to their children as "the kid" or "my kid" or the like.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
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    i am the wierdo in the group as i have told my friends i am not keen on sleep overs (daughter is 6), i guess its cos its not something i did until i was 16. They think its funny, thats ok. I guess I will eventually get used to it.

    But for someone who you do not even know thats a hell no sorry. You wouldnt be able to sleep until your child comes home.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
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    Ask your son if he wants to go.. if he says yes.. take him over there and drop him off and check out the house.. Don't be some overprotective parent that thinks your kid is an angel...

    and when she checks out the house what do you think she will find? all she will see is normal behaviour. house might be clean, house might not be clean. This means nothing whats so ever. You must be protective of your child as one wrong turning you cant always take back.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Okay, so I took the time to bold and number each and every instance of the story that gave me pause as a parent. Following are the explanations why they bothered me. Check the notes in the appendix. What follows will be a well supported resounding NO! to the sleepover. Please to blame the "NO" on your ex (it's one of the perks of having an ex isn't it? Just blame everything on them.) and do not give the lady his phone number. Please advise kiddo of the same under the penalty of losing any and all electronics privileges.
    I had a recent invite for my son to have an overnight that caught me off-guard. So, I'm wondering, in YOUR opinion/experience, what is the proper etiquette for sleepovers, or how would you handle this situation?

    “Nikki” (the mom) called me last week at work. She found my number in the school directory. She sounded “rough”(1) for lack of a better explanation, and a bit like she was so incredibly preoccupied she was having a conversation with me and three other people around her at the same time(2).

    The conversation went something like, “Hey, this is Nick’s mom, the blonde basketball player. He’s been buggin me non-stop(3) about having a sleepover with your kid(4).”

    “I’m sorry, who is this?(5)”

    “This is Nikki. My kid is the basketball player!” (Note, our kids are 7 years old(6), and we don't have sports at our school... so what he does outside of school, I would be clueless to).

    “I really think you must have the wrong number.”

    “Isn’t this LL's mom.”

    “Oh, yes, this is… our kids are in class together?(7)”

    “Yeah, I’ve got the blonde kid. So is he free tomorrow or Saturday? We’re going bowling Saturday, but I think (8)he could just come along…”


    It was SO fast, completely caught me off guard, and I don’t know this lady for *kitten*. I said, “Well, Leland’s dad and I are divorced, so I’ll have to talk to him....” blah blah blah.


    Anyhow, my ex is of the opinion it's no big deal, just say yes (8)and let him go. I say, I'd like to at least meet these people first? But I don't also know how to tactfully say that, cause i'm a huge p*ssy. LOL


    Give me your parenting advice/opinions....
    1-If she doesn't sound like the kind of people you'd at least hang out with, why let your child go unattended?
    2-She should take an invite like this seriously and give it it's due attention.
    3-Her kid bug's non stop? So is the invite just to shut him up? Will he be bugging your kid? Would you not prefer your child go to overnights with kids who "enjoy his company" or something like that?
    4-Call me crazy but I'd like someone responsible for my child for a whole night to know his name and use it when attempting to pry him from my kung fu grip.
    5-The fact that she could still not make it known who she or her child is during all the previous speaks unwell of her communication skills. I would not want to hear some explains in the morning of what went wrong during the sleepover due to bad communication.
    6-7 years old might be too young for sleepovers with people who are not family or friends "as close as family" IMO.
    7-The fact that the year's almost over and you did not even know that this kid is in your kid's does not speak to closeness on their parts
    8- You "think"? If you want to get my kid from my kung fu grip sistah you better KNOW what you are planning to do during your time with him and that he will not be a third wheel or any kind of imposition on any of the planned activities. What if it's a bowling party and there's not enough food for my kid because she just snuck him in there?
    [/u]The whole thing reads like a big, huh? [/u]
    I don't know how basketball is but in 'merica it's 3 strikes and your out. So she is out like almost 3 times!
  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
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    and the sweet kid with the skeezy parents gets a chance to be in a normal household for a night.

    :huh:

    What makes the kids parents "skeezy"? And how do you know their household isn't normal?

    Maybe the kid did bring up a sleepover with OP's kid and she just assumed that the OP knew.

    OP: I don't have kids but I would want to meet the parent of my kids friends regardless of whether or not they were going to a sleep over.

    I'm not assuming that they are skeezy, I'm saying after she's done her due diligence and decided that she does NOT want her kid staying at their house they're probably skeezy. Jeez.
  • MelissR75
    MelissR75 Posts: 760 Member
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    Playdate first
    Exactly!
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    does your son even want to do this?
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    The best sleepovers are the ones that happen at someone else's house.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    does your son even want to do this?

    FTW!
  • Collier78
    Collier78 Posts: 811 Member
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    We constantly have kids sleeping over at our place because of uninterested parents. I went to pick up one of my 13 year old daughter's friends, expecting to meet a parent, and she was on the front porch waiting for us when we got there. I got out of the car and walked to the door and her mom was surprised to see me..she thought we had picked her up already..needless to say my daughter NEVER spends the night there! However she can come stay at our place anytime she wants.

    I have to have communication with the parents before hand...you never know what could be going on.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    We constantly have kids sleeping over at our place because of uninterested parents. I went to pick up one of my 13 year old daughter's friends, expecting to meet a parent, and she was on the front porch waiting for us when we got there. I got out of the car and walked to the door and her mom was surprised to see me..she thought we had picked her up already..needless to say my daughter NEVER spends the night there! However she can come stay at our place anytime she wants.

    I have to have communication with the parents before hand...you never know what could be going on.

    Please allow me to translate:

    Me Me Me. Me me me me me. Me me ME!

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