Husband Is Mad I Am Fat

Avalonis

I'm not going to comment on the relationship aspect of the post.

Killjoy. I just broke out the popcorn.

mlb567

It's horrible that your husband says those things to you, but it's also horrible that you bad mouth him on online. I used to be the same way about 8 or 7 years ago in my late teens. I would complain about my husband on myspace when I was upset. Then he sat me down and explained that he hated it. He wouldn't (and still doesn't) even complain about me to his friends or family because he would never want them to form a bad opinion about me. (Yeah...I know...what a mature, sweet man I have.) When we have a problem we go to each other about it and there is no need to share it with the world. You either need to talk to your husband about these things and stand up for yourself or talk to a therapist.

I personally would never stay with a man who talked down to me like that and called me lazy or fat, but that's because I've been to the promised land and I KNOW how a great man should treat his woman. My husband has never even so much as called me a name...ever.

Amen sista,
My SO NEVER talks about me to his friends or blasts me on the Internet and I love him for it. He has taught me so much about communication, taking the high road, and dealing with personal issues personally!
It's so easy to run off and complain, poor me, poor me, poor me. It just makes it worse and gives you a way to rationalize your own behavior and feel more concrete that you MUST be right.
Problems are inevitable. Spouting them to the world in a sympathy bid doesn't help.
The more private I have become (with the right things) the better my relationship has been. Eliminate the drama and focus on YOU is my recommendation to the OP. You have a long road back to being in a committed, thoughtful relationship (on both sides of the fence).

jasminemars01

I would never talk about him to anyone I personally know. I am anonymous on this site. It helps sometimes to be able to write about issues and gain some advice and support during a bad time. As far as sympathy, I hadn't thought that was what I was trying to gain from posting. Feeling sorry for oneself is sometimes justified and healing. Wallowing in pity for an extended length of time is harmful of course.

PaleoPath4Lyfe

I would never talk about him to anyone I personally know. I am anonymous on this site. It helps sometimes to be able to write about issues and gain some advice and support during a bad time. As far as sympathy, I hadn't thought that was what I was trying to gain from posting. Feeling sorry for oneself is sometimes justified and healing. Wallowing in port for an extended length of time is harmful of course.

Maybe its my military training and I think differently, but feeling sorry for ones' self is never healing and shouldn't be justified. It just hinders progress.

MaitreyeeMAYHEM

From when you got married till now, did you gain or loose any weight? I understand that having kids may cause you to gain a bit of weight but I wouldn't think enough to make him snap at you like that.

salladeve

Are you mad at him because he is an *kitten*?

That's marriage for you.

Bernadette60614

And,you're mad cause he lays around the house and doesn't help.

I think you're both under a lot of stress because of all the responsibilities you have and it is coming out in these ways.

What works for us is to attack the problem and not attack the person. So, to say: Listen, I'd love to make healthier meals and join a gym, but I can't do that if I have to come home every night and make dinner and clean the house. There just isn't enough time in the day.

And, then, maybe saying: I was thinking of a few solutions...let me run them by you: 1) we could cut back on some things and hire a weekly cleaner 2) We could devote 3 hours each weekend as a couple cleaning the house. 3) We could do 1 or 2, and we could start taking walks together after dinner as a couple...spend sometime together just the way we did before we got married.

I've been married for a while, and those first few years after having a family were the worst of our marriage. You never realize how much work it is until it all seems to fall on you.

You can work it out!

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Are you mad at him because he is an *kitten*?

That's marriage for you.

Wow, I'm awfully sorry that's what marriage is to you, if you are serious. That's seriously sad.

4aces61

Not reading all 11 pages, so if this has been mentions, sorry. but remember, we're only hearing 1 side of the story.

What type of work does your husband do? Is he a hard worker that provides well for his family? What type of shape is he in? When he is home, does he help out w/ any chores for you?

ravennyx

So sorry you have a husband who finds it easier to put you down than lift you up ... Sounds like my ex ... Sit on his butt while I'm running around working and taking care of the house and the 4 kids and implying I don't do anything... Finally every time he opened his mouth to put me down I would tell him to take his face out of the mirror before speaking to me.

MyChocolateDiet

this is an old thread.

summertime_girl

My husband hated that I was fat too. So he had an affair, and moved in with the girl. I lost the weight. He's still an *kitten*.

1pandabear

You can lose weight just by eating at a calorie deficit. Doesn't really take that much time to figure out. So it is possible to lose weight with your crazy schedule.

True

dianalee9

I would never talk about him to anyone I personally know. I am anonymous on this site. It helps sometimes to be able to write about issues and gain some advice and support during a bad time. As far as sympathy, I hadn't thought that was what I was trying to gain from posting. Feeling sorry for oneself is sometimes justified and healing. Wallowing in pity for an extended length of time is harmful of course.

Reminds me of a quote: "You can feel sorry tomorrow, or you can feel sore tomorrow, it's your choice". Emphasis on YOUR CHOICE!!

I don't agree that feeling sorry for oneself is healing or justified, maybe that stems from my background, but I think feeling sorry oneself starts a spiral of self-pity and excuse making. In my opinion, you can either sit around and feel sorry yourself or you can do something about it, but you can't do both.

Switzer12

Reach down deep inside and find the spirit and fight you need and do what's best for you and your children. That would mean getting healthier and yes losing some weight, but not for HIM, for YOU. I would just not talk about it, but do what you need to do to take care of you. I am sorry you are in this type of relationship - hopefully things will get better for you. We are all in your corner!!

Sunbrooke

I can actually imagine my own husband saying something like that to me, but only because I used to complain constantly about my body and I really didn't do anything about it. He would eventually get fed up and say something harsh. I also worked long hours at the time and did the majority of house work. Sometimes we just run out of time in the day for the list that HAS to be done. Working two jobs would make exercising and meal prep very difficult. Also, when people are mentally tired from a long day of sleep deprived work, they can confuse it with being physically tired from exercise, and wind up over eating.

My husband and I actually decided to down size. We rented out our big house and moved into an apartment. Now, I am able to stay home and I have plenty of time to take care of the house, myself, and my family. My husband and I have a lot more time to spend together and we can do fun stuff, when he is home on weekends, and in the evening. No more lawn care/ laundry/ errands/ shopping on weekends . I wonder if you could somehow arrange to work less. If you truly don't have time to take care of yourself and to enjoy your family, then it is well worth a sacrifice in income and material things to be happier and healthier. Have a serious talk with your husband about what you both really want most and how you can achieve that.

salladeve

Are you mad at him because he is an *kitten*?

That's marriage for you.

Wow, I'm awfully sorry that's what marriage is to you, if you are serious. That's seriously sad.

No, my attempt at sarcasm.
Really in my honest opinion, and from my own difficult past experience, people only treat you badly if you allow it. If you don't like the way you are being treated change it.

mccindy72

Ok, I had a fight with my husband tonight. The jist of it is he is sick of having a fat wife that doesn't take care of herself. I think he is exaggerating a little bit. I was supermodel thin and attractive when he met me 15 years ago. I have had a pretty rough time the past several years, working two jobs and taking care of two kids. I have zero time to myself. He says it is just an excuse and I could make time. When? Quit one of my jobs? Not feed our kids? My husband works away from home and is gone five nights a week, so he is no help. He gives me no credit for what I do to keep the house hold running, and makes me feel bad on top of it that I am not maintaining a svelte figure and keeping my nails done. WT heck. I am so ripping mad I could scream. He happened to be home tonight, and watched sports all night while I did our taxes. And then he has the nerve to complain we are all slobs and don't take care of the house when he is gone (not true).
I want to lose weight and take better care of myself, but now I don't want him to think I am doing it to appease him. I have this rebellious streak in me now. He says I won't lose weight because it is just too hard ... and I am not capable of hard work. So now I don't feel like making any effort at all.
I am so beside myself I can't sleep tonight. Of course, he is snoring away upstairs.

1. You need to talk this out , together, rationally. If you can't do without a moderator, get some counselling.
2. It doesn't take any extra time to lose weight, it's just a matter of eating less (calorie deficit). if you want time to exercise, for fitness, then you need to talk to him about working out a schedule where he steps up to help you so you have time to exercise.

1bigh1

Okay coming from a man's point of view here. I was for a short while raising two kids and going to college full-time while my wife worked her *kitten* off at her job. I can honestly say that raising two kids alone and actually maintaining the household is a ton of work without two jobs. Your plate is overflowing with work load. I know you are tired as hell, sleep deprived, not getting to eat healthy, and by all means don't have time to go to a gym and workout. Honestly what you could do to show him what your life entails is keep a journal of all the work and time it takes. However, this eats up time too. I don't honestly think most people realize how much work it is to properly raise children and much less keep the house in good condition. On top of that 2 jobs. I will not say anything negative about your husband because in reality I do not know him and you have to come to the conclusion of who and what he is. My advice I give to people is really marriage is simple. Either the things they do you can live with or you can not. If you can then try to deal with it and if not then you already have your answer. This is basically what will be the counselors advice in the long run. Personally I have never met anyone that went to counseling and was found to be the primary culprit of problem to ever take the counseling at least halfheartedly. This is coming from a case manager for offenders of family violent criminals and abusers. He may not be physically abusing you, but at the least is trying to verbally abuse you by tearing down your self-worth. My wife isn't in the shape she was in we met and I find her just as beautiful and as attractive as then. Actually more so because my love has grown stronger for her.

MyChocolateDiet

its still an old thread