How to stop obsessing and calorie counting

gillian211179

Looking for words of wisdom (or confirmation) if anyone can help.

Over past 4 years I have gone from 224lbs to 120 lbs through a lot of hard work running and exercising along with an overhaul in diet and nutrition. But along the way lost sense of me and happiness.

Now at a point where I am so proud of my physical achievement but I obsess over everything I eat (I plan every meal and constantly think about what I am going to eat next after just finishing a meal) and feel sooooo bad if I give myself a treat. On holiday this week and I have over eaten at every meal that I feel so bloated and sore along with eating so many sweets, cakes, ice cream and rubbish!!!! but decided that I know enough now that I should be able to have a sense of portion control, sensible eating and the odd treat. Problem is though I am scared of being bigger again along with a passion for cooking, baking and creating in the kitchen!

So question is, do I stop calorie counting or is there another way of maintaining that I do not know about as I am so tired of the control that I feel I need to have 24 hours a day.

Sorry for the rant, guess I am just wondering if anyone else feels this way?

Thanks

mynameisnotemily

It's very difficult for people who lose weight to keep it off without the tools that got them there.

Why don't you start by not planning everything ahead? You could still track it all, but eat more or less what you feel like at the time , as long as it's mostly nutritious and fits into your daily limit. And budgeting for a small treat everyday or a larger one every few days is the best way to keep cravings from taking over your life and triggering holiday binge eating.

EllenTebbits

I'm so sorry that you are struggling, but I really appreciate your post. I have only begun my weight loss journey, but from a past experience with Weight Watchers, I know exactly what you are talking about. Although I lost a fraction of the weight you have lost, I was very obsessive and unhappy, wasn't proud of my progress and constantly berated myself. Because of this, I started with MFP knowing that I had to make changes that were sustainable and that the point of logging was to learn about what worked for my body not only in terms of losing weight but in terms of what I would follow for the rest of my life.
I know that I will always have to count calories and weigh my food. I know that I have to be happy with the progress that I have made even if my goal feels very far away. But I also know from reading the message boards that weight is not the only indication of success. There is a striking before and after post by a woman who weighs the same in each picture. The difference is that in one picture she wasn't doing any exercise while in the other she had been lifting. In the same way that losing weight is different for everyone (what works for me may not work for you) I think maintenance is probably similar. Cereal is a trigger food for me. I can't keep it in the house. I will never be able to keep it in the house. I would eat five boxes if I could. But I also know its important for me to have cookies when I want them even if I go over my calories. When I go over my calories, my weight may fluctuate, but I need to learn how to accept that fluctuation and not think of it as a failure. I thin in your case you need to allow yourself the time to adjust during maintenance. I've heard from others that there is an adjustment period as you figure out how to eat, and that a simple formula may not do the trick. I also am a firm believer in maintaining a weight/activity level that is actually maintainable. If you want to weigh 125 but struggle with staying there, maybe it's time to reflect on the number and your level of exercise..

I'm really happy to read your post, thank you for sharing it. I am sorry you are struggling with this, but I totally understand it.

likitisplit

You aren't going to get bigger overnight. You have a lot of room to experiment around with what works best for you. Try spending a month eating to hunger cues and see where that gets you. If you are up more than a pound or two, you'll know that you need to keep tracking.

lorjane

Hi - I understand your obsession and have been trying to beat it myself. I am in the middle of reading a book called Love Your Body, Love Your Life. It talks about changing your focus - your body is not WHO you are and it is not how you measure your self worth. When you love yourself then things like eating the right foods will become more natural because you will want to do what is best for yourself - nourishing your body. Easier said than done, I know.

Think back to when you had your big weight loss. How did you motivate yourself? I bet you did it because you said "enough" and just wanted to be healthier for yourself. Channel that energy in maintaining. Eat right and exercise because you want to take care of your body. When you view those things as punishment and as a means to not gain weight then it makes laying around and eating sweets more tempting even when you know they don't make you feel good long term. Sorry if this is a little preachy - just my two cents. Good luck!

kerrbear79

Because of the obsession I've had too with EVERYTHING & all those numbers I have decided to slowly transition into not counting. I had those exact same thoughts you had about being tired of feeling like I had to have this certain "control" all the time. I decided I've been doing this long enough now (almost 4 years of counting w/ a pregnancy in there too) to know how to eat correctly. So 3 weeks ago I started taking just the weekends off from counting as a trial. My plans are to gradually ease into not counting at all but I have no idea how long that will take me. I would recommend trying this too and not going cold turkey. I can tell you though that just the few weekends I've had "off" have been so freaking awesome. I thought I would have that loss of control freak out I normally do but instead I've felt so freeeeeeeeee!!! It is proving to myself that I really do know how to eat, what to eat, etc etc and that my old unhealthy lifestyle is in the far far past. That was part of my fear is that when I didn't use to count I was a lot chunkier (have weighed as much as 40 lbs more w/o being pregnant) but I keep reminding myself that I didn't eat healthy or exercise back then and I shouldn't worry about being chunky again since I've had this complete lifestyle overhaul for the past 4 years.

Smiles_And_Pizza

I feel the exact same way as you.
I am addicted to counting calories and had an experience this morning that made me want to stop.

I was at Dunkin Donuts and I realized that I wasn't looking at the menu and thinking about the food, I was looking at the menu and thinking about the calories. I was literally doing this in my head. "I could get that, but then I'd had to have something smaller for dinner and would that really be worth it? plus I know I could get this for less etc..." I hated it!

I really want to stop counting calories but I don't want to feel like I've just given up!
It's Frustrating haha.

Mav3rick54

First... big congrats on your weight loss. Don't lose sight of all of the hard work you have put in to accomplish that.

As I get closer to my weight loss goal I have been thinking a lot about this topic. Here are my two cents worth. One of the main reasons I got overweight to begin with is because I did not have any control over what I was eating. Many times I ate just to be eating.

For me, I have had to change my mindset about counting calories. I don't look at it as an obsession, but more like I am taking control of my life instead of letting food control my life. Counting calories puts ME in control.

Good luck. Hope you find that balance that will help you maintain without driving yourself crazy.

Erinelda

I personally think there is nothing wrong with logging calories. Most people eat 40% more than they think they do. It is all that fear that needs to be resolved. I have no advice for the fear, lately the dreams where I feel horrible because I am smoking (I quit 5 years ago) and eating junk food have joined forces. At one point in my dream I had a smoke in one hand and a chocolate cookie in the other and I felt like an awful failure and saboteur of my own life lol.

daydreambelieverxo

This is exactly how I feel as well. I am in the middle of losing the weight to reach my goal weight, I have done great and losing weight quickly and haven't gone up on the scale at all. But I have never been so obsessed or dissatisfied with my body before, even though this is the best shape I have been in years. I keep obsessing and over analyzing everything that I eat, and have a hard time treating myself on occasion. I wish I knew how to better control this so it doesn't take over my mindset. I could really use some positivity in my life.

gillian211179

Thank you for commenting, all really helpful. Planning is probably the biggest problem, as I do not want to plan. Think if I did not plan some control would be lost (which would be a relief) but with a 5 year old taking packed lunches, working full time and being out of the house from 7-7 planning is essential to have healthy and nutritious meals. I do not want to limit what food I have as like I said food is one of my passions but would just love to eat mindfully with portion control and go 30 seconds without thinking about food!

I know I will loose anything I put on as I run 25-40k a week as well as doing strength training. My overhaul in attitude towards fitness is what I am proud of. I am eager to show my daughter that exercise gives you strength and power to do anything but I also want to show her balance but that is what iam struggling with;(

Thank you again for your words;) it is comforting that I am not alone and as mad as I think I am.

KaylaBushman

I have stopped logging everything for a while.

I found that logging was making me crazy to a point of just wanting to give up because I was obsessing over every single thing I ate.

So I stopped. Instead I measure and weigh most things to make sure I am eating only one serving and then I sort of keep a running total in my head.

ETA that while this may seem very similar as I have only really cut out the step of typing it in to log it, it is drastically different because I only think about food when I am measuring it out right then and there. When I was logging it, I would plan my whole day ahead of time and put in as many things that were "healthy" and then would stress if plans changed or I didn't want to eat that, so then I would spend time trying to rearrange my diary to make room.

With the running total, I am only thinking about food when I am measuring it, then and there.

kilsafari

Its very easy for counting calories to turn from a helpful tool to an unhealthy obsession. I constantly struggle with the same thing, so you are not alone. Sometimes I forget what the point of it all is and think I'd be happier if I went back to eating whatever want whenever I want, however much I want. I'll be returning to this thread to see what kind of advice you get.

mandasalem

For what it's worth, I decided after losing more than 20 pounds from April-October last year that I would take a break from calorie-counting and resume my pursuit of 10 more pounds once the holidays were over. My family is far away, the travel stresses me out, and the holidays are always especially hard, so I didn't want to be guilting myself on top of all that.

I didn't track from October to until about a month or so ago, and I maintained within a few pounds. Granted, this isn't a HUGE expanse of time, but what I did find was that I stayed at my lower weight, within a pound or two either way depending on the day. My habits had changed. My activity level had changed.

Part of this journey is about forming new *habits*, not just new tasks. While I don't think going completely hogwild off the tracking wagon is always a great idea, there's a place in between, gray between the black and white-- being mindful and adhering to the good habits you've formed.

I know I can't count forever, as I'd drive my husband bonkers, but I also know I can remember and be mindful.

Good luck

joan23_us

THIS MIGHT HELP please watch this is part 6, you might also want to see the other part highly recommended

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWpKW7sxXPY&list=PLYdkxp9hJ4i58l583rJV7r2LMAiYFJ9gm

ValeriePlz

One of the past "Biggest Loser" contestants tried her end-weight jeans on every week, and if they were tight she'd know that she'd have to be more strict for a while until they fit again. I think that's a good non-caloric indicator of weight gain (and one not to have to do every day).

AlwaysInMotion

First off, CONGRATS!!!! I'm proud of you. You should be super PROUD, too!

I'm a long-term maintainer (over 10 years now). Sadly, abandoning all tracking around year 5 (thought I had meal planning and portion control *down*) caused me to slowly regain around 7 lbs/year (aka a 35lb gain over past 5 yrs). Luckily us big losers know how to take it off again, so no need to panic, right!

If anyone is interested, here are a few suggestions from this diet veteran:

1) Give yourself a weight gain threshold (ex: 10lb gain). And keep weighing weekly. If you go over that threshold, you start logging again. When you get safely below the threshold, you can stop logging. If you can stay below that threshold, you're golden... Just don't beat yourself up over minor fluctations. Set your max number and don't panic until you hit it.

2) If you are like me, you probably have some favorite healthy meals. Try to keep those in your regular rotation. Plan out your meals & snacks for the week (or at least 2-3 days out) so you don't go off the rails "freestyling" meals & snacks, especially when you are hungry and prone to poor decisions. If you are always great at breakfast or lunch, then don't sweat those meals. If dinner or snacking is problematic, then perhaps only log those.

3) Know your weaknesses. I know I have a problem with portion control, so I don't bring certain stuff into the house (for me, it's carbs - candy, ice cream, chips). If I want a treat, I have to get it outside my home (ex: a single serving of froyo from Red Mango)... not from the 10-gallon drum in my freezer. If you have certain diet weaknesses (ex: eating out), plan for it and make a battle plan (ex: limit eating out to 1 meal/week). For me, it's not bringing the problem stuff in my safe zone (my home).

4) Ya gotta make a commitment to keep up with the exercise even if you aren't logging. I went off diet, but then also went off exercise (goes back to losing my accountability when I stopped logging.) I guess ya gotta be realistic with yourself. If you move less, you eat less. If you move more, you can eat more. That's hard to do in maintenance, but not impossible. Just be aware of the potential pitfall.

That's all I got for now... I could go on, but it gets annoying! I hope that helps!!!

gillian211179

Again thank you so much, I have really appreciated all of your thought, comments and advice.

Think the threshold idea is very realistic with my lifestyle. Working and routine are my life however sometimes work (and a frustrated husband) can throw a curve ball so having a threshold where I do not freak out is so simple and sensible. Thanks.

I do believe in all food groups being part of my diet as I really feel the effect when working out and I have not balanced my diet. When I have 2 minutes to myself tonight I am going to watch the you tube link which will hopefully shed light into the balancing act of healthy and nutritional knowledge with sanity.

skinnybythanksgiving

Thank you for commenting, all really helpful. Planning is probably the biggest problem, as I do not want to plan. Think if I did not plan some control would be lost (which would be a relief) but with a 5 year old taking packed lunches, working full time and being out of the house from 7-7 planning is essential to have healthy and nutritious meals. I do not want to limit what food I have as like I said food is one of my passions but would just love to eat mindfully with portion control and go 30 seconds without thinking about food!

I know I will loose anything I put on as I run 25-40k a week as well as doing strength training. My overhaul in attitude towards fitness is what I am proud of. I am eager to show my daughter that exercise gives you strength and power to do anything but I also want to show her balance but that is what iam struggling with;(

Thank you again for your words;) it is comforting that I am not alone and as mad as I think I am.

You could plan meals for a whole week or two at a time, go shopping for everything you need and then completely put it out of your head until it's time to cook and eat. You could even cook extra meals and freeze them for extra free time. Besides, you are planning when you're obsessing.

QuietBloom

I think that the fact you feel guilty for eating something you normally wouldn't, shows that you might have an unhealthy relationship to food after paying such close attention to it for so long (BIG congrats on your success btw.) It would probably do you a whole lot of good mentally to step back from logging for a bit and try eating intuitively. I don't know if you are a diligent weigher, but try staying off the scale for a bit as well. I think you need a little bit of a break!

annette_15

I coulda written this post.. and I've been so close to doing it so many times. Cant wait to see more replies