Do YOU ever "sabotage" your friends?

kassiebby1124

My friend and I had an interesting discussion the other day about weight loss and people we know. My roommate is trying to lose weight and I offer her helpful tips without being too invasive now and then when she asks (I'm not really partial towards her but I live with her so..yeah) but my friend was saying that back in high school when her friend were losing weight, she wouldn't exactly "encourage" them to eat more or unhealthily, but when asked her opinion she wouldn't oppose their thoughts. That got me thinking that I used to do something similar because I didn't want to be the "Fat friend." I don't do this anymore, however. But have you ever been so envious of a friend's physique (or worried they'll look better than you when they do lose the weight) that you sabotage their efforts either directly or indirectly?

Ninkyou

Nope, can't say I ever have.

jimwon953

No.

In fact, I have a friend who I work with who is also monitoring his weight and he'll routinely say something like 'Ohhhhhh, I can't bothered. Let's just do massive burgers for lunch.' - to which I reply, 'You can do burgers if you like, but I'm going Boots for low calorie amazingness and then I'll come meet you in BK and completely defeat you with my amazing lunch,'.

neandermagnon

Never. I don't see any reason to. I don't see other people as being in competition with me (other than in actual sports, and then it's a game and I should be gracious in victory and defeat). If I want something they have (e.g. if they have a better bench, squat or deadlift than me) then I find ways to get that for myself by what I do and how I eat and train. This doesn't affect them one bit, as in they can continue to improve their lifts and I can continue to improve mine. How much they can lift doesn't affect how much I can lift. And if ultimately they're still stronger than me....? well I'll be jealous of course, but that's life, and I'll be happy for them.

as for sabotaging weight loss efforts... I see someone else's efforts to lose weight as their efforts to improve their health, so I'd see any attempt to sabotage their weight loss efforts as an attempt to sabotage their health, which IMO is a chaotic evil* thing to do. If a friend was hellbent on doing something unhealthy like one of those cleanses or something, then they might think I was trying to sabotage them through all my efforts to talk them out of it, but it would come from concern for their health and actually wanting them to succeed in the long term.




*yeah some of my nerd tendencies just slipped out there

redpandora56

I'm sorry but sabotaging a friend who is trying to lose weight does not improve your situation or make you magically slimmer - if someone is afraid a friend's attempts to become more healthy will make them look bad, then they should take accountability for themselves, and join them in their attempts.

i have a friend that does it to me. constantly says stuff like 'but i'm fatter than you so you don't need to lose weight.' and then when i go to visit, she'll ask if i was something to eat (chips, cookies, ice cream etc.) I'll say no, but she'll bring it and put it in front of me anyway, again saying i 'can afford it.'

To be honest it is hurtful, disrespectful, and it means I've been avoiding going to her house lately so she can't do that to me. If it happens again, I'm going to have to talk with her about it or I worry it will ruin our friendship.

I'm pleased you say you don't do it anymore and I hope that it stays that way. Supporting and joining in with your friends will allow you to keep them and achieve more for yourself than trying to sabotage them.

craftywitch_63

I'm guilty of being envious of some of my friends' amazing bodies (not to mention my daughter who is drop-dead gorgeous!) but I can't honestly think of any time that I've actively sabotaged it. Unless you count the times that I took my then-pregnant daughter to Taco Bell at her insistence. That was mostly fear of pregnancy hormones, though . . . :explode:

pixie_mills

Yes and No...

Situation: My mum is very thin and going to be 60 this year, she doesn't go to the gym and her only exercise consists of walking the dogs a couple of times a day, she has always been very thin with her heaviest weight being 8st 7lbs...now in the past and if being totally honest, i am envious of that weight particularly when she suits "young fashion" better than someone who is 35 years younger than her! I try to get her to eat more, but moreso because I'm really worried about her health like the onset of osteoporosis or her having a fall and breaking a bone. She also doesn't have much muscle...so its more of a cruel to be kind thing...I really doubt she gets more than 1500 kcal a day...

craftywitch_63

i have a friend that does it to me. constantly says stuff like 'but i'm fatter than you so you don't need to lose weight.'

:huh:

Othelie24601

Two examples:

- A friend who desperately wants me to join weight watchers with her and asks me all the time what I eat since I'm losing weight, while at the same time telling everyone that the only way to lose weight is to join weight watchers. And to be fair weight watchers is an amazing fit for her, because she looks more gorgeous every time I see her. I still feel I have the right to mess with her as much as I want, until she stops shaming me for not doing things her way.

- A colleague who is trying to lose weight by eating big "salads" consisting of cheese and ham, covered in dressing and drinking 200ish calories with every meal. I tried to tell her to drink water and maybe have an actual salad, but after doing that twice I gave up and now make sure not to have the same lunchtime as her. I don't need to sabotage her diet because she is doing it all by herself.

kbmnurse

No I don't.

rosebette

I did that once, not with mean intentions. I was staying with a dear friend who was doing WW, and meticulously counting points. Her husband, who was Latino, was a fantastic cook, so as I was the houseguest, he would cook for me, and I would kind of join him in "enjoy life" eat whatever, but I was a temporary guest, so I could afford the extra calories for just a week, but for her it was a daily struggle, Then, once when we went out, she was craving ice cream, and I treated her. I felt very bad about it afterwards, even though I wasn't being mean. I was just in vacation mode, and she wasn't, but I should have supported her.

craftywitch_63

Two examples:

- A friend who desperately wants me to join weight watchers with her and asks me all the time what I eat since I'm losing weight, while at the same time telling everyone that the only way to lose weight is to join weight watchers. I feel I have the right to mess with her as much as I want.

I doubt I could stop myself from messing with her either. :devil:

- A colleague who is trying to lose weight by eating big "salads" consisting of cheese and ham, covered in dressing and drinking 200ish calories with every meal. I tried to tell her to drink water and maybe have an actual salad, but after doing that twice I gave up and now make sure not to have the same lunchtime as her. I don't need to sabotage her diet because she is doing it all by herself.

Sometimes all you CAN do is sit back and watch them self-destruct. Depending upon the person and how much you care about her it can be (a) frustrating and disheartening or (b) satisfying (sorry if that offends anyone but sometimes it's just TRUE!) :indifferent:
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kandell

I don't think I've ever done that. Although...I hate to admit it, but I had a slight feeling of joy when my younger sister gained weight. She has always been so thin and gorgeous, and then she gained weight and we were about the same size. But now she's lost that weight and I feel so happy for her, and encouraged that I can lose that weight too!

kassiebby1124

Thanks for your input everyone. Now I'm gonna vent about my roommate. I don't care if she loses weight. She weighs less than me already (my body fat is lower though. Thanks weights!) but the thing that bothers me is that she complains about it. B*TCH I'M FAT TOO. Shut up. If she complained and did something about it, I'd support her more but she complains and sits on her *kitten*. When she does work out, she eats afterwards which is more than she burned off. I want to be supportive and happy for her and if she asks me something I'll give her advice, but I can do much if she continues her habits then complains about how things fit and how she's gained weight.

lauren3101

No, I have never and would never sabotage my friends efforts to lose weight. My friends are all incredibly supportive of me and I would be to them.

I have looked for 'validation' with them though. If I want dessert, for example, I ask if they are getting one, and if they are, in my mindset that means that it's ok for me to have one too. Bad habit that I'm trying to break. :laugh:

SezxyStef

real friends don't sabatage friends...

If you are actually doing that you are not a friend, if they are doing it they are not friends...

Madame_Goldbricker

Yes and No...

Situation: My mum is very thin and going to be 60 this year, she doesn't go to the gym and her only exercise consists of walking the dogs a couple of times a day, she has always been very thin with her heaviest weight being 8st 7lbs...now in the past and if being totally honest, i am envious of that weight particularly when she suits "young fashion" better than someone who is 35 years younger than her! I try to get her to eat more, but moreso because I'm really worried about her health like the onset of osteoporosis or her having a fall and breaking a bone. She also doesn't have much muscle...so its more of a cruel to be kind thing...I really doubt she gets more than 1500 kcal a day...

Encourage your mum to try yoga or pilates with you. It'll help prevent osteoporosis far better than her eating more cals.

SonicDeathMonkey80

My friends sabotage themselves very well without any assistance from me.

Othelie24601

- A colleague who is trying to lose weight by eating big "salads" consisting of cheese and ham, covered in dressing and drinking 200ish calories with every meal. I tried to tell her to drink water and maybe have an actual salad, but after doing that twice I gave up and now make sure not to have the same lunchtime as her. I don't need to sabotage her diet because she is doing it all by herself.

Sometimes all you CAN do is sit back and watch them self-destruct. Depending upon the person and how much you care about her it can be (a) frustrating and disheartening or (b) satisfying (sorry if that offends anyone but sometimes it's just TRUE!) :indifferent:

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Yeah, she is really strange and more then a little annoying so I'm planning on sitting back and watching the show.

sjohnny

If I want to sabotage someone I usually cut their brake lines or wire explosives to detonate when they open their front door.

craftywitch_63

Thanks for your input everyone. Now I'm gonna vent about my roommate. I don't care if she loses weight. She weighs less than me already (my body fat is lower though. Thanks weights!) but the thing that bothers me is that she complains about it. B*TCH I'M FAT TOO. Shut up. If she complained and did something about it, I'd support her more but she complains and sits on her *kitten*. When she does work out, she eats afterwards which is more than she burned off. I want to be supportive and happy for her and if she asks me something I'll give her advice, but I can do much if she continues her habits then complains about how things fit and how she's gained weight.

Okay, I absolutely feel your frustration. My advice? Stop giving her advice. Even if she asks. Even if she BEGS. Tell her it's her life and you have a new policy: no more advice. The up side for you? You don't have to listen to her b!tch anymore. If she starts, cut her off. You don't have to be rude about it but you must be consistent. If she starts to complain, excuse yourself and walk away. Lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes. Take a walk around the block. Whatever. Don't give any reasons, just excuse yourself and leave. By listening to her, you are enabling her, so stop. She won't get it the first time, she may not get it the 50th time or the 100th time but she will get the message. Or one of you will move out first - problem solved! :laugh: If you can't leave, change the subject. Don't let her finish her first sentence, interrupt her (Oh, excuse me for interrupting, but are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty?) Keep a list of topics in your head (Oh, did you see _________ in the morning paper? What do you think about that?)

ETA: I use this constantly in my work to redirect demented elderly people. It sounds easy - it's not - but it does work. You have an advantage in that your roomate may be a PITA but she's not demented. :flowerforyou:

Katla49

Yes and No...

Situation: My mum is very thin and going to be 60 this year, she doesn't go to the gym and her only exercise consists of walking the dogs a couple of times a day, she has always been very thin with her heaviest weight being 8st 7lbs...now in the past and if being totally honest, i am envious of that weight particularly when she suits "young fashion" better than someone who is 35 years younger than her! I try to get her to eat more, but moreso because I'm really worried about her health like the onset of osteoporosis or her having a fall and breaking a bone. She also doesn't have much muscle...so its more of a cruel to be kind thing...I really doubt she gets more than 1500 kcal a day...

Encourage your mum to try yoga or pilates with you. It'll help prevent osteoporosis far better than her eating more cals.

Great advice. Those of us over 50 have different metabolisms than when we were younger. The difference between losing and maintaining for me is about 50 or 60 calories a day. Of course, I do get to eat back all my exercise calories. Yoga is a mainstay for me and is doing wonders for my health.

justal313

Indirectly, yes. Between the lot of us we've lost over a half ton. I've baked/made things that border on too much (calories, fat, whatever) and brought them to an event. We can all have a reasonable serving but it is food that some would consider bad. It just allows me to make my Salted Caramel Ice Cream, have a couple scoops and then it's gone.

krennie8

what do you mean by "sabotage"? I mean, tell people that they aren't fat? I don't consider that "sabotage". But I generally don't comment on someone's weight, good or bad unless asked directly.

kassiebby1124

@Krennie I mean like giving unhealthy choices, telling them clothes look good when they don't, etc. my roommate has an awful habit of wearing clothes that don't fit her and I've asked her about it but she continues to buy them because they are "sexy."

sunfastrose

If I want to sabotage someone I usually cut their brake lines or wire explosives to detonate when they open their front door.

How many calories are burned by making new friends? Is that your weight loss secret?

debbiesats

I don't.
But I have had to speak up at home to avoid unintended consequences. On a Friday night I've cut back to one or two glasses of wine from each bottle and a single handful of crisps - hub was still finishing off the bottle and packet, same as when I was having (at least) as much as him.
It's a bit like when I was pregnant and he started 'drinking for two'
Now we buy smaller bags of crisps and the (second) bottle goes back in the fridge.

gypsy_spirit

If I want to sabotage someone I usually cut their brake lines or wire explosives to detonate when they open their front door.

Note to self: stay on J's good side, stay on J's good side, stay on J's good side...

970Mikaela1

I like to think of myself as more of a will power tester. kinda like at the gym. ya know. someone to help you learn your limits and push you harder.

seltzermint555

Never. That has never even crossed my mind.

I have always just been the fat friend and didn't care at all, seriously. I think I was so used to that since childhood when I was way bigger (taller and heavier) than every girl around me that it felt normal for that to be the case in adulthood as well. In some ways I do think I have/had a bit of a big ego and always thought even though I was the fattest or close to it, I was far from the least attractive.

Now I support any friends who want to eat lighter/healthier and get exercise etc. I can be a little competitive though and I have to crush that sometimes, especially when I have a few friends who work out more than I ever plan to ;-) If I exercise more it needs to be because I want/need to and not just to "beat" others.

WendyTerry420

WTF? That's not friendship.