Do YOU ever "sabotage" your friends?

bcattoes

No. I'm more the annoying friend who is always trying to get someone to exercise with me or eat better.

KariOrtiz2014

I've never done this!!

Lives2Travel

Nope. I don't sabotage them by being a food pusher or by giving unsolicited advice. If friends ask about what I've done, I keep it to "counted calories". I'd rather not go into detail since it's my belief that everyone should do the work of figuring out what works and is sustainable for them and that it varies for each person. I have directed people to MFP (when asked) and told them it's a great famework for figuring out a plan for yourself.

ninav1980

My friend and I had an interesting discussion the other day about weight loss and people we know. My roommate is trying to lose weight and I offer her helpful tips without being too invasive now and then when she asks (I'm not really partial towards her but I live with her so..yeah) but my friend was saying that back in high school when her friend were losing weight, she wouldn't exactly "encourage" them to eat more or unhealthily, but when asked her opinion she wouldn't oppose their thoughts. That got me thinking that I used to do something similar because I didn't want to be the "Fat friend." I don't do this anymore, however. But have you ever been so envious of a friend's physique (or worried they'll look better than you when they do lose the weight) that you sabotage their efforts either directly or indirectly?

Why would you do that to Regina George?

Lives2Travel

My friend and I had an interesting discussion the other day about weight loss and people we know. My roommate is trying to lose weight and I offer her helpful tips without being too invasive now and then when she asks (I'm not really partial towards her but I live with her so..yeah) but my friend was saying that back in high school when her friend were losing weight, she wouldn't exactly "encourage" them to eat more or unhealthily, but when asked her opinion she wouldn't oppose their thoughts. That got me thinking that I used to do something similar because I didn't want to be the "Fat friend." I don't do this anymore, however. But have you ever been so envious of a friend's physique (or worried they'll look better than you when they do lose the weight) that you sabotage their efforts either directly or indirectly?

Why would you do that to Regina George?

Only one appropriate response to this: You go Glen Coco!

CeeHannah

I have been very envious but never have I sabotaged somebody....

Capt_Apollo

I do, in a way. They all assume that since I work out that I'll want to choose a healthy restaurant when we go out to eat, and are very surprised when I say "nah guys, I want a burger and a beer."

battybecks

On a Friday night I've cut back to one or two glasses of wine from each bottle and a single handful of crisps - hub was still finishing off the bottle and packet, same as when I was having (at least) as much as him.
It's a bit like when I was pregnant and he started 'drinking for two'

This sounds very familiar! Although, to be fair, with me cutting back some of the calories in our evening meal, he'd be invisible from the side if he didn't compensate somewhere!

I think I have sabotaged people's weight loss - but a long time ago and without realising it was sabotage (or even really thinking about it at all).

I got annoyed recently when my Mum wouldn't let me say no to a piece of cake, and realised that I have done the exact same thing to people before. The desire to see someone eat what you've cooked, and to stop them denying themselves (if you see it as denial), and perhaps subliminally also the desire to keep them at the same weight so they don't make you look bad. I would have been shocked at the time if someone had told me that the latter was my motivator for cake pushing, but now that I have the benefit of hindsight ...

LeahNMe

real friends don't sabotage friends...

If you are actually doing that you are not a friend, if they are doing it they are not friends...

+1

freemystery

I thought I would. But when it actually happened, I couldn't do a thing. Perhaps because the person in question is my little sister.

Umm.. the reason why? Maybe I'm too close to it. But it's heartbreaking to see somebody close to you want to change so badly and be unhappy in the skin they're in. You wish you could do something to fix it but you can't. You can do your best to help.

Not that she's receptive at all, no she's a very angry young woman. But telling her "you're growing into your adult shape" when she's put on about 40-50lb in three years is a bare faced lie, at worst it could do her harm.

ljmcf

I don't think I've ever tried to sabotage someones efforts though if I'm wanting something bad I'll maybe ask a friend if they fancy going out for a burger or whatever - not because I want them to put on weight, just because I'm having a greedy day!

I've been trying to encourage my niece to go to the gym, she's put a lot of weight on recently and she has mentioned that she wants to get back into classes but every time I mention the classes I'm going to she makes up an excuse not to go. I've even text her about classes at her local gym saying I would go there with her - no luck! Can't force her, but want to help. I'll continue to send her a weekly list of the classes I'm attending in case she can make it lol.

On the other hand, I have a friend who keeps telling me 'I'm fine as I am' even though I'm clearly a few stone overweight! Also encourages me to go out for unhealthy meals e.g. my work arranged to go out for dinner on Thursday and I originally said I'd go, until it dawned on me that I have body pump with my (other) friend that day. Mentioned it to this girl and she said 'oh, just go and get something nice to eat! Let me know what the restaurant is like!'. It's ok tho - am onto her - it just makes me more determined

Mia_RagazzaTosta

Yes, with Snickers and salted chocolate caramels. It was divine.

WendyTerry420

My friend and I had an interesting discussion the other day about weight loss and people we know. My roommate is trying to lose weight and I offer her helpful tips without being too invasive now and then when she asks (I'm not really partial towards her but I live with her so..yeah) but my friend was saying that back in high school when her friend were losing weight, she wouldn't exactly "encourage" them to eat more or unhealthily, but when asked her opinion she wouldn't oppose their thoughts. That got me thinking that I used to do something similar because I didn't want to be the "Fat friend." I don't do this anymore, however. But have you ever been so envious of a friend's physique (or worried they'll look better than you when they do lose the weight) that you sabotage their efforts either directly or indirectly?

Why would you do that to Regina George?

I had to Google that. Loved that movie.

HikeCyclist

I wouldn't wish fat-ness on my biggest enemy (not that I have any- lol). That's really horrible to try to sabotage anyone's weight loss efforts, let alone a "friend's."

I do respect OP for at least being aware of her feelings and actions, and for being honest with herself and others. Hopefully she'll use her self-awareness to try to correct this behavior.

mitch16

Never to my friends... but my husband... nothing as insidious as Kalteen bars.

My husband is only about 1.5 inches taller than I am, so we are fairly close in weight (I do weigh less than he does however). I was between gyms this winter and didn't work out as much as he did. I watched what I ate and it wasn't completely disastrous, but I just wanted to make sure that he was losing any weight if I wasn't, so I made comfort foods (pot roast, meatloaf) that I know he loves for dinner. His weight held.

This is a guy who once gave up sugar soda for Lent and lost 12 pounds in 40 days. I did what I had to...

Now that it's Spring and I can run outside again, my subterfuge is up and the game is back on!

spacelump

No. It makes sense that you did it in high school, when girls are very insecure. In high school I was the one trying to orchestrate group diets. No one was into it. Ha.

Ysmir

Never to my friends... but my husband... nothing as insidious as Kalteen bars.

My husband is only about 1.5 inches taller than I am, so we are fairly close in weight (I do weigh less than he does however). I was between gyms this winter and didn't work out as much as he did. I watched what I ate and it wasn't completely disastrous, but I just wanted to make sure that he was losing any weight if I wasn't, so I made comfort foods (pot roast, meatloaf) that I know he loves for dinner. His weight held.

This is a guy who once gave up sugar soda for Lent and lost 12 pounds in 40 days. I did what I had to...

Now that it's Spring and I can run outside again, my subterfuge is up and the game is back on!

:laugh: I would totally do this too. That's not sabotage; all is fair in love and war.

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KnitOrMiss

I try to make myself sabotage-proof or at least sabotage-resistant. I absolutely refuse to become a food nazi. If I want something, I will have it. I will work out more, have a smaller portion, or own the decision to go over my limits. I make a choice, I accept the consequences. End of. I do still get feelings of guilt and annoyance sometimes, but I have fabulous friends on here and in real life that tough love it out of me! But in the end, I have finally realized that it is all a choice. Lots and lots of water help SO much with the cravings! And gum... I would never, ever, ever sabotage a friend (or an enemy, for that matter), but I would encourage them to remember that they are losing weight/getting healthy to enjoy their life, and that one day of actually living that life shouldn't derail them but encourage them. If they can't get back on the wagon easily, I will encourage them to stay on it...but I refuse to not take treat moments now and again because someone else can't handle it. I won't flaunt things, but I won't not eat what I want, either, because someone else can't handle the temptation....

Pirate_chick

That's shameful. What a horrible thing to do. I would never sabotage a friend in anyway shape or form. That's not the type of behavior that friends exhibit. That's not the type of behavior that decent human beings exhibit to anyone much less a friend. I am truly disgusted at the thought.

hospitablegirl

My mom does this, I suspect. Every time I start losing weight, she sends me a "care package". I got one just this week, full of Ghiradelli chocolates. The last one was cookies, and homemade fried chips. I don't think people do this on purpose, but maybe it's subconscious that they don't want to be the unattractive one of the bunch. It's easier to drag someone else down than to change your own habits.

But, I legitimately turned to my husband maybe two days ago and said that I think she's trying to get me to gain weight again. And I can't exactly cut her out of my life...she's my mom.

AlyssaSupernova

I used to have a skinny, athletic roommate and when she told me she was going on a diet, I would secretly hope she would fail.
I used to feel like if she went on a diet and lost more weight, I would look even bigger next to her. After some time, I actually encouraged myself to start dieting with her and the motivation, support and encouragement was beyond my expectations. I was so blown away by that and I was ashamed that I had wished her to fail.

I believe that when a friend is trying to lose weight, you should grab the opportunity and do it right along side them. You will be a lot more motivated and see faster result!

IPAkiller

Any chance I get!

neandermagnon

My mom does this, I suspect. Every time I start losing weight, she sends me a "care package". I got one just this week, full of Ghiradelli chocolates. The last one was cookies, and homemade fried chips. I don't think people do this on purpose, but maybe it's subconscious that they don't want to be the unattractive one of the bunch. It's easier to drag someone else down than to change your own habits.

But, I legitimately turned to my husband maybe two days ago and said that I think she's trying to get me to gain weight again. And I can't exactly cut her out of my life...she's my mom.

I think it's more likely that she's afraid that you're not eating enough or denying yourself treats. Maybe when she goes on diets all she wants is a box of chocolates so she's giving you what she thinks you really want.

A lot of people see a diet as externally imposed torture that's only going to make you miserable, and that by offering you sweets etc and saying things like "it's okay to break your diet" etc, they see that as them giving you permission to have a little time off from the "misery" of dieting......... the fact that this tends to come from people who are themselves failing at dieting also speaks volumes about why they keep failing at dieting, i.e. excessive restriction that they can't keep up in the long term.

mmm_drop

neandermagnon

I used to have a skinny, athletic roommate and when she told me she was going on a diet, I would secretly hope she would fail.
I used to feel like if she went on a diet and lost more weight, I would look even bigger next to her. After some time, I actually encouraged myself to start dieting with her and the motivation, support and encouragement was beyond my expectations. I was so blown away by that and I was ashamed that I had wished her to fail.

I believe that when a friend is trying to lose weight, you should grab the opportunity and do it right along side them. You will be a lot more motivated and see faster result!

^^^ this is a great attitude and a great friend that you have there as well.

BlueButterfly94

No, I couldn't do something like that- not even to my worst enemy. I care about my friends and want to encourage them to stay healthy and alive.

BlueButterfly94

Wow, that's amazing! *O* @alyssasupernova

DucklingtoSwan

I don't *think* I ever have. If I ever did it would have been when I was much younger and definitely subconscious due to my own insecurities... I certainly never would now.

In my early twenties my best friend/worst rival (ever have one of those?) and I started working out and walking together and she lost about 25 pounds in a very short time and I lost next to zilch. I was so torn between sincere joy and happiness for her, and secret, hateful envy at the same time. I couldn't figure out what she was doing that I wasn't, we spent more time together than with anyone else and it seemed she showed up with fast food all the freaking time and liked mayo or whipped cream on pretty much everything. Looking back I can't help but wonder if there was some subtle sabotage going on on her part, she did like to go out for ice cream and such a lot and encouraged double and triple scoops because "we deserve it!"

I absolutely cannot figure my mom out- she's never been really big but carried around maybe 20-25 extra pounds or so. A few years ago she went from a 14 to an 8 and reminded me of it every time she saw me. I think she thought she was encouraging me. Now she fluctuates between 10-12 and I'm starting to suspect that while she loves me and wants me to be healthy, she feels bad about gaining a bit back (although she still looks great) and she goes back and forth between offering 'healthy' stuff (often not as healthy as she thinks) and pushing treats because (say it with me, ) "we deserve it!"

ssweet169

I have never sabotaged a friend but I know someone that sabotages others by giving them candy, cookies, cakes or begs them to go eat fast food etc every day when they know that they are cutting calories and trying to eat healthy. (Luckily most of the people end up giving the stuff away.) They also try to make others feel like they have a eating disorder because they choose the healthier options of food and avoid the junk.