Agree to Disagree and Move On...don't get hostile to posters

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FP4HSharon
FP4HSharon Posts: 664 Member
in Motivation and Support
Check your attitude...I've posted on the forums fairly regularly in the past, mainly to help those who are asking questions. Even met some nice MFP friends doing that. But the more I do it, the less I have a desire to do it. Due to either actual trolls, or people who don't realize they're trolls. For newbies, trolls are people who post things w/the sole goal of stirring up angry conversation. I have a thick skin, so I can take or leave what people say. Others are hurt. But no one is helped by comments like that. I try to keep an open mind, but if I disagree, then I don't feel the need to get nasty to try to convince someone to come over to my position. The tone of the forums just seems to get progressively worse, and I really feel for the newbies who are slammed just for posting a question.

If you are truly sure of your beliefs or position, then you should be able to agree to disagree. You shouldn't take it as a personal attack that someone has a different opinion...and lash out at them. If you can't have a civil discussion without posting nasty, angry, or name-calling comments...then you have a problem. Whether it's anger, self esteem issues, or both. Take a look at your past posts...if it seems you're always getting rude w/someone, then maybe the problem isn't everyone else.

These days I mostly post and leave. Try to help someone w/a comment, but rarely go back to the thread, because it's just not worth messing w/the negativity. And a note for the newbies...if someone gets rude on one of your posts...you're not alone.
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Replies

  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
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    Check your attitude...I've posted on the forums fairly regularly in the past, mainly to help those who are asking questions. Even met some nice MFP friends doing that. But the more I do it, the less I have a desire to do it. Due to either actual trolls, or people who don't realize they're trolls. For newbies, trolls are people who post things w/the sole goal of stirring up angry conversation. I have a thick skin, so I can take or leave what people say. Others are hurt. But no one is helped by comments like that. I try to keep an open mind, but if I disagree, then I don't feel the need to get nasty to try to convince someone to come over to my position. The tone of the forums just seems to get progressively worse, and I really feel for the newbies who are slammed just for posting a question.

    If you are truly sure of your beliefs or position, then you should be able to agree to disagree. You shouldn't take it as a personal attack that someone has a different opinion...and lash out at them. If you can't have a civil discussion without posting nasty, angry, or name-calling comments...then you have a problem. Whether it's anger, self esteem issues, or both. Take a look at your past posts...if it seems you're always getting rude w/someone, then maybe the problem isn't everyone else.

    These days I mostly post and leave. Try to help someone w/a comment, but rarely go back to the thread, because it's just not worth messing w/the negativity. And a note for the newbies...if someone gets rude on one of your posts...you're not alone.

    LOL, it's funny that those often called rude or trolls here are the ones posting factual information countering the non stop nonsense that pops up around here.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I think it is mostly about the attitude of said "newbie." A lot of them come in here like this place didn't exist before yesterday and those of us who have been around for years couldn't possibly have come to the right conclusion about anything. That will earn a person some hostility.

    I don't advocate being rude when it isn't warranted, but this IS the Internet. If you're going to post a question in a public forum, you need to be prepared for the fact that you may get responses from some rude people who can't believe you have the audacity to not know everything. You're not going to make the situation better for yourself by throwing a fit about it. Just ignore those people, and move on.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,692 Member
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    Many people can't take criticism and identify it as a personal attack on them. Not to mention that "reading" a post in a "tone" they believe is "mean" just fuels their ire.
    I always say that they should go back and read the post as if someone was talking "monotone" and offering solid advice, then respond.
    Oh and then there's SCIENCE. Trumps most arguments.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    Sorry, it's not really my thing to leave false information and terrible advice just sitting there unchallenged.
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    I'm confused….by moving on, does that mean creating entirely new hostile posts like this one lecturing everyone else on how to behave online?
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    Check your attitude...I've posted on the forums fairly regularly in the past, mainly to help those who are asking questions. Even met some nice MFP friends doing that. But the more I do it, the less I have a desire to do it. Due to either actual trolls, or people who don't realize they're trolls. For newbies, trolls are people who post things w/the sole goal of stirring up angry conversation. I have a thick skin, so I can take or leave what people say. Others are hurt. But no one is helped by comments like that. I try to keep an open mind, but if I disagree, then I don't feel the need to get nasty to try to convince someone to come over to my position. The tone of the forums just seems to get progressively worse, and I really feel for the newbies who are slammed just for posting a question.

    If you are truly sure of your beliefs or position, then you should be able to agree to disagree. You shouldn't take it as a personal attack that someone has a different opinion...and lash out at them. If you can't have a civil discussion without posting nasty, angry, or name-calling comments...then you have a problem. Whether it's anger, self esteem issues, or both. Take a look at your past posts...if it seems you're always getting rude w/someone, then maybe the problem isn't everyone else.

    These days I mostly post and leave. Try to help someone w/a comment, but rarely go back to the thread, because it's just not worth messing w/the negativity. And a note for the newbies...if someone gets rude on one of your posts...you're not alone.

    I think the bolded part should be directed at noobs asking questions on the forums, not those giving advice. I'm sorry, but a lot of refutation comes from experienced people on here with facts, not a difference of opinions.

    Yes, some people can be rude about giving facts. It's the internet. A lot can be learned by just using the search function or Google instead of starting a thread and subjecting yourself to rude comments (if it's something that really bothers you). My advice? Add a friend on here or message people questions that really seem to have their *kitten* together.
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
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    Oh look. A bully thread in disguise. :huh:
  • runfatmanrun
    runfatmanrun Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Oh look. A bully thread in disguise. :huh:

    I think you just called the OP a bully (kidding)...but it doesn't matter, according to her, she's not checking back here anyway to see what kind of discussion, either positive or negative, she has stirred up.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    I just looked through about 3 years worth of Facebook pictures of this friend. He has jeans on in every single one of them. They're underneath coveralls, cave suits, or drysuits in some of them. But they're there.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    more-cowbell-o.gif
  • robertdc50
    robertdc50 Posts: 50
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    I think it is mostly about the attitude of said "newbie." A lot of them come in here like this place didn't exist before yesterday and those of us who have been around for years couldn't possibly have come to the right conclusion about anything. That will earn a person some hostility.

    I don't advocate being rude when it isn't warranted, but this IS the Internet. If you're going to post a question in a public forum, you need to be prepared for the fact that you may get responses from some rude people who can't believe you have the audacity to not know everything. You're not going to make the situation better for yourself by throwing a fit about it. Just ignore those people, and move on.

    As one of those relative "newbies", I would like to point out that until we've gained some insight by reading lots of forum posts, we don't really know who's really basing their posts on fact and who's just blowing smoke. I've seen lots of opinions presented as facts, and until we learn to know the difference, some tolerance would be appreciated.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    By "Agree to Disagree and Move On" do you mean "Start a thread because someone disagreed with me"? Because that's what you just did.

    For what it's worth you were right in that thread you were previously in.

    "Publicly complain about people and tell them what to do" is OP's version of "move on and don't get hostile."
  • EddieHaskell97
    EddieHaskell97 Posts: 2,227 Member
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    you-mad-trolling-smiley-emoticon.gif
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Yes, there are trolls, but there are also those who just either lack communication skills to "soften the blow" or just don't care if they come across as a troll or being rude.

    There have been plenty of posts I've thought, "Why on EARTH would ANYONE consider doing THAT to try to lose weight??!!!!" But I censor myself a bit and try (operative word = TRY) to tell the person that I'm not sure that's the best way to go and things to consider that they may not have thought about....things that may not interest me about those particular things.

    It's all about spin. :)
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Happy Cinco de Mayo!
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I think the best way to avoid hostility is tell people what to do and how to act.

    Check yourself, indeed.
  • 1princesswarrior
    1princesswarrior Posts: 1,242 Member
    Options
    Many people can't take criticism and identify it as a personal attack on them. Not to mention that "reading" a post in a "tone" they believe is "mean" just fuels their ire.
    I always say that they should go back and read the post as if someone was talking "monotone" and offering solid advice, then respond.
    Oh and then there's SCIENCE. Trumps most arguments.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    tumblr_n4rq36Ho6J1qdlh1io1_400.gif

    It's too bad some people don't believe science because it's cool
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    I check my attitude often. I have to make sure it stays intact.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
    Options
    Check your attitude...I've posted on the forums fairly regularly in the past, mainly to help those who are asking questions. Even met some nice MFP friends doing that. But the more I do it, the less I have a desire to do it. Due to either actual trolls, or people who don't realize they're trolls. For newbies, trolls are people who post things w/the sole goal of stirring up angry conversation. I have a thick skin, so I can take or leave what people say. Others are hurt. But no one is helped by comments like that. I try to keep an open mind, but if I disagree, then I don't feel the need to get nasty to try to convince someone to come over to my position. The tone of the forums just seems to get progressively worse, and I really feel for the newbies who are slammed just for posting a question.

    If you are truly sure of your beliefs or position, then you should be able to agree to disagree. You shouldn't take it as a personal attack that someone has a different opinion...and lash out at them. If you can't have a civil discussion without posting nasty, angry, or name-calling comments...then you have a problem. Whether it's anger, self esteem issues, or both. Take a look at your past posts...if it seems you're always getting rude w/someone, then maybe the problem isn't everyone else.

    These days I mostly post and leave. Try to help someone w/a comment, but rarely go back to the thread, because it's just not worth messing w/the negativity. And a note for the newbies...if someone gets rude on one of your posts...you're not alone.

    Naive, inflammatory, arrogant, rude, redundant, counterproductive bull****.

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