Weight loss... and drug addiction.

karmac0matic · May 2014

so i've mentioned this to some members, but this time last year i was addicted to dxm (the main ingredient in cough syrup). i'm still not completely off it, i'll do it once or twice a week at this point, nothing compared to the every day, or twice every day habit i had through December 2013. (it's not like most drugs, it lasts hours upon hours, sometimes more than 24 at a time when i was on certain meds).

last summer, i also became addicted to oxycontin and when i couldn't find that or didn't have the money to support my habit, would do heroin.

well, this time last year, i weighed around 93 pounds. (which is my current goal weight, i know not very healthy for my height/size but as someone with disordered eating/body dysmorphia/eating issues for over 10 years now... healthier than it could be.)

now, from time to time i'm thinking about going back to using frequently. it would always keep me from eating, keep my energy up, helped me honestly lose weight just by being hyper on it and having so much stamina. i wouldn't sleep for 3 or 4 days at a time. or if instead of my regular dxm stimulant use, i would do heroin/oxys and fall asleep rather than spend my free time eating/etc. like, i could sit in my car with my boyfriend getting high and just spend the whole day sitting there, not even thinking of food.

so basically, i want to know if anyone's dealt with or dealing with something similar. also, how people avoid going back to it when it helped me so much in the past with weight loss/appetite suppression. i just feel like, i gained weight this past week while still staying under my calorie limits to be LOSING... it's just extremely hard to know i could go back to the drugs and lose weight so quickly or i could possibly not even lose more weight considering i gained while eating deficit...

advice?

ZombieEarhart · May 2014

My very sincere advice is to seek help from a professional for drug addiction and body dysmorphia. These are serious issues that you don't have to face alone. You are a lovely young woman, don't let drugs and disordered eating ruin your life.

wonderwoman234 · May 2014

I think your main focus should be getting clean and sober. You are young, beautiful and have your whole life ahead of you. Heroin can kill you with just one use and I know that many teens and young adults have OD'ed recently. You are not in recovery if you are still using.....and I suspect you know this. By the way, addiction and eating disorders are strongly linked and often have a genetic component.

Have you ever been in a 30 day inpatient addiction treatment program? I would highly recommend you doing that. Getting off of any opiate is hard in the beginning but you can be successful if you are committed to living a clean and sober life. I know many people in recovery who are happy, healthy and living great lives without drugs. You can be one of them, too.

Addiction ultimately robs you of EVERYTHING....your family, friends, health, looks, job, money, dreams, and even your life. The sooner you get serious help, the better it will be for your recovery.

I wish you luck!!!!

Sabine_Stroehm · May 2014

this.
You need serious professional help.

karmac0matic · May 2014

i am currently in therapy with someone licensed to help deal with these issues. i'm not facing this alone, but i also don't have the means to put my life on hold to go away somewhere. plus, if i showed up at an eating disorder place, they would turn me away for not being the right terms of disordered. and i'm not currently dealing with a severe addiction. i haven't done heroin since January, oxys since October, and dxm has been cut down greatly.

basically my more important question is- i have the means to get my drug of choice but don't really want to and don't know how to resist the urge when 1) it's fun, 2) it's cheap, 3) it helps me lose weight.

i know this probably just comes off sounding really bad, or whiney, or something, but seeing the number on the scale go up after a week of ok-/calorie deficit eating has really messed up my thinking.

Ackinney91 · May 2014

I will echo what others have said, the most important thing is for you to be clean and healthy! Search out a mentor or health counselor and kick those demons permanently. You don't want to throw your life away.

k_nicole87 · May 2014

I specialize in persons with substance abuse. My suggestion is to seek out a mental health counselor, a drug and alcohol counselor, and maybe attend some NA meetings. This is the only advice you should take at this point. I would not take any advice that does not direct you to counseling.

ZombieEarhart · May 2014

You're not coming across as whiny at all, you are really grappling with something. I think you should talk to your therapist about this, and the two of you can work on coping strategies for when you are having these kinds of thoughts. Remember that you owe it to yourself to be sober and healthy!

Best wishes.

As someone else suggested, if you're therapist isn't available, seeking out a local NA or AA meeting might help.

k_nicole87 · May 2014

No one can/should give you advice on this unless they are a licensed professional. Feel free to reach out to me any time. I will give you whatever kind of advice that I am allowed.

psych101 · May 2014

I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this.

I have no advice other than to keep seeking out that help of professional people who are trained to assist you with this.

vjohn04 · May 2014

if you truly want help, you should seek the advice and guidance of a professional. I'd also recommend possibly a detox/rehab facility.

You can beat this.

AtticWindow · May 2014

I was never addicted to psychoactive stimulants, but there was a point in my life where I took them quite often - and, coincidentally, that was the time people told me I looked most fit and thin. I had been trying to lose weight for a few months before I tried these drugs, and BOOM, the weight fell right off, because I was energized and active at night, and had no desire to eat much of anything the next day, except tangerines and water. After a couple of months, I had lost almost 20 pounds - weighing less than I had in high school, when I was still pretty fit/thin - and everyone talked about how great I looked.

I've gained 25 pounds since then. Part of that was due to my alcohol addiction, which I'm finally tackling seriously, but another factor was stopping the other drugs. I would be lying, absolutely, if I said I didn't sometimes miss how easy it was for weight to drop off when I was taking those. Plus, they were loads of fun. But as I've approached fitness this time around, nearing thirty years old, I've had to start considering a lot more than appearances when it comes to fitness and health.

These substances will hurt you. There is no benefit to them, even if they make you skinny. They make you skinny at the expense of your health. They numb you to the world at the expense of your health. Their "benefits" are, like all other quick fix substances, ultimately harmful and short-term - and their negatives are always harmful, and often long-term.

Build yourself whatever support network you think works best for you, with doctors, therapists, friends, family, etc. You've already taken the first step. You realized you didn't need these substances, and you pushed forward. You can keep pushing forward, and you'll get there. You might not get there tomorrow, or in five years, but as long as you keep moving towards your goal, you'll get there.

karmac0matic · May 2014

thank you everyone for your kind words.

however, i am currently seeing someone.
i wouldn't need detox because i am not currently physically addicted. (clean for 5 months of heroin, 9 months of oxys, etc.) i don't have withdrawals when i don't use because it's infrequent now.

rehab facilities don't really understand dxm well enough yet. not many people do. no one knows how to treat a person who feels the need to use it. so rehabS out.

most i can do is see a professional.

i just really want tips on staying away in the mean time... like, when it's the weekend and i can't call my therapist or late at night or ... days off from work etc.

vjohn04 · May 2014

Oh I am sorry. I thought you said you were using twice a week.

Maybe consider a 12 step group?

karmac0matic · May 2014

i do use once or twice but not high amounts and not enough that i am physically addicted. i only used once in the past 2 weeks... if that gives you an idea of how often.

k_nicole87 · May 2014

First, establish your triggers. The better you know them and understand them, the better you will be equipped to notice them when they happen. Make a list of them. If a new one comes up, add it to the list.

Find something positive to focus on for a few moments while you are at your peak of temptation. A hot bath is good for calming anxiety and tension. Maybe a short walk with some positive music on that reminds you of fond memories not related to drug use.

Keep reminders of why you want to stop using within reach. Maybe a photo of something that makes you happy in your purse or pocket. Look at it when you're feeling low.

Fine positive influences that can be available during these difficult times. This sounds strange but even hotlines dedicated to other crisis issues are trained to be a kind ear for someone and they are always available.

baba_helly · May 2014

There's no such thing as "not being THAT addicted" or using a drug that a rehab can't help you get off. Any use of your drug(s) of choice is too much.

I'm speaking from experience when I say that you're making excuses to rationalize your drug use. Please seek help. When you decide you're ready for it, make sure you're being honest so you can get clean. You're not getting help because you're not being honest with yourself. I hope one day you're ready for that and until then I can only wish you luck. You won't be able to get better without personal responsibility and honesty.

HerkMeOff · May 2014

Spot on.

Quit giving a *kitten* about your weight, and start caring about getting sober before anything else.

k_nicole87 · May 2014

I don't think this is helpful. She has a lot ahead of her. Rationalization of her drug use having been clean for only a few months is decent progress. Addictions are time consuming. No one is ever cured from addiction. Recovery is a life-long process.

wheird · May 2014

I have seen a family member struggle with addiction and it has been hard on our entire family. She only started making progress when she checked into a rehab facility. I encourage you to do the same as I do not want to give alternate advice that may make your recovery more difficult.

AtticWindow · May 2014

wheird · May 2014

It was helpful and the OP is still using twice per week.

vjohn04 · May 2014

Using twice a week isn't clean.

HerkMeOff · May 2014

It's very helpful, and it's exactly what the OP needs to hear.

As an addict myself, I wish someone would of given me that exact advice.

baba_helly · May 2014

I have been in recovery for coming up on four years. OP is still using and making excuses. Not one thing anyone says can change that for her. Sobriety comes from a place within yourself. She does have a long road ahead of her but it won't start until she comes to terms with her using.

wheird · May 2014

And I wish I would have had the courage to tell that to my sister.

vjohn04 · May 2014

xoxox

karmac0matic · May 2014

i know i'm rationalizing. but geez, let me take things one step at a time. i'm clean of 3 of 4 drugs i became addicted to, it's not all going to happen overnight... i'm taking steps.

i'm not trying to not take responsibility. i understand i'm still using even if it's once or twice a week. but to have gone from using twice a day to once or twice a week is a big achievement. and i recognize it's not good for me... that's why i've cut back as much as i can right now...

also for the person who said "stop giving a sht about your weight"... learn something about people with eating disorders before saying something so insensitive. thanks.

wheird · May 2014

OP, just checked your pics and I gently suggest not losing anymore weight. If anything, once you address your addiction issues, I would suggest a bulk combined with strength training.

You are a beautiful girl and young enough to still live a very good life one you are completely clean. An ED will not be kind to you.

AtticWindow · May 2014

Bingo. If people want those addiction recovery platitudes, remember that the first step is admitting you have a problem. Sometimes, that takes longer than just quitting cold turkey. Smokers don't get nearly this raft of crap when they decide to taper off their cigarettes instead of quitting outright. Ease up, folks. Especially with the weight comments, she's already openly acknowledged the ED-NOS.

BinaryPulsar · May 2014

Me too. My aunt (she is like a sister to me due to our age range) has been through this and still struggling. Even after everything she doesn't fully admit that she is an addict, even though she will actually die if she doesn't stop.

Op, you are young now. This will catch up with you in ways that are truly horrendous a couple decades or less down the road.

Weight loss... and drug addiction.

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