I was married and had kids before him. Random.

wheird

Not big on birth control?

What an appalling thing to say.

I am highly amused that of all the things in this thread, that is what you find the most offensive. :laugh:

wheird

Not big on birth control?

Totally out of line.

Women who use birth control get pregnant all the time. Birth control isn't 100% effective.

IUDs are over 99% effective, but this topic is really besides the point.

I won't judge you OP, but when you look at the facts of your situation without knowing you as a person, I think most parents would probably have some reservations, at least until they get to know you better.

And anyone with even half an upbringing would wait to pass judgment until after they've learned to know a person better - to see if there was a reason at all to push a nasty vibe.

"He is from Guyana, and his parents are these indian like, religious fanatics. I had to hide my other kids for awhile, but now they know about them. It's strange, because they are really upset. I guess they view me as some sleazy, loser American girl. Not the case"


I guess if you're taking OP's words as 100% fact then sure, they're in the wrong. I'm a bit more cynical. She calls them religious fanatics, probably because they think she's a sloot, like anyone with more traditional views on family values than her must be some crazy zealot. Who is judging whom?


This whole thread is kind of weird and pointless. Best of luck with all that OP.

And that is a great point. She is feeling judged by them and is in turn judging them. It is very easy to pass judgement on someone you dont know based on how they look on paper. And on paper, the OP does not come off very well. Viewpoints can change based on the circumstances, but so far what we know of the OP is that she had a baby at a young age with a guy she wasnt even in a relationship with, two more while married, got divorced, then had another baby out of wedlock.

And since we dont really know the OP, it is kind of hard to see the point of posting this except to get some validation. I think most people are just giving her a blanket pass on anything negative in this whole situation.

wanderlustre72

The people who have been through the worst of times and most difficult of journeys are often the most wonderful people to be around in times of trouble. Learn to accept your journey as a testimony of your strength, courage, ability to heal and move forward. Others will make their own meanings about your path, but be in no doubt it is YOUR path. Be the author of your next chapter and do not write it to please or appease others... live the life your soul intended. Let others do the same. Accept yourself, the rest will take care of itself.

Love and light x

wheird

The people who have been through the worst of times and most difficult of journeys are often the most wonderful people to be around in times of trouble. Learn to accept your journey as a testimony of your strength, courage, ability to heal and move forward. Others will make their own meanings about your path, but be in no doubt it is YOUR path. Be the author of your next chapter and do not write it to please or appease others... live the life your soul intended. Let others do the same. Accept yourself, the rest will take care of itself.

Love and light x

Thar is pretty and all, but you should add that it is important to accept your past and also to learn and grow from it.

PikaKnight

Not big on birth control?

Totally out of line.

Women who use birth control get pregnant all the time. Birth control isn't 100% effective.

IUDs are over 99% effective, but this topic is really besides the point.

I won't judge you OP, but when you look at the facts of your situation without knowing you as a person, I think most parents would probably have some reservations, at least until they get to know you better.

And anyone with even half an upbringing would wait to pass judgment until after they've learned to know a person better - to see if there was a reason at all to push a nasty vibe.

So basically you are scolding someone for an opinion in which you deemed judgmental and had a nasty vibe in a way that's pretty judgmental and has a nasty vibe (in regards to making assumptions on their upbringing and trying to dictate how someone "should" respond).


Okay then.

PikaKnight

Not big on birth control?

Totally out of line.

Women who use birth control get pregnant all the time. Birth control isn't 100% effective.

Curious. Why is it out of line? The OP asked for opinions and views. If this is a valid question/view, then why is it being stomped on?

Opinions and observations aren't all unicorn farts and rainbows.

karenmcwilly53

No one has the right to judge another. If they do, they are hypocrites because no one and I do mean no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Leave your past behind and look to the future with your children and soon to be new husband and good luck to you and your family

wheird

No one has the right to judge another. If they do, they are hypocrites because no one and I do mean no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Leave your past behind and look to the future with your children and soon to be new husband and good luck to you and your family

I have the right to judge anyone for anything, even if I have done the very thing I'm judging them for. And it doesn't make me a hypocrite unless I judge them differently than I'd judge myself.

AllonsYtotheTardis

You want an honest opinion? I wouldn't want any male in my family to get mixed up in that. Everything about that post screams "I make bad decisions"

lemonsnowdrop

No one has the right to judge another. If they do, they are hypocrites because no one and I do mean no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Leave your past behind and look to the future with your children and soon to be new husband and good luck to you and your family

I'm confused. OP is basically ASKING people to judge her. This is all about her getting reassurance that she's a good person, and as soon as someone gives an honest opinion that isn't in OP's favor, everyone is appalled.

ssaraj43

When my past future in laws were judging me harshly the LAST thing I would have done is open myself to more judgement. For your sake and the sake of all the tissues in your house, I would seriously consider PMing a mod to delete this thread for you. Putting your life out there like this and all your mistakes and shortcomings and inviting people to judge you will only lead to more sorrow.

:ohwell: :flowerforyou: :frown:

QFT

kwantlen2051

What do you honestly think? That is more important.

SunofaBeach14

When my past future in laws were judging me harshly the LAST thing I would have done is open myself to more judgement. For your sake and the sake of all the tissues in your house, I would seriously consider PMing a mod to delete this thread for you. Putting your life out there like this and all your mistakes and shortcomings and inviting people to judge you will only lead to more sorrow.

:ohwell: :flowerforyou: :frown:

QFT

+ 1

This place is more catty than the ASPCA

odusgolp

You're calling his parents "Indian like religious fanatics" and he's hiding three of your children from his parents... I'd call all of this the biggest problem. Complete lack of respect on all sides... and for some reason you decided to have another baby before marrying him.

*shrug*

I'm divorced and we had a child (and yes, I was on BC). So I'm not judging the fact you have kids, but since you asked, I do find something about this new scenario "off."

HerkMeOff

cosmobella

LMFAO

cosmobella

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

kbmnurse

Unfortunately, when you speak the truth on here you are scolded. So I'm out.

ew_david

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

You care WAY too much about what others think of you. Putting your life story out there for everyone is unnecessary.

odusgolp

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

You care WAY too much about what others think of you. Putting your life story out there for everyone is unnecessary.

Agreed.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

You care WAY too much about what others think of you. Putting your life story out there for everyone is unnecessary.

Agreed.

Agreed x2.

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It doesn't matter how many kids you have or how many fathers they have or if you have been in relationships with 1,000s of men. It doesn't matter. As long as you are happy, they are happy, and you are productive -- anyone else's opinion is completely irrelevant.

MyChocolateDiet

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

You care WAY too much about what others think of you. Putting your life story out there for everyone is unnecessary.

Agreed.

Agreed x2.

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It doesn't matter how many kids you have or how many fathers they have or if you have been in relationships with 1,000s of men. It doesn't matter. As long as you are happy, they are happy, and you are productive -- anyone else's opinion is completely irrelevant.

Agreed x3

May I add you seem to have lived your life up to this point caring very little what anyone would think. Why start now? Just because you're finally face to face with a couple of people you yourself determine as crazies?

Fiercely_Me

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

Being judged by others will not by itself help you cope with negativity. You have to be in tuned with yourself and validate yourself in order for that to happen. If you do not have the tools to do this, then I highly suggest counseling.

MyChocolateDiet

OP don't take this the wrong way because I'm only trying to help you see things from their side so you may make an "educated decision" on how to handle them.

Is it possible they see the fact that you have children from different men as some kind of indicator? Have they ever mentioned or wondered aloud if their son is the father of your child with him? How certain are you of his paternity and how certain is HE? That is really the only reason I can see for them relying on their "religious" stance as judgey of you. I mean as a practical thing they might be feeling pretty leary and you simply dismissing them as religious zealouts will not help you work out the issues facing your relationship together if they are to be a dominant part of your life, your child's, or your husband's. I'm unsure the behavior of your current children is anything they would concern themselves for. I'm unsure why you hold that out as evidence of anything? Being a good mother perhaps?

cosmobella

Given that I am white and he is Guyanese, and our child is half white and half Guyanese..if they are unsure of the paternity...then they may need their eyes checked. As far as for us being sure, we've been together 24/7 for 3 years. I don't think anyone questions that. Like I said, they are unaware of my 3 having different fathers. They are also a bit upset that I am white. They have mentioned this in emails. So...yeah.

MyChocolateDiet

I'm Girlanese.

nz_deevaa

Given that I am white and he is Guyanese, and our child is half white and half Guyanese..if they are unsure of the paternity...then they may need their eyes checked. As far as for us being sure, we've been together 24/7 for 3 years. I don't think anyone questions that. Like I said, they are unaware of my 3 having different fathers. They are also a bit upset that I am white. They have mentioned this in emails. So...yeah.

If he's Guyanese, who are the 'indian like, religious fanatics' ?

Beautiful_Pain

I just skim through and dont know if you asked a question but i can relate to some stuff you've been through. Good luck!

MyChocolateDiet

Given that I am white and he is Guyanese, and our child is half white and half Guyanese..if they are unsure of the paternity...then they may need their eyes checked. As far as for us being sure, we've been together 24/7 for 3 years. I don't think anyone questions that. Like I said, they are unaware of my 3 having different fathers. They are also a bit upset that I am white. They have mentioned this in emails. So...yeah.

If he's Guyanese, who are the 'indian like, religious fanatics' ?

cosmobella

Some Guyanese are of Indian decent, like his family. They were raised Hindu and then converted to Christianity. He calls them Indian, so I tend to do the same.