Fattest girl at the gym

wonderwoman234

To be honest, I feel inspired when I see really overweight folks at the gym. Today, a man got out of his car in the gym parking lot at the same time that I did and he was morbidly obese. You could tell he had lost some weight and he still had a way to go. We smiled at each other as we headed in.

I felt such admiration for this guy, who is doing what he needs to do to get healthy, and doing it with a lot of challenges most of us don't have to face.

Anyone who would judge you for being bigger than some is not worth ANY of your time or energy to think about. So what if you are the biggest woman there?! What does that mean exactly? That you don't deserve to be there? That you cannot possibly be attractive or nice or interesting or worthy just because you are the biggest chick there? I would challenge you if you are having any of those thoughts.

There are all shapes and sizes at the gym and I don't think most people give it a second thought. I am guessing that YOU are probably the one giving it the most thought. It is within your control to decide to not give a *kitten* and just do your groovy thang.

conqueringsquidlette

I am an anxious wreck at the gym, and almost none of the advice here helps me.

Here's why, though:

I don't care if they're thinking *negatively* about me - I just care that they can see me to think anything of me. The inner positive admiration of my work ethic or determination, or a silent "you go, fatty" is every bit as mortifying a thought as some fit girl thinking I'm gross. It really just doesn't matter.

But I've come to realize that I notice other people more than it seems like other people do. I notice this when I overhear conversations out in public and the people I'm with give me blank looks because they don't hear it, so it makes sense that I just flat out notice other people at the gym more than any of them notice me. I have a strong feeling that my anxiety would go away if I would stop noticing THEM, rather than being told that they're probably cheering me on or too busy working on their own thing to see me.

The other thing is just plain bad self-esteem. I don't want to be seen if I'm not hot in my own eyes. Again, it's not about what other people think - it's about ME thinking too much. There's this whole thing about convincing MYSELF that I'm worthy enough to be seen or even to take up somebody else's oxygen that's very tied into my weight and clearly affects whether I can handle being in the gym on any given day. It's something that goes deeper than just getting a physical workout - it'll probably take quite a lot of therapy on top of losing weight to get me to a point where I feel "ok" being in a gym.

I haven't quite figured out how to ignore other people yet, or how to feel better about myself while I'm a fat cow though, so I just generally avoid being out in public at all (my anxiety isn't limited to the gym - I feel overwhelming horror, shame, guilt, and embarrassment just being seen by other people at all in any situation.)

I don't know if my revelations on the subject would help anybody else, but I thought I'd at least share what I think the issue stems from for me. Maybe it's what is happening behind the scenes for someone else who's scared of the gym, too. Knowledge is power, I hear.

Forty6and2

I live between a college campus and an air force base. I am easily the fattest person in the gym, in most of my classes, running outside, etc. But the thing is... I don't care. If somebody stares at me, I don't assume they're judging me, nor do I assume that they're admiring me. I just keep doing what I'm doing and don't even worry about them. Why would I let a perfect stranger's opinion influence *my* life?

Forty6and2

I am an anxious wreck at the gym, and almost none of the advice here helps me.

Here's why, though:

I don't care if they're thinking *negatively* about me - I just care that they can see me to think anything of me. The inner positive admiration of my work ethic or determination, or a silent "you go, fatty" is every bit as mortifying a thought as some fit girl thinking I'm gross. It really just doesn't matter.

But I've come to realize that I notice other people more than it seems like other people do. I notice this when I overhear conversations out in public and the people I'm with give me blank looks because they don't hear it, so it makes sense that I just flat out notice other people at the gym more than any of them notice me. I have a strong feeling that my anxiety would go away if I would stop noticing THEM, rather than being told that they're probably cheering me on or too busy working on their own thing to see me.

The other thing is just plain bad self-esteem. I don't want to be seen if I'm not hot in my own eyes. Again, it's not about what other people think - it's about ME thinking too much.

I haven't quite figured out how to ignore other people yet, or how to feel better about myself while I'm a fat cow though, so I just generally avoid being out in public at all (my anxiety isn't limited to the gym - I feel overwhelming horror, shame, guilt, and embarrassment just being seen by other people at all in any situation.)

I don't know if my revelations on the subject would help anybody else, but I thought I'd at least share what I think the issue stems from for me. Maybe it's what is happening behind the scenes for someone else who's scared of the gym, too. Knowledge is power, I hear.

My question is, do you think your anxiety, shame, and guilt will go away with weight loss? Or is it something that will be re-directed once you're at your goal weight? I can understand feeling embarrassed, but it's never been a debilitating experience for me. I'm thinking there may be more at play than just gym anxiety.

conqueringsquidlette

My question is, do you think your anxiety, shame, and guilt will go away with weight loss? Or is it something that will be re-directed once you're at your goal weight? I can understand feeling embarrassed, but it's never been a debilitating experience for me. I'm thinking there may be more at play than just gym anxiety.

Oh, the soul-crushing social anxiety isn't strictly a gym thing for me...... but it's all tied in together. I have (some of my) crappy self-confidence because I'm fat, and I'm fat because my self-confidence is keeping me from being in the gym (or outside walking/running/playing sports). The question is whether there's enough money in the world to buy all the therapy I need to fix it.

But with blabbing all of that, I was hoping that all of the analysis I've gone through over it might have something useful to offer to somebody else. It's never about what anybody else thinks of us that makes us anxious - it's about what's going on internally.

So I don't know that talking about what other people do or don't think about heavy folks working out will help everyone with self-confidence issues.

TKhamvongsa

Honestly, do not think of what others are thinking of you. IF anything, they're thinking omgosh, she's amazing, I'm so proud of her etc.

Keep up the great work! Don't let what others think of you stop you from improving yourself/health.

emmanap91

I'm always extremely uncomfortable at the gym because of the fact.. I am the fattest girl at the gym.
All the other girls are in their sports bras and tights & I'm just in there blobbing it. Yes, it makes me want to gym it up more and work-out even harder but at the same time I want to go home and hide away in my room and eat cake and be sad.. hahaha. No but seriously is there anyone else uncomfortable or having negative emotions at the gym because you realize you're the biggest there?

I've never been technically "overweight" in my entire life, and I get self-conscious when I see all those super-fit tight-body girls at the gym. They don't even have to wear skimpy/ultratight clothes, I can still tell they have better bodies than mine, so I get jealous and anxious and insecure. It's stupid and unhealthy, but I can't help it.

(PS - my profile picture is NOT what I wear to the gym. I wear a baggy t-shirt and loose shorts or yoga pants. In a photo no one can see my fat jiggle or the cellulite ripple across my thighs.)


In sum, you're not alone.

N3rdyBird_

I respect anyone who goes to the gym. Be proud you are there. You're ahead of all those people still sitting on the couch.

dearannna

I am an anxious wreck at the gym, and almost none of the advice here helps me.

Here's why, though:

I don't care if they're thinking *negatively* about me - I just care that they can see me to think anything of me. The inner positive admiration of my work ethic or determination, or a silent "you go, fatty" is every bit as mortifying a thought as some fit girl thinking I'm gross. It really just doesn't matter.

I am definately the fattest girl in the gym at 330lb and 380 when I started and I totally feel your anxiety. I think it is because being overweight is such a visible thing. If you lack self control with alcohol or cigarettes you can walk down the street (or into the gym) and no-one is any the wiser, but if you are fat then it is just out there for everyone to see.

For what it's worth, the only time people have spoken to me in the gym is to say how well I've been doing or to have a friendly chat, but like you I'm mortified at the compliments, and generally antisocial. Now I just keep my ear phones in whether I have my music on or not and don't get bothered by anyone.

conqueringsquidlette

I'm sure there's a gym out there somewhere that just lets you reserve times to have equipment to yourself and not have to be around people, but I'm sure I can't afford it.

(And if that gym model doesn't exist yet, somebody should totally make it happen. And let me go for free.)


Of course, having a perfect home gym would fit the bill too!

Guns_N_Buns

I think that would just be a temporary fix for something that goes way beyond your weight.

Side note: there ARE gyms out there catered to obese people (not letting thin members in)

However, I think it's just exacerbating a serious problem you already have: not socializing, getting over your fears of judgment, rejection, etc.

I think you should consult a therapist and get over your war in your HEAD and then your perception toward getting healthier will in turn get healthier!

Or someone needs to just give you tough love and say "get off your fat *kitten* and go. now!"

bregalad5

Try going to a gym near central Moscow, Russia (yes, full of beautiful Russian women, ha)... I've only seen one, yes ONE other fat person at my gym and he was an older man. The girls there give me nasty looks, the guys stare, and my co-worker who also goes there even made fun of me because I was sweating a lot. She had just seen me run three miles on the treadmill next to her... I just turn up my music, do my thing, don't talk to anyone - mostly because I can't - and get out of the gym and into the sauna as fast as I can, haha. It's tough, but I just tell myself it's for my benefit and that hopefully they see that I work hard.

trojan_bb

Most of the fittest people in any gym did not start out looking good. They mostly all have a chip on their shoulder and their past body image issues are what continue to drive them. They can relate.

Don't worry about them.

jenniferv38

I am one of the bigger girls at my gym. This is what I do...I heft my big ol' self on to the elliptical and I put that machine through a grueling 35 minutes of pure hell and punishment. I don't care what others think, what others say, or what others are doing. I put on my music and pretend I'm the sexiest thing to ever grace the planet (instead of a frumpy woman in baggy sweat pants and an old t-shirt with food stains on it...lol). In the end, I'm a red faced sweaty mess but I walk out of that gym feeling like a superstar. I am determined to get this weight off. I used to care what others thought and it was crippling me. Now that I am older (and fatter) I care more about ME than I do about what others think.

conqueringsquidlette

I think that would just be a temporary fix for something that goes way beyond your weight.

Side note: there ARE gyms out there catered to obese people (not letting thin members in)

However, I think it's just exacerbating a serious problem you already have: not socializing, getting over your fears of judgment, rejection, etc.

I think you should consult a therapist and get over your war in your HEAD and then your perception toward getting healthier will in turn get healthier!

Or someone needs to just give you tough love and say "get off your fat *kitten* and go. now!"

I am in therapy. I have been for a very long time, with a number of different approaches (and therapists). I thought my references to therapy in my posts would make it clear that I do know that I need it and would hint that I'm in it. Thanks for your concern, though.

The tough love / berating approach is not very sustainable. It works once or twice, and then everybody's sick of fighting about it and just goes their separate ways.

KDar1988

I'm the bigger girl at the gym too. I had a hard time at first, but I know that I'm there to better myself. Anymore I don't care what anyone thinks (to date I've not heard anyone say anything). I get on that machine and show them that I can rock it just as hard as anyone else can! The ellipticals are in rows in front of the treadmills. Today, there were 3 college guys on the treadmills so guess what they go to look at...me! I didn't care. I'm proud of myself for getting there, for doing the work and how it makes me feel afterwards. Keep it up...you can do it!!!!

technospice

I'm asthmatic with exercise induced asthma AND usually the fattest girl "at the gym". I have acquaintances who sit around and fat-shame like crazy. I know them feels. I generally jog over gym simply because I'm also poor and can't afford a gym membership, so I run at the park near my home, but it's a busy park. The number one motivator I've ever found was to repeat the following whenever I feel down.

I'm still lapping the people on the couch.

People who have worked to lose weight are typically a lot more sympathetic. But there are so many jerks out there who have never had to struggle with their weight who don't understand and are of the mind that fat people just need to put down the donut. People are jerks. Ignore them.

amberlykay1014

Personally, if I see someone working hard at the gym, I respect them regardless of their weight. Just get in there and do it!

Stick to your goals and you won't always be fat, but people who are rude and judgmental to you will always be jerks.

lisalsd1

Seriously, you're probably not the fattest person that belongs to that gym. You might FEEL like the fattest person there. So what if you are though??? At least you are the fattest person at the GYM and not the fattest person sitting on your couch!

SoreTodayStrongTomorrow222

Um, I am the SWEATIEST person at the gym. I literally sweat buckets and Idk why the he** I had to inherit that from my mother but it happened. I look totally gross and like I am dying because I get insanely red too but I don't let it stop me. Besides, no one is looking at you - they are too busy worried about themselves so don't be self conscious.