I am no longer my daughter's hero

trijoe

I'm stay at home mom. All my kids did this. They were used to me and around me 24/7. Trust me, when they get older you'll be glad they wanna bug daddy lol.

Yup, this sounds about right. I'm the stay at home dad of 3 daughters. They've all been their mother's daughters - heck even the dog gets excited when Mom comes home from work. (And DAMN does she work long hours!!!)

As warm and fuzzy as it sounds that my girls could/should be daddy's girls, the truth is they're not, and I'm okay with that. On the one hand, familiarity breeds contempt. They see me ALL... THE... TIME... I'm the tough one. I'm the one that goes through the roof when they take the juice that I told them to keep in the kitchen into their bedroom and spill it all over their bed. I'm the one who has to get their rebellious butts in the car so we can grocery shop. Then deal with them as they buzz around the grocery while people - and grocery workers - keep an eye on us. (Usually, the grocery store people snicker. "I see you have lots of help today..." HA! Yeah sure...) And I'm definitely the one who has to crack the whip with homework. That's all me - homework overlord. When hell breaks loose amongst them, I'm judge and jury. It can be tough - for the kids and/or for me.

I know my daughters love and respect me. There're no illusions there. But I'm not afraid, ashamed, or bothered by the fact that I have kids to raise. And if part of that means my wife who's away all the time gets more warm n fuzzies than I do? Yeah I'm hip. At the end of the day, I've done what I set out to do. Raise my 3 girls to be the best people they can be. And I'm pretty happy with that. Even if it means losing in the warm and fuzzy competition.

MizMimi111

I agree with so much of what has been said already, and that you have clearly stated that you learned and understand.

i also want to add that it is normal to feel concerned and to have questioned and to have looked into it. I can see the concern is for your daughter's well being. You are a good mom. You cared, you reached out, you learned. Parenting can be stressful sometimes with worries. This phase will pass. You are doing well. It's good to get advice from people you can trust. And it's good to have outlets for your own emotions. You might want to consider some affordable counseling options.

^^This!

I think it shows you are a loving and concerned mom. It's normal to feel a bit hurt when your child seems to prefer someone else over you. Especially your first as you have no previous experience from which to draw. I doubt counseling is needed unless it starts to manifest in negative behavior towards your daughter or husband.

Moms worry...about every little thing! It's what we do. :flowerforyou:

Yeah, I only meant if she needs counseling for her own self. I did because my childhood was severely abusive. I needed to work that stuff out before I had kids and more after I had kids. But whatever outlet a person has can work. Doesn't need to be counseling.

I didn't have the same concern as the Op, but I had other concerns at moments.

Not knocking counseling at all. I just didn't see the OP needing it right now from what she described. I think she's having entirely normal thoughts and feelings, dealing with a new developmental stage of her daughter whom she loves with all her heart.

I think the people (not you) saying she's assigning adult emotions to a toddler are being dramatic and not helpful. Here's a new mom expressing a concern she has, sharing how she feels, looking for support, only to be analyzed by armchair psychologists! Great support-not!:grumble:

BinaryPulsar

Trust when I say that sometimes how we view ourselves with being "good" with our kids, may look differently from the outside. Case in point: My BIL said that I sounded angry all the time when I spoke to my daughter (when she was a toddler). I didn't think I did, so out of curiosity, I videoed myself with my daughter for a day. I was appalled at how I actually spoke to her. And my BIL was right, I sounded angry all the time when I wasn't internally. Kids aren't dumb and pick up on this. Just a thought if it's something you may want to check out.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

This is always something important to keep in mind. Thanks for sharing.

ImSoOTired

As a fellow new mom, with a daughter just 2/3 months older than yours, I see where you are coming from. I have been a SAHM her whole life. I bathe her, change her, take her out, tell her 'no', feed her, etc. I do all of the hard work and then Daddy comes home and gets the laughs, the hugs, the kisses. I get a few minutes to myself when he gets home and that's good enough for me (having not been able to even use the bathroom in privacy all day). Sometimes I'm a little jealous that everyone else gets the happy-go-lucky side of my daughter while I get the fighting and tantrums but I know that if I weren't here she would miss me. I'm also the only one who can successfully put her to bed so I know she needs me.

I agree that there may be a bit of PPD happening here. I have had it and I still feel like a failure as a parent sometimes. I also find when I don't get enough sleep, or I'm tired, I get extra emotional and blow things up a little more than necessary. Perhaps with the job and the baby you are tired? I think you need a day or two to yourself if you can get a grandparent to watch her so you can catch up on sleep, housework, and maybe go out for a few drinks or dinner with your husband or some friends. Mom's need that sometimes.

I hope that you can feel better about it knowing that there are others going through the same thing. Stay strong, Mama!

wheird

She's 15 months old.

BrainyBurro

She's 15 months old.

^ being dramatic and not helpful... apparently.

wheird

She's 15 months old.

^ being dramatic and not helpful... apparently.

kmclamb13

If you are the discipliner that may be the key. I don't know what your form of discipline is but you and your husband need to be on the same page. If you stick together in this area at her young age you want have as many problems in her teen years. Not saying she is taking it out on you but just wanted to give you some advice from a mother of 3.She will always love you and yes even 15 month old know how to get the attention they want.

BrainyBurro

She's 15 months old.

^ being dramatic and not helpful... apparently.

wheird

She's 15 months old.

^ being dramatic and not helpful... apparently.

JenAndSome

Kids tend to change what and who they prefer pretty often. Tomorrow she could do a complete 180 and treat her dad like he is satan. If you continue to take this so hard you will create a wall between the two of you with the resentment you feel. Just keep taking care of her like you have been and it will equal out eventually.

Mainebikerchick

I would just say that you are around all the time therefore she wants to be around the other family members when they are around...she doesn't see them as much so that's likely why. She's young still so it will probably change at some point.

kgeyser

My two-year-old spent most of the night wanting Daddy and has been all about him this morning. They came home from the park, she was told she had to wait 5 seconds for a strawberry to be washed, then she screamed her head off for about 15 min in anger and then avoided him for the next 20 min. Now he's ok again, apparently.

The reason I am telling you this is that there is an important take home message: Kids are crazy. Especially little kids who have no way of effectively communicating how they feel, what they want, and are in process of realizing that the world is a much bigger place than just Mommy and Daddy. Don't let it bother you. One day you'll be like me and be thrilled when your kids want to go bother someone else or just plain not be near you. I am so looking forward to the silent treatment, I plan on toasting them with a glass of wine when they announce they're not speaking to me anymore.

Mikkimeow

Trust when I say that sometimes how we view ourselves with being "good" with our kids, may look differently from the outside. Case in point: My BIL said that I sounded angry all the time when I spoke to my daughter (when she was a toddler). I didn't think I did, so out of curiosity, I videoed myself with my daughter for a day. I was appalled at how I actually spoke to her. And my BIL was right, I sounded angry all the time when I wasn't internally. Kids aren't dumb and pick up on this. Just a thought if it's something you may want to check out.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

That is honestly something I haven't thought entirely about. That my view of how I react to her isn't the healthiest or best at times. I will definitely think about that. Maybe even have a family member give me some feedback.

Mikkimeow

Thank you all for the advice, including those perched upon their horse of righteousness. Now here is what I find interesting. I posted the exact same post on a parenting counseling forum. You know what the overwhelming response was? Support. Not one mention of my need for validation, childishness, abandoning her for going back to work, my mental state, jealousy, or any negative connotation to my actual plea for help. By and large, there were many helpful people on here willing to give me sound advice. Thank you. For those that decided to become a part of a grand jury, that is okay. Your opinion is your opinion.

AlysonG2

I've seen this same situation pop up several times recently. Seems like its a phase kids go through around that age. Hang in there!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Thank you all for the advice, including those perched upon their horse of righteousness. Now here is what I find interesting. I posted the exact same post on a parenting counseling forum. You know what the overwhelming response was? Support. Not one mention of my need for validation, childishness, abandoning her for going back to work, my mental state, jealousy, or any negative connotation to my actual plea for help. By and large, there were many helpful people on here willing to give me sound advice. Thank you. For those that decided to become a part of a grand jury, that is okay. Your opinion is your opinion.

If you are seeking honest feedback, it might be wise to consider that some of it will hurt your feeling -- and that, if your actually are a person of character, you can accept that along with the "atta girl" comments.

fooninie

I am a working mom of two children and they have both gone through phases of mommy and daddy-adoration. Hang in there.

From my experience it is normal and ok.

Note: I went back to work after both children because I am not stay-at-home material. I am a better mom when I balance both (even though it can be overwhelming sometimes).

I think it is also normal for you to feel sad - everyone is different and has a different emotional grid, my hubby said that it was hard when his son did not want to have anything to do with him. Now, he's three and he's 50/50.

TavistockToad

Thank you all for the advice, including those perched upon their horse of righteousness. Now here is what I find interesting. I posted the exact same post on a parenting counseling forum. You know what the overwhelming response was? Support. Not one mention of my need for validation, childishness, abandoning her for going back to work, my mental state, jealousy, or any negative connotation to my actual plea for help. By and large, there were many helpful people on here willing to give me sound advice. Thank you. For those that decided to become a part of a grand jury, that is okay. Your opinion is your opinion.

You got different responses on a parenting site to a fitness site?! Funny that!

FatCatsRule

Thank you all for the advice, including those perched upon their horse of righteousness. Now here is what I find interesting. I posted the exact same post on a parenting counseling forum. You know what the overwhelming response was? Support. Not one mention of my need for validation, childishness, abandoning her for going back to work, my mental state, jealousy, or any negative connotation to my actual plea for help. By and large, there were many helpful people on here willing to give me sound advice. Thank you. For those that decided to become a part of a grand jury, that is okay. Your opinion is your opinion.

You got different responses on a parenting site to a fitness site?! Funny that!

Yep... shocking!