Curvy Dating
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May I suggest something completely out of the ordinary here? And I'm sure I'll get bashed for it, but whatever, it's my two cents.
May I suggest dropping the dating idea for a while? Online dating is historically bad all around and one needs a VERY thick skin to do it. (this is coming from an informed point of view - I did online dating for a long time. It's horrible. And yes, I know all about the guys showing up with disappointment that's very visible on their faces)
There's nothing wrong with online dating that I have encountered so far. Your bad experience isn't everyone's.0 -
Don't get discouraged!! I felt the same as you. Until I met my boyfriend several months ago. Even right now, I'm easily 100 lbs heavier than he is, and he still thinks I'm beautiful. You have to have patience to keep waiting for the amazing man that will love you as you are. If someone judges you on the way you look, they don't deserve you anyway. Feel free to add me!0
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If you're not comfortable in your own skin or with your weight, then it will show and the guys you're getting to know will pick up on that vibe. I've known plenty of big girls and guys that are happy and confident. Also, I noticed in your profile picture you appear to be smaller than 189. We all post our best pics, but if you're doing that on the dating sites and when the guy finally meets you, it's misleading. Present the real you with confidence! You are a beautiful woman!
Okay. I posted that one for motivation. As I have commented before ALL of my dating site pics were recent, I dont misrepresent myself0 -
May I suggest something completely out of the ordinary here? And I'm sure I'll get bashed for it, but whatever, it's my two cents.
May I suggest dropping the dating idea for a while? Online dating is historically bad all around and one needs a VERY thick skin to do it. (this is coming from an informed point of view - I did online dating for a long time. It's horrible. And yes, I know all about the guys showing up with disappointment that's very visible on their faces)
So rather than dating, work on yourself. You say you're depressed. Why is that? Whatever the reason, work on that. In the meantime, exercise, go out with friends, visit with family, read books, see shows, travel, work on education, etc. Work on making yourself a whole interesting person.
(On a side note, one of the guys I met while dating online back in the late 90s simply told me he wasn't "into bigger girls." Which was funny because he wasn't exactly fit himself. Anyway, I lost a bunch of weight over 2-3 years at that time. Went back on online dating. Guy who wasn't into "bigger girls" emailed me, said I looked great, would I want to go out. I had a laugh and told him absolutely not - you hurt my feelings and now I'm not interested.
It's also noteworthy that he's still single, out there, still slightly pudgy and now older, looking for someone who's perfect.)
Haha. No I'm not bashing you. I actually have deleted my profiles recently because of my frustrations. It really gives people a reason to be picky.0 -
A couple things jump out at me. I think that you have too much of yout self-worth tied up in your appearance. Surely there are better things about you that you can use to define yourself.
You're using an old pic as your avatar. You probably tell yourself this is for motivation, but it isn't. That is the person you think you are inside and you're hiding from the beautiful person you currently are. You need to learn to love yourself.
AHHHHH, NO. NO NO NO! I do NOT use this picture for dating profiles. I use very recent pictures. I only use it on here for motivation. I'm not going to lie about how I look to someone, that wouldnt turn out so great and I'm aware of that.0 -
Is it possible that you're acting more depressed than you used to be? A lot of being attractive is confidence.
Not possible at all. I was small in high school wheN I was skinny and that was the lowest point in my life for self confidence.0 -
May I suggest something completely out of the ordinary here? And I'm sure I'll get bashed for it, but whatever, it's my two cents.
May I suggest dropping the dating idea for a while? Online dating is historically bad all around and one needs a VERY thick skin to do it. (this is coming from an informed point of view - I did online dating for a long time. It's horrible. And yes, I know all about the guys showing up with disappointment that's very visible on their faces)
There's nothing wrong with online dating that I have encountered so far. Your bad experience isn't everyone's.
I agree. I met my husband on a dating site -- while I had some, um, interesting messages, all the people I'd met in person were completely fine.0 -
Hello Beautyforashes, I want to encourage you that beauty comes in different shapes and sizes. A plus size woman doesn't neccessarily have to settle for dregs, or feel less than. We are more than a given size, shape or weight. With age, you come to appreciate that while looks play a part in attraction, what sustains a marriage/relationship are qualities that are far more important. Confidence, a good sense of humour, intelligence, and warmth are irresistible. Loyalty, a sense of duty, kindness and integrity are hot qualities. And, yes there are decent, kind, and handsome men who find curvy women attractive. I married one!
Thank you. And honestly, I do think I have a lot of GREAT qualities. I'm not saying I think like this all the time. But I do think about it sometimes. I think thats okay and doesn't make me so terrible. Everyone is insecure sometimes. I don't let it take over my life.0 -
Thank you all.
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
As others have said, your size is not the determining factor. I'll never forget a good friend (also good looking and very fit) who fell in love with a girl who was quite a few lbs over weight. He was baffled - he knew she was not at her ideal weight, but he was crazy about her anyway. Bonkers in fact. It defied everything he had ever believed about love and sexual attraction. But he married her because he could not do without her.
As far as online dating goes, it sounds like you are being honest with your pictures, and that is important. My husband and I met online and we both had similar stories about dates who used VERY out-dated pics and how unattractive that was to us. Online dating can be a gut wrenching, soul crushing experience, so be prepared! But I met the most awesome man I could ever have imagined through it. And since we lived in different parts of the state, we never would have met otherwise. I have my horror stories, but I stuck with it and it was worth it.0 -
Exactly! I do things. I go to school full time as well. That's a lot more work than it sounds!0
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bump0
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I noticed that with dating, the only men that want to date are mostly into some kind of weird, sexual fetish that involves 'fat' women.... Sometime I think that if I lose weight, I will probably attract men of better quality, but then i'm left thinking...........are they only going to care about me because I'm fit? I think with being fat, it makes it impossible to date good men. The men who are interested who are bigger are not interesting AT ALL in being fit, they just want to play video games... So I'm left with nothing!
...I just hate what it means in the dating world. I'm either a fetish or disgusting. ... in the end, you do have to look within a reasonable manner in order to get a man of your own personal qualifications. It's a hard truth. I keep wishing someone would love me as I am and support me in getting in shape, but it's a pipe dream.
I HAD to respond to this and hope the poster is still around to read me ... this has been my experience EXACTLY ~ but only since internet dating started (mind you that coincided with me being super morbidly obese). I am STILL looking for a partner who is acceptable to me AND who accepts me. What I have found is that, because of my size, 99% reject me and all I am left with are the dregs who no other woman wants because they are not at all appealing or they have psychological or other problems. I guess they turn to me because they, too, are scraping the barrel.0 -
If you cannot attract them with your body then it may be time to develop a personality and become interesting. That works wonders believe it or not.0
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I am over two hundred pounds. My fiance didn't date me when I was a skinny miss in high school, instead we friendzoned each other. My solution? Stop. Don't go looking. Find friends instead. Dating is basically over rated. Make a friend for life, not some boy toy you met on a date. Get active in the community, so you won't be lonely. If you're not allergic, volunteer at an animal shelter, and you'll get more than loved on by a bunch of animals. People on dating sites, from experience, can be terribly misleading. Instead, find something you love and do it. You may find yourself in love along the way.
Besides, men are basically kind of boring, until you find one who considers you more than a pair of boobs and a butt to stare at. For now, enjoy your life, and don't worry about the opposite sex, or whatever sex drives you. Do what you love, and you will find love.
Frigging A, girl. I was just about to pipe in and agree with the OP and then I read your post and realized that THAT is exactly what I'm doing RIGHT NOW. I'm enjoying life, having my own interests, making lots of men and women friends, learnign to accept people as they are and not by what they can do for me and if someone special pops up from that, then cool.
Honestly, When I was thin and had a nice tight body, I still had problems meeting people. It was ME all along. My attitude was all skewed, my expectations were all messed up, and I didn't love myself. Now I do, and although I get lonely too and I would love to have sex RIGHT NOW, I'm behaving myself and being good to myself and working out, riding my motorcycle, my bicycle, taking care of my kitty, getting better and better every day.0 -
It's totally normal to wonder, 'what went wrong?', when you don't hear again from someone after a first date. Obviously, you're a bit sensitive about your weight right now so in your mind, you start to wonder if it was your 'body' rather than something else that led to a likely lack of chemistry. I am wondering, are these guys that you actually felt you had a connection with who didn't contact you again? Or was it clear there was no connection between you (for any reason)? If you weren't feeling it, he probably wasn't it either.
I've done a lot of online dating. I've met several partners this way. My current partner (of 2 years) I met online. Online dating requires you to put yourself out there with a lot of different people in a lot of different situations on the chance you meet someone you really connect with. It's a lot of work. I went on a TON of these dates. There was NOTHING intrinsically wrong with the appearance or personalities of any of the guys - they just were not for me. Sexual attraction combined with romantic chemistry is rare - realise that and take your time. You aren't going to meet 10 guys in a row and all 10 could be potential life partners. You are more than likely going to meet 10 guys, want to maybe see 2 of them again (1 of which might not want to see you), and probably have to keep going through this process until you find ONE you seriously connect with. It takes patience, persistence, and hard work.
Other than that advice, when it comes to online dating, I always recommend someone uses several honest photos of themselves combined with a clear description of themselves, their personality, and their wants/deal breakers. It doesn't have to be too serious but you should make sure your profile speaks to who you are, what you want, and who you might want to be with.
You've responded to other posters saying you feel confident and have lots of other interests so just keep doing your thing and remember PATIENCE :-) Enjoy your time with friends and family, pursue your hobbies, and continue to take care of yourself.
x Danika0 -
If you don't find yourself sexy or attractive guys will pick up on that and it will influence their attraction to you. Think about the unspoken energy you put out.0
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I think that it's a pretty bad situation all the way around. But fixable.
If guys aren't turning up because they think 'I'm not meeting that fat chick off that site' then you need to lose weight / improve appearance if you want to meet more men in the first place.
If guys are turning up and end up thinking '****, that girl bored the hell out of me, and she's fat.. no way I'm going back for seconds' then you need to work on the personality side to keep them interested.
Either way the power is in your hands, best of luck.0 -
Confidence is key here. If you don't feel comfortable with yourself, you will never feel comfortable with another person, and they will subconsciously pick up on that.
I've never ever lacked for dates when I wanted one at all the ranges of my weight. Did I have first dates that never lead to second? Yeah, that's called dating and I don't think it had to do with my weight every time. Sometimes people aren't compatible. Hell, some of the time *I* was even the one who said no to a second date because I jsut wasn't feeling it.
Yes, there's been rude peole that have told me I should settle for them because "A girl like me" couldn't do better. That's crap. I deserve what I deserve, and I had the confidence to get it.
It hurts sometimes, but that's how it is for EVERYONE who dates, regardless of their weight. Dating sucks. The less you focus on finding that perfect person, and the more you focus on bettering yourself, the more people will be drawn to you.0 -
The most important thing is how you are projecting yourself....if you feel less confident it may be impacting how you approach others and how you are perceived by others......so it could be a matter of that versus weight........
what he said. I never had problems dating or finding a bf even at my highest weight. Ppl can read how you feel abt yourself. Good luck on your journey.0 -
I've found that the harder you try to find someone, the harder it is to do that - this is true no matter what size you are.
Try to work on your self-esteem. Get in the mindset that it would be nice, but not necessary, to find someone. Date, have fun. Do things on your own. Don't believe that you need a relationship to be happy.0
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