Fiancee's Support

cebreisch

Wow. There's just so many things....soooo.....many....things.....

If the Optifast thing is working for you, then by all means, tell her to go be with her family, and you can find things to do with people who aren't really there to support your efforts after all. I can understand being mopey because they can all eat and you can't, but shame on them for blaming you because they feel guilty. They feel guilty somewhere inside, they all want to try to lose weight or do something tom improve themselves, but would rather sit around, eat, and boo-hoo about it, blaming others for their lot in life.

But really - somewhere someone wasn't being entirely honest. If she said she's going to support you, then she's got the talking part done - as my dad used to say. She needs to back it up with action. Until then, she's full of it.

However, this journey is really YOUR journey. I started mine without my husband's doing anything. He wasn't logging, he didn't change his eating habits, no exercise, etc. etc. etc. After about 6 months of me losing weight, he finally decided to get "in the game". Sometimes the partner wants to see how dedicated you are before they go "all in". Either way it shouldn't matter. You're doing this for you, not for her. So build up your suit of armor to be able to withstand any shrapnel coming from her direction (or from her family's direction).

And now for the "OTHER part".....Optifast??? Have to say, I'm not a big fan of meal-replacement shakes and the plans. I know there are people who've lost weight on them, but usually end up gaining it back.

I would strongly suggest finding and working with a bariatric dietician. The reason I say this is that in April 2011, I had my "a-ha" moment that I really had to do something to try to really lose this weight. I topped the scale at 376 at the time. I went to a lap-band surgeon who wanted me to lose 90 pounds before he'd do the surgery. He said most people would only lose about 30, and end up having the surgery anyway because they couldn't show the discipline.

For at least a year or so, I saw the nutritionist, went to Weight Watchers, went to a therapist, and lost 115 pounds over the course of 2 years. I did this without exercising, and while eating real food. I ate out (and still do), and paid attention to what the nutritionist said. I lost at a healthy rate of 0-2 pounds a week. I had surgery in March 2013 for skin removal and just had my "year reprieve", but the last 2 weeks, I've lost 8.5 pounds.

The downfall of things like Optifast is that they don't teach you really about how to really eat. My dietician said to focus on lean, healthy proteins, and the fat/carbs would take care of themselves, and she was right.

If it's working for you, then great....if it ain't broke, don't fix it. If/when it does break, try a different path.

Definitely - pre-marital counseling would be a good idea.

For what it's worth, and good luck!!

amelia325

I can't believe the post backing his GF, saying she doesn't advise her husband how to eat for his condition! That's your husband! Don't you think you should at least TRY to help him deal with his chronic health issues! To me it seems neglectful to not support a healthy lifestyle and to influence/advise it when there are obvious health concerns! To me, that is being a good spouse. My husband has high blood pressure and weight is a sensitive subject but health outweighs that - I had to say we need to do something about this! Not just turn a cheek and say "OK have another cheeseburger if you want"

aliakynes

I agree that you shouldn't eat out with family members until you can start eating with them. It doesn't sound like you're having a great time and would probably be happier doing something else. In a perfect world, they would be supportive and understanding but if everyone had that, there would be little need for MFP.

As for the fiancee, let her off the hook. I'm not saying she's right or that you're wrong in feeling the way you do. For some reason or another, this is something she can't do for you right now. It will be something that she'll have to come to terms with but it's not your job to get her there. Right now your job is to focus on you, not her or her family. Take advantage of Kaiser's counseling programs to talk to someone. You're going through some serious changes, both psychologically taxing as well as physically (crash diets affect both in a dramatic way). See that you take care of both.

Premarital counseling is a separate issue IMO. I think you should make yourself a priority over her and your relationship with her. If she has an issue with that, you can go for premarital counseling but don't skimp on individual counseling.

blushingbride2bee

I'm sorry you are feeling like giving up. We all know that feeling. Obviously the program you are doing is very rigid and serious. Don't let your argument or any other hurtle stop you from sticking to your goals. Sometimes it can be difficult to make goals as a couple and often we place too much weight on the other person. Your battle is yours to fight, your success is yours to achieve. I understand that your fiance is frustrated with your diet and that it is effecting your lifestyle. All goals worth achieving take real sacrifice and commitment! You may have to avoid some family dinners and sacrifice a few things.

I'm sure your fiance wants you to succeed but it can be hard for others to understand your program. I would have a chat with her when you both have cooled off and just say I love you and I know this diet is really hard and it is restricting on our lifestyle but it is really important to me and I want to succeed so I may have to make some sacrifices. I would also say that you really love her and need her support because this is tough and go over what your long term goals are with her. I am sure she was just frustrated.

Good luck! Stick with it and remember this is Journey and what you learn on it is just as important as reaching the finish line.

SoreTodayStrongTomorrow222

Personally, I think your fiance is being very selfish. She should be excited that you are doing something to improve your health and quality of life which will only possitivly affect her in the future. BUT!!!!! that doesnt mean she has to change her eating habits so youre just going to have to have self control. Asking you to NOT attend family events is just flat out ridiculous and it makes me think shes kind of a B* BUT on the otherhand, if you are mopey and wallowing - I wouldn't want to be around you either. So idk, welcome to the world of serious relationships -

aliakynes

Personally, I think your fiance is being very selfish.

I would have gone with childish with the whole, "I don't care what the binder has to say".

dopeysmelly

I can't believe the post backing his GF, saying she doesn't advise her husband how to eat for his condition! That's your husband! Don't you think you should at least TRY to help him deal with his chronic health issues! To me it seems neglectful to not support a healthy lifestyle and to influence/advise it when there are obvious health concerns! To me, that is being a good spouse. My husband has high blood pressure and weight is a sensitive subject but health outweighs that - I had to say we need to do something about this! Not just turn a cheek and say "OK have another cheeseburger if you want"

Well, he knows far more about what he needs to do than I do, since he's researched it, wants to do this for himself and I don't go in the doctor's office with him, so I don't presume. He's also perfectly capable of reading food labels himself, giving input into our meals (we've always shared meal preparation) and making his own meals if he wants (making lunch instead of relying on bought). Also, there's different types of support. You're implying that the only alternative to active support ("Well done! Whoo-hoo! Let's go and do something together to celebrate your success!") is sabotage ("let me feed you a jar of pickles!"). That's not the case. Passive support (answering questions when asked, and commenting positively on progress when it's volunteered) is all some people want. That's the support we provide each other, but really, he's a grown up, he's an intelligent guy (or I wouldn't have married him ;-)) and I'm not his mother so any "helpful" comments are either going to be unhelpful or nagging.

l_ashley

Typically when 2 or more people make a pact to lose weight, only a small percentage are willing to actually do it. Losing weight takes work and it is very easy to fall off the wagon. Once one person falls off the wagon they will inadvertantly (or purposefully) try to drag everyone else down with them so they don't feel so bad about their failure. This is what is occurring here.