For those who married young or are currently engaged

The_Aly_Wei

Wish I could find that video I saw about the truth behind engagement rings...

It's really just the most successful advertising scam in history. Diamonds aren't rare, they aren't valuable. People are buried in them every day. Jewelry companies needed a way to unload them. Throw together some slick advertising and ta da! Now we think diamond engagement rings are a necessary tradition handed down through the ages.

But there's no fighting it. It's a successful enough advertising campaing that society is now convinced that the size of a diamond equates to how much you love a person. And slaves labor away in mines under horrible conditions to allow this nonsense to go on.

Raise your hand if you're shocked that I'm not married. :frown:

I like you.

Kitten2629

Husband and I have been together since I was 18 he 24. We became engaged at a year, but waited 4 years to say I Do. We have been together 13 years.

Regardless of age marriage is not easy as we each grow, mature, our wants and or needs change, and life gets in the way. It's going to be up to you to figure out how to make it work. It's not always a bed of roses. If marriage was easy Divorce rates wouldn't be so high.

MiloBloom83

I don't a diamond ring, that sort of gift don't mean anything, I don't want him to get me a fancy car, I want to know I'm his shining star, I don't want him to get me a house in the hills, a girl like me needs something real. I want him to get me somethin' special.

This is something I can stand behind....

HeidiGrrrl

We got engaged when I was 18 and my then boyfriend/fiancé (my now husband) had just turned 20. We were both working for minimum wage at the time, which was $3.05 an hour. My ring was 14k gold solitaire with a cubic zirconia stone, and a plain gold band for the wedding ring. In all, I'd say my set cost about $75, which is a lot of money when working for $3.05 an hour! We were engaged for 2-1/2 years before we got married (at 21 and 22) because we were both still in school. Once we were finally "gainfully" employed, we bought a new set for me with a real diamond, although the diamond was very small, around our first anniversary. I wore that thing for years. I embellished it with a real diamond anniversary band around our 10th anniversary, and finally, about the time of our 20th anniversary or so, we bought a larger, loose diamond and had it set in the same ring I've been wearing since we first got it for our 1st anniversary.

We just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary 2 weeks ago. You don't need a big, expensive ring to get married. As I just told my daughter and her new husband at their wedding (their rings are also stainless steel and cubic zirconia), it isn't about the ring, the dress, the cake, the wedding or the reception. What's important is the marriage. A ring is just a piece of jewelry. The marriage and the life you build together is what matters.

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calibriintx

Please please please don't get engaged at 18. You haven't even lived yet.

But to answer your question, he got my ring from Kay Jewelers and he got what he could afford. I was 20 when I got married (the first time) and I wish I could go back and slap the shlt out of me.

Also, please, please, please don't listen to this person.

I have been happily married for 3 years (engaged at 18, married at 21). I have lived more than some people I know in their 40s! If it feels right to you, it probably is right!!

I'm sure you'll say the say thing to the two kids in your photo when they're 18 and think they want to get married.:noway: :laugh:

missomgitsica

My former fiance proposed with a really inexpensive silver claddagh ring. I loved it.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Young marriages can and often do work.

There are two problems with getting married young.

1. You can change a LOT from 18 to say 30. Sometimes these changes equal problems in your marriage. Sometimes they do not. You both have to grow and change together. Hell, I've changed a lot since I got married at 24. I'm not nearly as patient as I was when I was younger. I can't just "let things go" like I could this. This has let to more conflict in our relationship but also to improvements.

2. Regrets. Will you regret "settling down" early with you are 30? Some people do, some people don't. For some people the regrets can overwhelm the love and commitment.

spikrgrl503

I got engaged at 22, married at 23. My ring is platinum with a three diamond setting. Less than 2 carat total. It was way more expensive then I would have wanted my husband to pay if I had known about it, since he was on a graduate student stipend (in the humanities, no less). However, I really really love it, people complement me on it all the time, and when I asked him about the cost he said,

"If you wear it for the rest of your life it's way, way, way less than a dollar a day. Worth it to me"

We're both 27 now, married 4 years, and own our own home, so it's not like we would have used the money for that. No kids (probably helps the finances).

AsaThorsWoman

engaged three years...i asked him....still waiting for a ring.

This sounds as epic as my story.

My -ex fiance gave me a ring that turned my finger green, and I eventually walked out on him because his meth addicted brother kept breaking into our house, among other things.

DivineChoices

Met at 19, married at 23. We picked out a pink sapphire ring for $300 for the engagement ring (I don't like diamonds, personally). Got the wedding band for $80.

We don't have everything figured out. We didn't think we did at 23 either. I've never considered divorcing my husband, but it isn't something that I don't think could ever happen. I live each day, with my marriage on my mind. And hopefully, my husband and I will make it to a great milestone like our 50th anniversary.

As for the ring, I got too fat to wear my engagement ring AND my wedding band, so I only wear my wedding band. I plan on 'upgrading' at some point by cannibalizing my two bands and making something brand new out of it.

And consider insuring it from loss and theft if it costs a pretty penny. My husband lost his wedding band a couple years ago when we got a flat tire in the middle of a snow storm. He took his gloves off to do something, his ring came off with the gloves and went flying. We had to go back with a metal detector and spent 4 hours looking for it, still didn't find it. A couple months later we got a call from the homeowner of the place we broke down at. He found my husband's ring after the snow melted.

_AwesomeSauce_

Married at 19, he gave me an eensy little solitaire. He was a college student, saved his money for a few months (apparently he ate Ramen that whole time!) I still wear it today, we'll be married 13 years in October, but I'd like to 'upgrade' someday.

I presume you mean to upgrade your ring, and not your husband :laugh:

MrsPong

I was 21, my husband 23 when got married. We already had a child and he was just back from deployment so I guess he had a little extra cash a 23 year old wouldn't have.

He went to a jeweler that catered to military and took some of it out on loan (mostly bc of credit reasons). I told him I didn't want anything to "big" but different. We already had a child, so don't spend life savings you kno? So I got a different type of ring, it was gorgeous but not huge.

I traded up about a year later after we had a rocky first year of marriage (out with the bad kinda thing). They took my old ring, took the original price and we paid the difference. We were a little more settled, he picked up rank, so it didn't break bank. I have a pretty large ring now, also added two diamond bands. 5.5 years of marriage. I guess our out with the bad karma helped and I got a nice rock lol

lscalone95

To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?

calibriintx

A little advice... People advise against marrying young because they haven't "lived". Of course, no one but you knows if you are ready to settle down. To make a marriage work, I recommend each of you putting the other before yourselves, and taking the word "divorce" out of your vocabulary.

Seeing as others are giving advice here too lol..... My favorite quote:

Marriage Is not 50-50. Divorce is. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't about dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got (even when it sucks and you dont feel you have to/should/deserve to......)

If marriage has to be 100-100, everyone, everywhere would get divorced. maybe this is the problem? People expect perfection and bail when they don't get it?

kborton1122

Sorry, but you are way too young at 18 to get married. You haven't lived enough life yet to know what you need and want. You may think that you do, but I guarantee you that your wants and needs will change.

I got married 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. I was married 20 years and just recently got a divorce. I could go on and on and on about what happened, but I'll just say that we both changed. We both grew apart and in the end we wanted different lives. Different enough that we didn't want to try to make things work. We knew we would be happier apart.

Now, on the other hand, my parents married at ages 17 and 19. They are still married, over 45 years later.

Followingsea

I was 21, he was 20. He bought a little half-carat solitaire from Zales. I still have it somewhere.

You change and grow a lot as a person in your early 20s, which is why so many people caution against young marriages. Most couples grow apart. Many fewer grow together. 'Knowing' you're a good fit isn't a good indicator of what you'll do - we all knew, that's why we got engaged in the first place.

Best of luck to you, but I'd also recommend waiting a few years or at least a long engagement. If you're planning on spending the rest of your lives together anyway, what's the rush?

eta: That's a recommendation, this is a must - NEVER ask someone to marry you if you don't already know the answer. You should have already talked about and be on the same page w/r/t the Big Issues: Marriage, Religion, Kids, Where to Live, Money, etc.

oregonzoo

To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?

Gotta say, reading this entire post made me smile. While your age initially made me nervous for you, it sounds like you are going about things in a thoughtful way.

Good luck.

sillygoosie

To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?

Glad to hear that you're in no hurry.

Try asking your girlfriend how she feels about man-made diamonds. Maybe she likes different types of stones completely. Maybe she's like some of us and thinks rings are stupid. She is the best person to go to. Besides, it will be good practice for communication, working as a team, and compromise.

calibriintx

To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?

This sounds like a question for your girlfriend. Is factory made = to CZ? Yes, I would have been opposed to that. Would have preferred a plain band over CZ. Anyway. You two should talk about it. Find out what she wants, what she likes, if you're even on the same page.

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AmandaLY17

A little advice... People advise against marrying young because they haven't "lived". Of course, no one but you knows if you are ready to settle down. To make a marriage work, I recommend each of you putting the other before yourselves, and taking the word "divorce" out of your vocabulary.

Seeing as others are giving advice here too lol..... My favorite quote:

Marriage Is not 50-50. Divorce is. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't about dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got (even when it sucks and you dont feel you have to/should/deserve to......)

If marriage has to be 100-100, everyone, everywhere would get divorced. maybe this is the problem? People expect perfection and bail when they don't get it?

It has nothing to do with expecting perfection from the other person but 'perfection' (there is no such thing, but for the sake of ease I'll use the word) from yourself.... Giving 100%. Regardless of situation or circumstance ( where I dont feel its necessary to add this, Im not talking about continuing to live in a home with someone who is abusing you, ones physical safety is important). Its giving all you have even when you feel you're being wronged. Its about putting heart and soul into your relationship even when the feelings are gone. Where the only person I can control is myself, my actions and words influence and affect others.

rheannaraye

Make sure that you know HER preference. I used to quiz my (now) husband. Every time we'd walk past a display, I'd play a game ---- "which of these 8 rings do you think I'd like best?" hahaha it was fun and helped him know and learn and understand my own personal preferences. I wanted something that was low and wouldn't get caught on everything. I also wanted something that looked nice and didn't say "I was $80 at walmart." we got my ring from a different dept. store, and it was about $500 (and we even used a coupon for 30% off!). You can certainly find nice jewelry without breaking the bank. As for cubic zirconia or lab created diamonds, most people can't tell the difference, but I would have been horrified if mine were a fake stone. It's the one piece of jewelry I wanted, and I will not ask for anything more - I wanted to make sure this ring was it, lol. Like I said though, make sure that you ask HER preference. Or have a friend of hers do some digging for you (if you can trust them not to say anything).

I've included a photo of my ring(s) for you. My engagement ring (the princess - square- cut in the middle) came from department and was $500. The wedding bands came from a jeweler. One was for the wedding (obviously) and the other he gave to me as a 1 year anniversary gift



Just a few thoughts Enjoy your life as you are now, but don't feel sorry about feeling sure about the way you feel about her. If you want to marry young, go for it! It just means you have longer to spend your lives as a married couple

odusgolp

To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?

Hypothetically, no. I would have no issues receiving any jewelry, whether it's mined or manufactured. ;-) Best of luck to you.

ew_david

To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?

You have a good head on your shoulders.

I'd make sure she's okay with synthetic anything first, but I wouldn't be opposed. Moissonite (still a bit pricey) is beautiful.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

I'm cool with man-made gems.

ImSoOTired

My husband and I began talking about marriage when we were around 18. He asked me what kind of ring I would like if we ever got married. I hadn't thought much about it but then I began to when he brought it up. We got engaged when I was 20, almost 21. He took me looking at a bunch of jewelry stores and he went back a few days later and bought one that I liked. I think it was about $1200. White gold, small diamonds on the band and one larger (but not huge) diamond in the middle. Nothing too flashy. My wedding ring is very plain though. I think it might have been $299. We were married when I was 23.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about man made diamonds. I guess I'm the kinda girl that likes to try them on first. Though I'm guessing I would've been happy with anything he got me. I really don't know...

jenny95662

I got no ring when he asked he just kinda decided to when one day because he said it felt right. The day we got married well after we got married my friend bought us each a simple band, Then after 2 years married we got me an engagement and then on our 5 yr he bought me a new band. I never cared either way lol

calibriintx

A little advice... People advise against marrying young because they haven't "lived". Of course, no one but you knows if you are ready to settle down. To make a marriage work, I recommend each of you putting the other before yourselves, and taking the word "divorce" out of your vocabulary.

Seeing as others are giving advice here too lol..... My favorite quote:

Marriage Is not 50-50. Divorce is. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't about dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got (even when it sucks and you dont feel you have to/should/deserve to......)

If marriage has to be 100-100, everyone, everywhere would get divorced. maybe this is the problem? People expect perfection and bail when they don't get it?

It has nothing to do with expecting perfection from the other person but 'perfection' (there is no such thing, but for the sake of ease I'll use the word) from yourself.... Giving 100%. Regardless of situation or circumstance ( where I dont feel its necessary to add this, Im not talking about continuing to live in a home with someone who is abusing you, ones physical safety is important). Its giving all you have even when you feel you're being wronged. Its about putting heart and soul into your relationship even when the feelings are gone. Where the only person I can control is myself, my actions and words influence and affect others.

I guess it's just the wording that I have a problem with, but I get the sentiment behind it. Ideally it would be 50/50, but often it's 60/40 or 30/70, etc. The point is to keep choosing your spouse to love and make a life with, even when you may not want to, even when you feel like you're giving more than you're getting. I think the idea behind the words is the same...I just dislike the 100% thing b/c I feel like it sets expectations way too high. Depending on what's going on in a marriage and with money, health, kids, you can feel like you have NOTHING to give. In those moments, I feel like giving SOMETHING, is enough.

wolfsbayne

I'm 39 and am getting married for the 2nd time. No engagement ring the first time. This time, I have a 2 ct white topaz set in sterling silver with celtic knots on each side of the stone. The ring was about $50. The ring is not as important to me as the person who gave it to me and what it symbolizes.