Help me with a wedding debate

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JoRocka
JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
in Chit-Chat
Question for Internet land:

Is it common practice to skip a wedding and only go to the reception?

Bf says unless you are close family its standard to only attend the reception. I've never heard of this and thought only attending the reception was tacky.

What do you all say?!
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Replies

  • ilfaith
    ilfaith Posts: 16,769 Member
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    I'm with you on this one. If you're going to come and eat my food, drink my wine, and dance to my music, you've got to sit through the ceremony first.
  • Nikkisfitblog
    Nikkisfitblog Posts: 149 Member
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    Yeh I would have thought that would be rude?

    Im in the process of planning my wedding and the thought of people only rocking up for the very expensive reception pisses me off.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
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    Were you actually invited to the wedding?
    Or just the reception?
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
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    If you are invited to both, you should go to both. I've had people only invite me to receptions in the past because the church was small.
  • mitchy0090
    mitchy0090 Posts: 18
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    you go to the ceremony 100%. If you feel you dont know the couple well, stand / sit near the back and let closer friends and family near the front
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I know in some cultures the ceremony is small with only close family and friends attending, then the reception is huge. In other cultures it is the opposite and absolutely everyone gets invited to watch the ceremony but the reception is smaller. Depends what you actually got invited to, really.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I have NEVER heard of that, ever. To me it seems rude & odd.

    I've seen the *opposite* quite a lot though. Especially in the area where I live, as big fancy weddings with dancing, liquor, etc, are fairly common among Catholic, Presbyterian & non-religious folks, but the larger masses of Southern Baptist and similar are generally opposed to those sinful ways ;-) Therefore you see a LOT of more conservative and/or senior guests who attend the ceremony and then leave before what they might consider a hedonistic & inappropriate reception.

    Not for the reasons above, but I've skipped a few receptions too. If someone I like invites me to their wedding I make every effort to attend the ceremony, bring a gift, and give them my heartfelt congrats after...but if the reception is several hours later and filled with people I don't know and/or do not like...I'll skip it.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
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    I know in some cultures the ceremony is small with only close family and friends attending, then the reception is huge.

    This is how we have always done it in my family..
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,302 Member
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    Were you actually invited to the wedding?
    Or just the reception?

    This
  • arainiday1
    arainiday1 Posts: 1,763 Member
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    if you were invited to both, you go to both or don't go at all
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
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    I am going to have to agree not attending the ceremony is rude as hell!! Yes there is going to be a fabulous party that they paid for and you will have food and drinks most likely provided to you however the reason for that party is the joining of 2 peoples lives together.... THAT is the important part, the other part is just a bonus that the couple graciously provided for the guests lucky enough to attend. If someone had showed up for just my reception I would have most likely asked them to leave!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Were you actually invited to the wedding?
    Or just the reception?

    The invite had both. It's his friend so ultimately his decision but I just didn't think that was normal lol
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I know in some cultures the ceremony is small with only close family and friends attending, then the reception is huge.

    This is how we have always done it in my family..
    This.

    We have had events where we prepared for almost triple the guests at the reception with the understanding that people might be more free later on to attend what with kids sports and jobs that might happen during the day as well as some people want to bring "plus one's" and two's and threes to the festivities.

    There is this feeling that the ceremonies are more sacred or private and the reception is more "anything goes" and "the more the merrier". I'm talking about ceremonies overall...baptisms, quince anos, weddings, etc. and so on. Maybe it is a cultural thing.

    You should look to the invite for guidance. Or call the RSVP number for clarification.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    If the invite specified both, it would be rude to not go to both.

    ETA: unless you have a reason to not go to one, like a prior engagement.
  • healingnurtrer
    healingnurtrer Posts: 217 Member
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    If invited to both I would go to both unless there was a real reason to skip one. (My wedding was in the morning and the reception was later in the evening after a family luncheon... if someone had plans they couldn't change in the morning but could make it to the reception, I wouldn't have been offended. Actually, I probably wouldn't have noticed.)
    But if the events are consecutive and you were invited to both... I'd go to both.
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
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    As others said it depends on the invite but it's very common where I'm from to have close friends and family to the ceremony and a smaller reception then have a big party at night for all comers
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I am going to have to agree not attending the ceremony is rude as hell!! Yes there is going to be a fabulous party that they paid for and you will have food and drinks most likely provided to you however the reason for that party is the joining of 2 peoples lives together.... THAT is the important part, the other part is just a bonus that the couple graciously provided for the guests lucky enough to attend. If someone had showed up for just my reception I would have most likely asked them to leave!

    I'm sorry I'm just not able to agree that not attending the wedding ceremony is "rude as hell".

    I've been to plenty where it's fully expected that not everyone will be at the ceremony. Often afterwards during pictures and whatnot we are excited to talk about who is bringing who to the reception and who we can expect to see...so and so's new boyfriend, what's her names gaggle of college girlfriends, that one aunt's comadre's who we haven't seen in years, the neighbors entire house full of kids even though only she and her husband attended the ceremony.

    I've never thought of this as a thing or "rude" or anything like that. I don't think anyone I know has ever mentioned it as such either.

    I am noticing however a kind of uncomfortable "currency" or "commodity" theme in this conversation though?

    As though wedding attendance and inviting is some kind of "payment" for the food and drinks provided? I've never thought of it that way. Is this a thing? There seems IMO too much emphasis on tit for tat in this area lately everytime I read any wedding etiquette related questions.

    When did weddings become an entertainment event for which the price of admission is ceremony attendance or an adequate gift?
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Just break up.


    Kidding.

    I am a wedding industry professional (that hates the wedding industry). I have heard couples b*tch about people just coming for the party and others that do not care. I would do both, unless there was a large gap of time between the ceremony and wedding.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
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    if you were invited to both, you go to both or don't go at all

    Why not at all?
    That's ridiculous.
  • Barbellarella_
    Barbellarella_ Posts: 454 Member
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    I think that's only if you're Mormon. They usually separate them.

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