Help me with a wedding debate

2

Replies

  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    From what I understand this is true of some European cultures, but not generally accepted here in the US.

    It's going to depend on where you're at in the US.

    Here, it is quite normal.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?

    How does your invitation read. Directly above your comment here I explained my experiences with invitations. I would have to see how your invitation reads to tell you better, as there are apparently invites that say reception only. But every invite I have ever received is an invite to the wedding with only a mere mention of the reception at the bottom of the invite.
  • Slacker16
    Slacker16 Posts: 1,184 Member
    I think it's impolite, if you were invited to both, to skip the wedding and only show up for the ensuing beer blast. I also don't think it's a big deal. Make up a believable excuse though.

    ETA : 666th post!
  • psmd
    psmd Posts: 764 Member
    I missed a wedding once, b/c I got lost driving, and just showed up to the reception. I told the bride she looked beautiful and no one knew the difference. Actually that's happened twice.
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?

    Yeah they usually send out two kinds of invites, one saying ceremony and reception, the other saying reception only.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,207 Member
    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?

    Yeah they usually send out two kinds of invites, one saying ceremony and reception, the other saying reception only.

    Yeah, any time I've been invited to a reception only thing, it's specified.
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    Nope, never heard of it like that. Unless they're going to send out invites saying 'you're only invited to the reception', assume you're invited to the wedding itself.
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
    The only way that I could see not going to the wedding is if that is a specific request from the bride and groom. (Perhaps they want a very small and intimate wedding.) I've never heard of attending only a reception otherwise.
  • rheannaraye
    rheannaraye Posts: 62 Member
    We had some people skip the ceremony, but it depended on reason....
    1. the church was out in the middle of nowhere
    2. some people didn't drive and didn't want to find a ride that far
    3. some people had scheduling conflicts
    4. some travelled from far away and couldn't make it early

    I didn't mind. I was happy that they wanted to be a part of our big day, no matter what.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    It's "normal" for LDS weddings as most people aren't "allowed" to attend the ceremony.
  • benaddict
    benaddict Posts: 1,381 Member
    We did a small wedding (just immediate family) and large reception. We sent different invitations for each group; family got an invite to both, others got an invite to reception only. But I've never heard of skipping the wedding intentionally if you were invited to it. My husband and I accidentally missed a wedding once because the interstate was closed down and we had to take a detour, and we still went to the reception, but that was unintentional. I live in the southeast, so maybe that's just how it is around here and other places are different.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?

    How does your invitation read. Directly above your comment here I explained my experiences with invitations. I would have to see how your invitation reads to tell you better, as there are apparently invites that say reception only. But every invite I have ever received is an invite to the wedding with only a mere mention of the reception at the bottom of the invite.

    I will have to see if I can take a picture and doctor personal information.
  • ThinkInOregon
    ThinkInOregon Posts: 283
    Were you actually invited to the wedding?
    Or just the reception?

    The invite had both. It's his friend so ultimately his decision but I just didn't think that was normal lol

    If invite says both, it would be appropriate and best to attend both. Depending on how big the wedding is, and how close he is to the couple, they may not realize until later (as they are reading the sign-in's). That could really offend them.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    When I was helping my cousin plan her wedding, she did actually did send out different invites. Some people were invited to both (she had limited seating in the church she got married in), some just to the reception due to the limited space. I would say if you were invited to both, don't just show up for the reception. If I was the bride, I know that would piss me off.

    Edited for grammar.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    What a bunch of rookies.

    Show up late to the ceremony (because it's going to be boring as hell), hang out in the lobby of the church and just pretend you've been there the whole time. Then go to the reception and party. #noonewillnotice
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    So there are specific cards for the wedding and the reception (giving locations)

    but only one RSVP.

    BF says he's going to ask the other people's going and then ask her what she wants LMAO- lame.

    I think it's rude not to go- but again- his friend- I'm just the plus one.

    but yes- just break up- that is indeed the answer.
  • mruntidy
    mruntidy Posts: 1,015 Member
    I'd attend both, I noticed who was and wasn't there at my wedding regardless of how big or small the day was. If he was invited to both, by a friend, I'd say it was for a reason.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    So there are specific cards for the wedding and the reception (giving locations)

    but only one RSVP.

    BF says he's going to ask the other people's going and then ask her what she wants LMAO- lame.

    I think it's rude not to go- but again- his friend- I'm just the plus one.

    but yes- just break up- that is indeed the answer.

    Most people don't require an RSVP for the wedding ceremony since most places have plenty of seating and it doesnt really cost extra to put out seats for the numbers who are invited. The reception is more complicated and they need numbers for caterers (usually).
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    For me it depends on the timing of each. If its a big church wedding with a 3 hour gap between the ceremony and reception (common practice in my neck of the woods), I'm probably only going to the reception (I don't like going to church, and resent being expected to sit through the long full-mass type weddings).

    We had ours outdoors in a park in adjacent to the reception venue, it was 15 minutes long, and the bar was open immediately when people walked inside, so we had great attendance.

    edted to add...I took ZERO offense to anyone who didn't make it to the ceremony portion though. I mostly wanted them there for the party to celebrate with us afterward when I could spend time with them anyway.
  • knitapeace
    knitapeace Posts: 1,013 Member
    I've only been to one wedding since moving to Long Island, and it was truly an "affair." It seemed to me there were many, many more people at the reception than at the actual wedding, but my husband and I did attend both because where I grew up (Southern US) that was what you did. It does seem to be regional to me.

    On a side note, at the ceremony (in a huge, beautiful Catholic church) my husband wore a suit and tie and I wore a nice "Sunday" dress. I saw people there in torn jeans, shorts, etc. The reception wasn't until the evening so we went home in between. When it was time to get ready I put back on the "Sunday" dress and my husband said, "Is that what you're wearing?" He seemed to think it was going to be much more formal. I said "If people were wearing torn jeans to the actual ceremony, can you imagine how casual the reception is going to be? I look fine." I couldn't have been more wrong. Sequins, up-dos, high heels, the works. I broke down in tears and made him take me home to put on a formal dress. When we were asked later where we disappeared to, I just told everyone I had a wardrobe malfunction. I couldn't believe how much more emphasis was put on the party than on the ceremony.
  • KLiburd86
    KLiburd86 Posts: 81 Member
    If you've been invited to both, personally I'd go to both unless there's a really good reason why you can't attend the ceremony!!
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    20 years ago, we invited everyone to both.
    Only friends and family (of ours & people related to our wedding party) showed up to the church and many didn't stay for the whole thing.

    A couple of things I noticed from looking at the pictures & what I remember of walking down the aisle. There were lots of older people I didn't know (chalked that up to my mom's friends) there were lots of younger people (45 on down) who showed up in flip flops (read: not dressed for church, well it actually was the chapel if that makes a difference).

    Most people saved their energies & getting prepared to be dressed up to party for the reception. Then again, we got married on Memorial Day weekend, mainly because our 20something year old friends were all kind of b!tching about all the weddings they had to take off work for, find $$ for a gift, find a dress, etc. for the summer months. It seemed like everyone was getting married except for them...ahem.

    That's why we chose Memorial Day, then we got complaints that it was a holiday weekend! :angry: Looking back, I realize it was a stressful time for people of our age, To be twentysomethings and coupling up, or the lack thereof had people really drunk a lot of the time & friendships were left in the wake of that pressure.

    Haven't talked to my maid of honor SINCE. It was THAT bad :laugh:
  • BernadetteChurch
    BernadetteChurch Posts: 2,210 Member
    For me the party is nice but the ceremony is the most important part, so if you're invited you should go.
  • JustAnotherGirlSuzanne
    JustAnotherGirlSuzanne Posts: 932 Member
    If you can only go to one, you go to the ceremony, not the reception!

    Going to just the reception is tacky unless you were specifically requested to by the bride and groom.

    Going to the reception and not the ceremony is like licking the icing off of your cupcake and putting it back on the tray....

    ETA: go to both if you were invited to both.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    I think it would definitely be tacky unless there is some extenuating circumstance that had previously been discussed with the bride and groom.
  • BernadetteChurch
    BernadetteChurch Posts: 2,210 Member
    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?

    I'm Australian and the invitations have always said that you're invited to the ceremony at which ever venue, followed by the reception somewhere else.

    But in the UK where I now live the day seems to be divided into 3 - the ceremony, the reception and then the evening party and it seems perfectly acceptable to be invited only to the evening do. Which I find a bit odd, to be honest. I understand money is an issue, but I'd rather scale things down than rank my friends and relatives to see who should be invited to what!
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?
    A friend of mine had a wedding where only a few close friends and family were invited to the wedding and many more were invited to the reception. The invitations did explicitly state reception only for those who were not coming to the ceremony. If you haven't been told otherwise, I would go to the ceremony as well. Not doing so could lead to some very hurt feelings.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,972 Member
    Just a thought:

    What bride and groom actually remembered EVERYONE they saw that attended the wedding and reception?

    Just my experience. My family is HUGE. Just inviting family alone would pretty much fill up a church. Which is why my DW and I didn't care if some friends and relatives didn't make the wedding. The reception seemed to be much more important because that way we could thank them for attending and interact with them.

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  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    What bride and groom actually remembered EVERYONE they saw that attended the wedding and reception?
    Not me...I only knew who was at that part based on photos....I was so stinking nervous I could hardly see till it was over.

    I do remember who was (and was not) at our reception though, because we did make a point to talk to (and thank) everyone who came!! I'm sure its cultural, but I don't think its at all rude to miss the ceremony in most cases....unless its a VERY close friend or family member. It also depends how huge the wedding is. If you have 300 guests, you don't expect them to all be there for the ceremony.

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