Should I be offended?

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Replies

  • slimzandra
    slimzandra Posts: 955 Member
    I have a tall/strong male friend who is frequently asked to help out with physical labor due to his physical stature.

    He has a back injury and while he "looks" strong, he can not do heavy lifting. At the time he is asked, he politely declines and says, "I'd love to help, but I have an injury that does not allow me to perform xyz. However, I'd love to be of assistance, is there something else I can help you with?"

    That is my suggestion to you if this ever happens in the future. Kindly decline the specific physical task and offer help in other ways.
    It is not helpful to complain after the fact that you have been "offended". I'm sure the intent was not to objectify you. My suggestion is to deal with situations professionally and cordially as they happen in an open and communicative manner. Your attitude will be appreciated. Thank you for volunteering for good causes. Keep up the good work and good luck.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    It's not a stereotype if it's true.

    I guess you fit that stereotype of looking big and strong and actually being as big and strong as you look.

    If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a dang duck.

    Just accept yourself, don't be ashamed of your stereotype.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    You're offended because someone called you out for being strong.

    Would you rather it was the opposite, that you were called out for being weak?

    Take a good look at the people who are coming to receive that help you're volunteering for and you'll see what a real problem is.

    I'm offended because I was treated differently because of my body. too weak, too strong, too skinny, too fat? Is there really that big of a difference?

    hoping this is a troll.

    On the off chance its not... would it have made a difference to you if they asked for your help, and thier stated reason was 'because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body?

    not sure what could possibly be offensive in that case
    So if you have a group of athletes and one out of shape chubby person and you say......"Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape" that's ok? Even if no mention is made of their body? I want to make sure I understand what you are saying.
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
    Always be offended. Those *kitten*!
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    It's not a stereotype if it's true.

    I guess you fit that stereotype of looking big and strong and actually being as big and strong as you look.

    If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a dang duck.

    Just accept yourself, don't be ashamed of your stereotype.

    Thank you. I think this is a good point. I need to learn to be happy with myself and not worry about what others say/think. Just easier said than done sometimes.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Definitely complain. I suggest that you write them a STRONGLY worded letter for strength-shaming you like some kind of animal.
  • MizMimi111
    MizMimi111 Posts: 244 Member
    So today I went to volunteer at a local food bank. When we got there I had to go to the restroom so I went as the other volunteers were getting set up. When I got into the kitchen, all of the volunteers had been assigned positions and I was given the role of putting stickers on meals to show when they needed to be used/thrown away by. So as I grab the stickers and begin to perform my role, one of the coordinators calls out from across the kitchen that they need me in their area because it is a lot of manual labor and I was the biggest/strongest one there. I felt so embarrassed with them calling me out like that. Why should I be singled out and tasked with the harder/physical jobs just because I am the strongest? I feel like I have discriminated against because of my body. Should I call and complain?

    :noway:

    Narcissism at it's finest.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    So today I went to volunteer at a local food bank. When we got there I had to go to the restroom so I went as the other volunteers were getting set up. When I got into the kitchen, all of the volunteers had been assigned positions and I was given the role of putting stickers on meals to show when they needed to be used/thrown away by. So as I grab the stickers and begin to perform my role, one of the coordinators calls out from across the kitchen that they need me in their area because it is a lot of manual labor and I was the biggest/strongest one there. I felt so embarrassed with them calling me out like that. Why should I be singled out and tasked with the harder/physical jobs just because I am the strongest? I feel like I have discriminated against because of my body. Should I call and complain?

    :noway:

    Narcissism at it's finest.

    Are you saying that I asked for it? That I brought it upon myself? That's what it seems like and that is awfully closed minded of you.
  • Papa_Grande
    Papa_Grande Posts: 63 Member
    So today I went to volunteer at a local food bank. When we got there I had to go to the restroom so I went as the other volunteers were getting set up. When I got into the kitchen, all of the volunteers had been assigned positions and I was given the role of putting stickers on meals to show when they needed to be used/thrown away by. So as I grab the stickers and begin to perform my role, one of the coordinators calls out from across the kitchen that they need me in their area because it is a lot of manual labor and I was the biggest/strongest one there. I felt so embarrassed with them calling me out like that. Why should I be singled out and tasked with the harder/physical jobs just because I am the strongest? I feel like I have discriminated against because of my body. Should I call and complain?

    :noway:

    Narcissism at it's finest.

    Are you saying that I asked for it? That I brought it upon myself? That's what it seems like and that is awfully closed minded of you.

    Well done, Jac. :drinker:
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
    Jac: (I hope it is ok to call you that), a couple of points I would like to make:

    1. You being strong is a personal choice, no one did this to you. YOU decided to alter your body through repeditive movements. I think you will never be satified with yourself until you realize your current condition is YOUR fault and not those around you. The blame is clearly yours. I know sometimes it hurts to have this brought up, BUT I felt it was best.

    2. Are you sure you were on the right side of the counter?
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
    I’m 55 with degenerative disc disease in my back and I’m scheduled for a total shoulder replacement in July and I still lift the water bottle in the office when asked.

    Why didn’t you tell them upfront of your disabilities?
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,032 Member
    Hopefully you ate back the exercise calories you burned.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    I’m 55 with degenerative disc disease in my back and I’m scheduled for a total shoulder replacement in July and I still lift the water bottle in the office when asked.

    Why didn’t you tell them upfront of your disabilities?

    Because I don't have any.......
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    Whoa, dude! You volunteered, which is fantastic! But did you only volunteer to do the easy jobs? Do you think it's fair that someone else have to do the hard job when it would cost them more energy than it would for you? The job had to be done by someone...isn't it logical that they choose the person for whom it was easiest? Were they supposed to magically know that you are unusually sensitive about being strong, because you're somehow correlating it with your weight? I mean, it doesn't sound as though they were calling you out to make fun of you...they were calling you out to get your assistance. It's unfortunate that you gave it so unwillingly. Did they include derisive name-calling in their request?
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    So today I went to volunteer at a local food bank. When we got there I had to go to the restroom so I went as the other volunteers were getting set up. When I got into the kitchen, all of the volunteers had been assigned positions and I was given the role of putting stickers on meals to show when they needed to be used/thrown away by. So as I grab the stickers and begin to perform my role, one of the coordinators calls out from across the kitchen that they need me in their area because it is a lot of manual labor and I was the biggest/strongest one there. I felt so embarrassed with them calling me out like that. Why should I be singled out and tasked with the harder/physical jobs just because I am the strongest? I feel like I have discriminated against because of my body. Should I call and complain?

    I think I love you. :heart:
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
    Maybe you volunteered before there and the coordinator busted you because you always disappear when it’s time to hand out jobs?
  • von_pops
    von_pops Posts: 3
    Probably they were being kind in giving you a new job more suited to your unique abilities.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    You're offended because someone called you out for being strong.

    Would you rather it was the opposite, that you were called out for being weak?

    Take a good look at the people who are coming to receive that help you're volunteering for and you'll see what a real problem is.

    I'm offended because I was treated differently because of my body. too weak, too strong, too skinny, too fat? Is there really that big of a difference?

    hoping this is a troll.

    On the off chance its not... would it have made a difference to you if they asked for your help, and thier stated reason was 'because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body?

    not sure what could possibly be offensive in that case
    So if you have a group of athletes and one out of shape chubby person and you say......"Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape" that's ok? Even if no mention is made of their body? I want to make sure I understand what you are saying.

    saying 'you are the most out of shape' is commenting on the subjects body, so which is what i wanted to remove from the equation.

    so no, it wouldn't be ok, but if you delete the body comment and just say ......"Here....you come with me and do this job ", yes that would be perfectly fine
  • MizMimi111
    MizMimi111 Posts: 244 Member
    So today I went to volunteer at a local food bank. When we got there I had to go to the restroom so I went as the other volunteers were getting set up. When I got into the kitchen, all of the volunteers had been assigned positions and I was given the role of putting stickers on meals to show when they needed to be used/thrown away by. So as I grab the stickers and begin to perform my role, one of the coordinators calls out from across the kitchen that they need me in their area because it is a lot of manual labor and I was the biggest/strongest one there. I felt so embarrassed with them calling me out like that. Why should I be singled out and tasked with the harder/physical jobs just because I am the strongest? I feel like I have discriminated against because of my body. Should I call and complain?

    :noway:

    Narcissism at it's finest.

    Are you saying that I asked for it? That I brought it upon myself? That's what it seems like and that is awfully closed minded of you.
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them. This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times.
  • steve1686
    steve1686 Posts: 346 Member
    I work in IT and take it as a compliment that I have also been unofficially given the role as furniture mover/box carrier/etc etc. There could be much worse things to complain about
  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
    Write a strongly worded letter.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    You're offended because someone called you out for being strong.

    Would you rather it was the opposite, that you were called out for being weak?

    Take a good look at the people who are coming to receive that help you're volunteering for and you'll see what a real problem is.

    I'm offended because I was treated differently because of my body. too weak, too strong, too skinny, too fat? Is there really that big of a difference?

    hoping this is a troll.

    On the off chance its not... would it have made a difference to you if they asked for your help, and thier stated reason was 'because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body?

    not sure what could possibly be offensive in that case
    So if you have a group of athletes and one out of shape chubby person and you say......"Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape" that's ok? Even if no mention is made of their body? I want to make sure I understand what you are saying.

    saying 'you are the most out of shape' is commenting on the subjects body, so which is what i wanted to remove from the equation.

    so no, it wouldn't be ok, but if you delete the body comment and just say ......"Here....you come with me and do this job ", yes that would be perfectly fine

    You stated "because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body" . Help me to understand how that is different from "Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape ... Even if no mention is made of their body?"
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    So today I went to volunteer at a local food bank. When we got there I had to go to the restroom so I went as the other volunteers were getting set up. When I got into the kitchen, all of the volunteers had been assigned positions and I was given the role of putting stickers on meals to show when they needed to be used/thrown away by. So as I grab the stickers and begin to perform my role, one of the coordinators calls out from across the kitchen that they need me in their area because it is a lot of manual labor and I was the biggest/strongest one there. I felt so embarrassed with them calling me out like that. Why should I be singled out and tasked with the harder/physical jobs just because I am the strongest? I feel like I have discriminated against because of my body. Should I call and complain?

    :noway:

    Narcissism at it's finest.

    Are you saying that I asked for it? That I brought it upon myself? That's what it seems like and that is awfully closed minded of you.
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them. This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times.

    So if someone is treated differently because of their body and then they tell other people about it they are narcissistic? Because they are treated differently, they believe the world revolves around them? Just want to make sure I understand.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    So today I went to volunteer at a local food bank. When we got there I had to go to the restroom so I went as the other volunteers were getting set up. When I got into the kitchen, all of the volunteers had been assigned positions and I was given the role of putting stickers on meals to show when they needed to be used/thrown away by. So as I grab the stickers and begin to perform my role, one of the coordinators calls out from across the kitchen that they need me in their area because it is a lot of manual labor and I was the biggest/strongest one there. I felt so embarrassed with them calling me out like that. Why should I be singled out and tasked with the harder/physical jobs just because I am the strongest? I feel like I have discriminated against because of my body. Should I call and complain?


    I think I love you. :heart:

    :flowerforyou: :blushing:
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    I thought this was a jokingly written thread based on another funny yet serious thread.

    At this point I'm beginning to wonder.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Hopefully you ate back the exercise calories you burned.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Oh I did. We had a new restaurant open near our house last night (Chuy's) and it was amazing. I ate all the food.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    You're offended because someone called you out for being strong.

    Would you rather it was the opposite, that you were called out for being weak?

    Take a good look at the people who are coming to receive that help you're volunteering for and you'll see what a real problem is.

    I'm offended because I was treated differently because of my body. too weak, too strong, too skinny, too fat? Is there really that big of a difference?

    hoping this is a troll.

    On the off chance its not... would it have made a difference to you if they asked for your help, and thier stated reason was 'because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body?

    not sure what could possibly be offensive in that case
    So if you have a group of athletes and one out of shape chubby person and you say......"Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape" that's ok? Even if no mention is made of their body? I want to make sure I understand what you are saying.

    saying 'you are the most out of shape' is commenting on the subjects body, so which is what i wanted to remove from the equation.

    so no, it wouldn't be ok, but if you delete the body comment and just say ......"Here....you come with me and do this job ", yes that would be perfectly fine

    You stated "because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body" . Help me to understand how that is different from "Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape ... Even if no mention is made of their body?"

    whats out of shape then?
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    You're offended because someone called you out for being strong.

    Would you rather it was the opposite, that you were called out for being weak?

    Take a good look at the people who are coming to receive that help you're volunteering for and you'll see what a real problem is.

    I'm offended because I was treated differently because of my body. too weak, too strong, too skinny, too fat? Is there really that big of a difference?

    hoping this is a troll.

    On the off chance its not... would it have made a difference to you if they asked for your help, and thier stated reason was 'because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body?

    not sure what could possibly be offensive in that case
    So if you have a group of athletes and one out of shape chubby person and you say......"Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape" that's ok? Even if no mention is made of their body? I want to make sure I understand what you are saying.

    saying 'you are the most out of shape' is commenting on the subjects body, so which is what i wanted to remove from the equation.

    so no, it wouldn't be ok, but if you delete the body comment and just say ......"Here....you come with me and do this job ", yes that would be perfectly fine

    You stated "because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body" . Help me to understand how that is different from "Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape ... Even if no mention is made of their body?"

    whats out of shape then?

    not the strongest or the fittest.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    You're offended because someone called you out for being strong.

    Would you rather it was the opposite, that you were called out for being weak?

    Take a good look at the people who are coming to receive that help you're volunteering for and you'll see what a real problem is.

    I'm offended because I was treated differently because of my body. too weak, too strong, too skinny, too fat? Is there really that big of a difference?

    hoping this is a troll.

    On the off chance its not... would it have made a difference to you if they asked for your help, and thier stated reason was 'because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body?

    not sure what could possibly be offensive in that case
    So if you have a group of athletes and one out of shape chubby person and you say......"Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape" that's ok? Even if no mention is made of their body? I want to make sure I understand what you are saying.

    saying 'you are the most out of shape' is commenting on the subjects body, so which is what i wanted to remove from the equation.

    so no, it wouldn't be ok, but if you delete the body comment and just say ......"Here....you come with me and do this job ", yes that would be perfectly fine

    You stated "because you are the strongest' and they made no mention of you body" . Help me to understand how that is different from "Here....you come with me and do this job because you are the most out of shape ... Even if no mention is made of their body?"

    whats out of shape then?

    not the strongest or the fittest.

    lol i know i know. i was speaking literally: Q: what is out of shape A: your body


    is that rediculous? yes, about as rediculous as a grown man being offended that he be asked to do work due to the fact that he seems capable of doing so
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    What is the strongest? Your body..... I'm still failing to see the glaring difference in the two analogies.

    Is it almost as ridiculous as someone not being able to ride a roller coaster because they are too short? Or buy an extra seat on an airplane because they are too fat? Or have to take the stairs at work because they are too short to push the top button?

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