How would you feel?
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my boobs he assures me that they aren't the worst he's seen but adds nothing to that and then goes on to tell me that I need to buy jeans that fit my butt better....
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"Im not his type, but I have a great personality/face" "I never thought Id date a redhead" These comments that have come out of his mouth only hurt and slowly diminish any confidence I carry. I have told him this before, he makes me feel unwanted, unappealing.
Dude... F--k that guy.
If my boyfriend was like that... well, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore.
My bf is naturally very thin (and has a really hard time gaining weight,) while I put on about 13 lbs last year in a few months due to needing to go back on thyroid meds, and he never once made me feel bad about it. He never even mentioned it. And now that I'm in the process of losing weight, I sometimes whine about my chest being smaller and he tells me I'm crazy and that they still look amazing and not to even worry about it.
If he makes you feel bad, then that isn't the right relationship for you. Move on and be with someone who will appreciate you!
And holy hell that boob comment... they aren't the worst he's ever seen? just wooooowwww... what a charmer he is...0 -
Wow what a jerk...clearly doesn't know what he has in you already and that's just sad. If it were me and he said something like that I would turn around and state "Yeah I didn't think I would be with anyone with a small "package" either, but hey your face I like". But that's me. Good luck!0
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Feeling eff you is a very reasonable response!
Maybe you should take it upon yourself to regularly give him details about what you like in a man. Bring it up at least every week. Go into extreme detail. Focus on a part of his body that is "okay" and "at least you have that going for you."
What does stooping down to his level do? It doesn't make her any better of a person. BTW I am also dealing with issues of taking the high road and being the better person.
I meant it partly in jest. And many of us take the high road; I know it's hard, and it's great you can do that. Truly!0 -
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Sorry to be blunt... You are 23 and beautiful. Concentrate on being the best you can be and if he still continues to say hurtful things (which, btw, is his way of keeping you insecure so you will not leave him) I would dump his behind. You are so young, be patient and love yourself. The right person will come along and you will know it because they will make you feel BETTER about yourself.0
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I'd back away from dating guys like that. It's not normal to talk that way to your girlfriend. Plenty of men will not.
He should be honored to walk into a room with you.0 -
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Have to add - in all seriousness, the best way to handle this is to just straight up talk to him. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you don't appreciate being reduced and degraded like that and that this little boy, Alpha Male negging BS is not acceptable behavior.
Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. And his response may not be pretty but tough. The last thing you need in life is to spend it with someone who makes you feel badly about yourself.0 -
He would benefit from thinking before he speaks... and adhering to the old adage "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"
I personally would not be with anyone who compared me to other women in such a crude and immature way. The only "comparison" my husband ever makes is to tell me how he's always so proud and feels sorry for all the other men in the world because he already got the best woman out there.0 -
Not being someone's type does not mean they automatically are not happy with you. Many people end up with life long companions that are no where near their type because as time goes on bodies fade but the personality becomes more vibrant.
Men do tend to base their attraction to woman on the 3 very things you mentioned however how do you as a woman look at the male body? Just something to think about.
Instead of worrying about fitting into what your mind perceives as what he wants just focus on what you want. If he is the right man for you that will work out if he's not then he'll just kind of fade away. It's not easy to do but look at yourself and find the positive things. For example, you're short which makes you petite there are woman out there with those long legs at 6 feet tall who would give anything to be a petite and feminine woman.
This is YOUR journey, make it amazing!0 -
Do NOT marry him. It only gets worse. After awhile he'll find someone specific to compare you to and it's a horrible feeling to know you'll never measure up. My husband prefers athletic, flat chested, bubble butt blondes. I'll never be blonde, and though I'm a size 4, I am a 34G. Short of surgery, I can't be what he wants. I've stopped trying and just do what makes me happy.0
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I agree, this guy doesn't seem like he's very caring. We constantly nip pick our body everyday, you don't need someone else pointing out what isn't perfect.0
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Sorry to be blunt... You are 23 and beautiful. Concentrate on being the best you can be and if he still continues to say hurtful things (which, btw, is his way of keeping you insecure so you will not leave him) I would dump his behind. You are so young, be patient and love yourself. The right person will come along and you will know it because they will make you feel BETTER about yourself.
Amazing advice.. and let me add.. for God's sake girls.. never ever.. bring these type of conversations up with your boyfriends.. I played that game around her age. So.. what is your "type"? "What is it you like best about girls, your favorite body part, etc.?" Unless you have a real charmer on your hands or you are a barbie doll, more often then not, this conversation will never end well. So, DO NOT EVEN initiate it.
****, I even did this with my husband and I am 36. What I have learned, he does not have a type other than "Hot" and nice butts and legs and completely opposite of me. (I do notice though he seems to really like red heads although he will never admit he has a fondness for any particular hair color in general).0 -
Well, I am a little torn on this one. I want to say he is just being dumb and not filtering very well, we all know guys think about these things. He did try to backtrack and make you feel better....? You need to sit down and have a talk with him about how these types of comments make you feel. If he does not get it or continues after that then os be it. You are better off in a relationship where you feel loved/wanted and secure. Wether he is not providing that on purpose or on accident doesn't really change the fact that he is not the one for you.0
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Is it wrong for me to want to be with a man that cant keep his hands off me, instead of constantly pointing out my flaws or pointing out other girls perks to me.
Pretty sure you just answered your own question right there.... It isn't wrong at all to feel the way you do! It is completely justifiable to want to be treated better and appreciated. I went through the same thing with a guy (my ex husband) who always said "Once you lose weight......(insert backwards compliment that makes me feel no better about myself)" Honestly no one should have to sit through somone they love picking out their flaws. I have only gained more confidence since leaving that jerk in the dust... no weight loss needed. Now I am just improving myself for me and no one else.0 -
I'm oddly sensitive at times, and that would have stung. I couldn't be with someone that said something like "you're not the worst I've seen."
I'd rather be single than have someone make me feel like ****. Ever.0 -
Dump his sorry *kitten*!
This!!!!0 -
It would be fine if you'd asked him, although he could have been smarter with his wording (well honey, until I met you, I never knew how cute and sexy short legs are!). But since this is unsolicited commentary, I really have to wonder at his motivation. Also, is that a little love handle he's got going on there in the profile pic?0
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I am not my husband's "type".
However he certainly has never directly pointed this out to me.0 -
Don't date immature jerks and they won't say things that immature jerks say.
I'd be pleasantly surprised if you took this lesson to heart and did something about it. But odds are you won't. You'll stay with him and let your self-confidence drop to ****. You'll be shocked to find out he's cheating at some point. You'll wonder what could possibly have gone wrong and worse yet blame yourself even more.
You're at the perfect age to start growing up. Stop dating boys. Start valuing yourself more than this.
This. Besides, if he's the guy with you in your pics, he's no prize. Tell him to hit the gym.0 -
believe it or not - these are abusive tendencies. he's working you down to nothing so that you become his doormat. that's abusive behavior. even if he doesn't realize it.
you are better than this. you are better than him.
dump him and find a real man.0 -
tl;dr:
If he is an intellectual type; he probably just said the wrong things.
If he isn't an intellectual type, he may be trying to manipulate you to change into something you are not\do not want to be.
Either way you may want to evaluate your relationship and determine if he is an honest person who says dumb things or if he is a dishonest person, looking to manipulate and control you.
Playing devil's advocate:OK, so I cant get this feeling to leave me no matter how much I push it away. Ill tell you the scenario and you can tell me how you would feel after.
Boyfriend lets me in on the top body parts he finds attractive in women... (randomly like many of his comments..I never asked to hear this)
Legs, Boobs and butt. Ok great how typical I m sure most men would agree, but after he mentions these he goes into detail basically letting me know all of these things I do not have and will never have. Im 5 ft so legs aren't exactly lengthy, my boobs he assures me that they aren't the worst he's seen but adds nothing to that and then goes on to tell me that I need to buy jeans that fit my butt better....
If your BF is an intellectual type, he probably noticed these things, then as an observer of something made a comment on them. While it ended up upsetting you, he may not have said these things to intentionally upset you.(im in between sizes and not done with my weight loss journey, so therefore im not willing to spend money on to replace my whole closet, I have bought a few items that fit perfectly)
He has no idea this is the case nor does it matter.By this point he can tell im hurting inside so he quickly says but don't worry these all come after the face of course and you have that going for you. WOO HOO I'm a but her body...
He probably realized (too late) that what he said upset you, so he *tried* to throw in a compliment.I don't know how to feel after losing 20 lbs I still feel like there is nothing I can do, I will never be good enough or sexy enough. "Im not his type, but I have a great personality/face" "I never thought Id date a redhead"
If you didn't bring anything to the table (personality\sexiness\intellectual) he probably wouldn't be with you right now.These comments that have come out of his mouth only hurt and slowly diminish any confidence I carry. I have told him this before, he makes me feel unwanted, unappealing.
Smart are guys can be pretty dumb when it comes to communicating feelings.I have a feeling of hurt and anger, but I also have a feeling of WELL f** you. Im not perfect, I have yet to meet someone who is. I also take this as a challenge I can do better, I will do better. My legs aren't long but they can still look nice with working out ... How would you respond for feel? Is it wrong for me to want to be with a man that cant keep his hands off me, instead of constantly pointing out my flaws or pointing out other girls perks to me.
He may not be pointing out 'flaws' from his perspective, the 'flaws' may be your perspective.
Intellectual types operate in a world of determining (in some way) what is true and what is false. Communicating something we don't fully understand is damn near impossible. Feelings and emotions are probably at the top of the list of things we don't understand.0 -
Guys tend to have no tact whatsoever. I don't think he was intentionally trying to hurt you, but he hurt you just the same. Guys also aren't stupid. They know their chances of scoring that "perfect" hot woman with all of those traits is slim to none. Just like I know that Ewan MacGregor will never leave his wife and scoop me up on his motorcycle. We all dream, but most of us keep it to ourselves.
Or maybe he is a stupid jerk trying to break you down. Unfortunately, you'll have to take it up with him. My bf tells me I have big legs :grumble: . He's not a ****, he's just clueless to how this hurts my feelers.
ETA: You are super cute and could have your pick.0 -
Is it wrong for me to want to be with a man that cant keep his hands off me, instead of constantly pointing out my flaws or pointing out other girls perks to me.
Nope -- in my opinion, it's RIGHT to insist on those things.
In the past I was married to a man who thought I was just great - but he was actually most attracted to a totally different type of woman...no makeup, short and fairly skinny, who likes to hang out at the lake, drink beer, and chain-smoke. He often kinda fawned over this type of woman, even more so if she was a heavily tattooed waitress in a restaurant who was clearly down on her luck, with a sob story, etc.. So, the TOTAL opposite of me in every way. I always knew that I wasn't really his type, and kind of felt like we were settling for e/o physically because we were both very obese.
My current husband has a *thing* for nerdy, independent chicks with curves/hips, the taller the better, loves dark hair and fair skin, and so on. I am almost stereotypically "his type" and I feel every single day how attracted he is to me. It's the exact same thing from my end, he is a redhead (my thing) and gorgeously my type.
In my opinion...YOU DESERVE THAT (mutual attraction to the extreme)!!! I waited until I was 35 to have that and I wish I hadn't settled in the past.
I don't really understand the criticism your boyfriend is giving to you. I do think it can be a slippery slope toward abusive and control but I also think it sounds more likely that he's just not so bright ;-/ Maybe he feels like you are a confident woman who can "handle it"...he needs a serious reality check.
Obviously I don't know all of the ins and outs of your entire relationship based on 1 forum post. But I would probably consider this a pretty serious issue.0 -
Hmmm for him to make the comparisons... several of them at that, i'd probably dump. LOL This sounds like a serious issue and most likely, every time you meet his "standard" he'll just up it again. You'll come out of all this with your self esteem torn down.0
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If you had asked him to name a celebrity that he finds attractive, he'd probably say Kate Upton. If you asked a dozen 13 year olds, they'd say Kate Upton, too. That doesn't mean you should try to look like Kate Upton. It just means that they're all programmed the same. Most men don't know what they want but when we find it, we will do whatever we can to woo and keep that woman happy.
I don't know your man well enough to know if he's an abusive jerk or not. It sounds like it would mean a lot to you if he would just come out and say that he finds you beautiful. He's kind of a dunderhead for not knowing/saying that.
(Heck, I never thought I'd be with a redhead either. And look! I was right!)
I think the only opinion that matters is your own. Screw what he thinks and what the world thinks.0 -
Let him know you prefer...
The biceps to have a larger size
The pecks to sit firm and perky
Broad shoulders, tapering to an *kitten* you can grab
The penis to have a little more girth, and length won't hurt either...because size does matter.
Then tell him its OK, I like your face and have a vibrator with the proper dimensions.
OK so acting like him isn't the best idea, my opinion having things you prefer is not shallow, but hurtfully comparing your SO to anyone is wrong. I know what my husband likes, but daily he tells me how perfect different body parts of mine are. Does he prefer me at my fitest, I am sure he does but your SO should always make you feel good and never tear you down. His behavior is aggressive and damn near emotional abuse cloaked in ignorance. Don't buy it, he knows what he is doing.....and is most likely behaving this way due to his own insecurities. I would reevaluate the relationship.0 -
Sounds like a real charmer! You sure don't need a man like that in your life, give him the big heave ho!!
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Have you actually told him you don't appreciate him saying things that belittle you and make you feel unattractive? Trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, he may just be a total idiot and not realize he's upsetting you and causing more harm than good.
If that's not the case, I wouldn't be wasting my time with him. A significant other is supposed to build you up, not tear you down. You're still young and learning what you need and want out of a relationship so if things don't improve, dump his disrespectful butt and go have some fun and find someone who treats you right.0 -
men lack filters..Plain and simple..
I agree with the "he thinks your confident" line of thought..because my husband feels this way about me. for years Id let his unfiltered comments slide..but I dont know.
In fact, he said something afew weeks ago that hurt me deeply..Ive tried to forget about it..but it damn hurt. I dont care how strong a woman is..certain things said still hurt like hell.0
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