How would you feel?
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I would dump this a-hole ASAP and let him know the top things you find attractive in a man are respect for others, sensitivity and the realization of how blessed they are to have someone like you in their life... obvioulsy some things he will never have! You deserve better, go out there and find a man who will appreciate you for all that you are and all that you have and leave the *kitten* in the dust.0
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Have you actually told him you don't appreciate him saying things that belittle you and make you feel unattractive? Trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, he may just be a total idiot and not realize he's upsetting you and causing more harm than good.
If that's not the case, I wouldn't be wasting my time with him. A significant other is supposed to build you up, not tear you down. You're still young and learning what you need and want out of a relationship so if things don't improve, dump his disrespectful butt and go have some fun and find someone who treats you right.
This ^^0 -
He sounds like a very toxic person. Dump him and show him you value yourself more than his poisonous opinion.,,it will make room for the guy who loves you for who you are.0
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Why stay with somebody who makes you feel badly about yourself?
Even if this is just one side to the story -- you feel bad in this relationship. End it now.
This. I was in a relationship with a guy in high school and a few years after. He would make those types of random comments too, and guess what? I never matched up to his "ideal". I don't know why he said these kinds of things, but he really lacked a filter in any situation. He ended up being unfaithful, and I was left feeling insecure and not "good enough" for him. Really it was the opposite, he wasn't good enough for me.
I have since dated a guy who thought I was sexy and perfect the way I am.
I think you're seriously going to have to consider leaving this relationship. There are enough bullies in the world, a boyfriend shouldn't be one of them. Spend some time on your own, find out who YOU are on your own. Then one day you will find a relationship where the guy thinks you're sexy and beautiful (inside & out) - that guy is worth waiting for!0 -
Sending you a warm hug and asking you to please love and respect yourself enough to kick him to the curb. You are gorgeous and he is doing all he can to break your spirit and your progress. You deserve so much and you should not SETTLE for less.0
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It used to be that my husband was unable to compliment me. After we *talked* about things, we learned what to say (and not) to each other. After we become adults, we really cannot berate somebody for being honest but we sure as hell can learn to shut up. Permanent relationships are more than just physical attraction - they are a combination of mental stimulation, emotional comfort, and physical attraction - a connection - all rolled into one unit. I wouldn't throw him out just yet but you should definitely talk to him about your feelings and if he still cannot learn then it's time to say bye.0
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LMAO about this but that is probably the only he would get how much he is hurting you .Eff that guy!
Tell him how his **** isn't big enough, but his face is ok...
Them promptly dump his *kitten*. Serziously, WAT?
Instead of stooping tp his level try to talk to him first but if he doesnt stop I would dump him for sure0 -
It used to be that my husband was unable to compliment me. After we *talked* about things, we learned what to say (and not) to each other. After we become adults, we really cannot berate somebody for being honest but we sure as hell can learn to shut up. Permanent relationships are more than just physical attraction - they are a combination of mental stimulation, emotional comfort, and physical attraction - a connection - all rolled into one unit. I wouldn't throw him out just yet but you should definitely talk to him about your feelings and if he still cannot learn then it's time to say bye.
This..my husband is very honest if I ask him..in fact, he told me the other day, while he appreciates my hard work and respects me..he doesnt consider himself lucky to have me, because that would mean I was out of his league. At first I thought he was joking, but he was serious. I wanted to puke.
woman know they arent the most beautiful thing on the planet...we know most of us dont match up to Heidi Klum or the like..all we want to know is that our SO thinks we are beautiful..0 -
I would've responded by dumping his *kitten*. What an absolute jerk.0
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And you say to him "Well the person I fell in love with has the potential of being kind and speaking encouraging words" You say this lovingly and joyfully, because really he is only a boy that had his ego bruised and battered and needs to be guided to be the
person you know he can be. Its not like he's just a jerk, he's knows he's attracted to the you that is not your body. Tell him" shut up, stupid" if you'd rather, and flash him your beautiful smile and a little sock on the arm. Whatever your the language of love is between you., because it sounds like he really wasn't taught to think before speaking. I married a bit of a brute myself and I employ these tactics with success(he actually changes his mood or behavior) Good luck! We are all just walking each other home.,Bonnie0 -
Don't date immature jerks and they won't say things that immature jerks say.
I'd be pleasantly surprised if you took this lesson to heart and did something about it. But odds are you won't. You'll stay with him and let your self-confidence drop to ****. You'll be shocked to find out he's cheating at some point. You'll wonder what could possibly have gone wrong and worse yet blame yourself even more.
You're at the perfect age to start growing up. Stop dating boys. Start valuing yourself more than this.
This. Besides, if he's the guy with you in your pics, he's no prize. Tell him to hit the gym.0 -
In a nutshell, he sounds very superficial and immature.
We all have physical attributes that we are attracted to in the opposite sex, but when we find "The One," those thoughts are far from our minds.
If he's that hung up on physical traits, he's just not that into you.0 -
I'd feel like I'd want to dump him and wait for someone who appreciates me for me.0
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Feeling eff you is a very reasonable response!
Maybe you should take it upon yourself to regularly give him details about what you like in a man. Bring it up at least every week. Go into extreme detail. Focus on a part of his body that is "okay" and "at least you have that going for you."
What does stooping down to his level do? It doesn't make her any better of a person. BTW I am also dealing with issues of taking the high road and being the better person.
Agreed. No one can make the decision for you, but I can't imagine being with someone who didn't love me unconditionally. My husband has never made me feel less than beautiful, regardless of my weight or any other feature.0 -
Dump him. You can do better.0
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Don't date immature jerks and they won't say things that immature jerks say.
I'd be pleasantly surprised if you took this lesson to heart and did something about it. But odds are you won't. You'll stay with him and let your self-confidence drop to ****. You'll be shocked to find out he's cheating at some point. You'll wonder what could possibly have gone wrong and worse yet blame yourself even more.
You're at the perfect age to start growing up. Stop dating boys. Start valuing yourself more than this.
This. Besides, if he's the guy with you in your pics, he's no prize. Tell him to hit the gym.
Self confidence is a choice. The guy is a choice. This post equally puts you into wondering about your self worth. People that tell you to do things(or else) are hanging on to fixed ideas and want to control others. This will not serve them in the long run, they will repel others while they yearn for acceptance. I hope that you can find some quiet with yourself and peacefully realize this will pass and down the road he may turn out to be the exact person you needed to help you through a future trial. Jerks can become amazing too.0 -
Ah, I see. It's all about him and whether you live up to his standards. WRONG. Instantly lose 160+ pounds by dumping the bum. You deserve better.
You, like me, may have been raised by a parent (or two) who was always doing this "I love you but you're not perfect" routine and I'm still trying to overcome it in my 60s. The man who loves me, loves me for me. I am imperfect. He is imperfect. But we are perfect for each other and would walk barefoot on broken glass to avoid hurting each other. You need someone like that. That sort of thing has to be a two way street. And I had to kiss toads for 42 years (12-54) to find that man and the strength within myself to recognize him and we are in heaven. You deserve that, too!!!0 -
I only read like the first 4 sentences and all I can say is, why is this guy still your boyfriend?0
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Don't date immature jerks and they won't say things that immature jerks say.
I'd be pleasantly surprised if you took this lesson to heart and did something about it. But odds are you won't. You'll stay with him and let your self-confidence drop to ****. You'll be shocked to find out he's cheating at some point. You'll wonder what could possibly have gone wrong and worse yet blame yourself even more.
You're at the perfect age to start growing up. Stop dating boys. Start valuing yourself more than this.
This. Besides, if he's the guy with you in your pics, he's no prize. Tell him to hit the gym.0 -
Ah, I see. It's all about him and whether you live up to his standards. WRONG. Instantly lose 160+ pounds by dumping the bum. You deserve better.
You, like me, may have been raised by a parent (or two) who was always doing this "I love you but you're not perfect" routine and I'm still trying to overcome it in my 60s. The man who loves me, loves me for me. I am imperfect. He is imperfect. But we are perfect for each other and would walk barefoot on broken glass to avoid hurting each other. You need someone like that. That sort of thing has to be a two way street. And I had to kiss toads for 42 years (12-54) to find that man and the strength within myself to recognize him and we are in heaven. You deserve that, too!!!0 -
I used to feel the same way in a previous relationship. I think a lot of it boiled down to maturity in both of us (being mindful of the impact of what you say) and my own personal insecurities. You won't be happy with anybody else until you're happy with yourself. You also can't put expectations on a SO to fix your own insecurities.0
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ITS A GAME! don't fall for his ****, he wants this and wants that , this to get you to get a boob job, brazillian butt lift and wear stilettos,
your perfect just the way you are. and um by his picture, no I wont go there but you get what I am saying :drinker: :flowerforyou:0 -
The sooner you part ways, the better.
He has given you his list of what he feels his perfect woman should have and as you have stated, you don't fit all of the criteria. This will become the basis for him looking elsewhere. If will also be the way he can justify it, even though he will deny it.
Picking on his attributes or lack thereof is not a way to handle it. It only brings you down to his level. Stay classy, drop him, and move on. There are plenty of men out there who would love to be with someone like you.0 -
O.K., so I'm a little bit jealous of you people with these idyllic relationships, but if somebody is retarded you have compassion, right? My husband is amazing in a lot of ways, but has probably hurt my feelings hundreds of times. What people say is not personal even though it seems so. It comes through the filter of their ego. My Husband has an ego inflated to the extent that I think of it as a sort of retardation and he needs to evolve into emotional maturity. For now he's just RETARDED. Ha Ha0
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I love this!Ah, I see. It's all about him and whether you live up to his standards. WRONG. Instantly lose 160+ pounds by dumping the bum. You deserve better.0 -
Relationships should enhance our lives...ask yourself is he making you a better person?Is he aiding you in your journey? Does he make you want to do more for yourself, him and others?If you answered no to any of these questions you may be the victim of a joy stealer, these people are passive aggressive emotion terrorist. We will never now if it's on purpose or not, which doesn't matter. The point is your unhappy, don't waste your good youthful years trying to decode anyones bulls*&t. Focus on your goals and yourself.0
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Sorry, but if I were in your situation, I would show him the door and make sure it hit him in the rear on the way out. Your mate should be in it with you at your highs, your lows, and all your in betweens. Whether you're talking about weight, work, or whatever.0
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Please go with your second, very apt "well F&*% you" response. Because I guarantee you for as much he thinks you're not perfect- he is even less so. Keep progressing with your goals for YOU -- not for him.0
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Well - that would be the last conversation I had with said boyfriend. If he doesn't treat you well and respect you now, he never will. You can do better!!0
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Your significant other should be supportive and caring they should not pick you apart.
Personally, I wouldn't stand for it. I don't love my body but it's mine and I accept it. I'm trying to better it but I cannot morph it into something that is ideal for someone else. If I'm changing anything, it'll be for me.0
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