Need advice
Hi, I need advice from someone possible older than me, since teenagers (my friends: 19,20) aren't usually that good at giving advice (besides me, of course 
). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days!
)
). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days!
) 0
Replies
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I think you're over sensitive and reading too much into it...but that's just from what I read.0
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It doesn't really sound like you need advice. 0
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He may be your best friend, but you're clearly not his.0
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I agree with Maz... You're not his best friend, even if he's yours... But he doesn't sound like much of a friend to me at all.0
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Chica, I dated a guy like that about 6+ years ago. He ended up being bad news for me. If he's not going to put effort into your friendship then he's not worth your time. I'm sorry you're stressing about it. Let him go--you'll find someone so much better down the road! Good luck!!0
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To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.0 -
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It sounds like you're putting more effort into the friendship than he is. I would invest your time and certainly your money somewhere else. Good luck!0
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You're clearly not his best friend. I know I don't know everything but it doesn't even sound like he treats you like a friend... it sounds like you pursue him for friendship or whatever and he just goes along when it is convenient. I would strongly suggest you stop "doing" for him. Friendship isn't about what you do for another person. Don't go on some crazy "pay attention to me or get out" rant. Just... stop initiating contact for a few days and see what happens. People who want you in your life will make time for you and will notice when you're not around. I think maybe you need some more friends, honey. Like the real kind who enjoy your conversation and not your money for their downpayment on their truck. Good luck.0
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If there's one thing I learned in my twenties, it's to put your time and energy into relationships that give back. After college I realized that some of my friendships were a little one sided, and we gradually grew apart. I'm not saying to ditch your friend, but maybe it's time to branch out and find some people that give and much as you do to the relationship.0
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I agree with the advice being given. This guy sounds like a user. You don't need that. Cut the ties before you are out more than $1,500. And please don't allow people to use you that way. I have a son that does this. People walk all over him and use him. Makes me nuts.0
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There's some old saying that goes something like, "don't make someone your priority if you're only their option"
Sounds like that's what's going on here...0 -
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Thanks everyone! I do have a problem with letting people use me, and it's something I need to work on.
However, aisgreen said I should stop initiating conversation...that's the thing, I don't text him first, he always texts me first. But I feel like he just does it because he feels obligated to because he'll say hey, and then he won't have anything to talk about.
And Lifting2Lose haha I would, but I'm a virgin and I don't want to lose my virginity to teach him a lesson hahahah0 -
Is he making payments or something to pay your back?0
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Is he making payments or something to pay your back?
He's paid some of it back0 -
I would just ask for your money back and ditch him asap.0
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He's just not that into you.
Seriously, demand your money.
Stop texting dude. Find better friends.0 -
i think you are trying to turn a friendship into something more whether you realize it or not. He is treating you like a guy who isn't that interested in you and knows that he can use you when he needs to. Don't waste your time. If a guy is sincere in offering a good friendship or relationship then he will make the effort without having to be prodded. This gets easier to recognize as you get older but do yourself a favor and stop wasting your time.0
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He doesn't sound like a friend to me at all. He's just taking advantage of your good nature. I definitely agree with the other posters that he can be a acquaintance/friend but he's not the one for you. I've played that route before in college and got burnt in the end realizing the guy I thought I could be more than friends turned out he wasn't into me. So I'd say if he still uses you to HIS advantage, drop his *kitten*!0
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Quoted for truth.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.0 -
He may be your best friend, but you're clearly not his.
This +10 -
Make sure you get the $1500 back (and any other stuff you may have lent) and move on.0
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Hi, I need advice from someone possible older than me, since teenagers (my friends: 19,20) aren't usually that good at giving advice (besides me, of course ). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days! )
Sorry to say, but it sounds like he's using you. Do you have some romantic interest in him? From your description, it sounds like he might think you do, and is exploiting that interest to get things he wants. Guys do this all the time, speaking as a guy.
It sucks, but I think you should move on from this dude. It's not going to work out.0 -
you deserve a friend who is actually going to be a friend to you instead of keeping just off to the side in case he needs something.0
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Yep. I smell partial default on the loan coming. As suggested, get your money back (as much as possible) and part ways.0
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I had a relationship like this at your age. I loved him, but everytime I got too close, he started backing away 100 miles an hour. I asked myself this question: "Do you want a relationship where you love someone more than they love (or care) for you?" I said no, and in a little while found the right person, who really loves and cares for me. We've been married 28 years. Don't settle for someone who doesn't want to put anything into a friendship. As others have said, branch out, and make new friends. I can guarantee you that there's someone nicer out there. Good luck. 0
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Leave this dude alone. He is using you. Don't even bother to tell him that you aren't fooling with him anymore. Just stop.0
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I'm male and I have a female best friend..... She does a lot for me and I do a lot for her. We talk most everyday about whatever going on and when she needs me I'm here and when I need her, she's there.
It does not sound like you and he have the same thing going on. I'm with the others here regarding you might consider him a best friend, but it doesn't sound like he feels the same way.
Think about this question deep and hard: If you really needed him for something (say pick you up at 2am), if you called would he, first pick up the phone? second, drop what he is doing or get out of bed and pick you up?
If you have reservations about the answers to this question then you are not his best friend.... That realization can hurt, but it will hurt a lot more if you don't come the realization sooner rather than later.
That being said, you don't need to ditch him to the curb or anything, just don't make him a priority if you also expect him to make you one and he is not.
And if you do decide to completely ditch him, try to get your money back first!
Wishing you the best of luck with this!0
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