Need advice
Replies
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I'm male and I have a female best friend..... She does a lot for me and I do a lot for her. We talk most everyday about whatever going on and when she needs me I'm here and when I need her, she's there.
It does not sound like you and he have the same thing going on. I'm with the others here regarding you might consider him a best friend, but it doesn't sound like he feels the same way.
Think about this question deep and hard: If you really needed him for something (say pick you up at 2am), if you called would he, first pick up the phone? second, drop what he is doing or get out of bed and pick you up?
If you have reservations about the answers to this question then you are not his best friend.... That realization can hurt, but it will hurt a lot more if you don't come the realization sooner rather than later.
That being said, you don't need to ditch him to the curb or anything, just don't make him a priority if you also expect him to make you one and he is not.
And if you do decide to completely ditch him, try to get your money back first!
Wishing you the best of luck with this!
I have no doubts he would get out of bed to come get me. I mean, I know he considers me his friend, and he's told me that I'm his "best friend" but I feel like if that were true he would treat me just as good as he does his other friends who aren't his "best friend". He's really confusing.0 -
I'm male and I have a female best friend..... She does a lot for me and I do a lot for her. We talk most everyday about whatever going on and when she needs me I'm here and when I need her, she's there.
It does not sound like you and he have the same thing going on. I'm with the others here regarding you might consider him a best friend, but it doesn't sound like he feels the same way.
Think about this question deep and hard: If you really needed him for something (say pick you up at 2am), if you called would he, first pick up the phone? second, drop what he is doing or get out of bed and pick you up?
If you have reservations about the answers to this question then you are not his best friend.... That realization can hurt, but it will hurt a lot more if you don't come the realization sooner rather than later.
That being said, you don't need to ditch him to the curb or anything, just don't make him a priority if you also expect him to make you one and he is not.
And if you do decide to completely ditch him, try to get your money back first!
Wishing you the best of luck with this!
I have no doubts he would get out of bed to come get me. I mean, I know he considers me his friend, and he's told me that I'm his "best friend" but I feel like if that were true he would treat me just as good as he does his other friends who aren't his "best friend". He's really confusing.
Well that being said.... you find yourself in quite a pickle there darlin. You could talk to him about it and your feelings .... but that to me seems like a great way to annoy him.
At this point .... I would chalk this up to being teenagers.
Still through, feelings are feelings no matter how old you are and I really wish you luck with this.0 -
I'm male and I have a female best friend..... She does a lot for me and I do a lot for her. We talk most everyday about whatever going on and when she needs me I'm here and when I need her, she's there.
It does not sound like you and he have the same thing going on. I'm with the others here regarding you might consider him a best friend, but it doesn't sound like he feels the same way.
Think about this question deep and hard: If you really needed him for something (say pick you up at 2am), if you called would he, first pick up the phone? second, drop what he is doing or get out of bed and pick you up?
If you have reservations about the answers to this question then you are not his best friend.... That realization can hurt, but it will hurt a lot more if you don't come the realization sooner rather than later.
That being said, you don't need to ditch him to the curb or anything, just don't make him a priority if you also expect him to make you one and he is not.
And if you do decide to completely ditch him, try to get your money back first!
Wishing you the best of luck with this!
I have no doubts he would get out of bed to come get me. I mean, I know he considers me his friend, and he's told me that I'm his "best friend" but I feel like if that were true he would treat me just as good as he does his other friends who aren't his "best friend". He's really confusing.
Well that being said.... you find yourself in quite a pickle there darlin. You could talk to him about it and your feelings .... but that to me seems like a great way to annoy him.
At this point .... I would chalk this up to being teenagers.
Still through, feelings are feelings no matter how old you are and I really wish you luck with this.
I have talked to him and all he says is 'haha' or 'I'm sorry' so I don't know.
I know what you mean about being teenagers, I know he's immature and doesn't understand that his actions hurt people's feelings, and I'm trying to remember that. But you can't use that as an excuse to be a *kitten*.
Thank you!0 -
I know what you mean about being teenagers, I know he's immature and doesn't understand that his actions hurt people's feelings, and I'm trying to remember that. But you can't use that as an excuse to be a *kitten*.
Thank you!
Sounds like you need an older male friend..... want to get in my van? I have wine coolers!
(trying to lighten the mood! HAHAHA)0 -
I know what you mean about being teenagers, I know he's immature and doesn't understand that his actions hurt people's feelings, and I'm trying to remember that. But you can't use that as an excuse to be a *kitten*.
Thank you!
Sounds like you need an older male friend..... want to get in my van? I have wine coolers!
(trying to lighten the mood! HAHAHA)
Hahah yeah,sure, just give me three hours and I'll be there hahaha :P0 -
I agree with what most others say, but I have a few other questions.
1) You imply that he's spending time with his other friends, and not you. Is there some reason why you don't get included in with his other friends?
2) You said something about telling his other friends to "stop hogging him", and ask when you get to see him.
Those are the things that are sticking out for me, and maybe for him as well. If the answer is, "you want to hang out with him alone", or some variation of that, then it sounds like you have a romantic interest in him, and I'm afraid the answer is, "He's just not that into you."
If this honestly just hasn't occurred to you before, here's a suggestion -- rather than asking when you get to see him, suggest something specific. Like, "hey, let's all go bowling" or whatever. Not just him, but him and his friends. Or if he and his friends are doing something, maybe a "thanks for the invite" will get you an invite next time.
if this is just about friendship, than it should include his other friends as well, unless there is some specific reason not to. If it's about more than friendship.... well, see above.
Hope that helps!0 -
He sounds like a teenage boy that wants to put as little into the relationship that he can. IMO you should invest your time into a friend who puts in the same effort as you. And stop giving people money that aren't basically your soulmate or parents.0
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My personal opinion tells me that he is using you for what HE needs. You are not getting anything out of the friendship. I have been in this position before and my advice is to cut him loose, boost yourself up, and find friends that are really worth your time and money! It's easy to get caught up in a relationship or friendship that is one sided when you are the caring person who gives it your all. If he was really a friend, you wouldn't feel the way you do!0
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Hi, I need advice from someone possible older than me, since teenagers (my friends: 19,20) aren't usually that good at giving advice (besides me, of course
). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days!
)
He thinks you want to bang him... He doesn't want to bang you...0 -
He may be your best friend, but you're clearly not his.
^this0 -
completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.0 -
Sounds like you are into him and he isnt that into you.0
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So, do you have feelings for him?0
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Seven steps to a healthy and functional relationship, by KG:
1. Decide what you want from a relationship. Get a clear idea of this. Be honest with yourself. Do not skip this step.
2. Show up in the relationship in ways that support #1.
3. When appropriate, articulate #1 to the other person. (note that this is not an ask or demand)
4. Periodically evaluate #1 and how close the relationship is to #1.
5a. If relationship is at #1, stop here. Enjoy it. Optionally return to #4.
5b. If relationship does not meet #1, decide if you want to make changes - behavior and/or expectations.
6. Optionally ask other person to make changes.
7. Return to #4. Repeat.
You may notice that the other person doesn't come into play until #6, and even that is optional. It's an important feature of this 7-step plan (also, you can't eat carbs or fats or protein).
It's OK to ask for help. But too often people ask help about #6 before focusing on 1-5. Most of us struggle at #1. That's a tough one. But it's crucial. And sadly, this is something that other people really can't help you with. Your friends and family and online forum people can help with 2-6. But only you can determine #1.
Once you have a really clear, solid idea of what you want from a relationship, it's amazing how much easier everything else is. And this goes for all types of relationships: romantic, sexual, platonic, professional, etc.
I'd estimate that the overwhelming majority of "Need advice" posts (and even real-life conversations) are really about the struggle around #1. We talk around 2-6, and sometimes resolution happens, but it's usually an inadvertent result of clarity around #1. But man, we love talking around the other stuff, especially pontificating on the motives, feelings and character of other people we've never met.0 -
I agree with those saying that he probably thinks you're into him and he's not into you. Maybe he likes you as a friend but doesn't want to give you ideas? I would suggest start hanging out with other people and let him be the next one of you to suggest getting together.0
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Did you ever think that the reason he is texting you first is so that he seems to care just enough that you will either keep lending him money or stop you from demanding it all at once?
He's not being a friend to you at all. Just because you THINK he'll come get you, doesn't mean he will.
Often in times of loneliness, we twist things to be better than they actually are in reality so that we can cling to something. If this guy is your best friend, I'm guessing you are severely lacking in girlfriends and this can be quite lonely. Especially at your age. Go join a club or something and drop this dude. He's not worth it.0 -
Just let it be. If you want to be his friend, be his friend, but don't expect anything out of it.
Don't stress over it. If he doesn't want to hang out, go hang out with someone else.0 -
I am sorry but I advocate dropping him out of your life. I don't treat people whom I like in that fashion.0
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I am sorry but I advocate dropping him out of your life. I don't treat people whom I like in that fashion.
She might want to get her 1,500 dollars back before she totally drops him.0 -
completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.0 -
completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.
How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.0 -
completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.
How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.
And you still consider him your best friend??? A year is a long time...0 -
Wow...
completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.
How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.
You pick him up because he is too drunk to WALK
The only time you see him is when he is drunk.
I think your buddy might have a little bit of a problem.0 -
Wow...
completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.
How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.
You pick him up because he is too drunk to WALK
The only time you see him is when he is drunk.
I think your buddy might have a little bit of a problem.
Don't freak out too much, I've only seen him maybe 5-6 times in the past year0 -
Wow...
completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.
How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.
You pick him up because he is too drunk to WALK
The only time you see him is when he is drunk.
I think your buddy might have a little bit of a problem.
Don't freak out too much, I've only seen him maybe 5-6 times in the past year
which is probably why you shouldn't even bother being friends with him. I live 6 hours from my best friend and I have seen her 5-6 times in the past couple months.
Don't justify his actions.0 -
I didn't think a woman could be friendzoned.
sleep with him. see if the dynamic changes.
It's simple - you;re useful for a ride when he's too drunk to walk, but other than that, he's just not into you.0 -
completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.
You have a regular guy around. They don't do what we do. Read the book: Men are from Mars...0 -
You need to stop...dont justify what he says/does. He isn't your bf nor is he a good friend. Why ask for advice if you aren't willing to take it? Just saying, either change it or stop complaining. If you want tk be hjs friend be hjs friend but don't expect anything like it back, if you want more then stop...it clearly isn't gonna come from him.0
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Advice given! It's time to choose! If you are holding on until money is returned, file small claim against him. Watch Judge Judy who presides over many cases involving loaning money and relationships. Take all your energy and work toward your goal of entering the army. If you haven't talked to recruiter, do so. Add change cell number to list. More advice given. Your move!0
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Hi, I need advice from someone possible older than me, since teenagers (my friends: 19,20) aren't usually that good at giving advice (besides me, of course ). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days! )
Okay let's take this piece by piece:
1.) Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
You have given him friendship, trust, money, and time. I would also be willing to bet you have allowed yourself to emotionally invest yourself into this person.
2.) We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
YOU talk to him everyday.
He does not reciprocate the friendship as you have.
He does not reciprocate the trust, the money or even the COURTESY that you have.
He has not reciprocated the RESPECT you have given to him.
You have emotionally asked for his friendship and he laughs at you.
Verdict: He's a ****
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