Need advice

logiatype

To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species
If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.

Quoted for truth.

JoshTheGiant

He may be your best friend, but you're clearly not his.

This +1

buzybev

Make sure you get the $1500 back (and any other stuff you may have lent) and move on.

healthyscratch1978

Hi, I need advice from someone possible older than me, since teenagers (my friends: 19,20) aren't usually that good at giving advice (besides me, of course ). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days! )

Sorry to say, but it sounds like he's using you. Do you have some romantic interest in him? From your description, it sounds like he might think you do, and is exploiting that interest to get things he wants. Guys do this all the time, speaking as a guy.

It sucks, but I think you should move on from this dude. It's not going to work out.

petrulak

you deserve a friend who is actually going to be a friend to you instead of keeping just off to the side in case he needs something.

civilizedworm

Yep. I smell partial default on the loan coming. As suggested, get your money back (as much as possible) and part ways.

snowflake954

I had a relationship like this at your age. I loved him, but everytime I got too close, he started backing away 100 miles an hour. I asked myself this question: "Do you want a relationship where you love someone more than they love (or care) for you?" I said no, and in a little while found the right person, who really loves and cares for me. We've been married 28 years. Don't settle for someone who doesn't want to put anything into a friendship. As others have said, branch out, and make new friends. I can guarantee you that there's someone nicer out there. Good luck.

UsedToBeHusky

Leave this dude alone. He is using you. Don't even bother to tell him that you aren't fooling with him anymore. Just stop.

TJ_Rugger

I'm male and I have a female best friend..... She does a lot for me and I do a lot for her. We talk most everyday about whatever going on and when she needs me I'm here and when I need her, she's there.

It does not sound like you and he have the same thing going on. I'm with the others here regarding you might consider him a best friend, but it doesn't sound like he feels the same way.

Think about this question deep and hard: If you really needed him for something (say pick you up at 2am), if you called would he, first pick up the phone? second, drop what he is doing or get out of bed and pick you up?

If you have reservations about the answers to this question then you are not his best friend.... That realization can hurt, but it will hurt a lot more if you don't come the realization sooner rather than later.

That being said, you don't need to ditch him to the curb or anything, just don't make him a priority if you also expect him to make you one and he is not.

And if you do decide to completely ditch him, try to get your money back first!

Wishing you the best of luck with this!

nitole111

I'm male and I have a female best friend..... She does a lot for me and I do a lot for her. We talk most everyday about whatever going on and when she needs me I'm here and when I need her, she's there.

It does not sound like you and he have the same thing going on. I'm with the others here regarding you might consider him a best friend, but it doesn't sound like he feels the same way.

Think about this question deep and hard: If you really needed him for something (say pick you up at 2am), if you called would he, first pick up the phone? second, drop what he is doing or get out of bed and pick you up?

If you have reservations about the answers to this question then you are not his best friend.... That realization can hurt, but it will hurt a lot more if you don't come the realization sooner rather than later.

That being said, you don't need to ditch him to the curb or anything, just don't make him a priority if you also expect him to make you one and he is not.

And if you do decide to completely ditch him, try to get your money back first!

Wishing you the best of luck with this!

I have no doubts he would get out of bed to come get me. I mean, I know he considers me his friend, and he's told me that I'm his "best friend" but I feel like if that were true he would treat me just as good as he does his other friends who aren't his "best friend". He's really confusing.

TJ_Rugger

I'm male and I have a female best friend..... She does a lot for me and I do a lot for her. We talk most everyday about whatever going on and when she needs me I'm here and when I need her, she's there.

It does not sound like you and he have the same thing going on. I'm with the others here regarding you might consider him a best friend, but it doesn't sound like he feels the same way.

Think about this question deep and hard: If you really needed him for something (say pick you up at 2am), if you called would he, first pick up the phone? second, drop what he is doing or get out of bed and pick you up?

If you have reservations about the answers to this question then you are not his best friend.... That realization can hurt, but it will hurt a lot more if you don't come the realization sooner rather than later.

That being said, you don't need to ditch him to the curb or anything, just don't make him a priority if you also expect him to make you one and he is not.

And if you do decide to completely ditch him, try to get your money back first!

Wishing you the best of luck with this!

I have no doubts he would get out of bed to come get me. I mean, I know he considers me his friend, and he's told me that I'm his "best friend" but I feel like if that were true he would treat me just as good as he does his other friends who aren't his "best friend". He's really confusing.

Well that being said.... you find yourself in quite a pickle there darlin. You could talk to him about it and your feelings .... but that to me seems like a great way to annoy him.

At this point .... I would chalk this up to being teenagers.

Still through, feelings are feelings no matter how old you are and I really wish you luck with this.

nitole111

I'm male and I have a female best friend..... She does a lot for me and I do a lot for her. We talk most everyday about whatever going on and when she needs me I'm here and when I need her, she's there.

It does not sound like you and he have the same thing going on. I'm with the others here regarding you might consider him a best friend, but it doesn't sound like he feels the same way.

Think about this question deep and hard: If you really needed him for something (say pick you up at 2am), if you called would he, first pick up the phone? second, drop what he is doing or get out of bed and pick you up?

If you have reservations about the answers to this question then you are not his best friend.... That realization can hurt, but it will hurt a lot more if you don't come the realization sooner rather than later.

That being said, you don't need to ditch him to the curb or anything, just don't make him a priority if you also expect him to make you one and he is not.

And if you do decide to completely ditch him, try to get your money back first!

Wishing you the best of luck with this!

I have no doubts he would get out of bed to come get me. I mean, I know he considers me his friend, and he's told me that I'm his "best friend" but I feel like if that were true he would treat me just as good as he does his other friends who aren't his "best friend". He's really confusing.

Well that being said.... you find yourself in quite a pickle there darlin. You could talk to him about it and your feelings .... but that to me seems like a great way to annoy him.

At this point .... I would chalk this up to being teenagers.

Still through, feelings are feelings no matter how old you are and I really wish you luck with this.

I have talked to him and all he says is 'haha' or 'I'm sorry' so I don't know.
I know what you mean about being teenagers, I know he's immature and doesn't understand that his actions hurt people's feelings, and I'm trying to remember that. But you can't use that as an excuse to be a *kitten*.

Thank you!

TJ_Rugger

I know what you mean about being teenagers, I know he's immature and doesn't understand that his actions hurt people's feelings, and I'm trying to remember that. But you can't use that as an excuse to be a *kitten*.
Thank you!

Sounds like you need an older male friend..... want to get in my van? I have wine coolers!



(trying to lighten the mood! HAHAHA)

nitole111

I know what you mean about being teenagers, I know he's immature and doesn't understand that his actions hurt people's feelings, and I'm trying to remember that. But you can't use that as an excuse to be a *kitten*.
Thank you!

Sounds like you need an older male friend..... want to get in my van? I have wine coolers!



(trying to lighten the mood! HAHAHA)

Hahah yeah,sure, just give me three hours and I'll be there hahaha :P

mikejholmes

I agree with what most others say, but I have a few other questions.
1) You imply that he's spending time with his other friends, and not you. Is there some reason why you don't get included in with his other friends?
2) You said something about telling his other friends to "stop hogging him", and ask when you get to see him.

Those are the things that are sticking out for me, and maybe for him as well. If the answer is, "you want to hang out with him alone", or some variation of that, then it sounds like you have a romantic interest in him, and I'm afraid the answer is, "He's just not that into you."

If this honestly just hasn't occurred to you before, here's a suggestion -- rather than asking when you get to see him, suggest something specific. Like, "hey, let's all go bowling" or whatever. Not just him, but him and his friends. Or if he and his friends are doing something, maybe a "thanks for the invite" will get you an invite next time.

if this is just about friendship, than it should include his other friends as well, unless there is some specific reason not to. If it's about more than friendship.... well, see above.

Hope that helps!

Mikkimeow

He sounds like a teenage boy that wants to put as little into the relationship that he can. IMO you should invest your time into a friend who puts in the same effort as you. And stop giving people money that aren't basically your soulmate or parents.

Reedern

My personal opinion tells me that he is using you for what HE needs. You are not getting anything out of the friendship. I have been in this position before and my advice is to cut him loose, boost yourself up, and find friends that are really worth your time and money! It's easy to get caught up in a relationship or friendship that is one sided when you are the caring person who gives it your all. If he was really a friend, you wouldn't feel the way you do!

TavistockToad

Hi, I need advice from someone possible older than me, since teenagers (my friends: 19,20) aren't usually that good at giving advice (besides me, of course ). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days! )

He thinks you want to bang him... He doesn't want to bang you...

LoneWolf_70

He may be your best friend, but you're clearly not his.

^this