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  • jacklis
    jacklis Posts: 280 Member
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    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
    completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Sounds like you are into him and he isnt that into you.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    So, do you have feelings for him?
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    Seven steps to a healthy and functional relationship, by KG:

    1. Decide what you want from a relationship. Get a clear idea of this. Be honest with yourself. Do not skip this step.
    2. Show up in the relationship in ways that support #1.
    3. When appropriate, articulate #1 to the other person. (note that this is not an ask or demand)
    4. Periodically evaluate #1 and how close the relationship is to #1.
    5a. If relationship is at #1, stop here. Enjoy it. Optionally return to #4.
    5b. If relationship does not meet #1, decide if you want to make changes - behavior and/or expectations.
    6. Optionally ask other person to make changes.
    7. Return to #4. Repeat.

    You may notice that the other person doesn't come into play until #6, and even that is optional. It's an important feature of this 7-step plan (also, you can't eat carbs or fats or protein).

    It's OK to ask for help. But too often people ask help about #6 before focusing on 1-5. Most of us struggle at #1. That's a tough one. But it's crucial. And sadly, this is something that other people really can't help you with. Your friends and family and online forum people can help with 2-6. But only you can determine #1.

    Once you have a really clear, solid idea of what you want from a relationship, it's amazing how much easier everything else is. And this goes for all types of relationships: romantic, sexual, platonic, professional, etc.

    I'd estimate that the overwhelming majority of "Need advice" posts (and even real-life conversations) are really about the struggle around #1. We talk around 2-6, and sometimes resolution happens, but it's usually an inadvertent result of clarity around #1. But man, we love talking around the other stuff, especially pontificating on the motives, feelings and character of other people we've never met.
  • amyj514
    amyj514 Posts: 53 Member
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    I agree with those saying that he probably thinks you're into him and he's not into you. Maybe he likes you as a friend but doesn't want to give you ideas? I would suggest start hanging out with other people and let him be the next one of you to suggest getting together.
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
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    Did you ever think that the reason he is texting you first is so that he seems to care just enough that you will either keep lending him money or stop you from demanding it all at once?

    He's not being a friend to you at all. Just because you THINK he'll come get you, doesn't mean he will.

    Often in times of loneliness, we twist things to be better than they actually are in reality so that we can cling to something. If this guy is your best friend, I'm guessing you are severely lacking in girlfriends and this can be quite lonely. Especially at your age. Go join a club or something and drop this dude. He's not worth it.
  • liekewheeless
    liekewheeless Posts: 416 Member
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    Just let it be. If you want to be his friend, be his friend, but don't expect anything out of it.
    Don't stress over it. If he doesn't want to hang out, go hang out with someone else.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
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    I am sorry but I advocate dropping him out of your life. I don't treat people whom I like in that fashion.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I am sorry but I advocate dropping him out of your life. I don't treat people whom I like in that fashion.

    She might want to get her 1,500 dollars back before she totally drops him.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
    completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.

    I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.
  • nitole111
    nitole111 Posts: 45 Member
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    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
    completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.

    I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.

    How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
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    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
    completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.

    I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.

    How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.

    And you still consider him your best friend??? A year is a long time...
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
    completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.

    I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.

    How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.
    Wow...
    You pick him up because he is too drunk to WALK
    The only time you see him is when he is drunk.
    I think your buddy might have a little bit of a problem.
  • nitole111
    nitole111 Posts: 45 Member
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    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
    completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.

    I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.

    How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.
    Wow...
    You pick him up because he is too drunk to WALK
    The only time you see him is when he is drunk.
    I think your buddy might have a little bit of a problem.

    Don't freak out too much, I've only seen him maybe 5-6 times in the past year
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
    Options
    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
    completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.

    I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.

    How can I talk to him if I never see him? The only times I've seen him in the past year he's been drunk, so there's not much of a decent conversation that could happen if he's drunk.
    Wow...
    You pick him up because he is too drunk to WALK
    The only time you see him is when he is drunk.
    I think your buddy might have a little bit of a problem.

    Don't freak out too much, I've only seen him maybe 5-6 times in the past year

    which is probably why you shouldn't even bother being friends with him. I live 6 hours from my best friend and I have seen her 5-6 times in the past couple months.

    Don't justify his actions.
  • sseqwnp
    sseqwnp Posts: 327 Member
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    I didn't think a woman could be friendzoned.

    sleep with him. see if the dynamic changes.

    It's simple - you;re useful for a ride when he's too drunk to walk, but other than that, he's just not into you.
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
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    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
    completely agree here. Had a guy best friend (until I got married) and it was pretty much this- you have to be okay with it- and not look for in a guy what you would get from a girl friend.

    I thought this when I read it, too. It sounds like you want him to be a girl friend, and he's simply a guy. And OP, are you actually talking to him or are you texting him? Because I'd be expecting more than "haha" or "I'm sorry" as responses if I took the time to express my feelings in person.

    You have a regular guy around. They don't do what we do. Read the book: Men are from Mars...
  • Beckboo0912
    Beckboo0912 Posts: 447 Member
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    You need to stop...dont justify what he says/does. He isn't your bf nor is he a good friend. Why ask for advice if you aren't willing to take it? Just saying, either change it or stop complaining. If you want tk be hjs friend be hjs friend but don't expect anything like it back, if you want more then stop...it clearly isn't gonna come from him.
  • marvelmo
    marvelmo Posts: 119 Member
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    Advice given! It's time to choose! If you are holding on until money is returned, file small claim against him. Watch Judge Judy who presides over many cases involving loaning money and relationships. Take all your energy and work toward your goal of entering the army. If you haven't talked to recruiter, do so. Add change cell number to list. More advice given. Your move!
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
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    Hi, I need advice from someone possible older than me, since teenagers (my friends: 19,20) aren't usually that good at giving advice (besides me, of course ;) ). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
    We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
    Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
    What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days! :) )

    Okay let's take this piece by piece:

    1.) Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.

    You have given him friendship, trust, money, and time. I would also be willing to bet you have allowed yourself to emotionally invest yourself into this person.

    2.) We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.

    YOU talk to him everyday.
    He does not reciprocate the friendship as you have.
    He does not reciprocate the trust, the money or even the COURTESY that you have.
    He has not reciprocated the RESPECT you have given to him.
    You have emotionally asked for his friendship and he laughs at you.

    Verdict: He's a ****

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