Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

Options
1…1820222324

Replies

  • ckhill101
    ckhill101 Posts: 2
    Options
    While it is good that you can have the honest conversations with your husband (no matter how they might sting), he needs to know that you need his encouragement as well. I am also the biggest I have ever been. My boyfriend doesn't have those conversations with me....instead he makes comments about how great other women look in my presence. I had to tell him how much that bothered me. So, I respect your husband's honesty. The best thing to do is start....no matter how slow you have to go. I started with walking. Today I walked for a total of 75 minutes and did about 4 miles. It is going to be a long road, but I will be better for it....and you will too. Keep logging on here to track and get the information and encouragement you need to succeed
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Options
    Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive!

    And...
    I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.

    If a marital issue isn't enough to motivate you, there is nothing you will find on an anonymous chat board that will motivate you.

    Good luck!
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Options
    Clift notes for all who have not read.....

    -Not a husband, BF of 1.5 years

    -3 kids from previous, 1 baby from him

    - the first 3 are not his daughters real siblings.

    - his older child is a real sibling

    - he doesn't like her weight, boobs, or nether regions

    -she laughs about how he treats the kids

    - says how great it is he is honest (I value honesty but this guy is an *kitten*)

    -when people say he sounds like a psycho because of the way he treats the kids, OP laughed and says yep he says he's a psycho and I have called him that.

    - She is early 20's

    -She makes comments..."that we would all freak if we knew how he treated her son" then laughs.



    Weight and honesty are not the issues of this thread.

    - ok
    - yes
    - apparently he knows hes wrong. we had a talk about it.
    - apparently he knows hes wrong. we had a talk about it.
    - we both don't like my weight, we both don't like my boobs, hes clarified that hes fine with it and he didn't mean it the way i said it.
    - I do not.
    - honesty is the best policy
    - his views are insane, but he will learn to be open minded
    - late 20's, i'm 26
    - a lot of people think that because hes a step parent he should not be disciplinary toward any of them < these people would freak.

    Do not let him discipline the children.
  • happygirlakers
    happygirlakers Posts: 26 Member
    Options
    Wow what overwhelming numbers of responses you have.

    I had a similar circumstance with my ex. He told me basically the same thing as your husband and I reacted the same way. I respected his honesty. However, his honesty didn't motivate me. It seems apparent his attachment to you is more physical for him and not as much emotional. That is a flag.

    I think your husbands comments should not motivate you to lose weight, but motivate you two to get to the root of his feelings of not being attracted to you. Honey, it isn't your weight.

    let me repeat. It's not your weight, there's something else greater that he needs to work on and you need to know. I know, I have been there.
  • RedArizona5
    RedArizona5 Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive!

    And...
    I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.

    If a marital issue isn't enough to motivate you, there is nothing you will find on an anonymous chat board that will motivate you.

    Good luck!

    Quite true. You can a lead a hors to water but you can make it drink. I think that can apply here to in the sense that he can ignore you getting obese because he just loves you for who you are and how IS THAT supposed to help out let alone strangers who love fitness and support you if your husband isn't enough?? He should love you but Im saying too many woman take advantage of the guy who loves her no matter what so they DO get fa and stay fat. No doubt yours needs to respect you but damn I don't think its a one way ticket to fat city. I am obviously speaking for certain ones because sicknesses or injuries do happen and force a person to gain weight. But c'mon that doesn't happen to everyone. and…if you do watch your weight you would be AMAZED how soon you will be to being healthier.
  • afbrzoska
    afbrzoska Posts: 5 Member
    Options
    I'm kind of in the same boat. My husband won't actually tell me so, but I know it has to be a factor. We've been married 20 years, and my body definitely isn't the same as it used to be, especially after two pregnancies. Our sex life has suffered. I want it more than he does, and if I'm honest with myself, I know my body is part of the reason. I'm sure it's affected my self esteem too - which makes me less attractive. I finally just got fed up with it and decided to start this weight loss journey. -Not just for him. -For me. Just like with any addiction, no one can make you stop. You have to finally get pissed enough to change your ways. You have to motivate yourself. I live in an area where young skinny girls are running around half naked in bikinis on any given day. I found myself getting bitter, but I used to be one of those girls. I finally decided to be better, not bitter and get healthy again. You can do it once you're mentally ready to make serious lifestyle changes. Good luck!
  • aarnwine2013
    aarnwine2013 Posts: 317 Member
    Options
    Your post makes me sad for your children mostly and you as well. Number one should only lose weight if you want to. You should only get your breast fixed if you want to.

    Losing weight for anyone other than yourself is a mistake... Good luck. I would lose the idiot.
  • gagsdeep20
    gagsdeep20 Posts: 8
    Options
    Hi

    I am happy he said that , who knows he just wanted you to say in a way , so that you can seriously take his words and start taking steps toward your physical appearance. He loves you that's why he is so honest to you .It sounds harsh but truth is truth dear so take his words in a positive way . he can only support you as you have 4 kids , so ask his support of looking after kids and you can easily take out an hour or so a day and you will see difference soon

    All the very best dear
    Wish you luck
    Eager to hear that now he found you attractive
  • barbarapoppa54
    barbarapoppa54 Posts: 16 Member
    Options
    Negative comments don't motivate me and/or most people. Positive comments do. That comment (honest or not) was not necessary. I hope he is a good enough husband to support you and help you and keep you motivated in your journey. Do it for YOU not anyone else. Your reasons should be for good health, feeling better, being able to keep up with your kids etc. Not for someone else because of what they think of the way you look. He should have said "babe I love you no matter, but I do want you to be happy and healthy. If your weight bothers you, tell me what I can do to help you and I will do this with you". DO this for YOU!
  • artistryrose
    artistryrose Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    This is very... twisted, sad, unthinkable. This whole thread went BOOM half way through. Get fit for yourself, you were made the way you were, accept it or don't, what you don't like you change. Whether its exercise or surgery (remember that surgery is going to have a long recovery time and some pain involved)


    That's all I can say because... boom. craziness
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,931 Member
    Options
    This topic sure has gone on a long time. Don't think anyone is saying anything new. The OP has all the opinions she needs I think...
  • bvalerie4321
    bvalerie4321 Posts: 4
    Options
    I completely understand what you are saying; just remember that you are doing this for you and if he finds you unattractive you can always throw back the fact that you have 4 kids. Guys never know what to say or at least how to say it.

    This is for you sweetheart and no one else.
  • cherbert1
    cherbert1 Posts: 19
    Options
    Good luck, hun.
    Working out and eating healthy is a lifestyle that can be very fun and will certainly be rewarding. Regardless of what your husband thinks, you need to do this for you and you only. I wish you the best
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Options
    I'm not reading through 16 pages of internet people advice, but I'll say "divorce," or agree with others who said it, because that's my solution to whenever this problem pops up. You're a woman and you will bludgeon him with his words for the next ~25 years, so might as well just get it over with and start fresh.
  • NicoleLFifield
    NicoleLFifield Posts: 30
    Options
    It makes me sad to hear that, but I think you are in the right place. Feel free to add me as a friend if you like...We are all fighting the very same battle. Good luck.
  • culuriel
    culuriel Posts: 11 Member
    Options
    You do need to get fit. But for you, not for him. If it's for someone else, your commitment will wane. So, losing weight for the hubs won't work anyway. Second, you may admire his honesty, but fat-shaming has never worked to help someone lose weight. If anything, making someone feel bad for being overweight has the opposite effect: they turn to food for comfort. So...
    Definitely move more and eat better. Notice, I didn't say less. Better. We all know how it goes: fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins. Start with setting easy goals for both: say, you'll get two servings of fruits and two of veggies per day, and cut down on white bread and dessert. Then, go from there once that's easy. For exercise, start with low impact, just get your bones used to creaking.
    Sustainable weight loss will be extremely slow. 1 lb per week TOPS, but 1/2 lb per week is more sustainable. So, if Mr. Honesty isn't happy about the pace, tell him you're losing weight on your own terms or not at all.
  • TankiBabi
    TankiBabi Posts: 40 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."

    I completely agree with you here.
  • WDA4655
    WDA4655 Posts: 91 Member
    Options
    I'm 2ozs. from loosing 100lbs. It has been a long journey but I'm not there yet. I have about another 60lbs. to go, give or take a few. But it has been worth it!

    I am healthier than I've ever been...I feel great...I have a confidence that I haven't had in years...I could go on and on.

    The most important thing you must do first is change your thinking. You won't succeed if you don't do this. Take this first step and it will save you a lot of frustration and possible failure.

    Turn the negative to a positive. No matter who said it. No matter how much it hurts. Things do hurt but don't let it chain you down. You know the old saying, "When you get lemons...make lemonade!" That will be your motivation. Think of ways you can turn things around.

    After you've had a serious talk with yourself...start putting it into action!! Start logging everything you eat and drink. You will be surprised how much you are consuming!

    Each day find something that can be changed.

    Examples:

    Drink plenty of water each day. I drink at least 8, 8oz. glassed of water a day and more! It may take you some time getting use to this, so just start replacing sugary drink with water a little at a time. But don't stop until you are drinking healthy. It's not just about eating healthy. You'll be shocked how much you can loose just by change what you drink.

    Use measuring cups and spoons. Get a little scale. These are important because correct proportions are a must!

    Read from blogs, posts, the community that will build you up and encourage you. Friend people that will support you and that you can be a support to, too. I love the way MFP is set up! They have an data base of info that is endless. All for the taking and putting into practice!

    Start change fat foods, sugar filled foods, etc. But one thing I do is...I don't deny myself anything! I may have to go cold turkey for a month or 2 or 3 until I have somethings under control (chocolate and soda for me) but now I rarely have either one of these. I don't crave them like I use to. I might have a soda or a small piece of chocolate but within my daily calorie, fat, etc. allowance for that day.

    As you change over to more fruits, veggies, lean meats (I just eat chicken, fish, turkey, beans and only once in a blue moon red meat or pork), you'll find you're body will be satisfied and you won't have as many cravings.

    Exercise!!!! You were blessed with 4 beautiful children! Get outside with them! Go for walks, bike ride with them, play tag, catch a ball or frizzbie with them. Get moving!!! The last time we visited my grandkids they said they were glad that I could get outside and play with them like I use too. That gave me more incentive to keep moving!!! Even my grandson who is a 15 yr. old techie was getting outside to join in the fun!

    Look for exercise that you enjoy doing and you will stick with it.

    Make a shopping list and stick to it. If the kids go with you, make a game up of who can find the healthiest foods for your shopping chart. Find out what fruits and veggies they like too.

    Look at labels and find out how much calories, carbs., fat, protein, sodium & sugar are in each food when you go food shopping. It will take more time but it is time well served!

    Keep busy...but I'm sure you do with 4 kids! Find things that you've been putting off doing, like clean the garage, a closet, gardening, etc. and do them. It all burns calories!

    If you watch TV at night and love snacking be sure to just bring the serving you are allow for that meal.

    Make small goals that will get you to your main goal. When you work on that small goal it's a lot easier and not so overwhelming as looking at the main goal all the time.

    Get your rest! You must make time for your spirit, mind, emotions and body have time to repair and recoop from the depletion of energy.

    Get a scale to weigh yourself. Some people weigh in once a week, some wiegh in once a day. I weigh in everyday first thing in the morning. It works for me. I'm not obsessed with it, it's just routine.

    One more thing...Every morning look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I am wonderfully and beautifully made by God!" God never makes junk! He rejoices over you!
  • vllamas08
    vllamas08 Posts: 20 Member
    Options
    Wow! I think HEALTH is first and foremost. Next I think you need to look at your husband and is his physic perfect? I don't want to come off as putting him down but you gave birth to 4 kids, such as I have. I am heavier now then I was when I was 9 months pregnant with my last pregnancy. Having said that, my body fat has redistributed itself in different areas so yes I'm heavier but I'm also older (45) and I don't expect to have the body of a teenager and I don't look huge either. My EX- hus...ugh, I can't even finish spelling the word used to tell me I was ugly and stupid and had saggy boobs and on and on and on. I have a husband now who calls me his trophy wife and I swear I'm never getting him eye glasses, lol. Please, don't look at yourself in the mirror and hate yourself. You need to love what you see and do this because YOU want to. Not because your husband says you're unattractive. I'm sure many people think you are gorgeous. As I said before, HEALTH is what you want to have.
  • happygolucky121
    happygolucky121 Posts: 3 Member
    Options
    I pray you find all the motivation and courage you need. I also hope you find the right support system. That you believe in WHO you are and let the INNER influence the OUTER.

Categories