Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

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Selee1987
Selee1987 Posts: 32 Member
in Getting Started
Hi everyone,
this is my second attempt to lose weight and get back in shape. Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive! :/ He loves my personality and my "beautiful" face other than that... my physical appearance is an eye sore. I have 4 kids, I'm the biggest i've ever been!
His words might seem cruel but i know its his honesty, which I admire.
I need help! I need to get fit!
I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.
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Replies

  • shelz18
    shelz18 Posts: 5 Member
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    Wow that's real deep ... first of all , YOU HAVE DONE AMAZING TO GIVE BIRTH TO 4 KIDS! WELL DONE!

    SECONDLY, Your husband may be being honest but making you feel insecure by saying hes no longer finding you physically attractive anymore is just not right ... he should be helping you lose the weight ... for example; what to eat and not what to eat, little exercises to do now and then when you have the time together.

    You have had 4 kids its not that easy to get back to your previous shape ... he should understand that... But one thing I would suggest is to take the negative words said by your husband or anybody else as motivation to push you to get up and do that exercise ... just let the words play in your head as you sit there feeling unmotivated to do any exercise .... that should give you the extra drive to prove those people wrong and get moving!

    Its easier said than done I know but you can do it girl! Just take each day at a time
  • Annesoucy1957
    Annesoucy1957 Posts: 125
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    Not an easy conversation you had. The best motivation would be to do it for yourself, if you find yourself unattractive then it is your motivation. Your goal, your journey. Take it one step at a time and make some changes that you can live with for the rest of your life. Good luck
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    There's plenty of info on here, use calculators and start watching your calories and learn as much as you can as you go along. Just begin.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Wow that's real deep ... first of all , YOU HAVE DONE AMAZING TO GIVE BIRTH TO 4 KIDS! WELL DONE!

    SECONDLY,Your husband may be being honest but making you feel insecure by saying hes no longer finding you physically attractive anymore is just not right ... he should be helping you lose the weight ... for example; what to eat and not what to eat, little exercises to do now and then when you have the time together.

    You have had 4 kids its not that easy to get back to your previous shape ... he should understand that... But one thing I would suggest is to take the negative words said by your husband or anybody else as motivation to push you to get up and do that exercise ... just let the words play in your head as you sit there feeling unmotivated to do any exercise .... that should give you the extra drive to prove those people wrong and get moving!

    Its easier said than done I know but you can do it girl! Just take each day at a time

    Should he have just lied to her then?

    OP I'm glad you and your husband can communicate honestly, even if it stings. Please get healthier for yourself and for your children. The rest will follow.

    Ps I think you're pretty.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
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    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?
  • kimothy38
    kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
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    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    Gee that is a supportive comment - not. I'm not sure I'd actually want my husband to be so honest with me - he couldn't say anything that I don't already know myself. 4 kids is an amazing feat so well done you. Hopefully he can be supportive and maybe look after the kids while you go for a walk or something. There's so much information on the internet these that it can be confusing about what to do, two of my favs though are Nerd Fitness and Precision Nutrition. Don't worry about what you look like as long as you feel good about yourself. Best of luck.
  • 32sami
    32sami Posts: 380 Member
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    I'd be telling hubs to go fh, but that's me
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?
    What if she doesn't fail?
  • inneedofanap
    inneedofanap Posts: 63 Member
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    Just curious, how long have you two been married? I see your profile says you're inspired by "your boyfriend".

    Hopefully he was gentle with his words. Use your kids as an inspiration. You want them growing up in a happy, loving, and healthy home. Grab the kids and go for a walk. Or better yet, make the hubby go with and support you instead of just criticize you.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?

    So your solution is for him to just lie about it.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?
    What if she doesn't fail?

    What if she does...fail.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?
    What if she doesn't fail?

    What if she does...fail.

    Then hopefully he helps pick her up and succeed.
  • 1911JR
    1911JR Posts: 276
    Options
    I need help! I need to get fit!
    I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.

    The first thing you have to fix is in your last sentence. Nutrition, what you eat is the number one thing. My advise is, log everything that you put in your mouth. And learn to weight and measure everything you eat.

    Most people give up because they over do it. Going from McDonalds and pizza`s everyday to, broccoli and turkey and going to the gym can be over whelming. So take baby steps, it can`t and won`t happen over night.

    But the good news is, there is people here that has lost huge amounts of weight, find them, talk to them, they will help you!

    Best of luck.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?

    So your solution is for him to just lie about it.

    Answer my question. If she fails, what good is his honesty for their marriage?
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?
    What if she doesn't fail?

    What if she does...fail.

    Then hopefully he helps pick her up and succeed.

    Hopefully...

    Anyway.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?

    So your solution is for him to just lie about it.

    Answer my question. If she fails, what good is his honesty for their marriage?

    Honesty is always better than lying.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    Options
    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."


    What if she asked him?

    Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?

    So your solution is for him to just lie about it.

    Answer my question. If she fails, what good is his honesty for their marriage?

    Honesty is always better than lying.

    Lying isn't always wrong. Not saying everything that bounces around in your head out loud isn't always wrong.

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