Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

Selee1987 · June 2014

Hi everyone,
this is my second attempt to lose weight and get back in shape. Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive!

He loves my personality and my "beautiful" face other than that... my physical appearance is an eye sore. I have 4 kids, I'm the biggest i've ever been!
His words might seem cruel but i know its his honesty, which I admire.
I need help! I need to get fit!
I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.

shelz18 · June 2014

Wow that's real deep ... first of all , YOU HAVE DONE AMAZING TO GIVE BIRTH TO 4 KIDS! WELL DONE!

SECONDLY, Your husband may be being honest but making you feel insecure by saying hes no longer finding you physically attractive anymore is just not right ... he should be helping you lose the weight ... for example; what to eat and not what to eat, little exercises to do now and then when you have the time together.

You have had 4 kids its not that easy to get back to your previous shape ... he should understand that... But one thing I would suggest is to take the negative words said by your husband or anybody else as motivation to push you to get up and do that exercise ... just let the words play in your head as you sit there feeling unmotivated to do any exercise .... that should give you the extra drive to prove those people wrong and get moving!

Its easier said than done I know but you can do it girl! Just take each day at a time

Annesoucy1957 · June 2014

Not an easy conversation you had. The best motivation would be to do it for yourself, if you find yourself unattractive then it is your motivation. Your goal, your journey. Take it one step at a time and make some changes that you can live with for the rest of your life. Good luck

Lourdesong · June 2014

Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

There's plenty of info on here, use calculators and start watching your calories and learn as much as you can as you go along. Just begin.

Alluminati · June 2014

Should he have just lied to her then?

OP I'm glad you and your husband can communicate honestly, even if it stings. Please get healthier for yourself and for your children. The rest will follow.

Ps I think you're pretty.

HerkMeOff · June 2014

I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

Should he have lied?

kimothy38 · June 2014

Gee that is a supportive comment - not. I'm not sure I'd actually want my husband to be so honest with me - he couldn't say anything that I don't already know myself. 4 kids is an amazing feat so well done you. Hopefully he can be supportive and maybe look after the kids while you go for a walk or something. There's so much information on the internet these that it can be confusing about what to do, two of my favs though are Nerd Fitness and Precision Nutrition. Don't worry about what you look like as long as you feel good about yourself. Best of luck.

32sami · June 2014

I'd be telling hubs to go fh, but that's me

Lourdesong · June 2014

He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."

HerkMeOff · June 2014

What if she asked him?

Lourdesong · June 2014

Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?

Alluminati · June 2014

What if she doesn't fail?

inneedofanap · June 2014

Just curious, how long have you two been married? I see your profile says you're inspired by "your boyfriend".

Hopefully he was gentle with his words. Use your kids as an inspiration. You want them growing up in a happy, loving, and healthy home. Grab the kids and go for a walk. Or better yet, make the hubby go with and support you instead of just criticize you.

HerkMeOff · June 2014

So your solution is for him to just lie about it.

Lourdesong · June 2014

What if she does...fail.

HerkMeOff · June 2014

Then hopefully he helps pick her up and succeed.

1911JR · June 2014

The first thing you have to fix is in your last sentence. Nutrition, what you eat is the number one thing. My advise is, log everything that you put in your mouth. And learn to weight and measure everything you eat.

Most people give up because they over do it. Going from McDonalds and pizza`s everyday to, broccoli and turkey and going to the gym can be over whelming. So take baby steps, it can`t and won`t happen over night.

But the good news is, there is people here that has lost huge amounts of weight, find them, talk to them, they will help you!

Best of luck.

Lourdesong · June 2014

Answer my question. If she fails, what good is his honesty for their marriage?

Lourdesong · June 2014

Hopefully...

Anyway.

HerkMeOff · June 2014

Honesty is always better than lying.

Lourdesong · June 2014

Lying isn't always wrong. Not saying everything that bounces around in your head out loud isn't always wrong.

HerkMeOff · June 2014

So if you're not physically attracted to your spouse anymore, you're just supposed to keep that quiet???

sharyntg · June 2014

Agreed--

HerkMeOff · June 2014

Thanks!

caesar164 · June 2014

I would never say that to my wife, even if it were true... That's ****ed up, I would find a way to motivate her more, not put her self esteem down to the ground.... Its just not cool! Hey listen, there's men that like big woman, so if he goes, you'll find someone better...

auntiebabs · June 2014

First of all you've got to do this for you not for him, no matter how much you love him.

Here is a ginormous brain dump... I'm sure all the other MFPers are sick of seeing this already, but it's what helped me so I like to share it....

The good news is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better.

++Track for a week or two before worrying about losing. This way you'll see where you really stand, odds are it is different than where you thought you were, which is actually good news...

++Be scrupulously honest... you can lie to your friends, you can lie in your diary, you can lie to yourself, but YOUR BODY KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU EAT. So you might as well be honest in your diary (keep it private if you like) but you need that info because you can't get where you are going if your are not honest about where you are right now.

++See where you can make small changes on things that aren't so important to you.
(Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
--Reducing quantities
--Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.

++Focus on what you should eat not what your shouldn't.
Eating your nutritious foods first. Your body will be more satisfied and have less cravings.

++Small sustainable changes.
If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort, sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves. Also rather than having to think about everything all the time. You only have to think about a 2 or 3 new things to focus on.

++Rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me. (I swear this saved my life.) I was happier once I gave myself a range:

ROCK BOTTOM: 1200 cal
TARGET: MFP Calories for lose 1 lb a week (when that hit 1200 I changed to lose 1/2 lb per week)
TOP OF RANGE: Maintain Calories for my GOAL Weight.

(SAFETY VALVE: Maintain Calories for CURRENT Weight - remember to keep updating this number as you lose)

++Only worry about it 1 lb at a time.
Forget I *NEED* to lose 20, 30, 50, 100 lbs. I'm only worried about 1 lb the next one. I'll worry about the others later.
Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as achievable. )

++Think of losing weight like the stock market. Yes, there will be fluctuations but as long as the overall trend is the the right direction don't worry

Food is not the enemy. You need nutrition to fuel your body and make it strong. and healthy just feels so damn good.

Most vitamins are fat soluable... so remember to include plant and fish based fats (HAPPY FATS) so you can access the nutrients in your food.

All of your foods fall into 1 or more of 3 macro nutrient categories
FATS • CARBS • PROTEINS ... I personally think it's unwise to severely restrict any one of these categories.
Instead of eliminating or limiting quantity focus on the quality...

HAPPY FATS (Plant and fish bases)
COMPLEX CARBS (un or minimally processed)
LEAN PROTEINS

Oddly enough, on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.

beardedwarriortx · June 2014

He should find you even sexier cause you gave him 4 KIDS! Hes a loser. Seriously. Thats my honesty.

Alluminati · June 2014

@Lourdes
Maybe she'll realize that she's not as into him either. I mean really, lady, she has 4 kids who look to their mom as an example. There's so many want ifs but the OP benefits either way you look at it. She won't know til she tries, yes?

Lourdesong · June 2014

Yeah, basically. Unless you think elderly couples should criticize eachother for not being sexy.

What do you propose is the use of this honesty? Other than to blackmail a spouse, that is.

silencioesoro · June 2014

I'm not going to pay attention to all that back and forth. OP, you had a hard conversation with your husband - he was brutally honest, I hope it's because you two trust eachother enough to allow for that brutal honesty. Now, what you can do is change yourself... or continue on the path you're on.

Before I get attacked, I want to say: A) If you change yourself, change for YOU. Not him. Change for your kids. Not him.

If he wants you to look better and/or you want to look better for him, then ask him to do it with you. Be more active together, you, him and the kids. Change how everyone eats, if he's not thrilled about healthy meals at home, he can have his junky meals out of the house then tolerate the healthy meals you cook at home to set a good tone for the kids -- AND support YOU.

That's what husbands and wives are supposed to do, a good partner always supports his/her partner. But both of y'all have to be realistic, you've had four children, so your body is not going to be the same as it was prior to the kids.

Now, you can add me as a friend, I will support you, like your stuff and what not. Best of luck on your journey.

caesar164 · June 2014

Seriously, this really bothers me! Your a beautiful woman, he shouldn't be telling you this! You want me to beat him up for you? Don't worry I wont break any bones...

Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

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