Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

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  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
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    Yeah right, that's exactly what I ment... Do you know what being a drunk entails? Getting DUIs, getting into accidents, pissing your pants, saying messed upn**** you don't remember.

    That's a fairly broad brush you're using there.

    I didn't do any of those things.

    Maybe I should of said alcoholic...but I don't think you would have thought any different.
    Well guess what, I would like to hear her side of the story! Your ex-fiance, see what brush she would use to describe you... Now good day sir...

    I can get you in touch with her, if you would like. Her and I are great friends!
  • caesar164
    caesar164 Posts: 312 Member
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    Yeah right, that's exactly what I ment... Do you know what being a drunk entails? Getting DUIs, getting into accidents, pissing your pants, saying messed upn**** you don't remember.

    That's a fairly broad brush you're using there.

    I didn't do any of those things.

    Maybe I should of said alcoholic...but I don't think you would have thought any different.
    Well guess what, I would like to hear her side of the story! Your ex-fiance, see what brush she would use to describe you... Now good day sir...

    I can get you in touch with her, if you would like. Her and I are great friends!

    Lol, OK whatever floats your boat... I apologize if I offended anyone, I was just simply expressing my opinion. That's all it is, an opinion, and we are all entitled to one.
  • thisonewillwork
    thisonewillwork Posts: 74 Member
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    I have lived it first hand.

    My Ex-fiance left me because I let myself go, turned into a drunk, and she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

    Her doing that was the best thing that ever happened to me. A wake up call.
    [/quote]
    I would say that she left you because you turned into a drunk. Being married to a drunk is NOT pleasant. Being a drunk and being overweight are two entirely different things!
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    Yeah right, that's exactly what I ment... Do you know what being a drunk entails? Getting DUIs, getting into accidents, pissing your pants, saying messed upn**** you don't remember.

    That's a fairly broad brush you're using there.

    I didn't do any of those things.

    Maybe I should of said alcoholic...but I don't think you would have thought any different.
    Well guess what, I would like to hear her side of the story! Your ex-fiance, see what brush she would use to describe you... Now good day sir...

    Being on the other side - that was also not my experience of an alcoholic. I've met plenty that do fall under that description, but not all. I thought the same thing about broad strokes when I read your post.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
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    I would say that she left you because you turned into a drunk. Being married to a drunk is NOT pleasant. Being a drunk and being overweight are two entirely different things!

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • fificrazy
    fificrazy Posts: 234
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    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    Well, his honesty clearly wasn't very productive if she's STILL looking for some motivation. So, yeah- I think a better approach would have been to deflect her question and refocus it on her internal health since, you know, that actually matters. The fact she had this conversation with him at all reflects a lot about how she obviously feels about herself. And now he just kind of kicked her while she was down...
  • caesar164
    caesar164 Posts: 312 Member
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    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    Well, his honesty clearly wasn't very productive if she's STILL looking for some motivation. So, yeah- I think a better approach would have been to deflect her question and refocus it on her internal health since, you know, that actually matters. The fact she had this conversation with him at all reflects a lot about how she obviously feels about herself. And now he just kind of kicked her while she was down...
    This is how I perceived it also...
  • nikiste
    nikiste Posts: 861 Member
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    Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

    I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

    Should he have lied?

    Well, his honesty clearly wasn't very productive if she's STILL looking for some motivation. So, yeah- I think a better approach would have been to deflect her question and refocus it on her internal health since, you know, that actually matters. The fact she had this conversation with him at all reflects a lot about how she obviously feels about herself. And now he just kind of kicked her while she was down...
    Agreed.
  • Selee1987
    Selee1987 Posts: 32 Member
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    I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
    1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
    2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
    3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
    4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
    5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
    6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
    7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    That's good that it motivated you to change, but this is different, she's not stinking drunk or a meth addict,she's a mother of four!! There's a difference, you letting yourself go and being a drunk, you pretty much wanted her to leave, no one is going to put up with that, and you sound like you were a mean, and condescending drunk...

    Letting yourself go and being a drunk - BAD
    Letting yourself go and getting fat - GOOD
    Pretty much
    Yeah right, that's exactly what I ment... Do you know what being a drunk entails? Getting DUIs, getting into accidents, pissing your pants, saying messed upn**** you don't remember. You people need to be a grip, instead of criticizing my post. The Op is hurt by this, and I just simply want to let her know that this not the way a man treats a woman. Let her also know that she's going to make it, and its going to be all right! And I'm done, peace out!

    But lying to her and keeping your feeling from her is. Right!

    A lot of people in this thread seem to be under the impression that lying is absolutely 100% wrong, and that sharing is always virtuous.

    Which is pretty stupid.

    You know what's equally stupid? Being under the impression that a conversation like the one the OP had with her husband is wrong 100% of the time and that white lies are okay in these situations 100% of the time.

    Absolutes are a pain.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    Oh. When I asked my husband if I was getting fat he told me the truth: Yes.

    I value his honesty and willingness to tell me the truth and not blow smoke up my *kitten* in some misguided attempt at being a man. Someone who is too afraid of me to tell me the truth is't a 'man' he's a child trying to stay on my good side by lying.

    The hell kinda marriage is that?

    Nope, I'll keep my husband and his honesty and I suppose the dudes who lie know where to go fishing.
  • Selee1987
    Selee1987 Posts: 32 Member
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    I agree with this as well
  • advi69
    advi69 Posts: 3
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    It's YOU, only YOU and do this just for YOU - nobody else.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
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    The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.

    Yep.

    Kind of think the husband or boyfriend is a douche.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.

    xt0XtnG.gif
  • SKME2013
    SKME2013 Posts: 704 Member
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    I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
    1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
    2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
    3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
    4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
    5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
    6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
    7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...


    How long have you two been together?

    I am bit worried about all the things that he wants you to change...should he not love you the way you are? I am not arguing about being honest or not and until your latest post, I thought this is all up the individual couples...but as said, it is apparently the weight, the breasts...the skin...anything else, he is not content with? And as you said he is not willing to support you in terms of looking after the children?

    Hope you are otherwise happy with him! Good luck with your journey, but as some said, do this for yourself and not for him and think perhaps long and hard whether this guys is really worth your time.
    Stef.
  • Blueseraphchaos
    Blueseraphchaos Posts: 843 Member
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    He uses "honesty" to motivate you, yet refuses to help you in any way to lose weight?

    So a couple years ago, i dated a guy who decided to call me "fat-*kitten*" and then make fun of me anytime i measured my food in order to count calories. Maybe not the same situation, but it's completely ridiculous to attempt to "motivate" someone you "love" and then do nothing to help them.

    I ditched his sorry *kitten* and have since lost weight. :D meanwhile, he continues to date women who weigh at least 30 lbs more than i do. What a strange form of honesty. And i feel like the same applies here. It sounds as though there is a major relationship issue that goes far beyond whether or not he is attracted.

    So change for yourself and your kids, and be just as honest with him as he is with you: he is selfish for expecting you to lose weight while doing nothing to help you on that journey.

    My fiance stays home with my kids every night so i can go running, and they are not his kids. He does this because he wants to support me in my efforts.
  • caesar164
    caesar164 Posts: 312 Member
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    The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.

    Yep.

    Kind of think the husband or boyfriend is a douche.
    Exactly man!! I thought this about him from the get go!
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    That's good that it motivated you to change, but this is different, she's not stinking drunk or a meth addict,she's a mother of four!! There's a difference, you letting yourself go and being a drunk, you pretty much wanted her to leave, no one is going to put up with that, and you sound like you were a mean, and condescending drunk...

    Letting yourself go and being a drunk - BAD
    Letting yourself go and getting fat - GOOD
    Pretty much
    Yeah right, that's exactly what I ment... Do you know what being a drunk entails? Getting DUIs, getting into accidents, pissing your pants, saying messed upn**** you don't remember. You people need to be a grip, instead of criticizing my post. The Op is hurt by this, and I just simply want to let her know that this not the way a man treats a woman. Let her also know that she's going to make it, and its going to be all right! And I'm done, peace out!

    But lying to her and keeping your feeling from her is. Right!

    A lot of people in this thread seem to be under the impression that lying is absolutely 100% wrong, and that sharing is always virtuous.

    Which is pretty stupid.

    You know what's equally stupid? Being under the impression that a conversation like the one the OP had with her husband is wrong 100% of the time and that white lies are okay in these situations 100% of the time.

    Absolutes are a pain.

    No that's not equally stupid as believing lies are always wrong and sharing is always virtuous.

    I don't think his honesty was admirable, nor do I think that this kind of sharing is fruitful. And I explained why. My reasons are more complex than "but lying is evil! Sharing every thought rattling around in your noggin about your spouse', no matter what, is a virtue!"

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