Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.
Replies
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Oh. When I asked my husband if I was getting fat he told me the truth: Yes.
I value his honesty and willingness to tell me the truth and not blow smoke up my *kitten* in some misguided attempt at being a man. Someone who is too afraid of me to tell me the truth is't a 'man' he's a child trying to stay on my good side by lying.
The hell kinda marriage is that?
Nope, I'll keep my husband and his honesty and I suppose the dudes who lie know where to go fishing.0 -
I agree with this as well0
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It's YOU, only YOU and do this just for YOU - nobody else.0
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The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.0
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The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.
Yep.
Kind of think the husband or boyfriend is a douche.0 -
The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.
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I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
How long have you two been together?
I am bit worried about all the things that he wants you to change...should he not love you the way you are? I am not arguing about being honest or not and until your latest post, I thought this is all up the individual couples...but as said, it is apparently the weight, the breasts...the skin...anything else, he is not content with? And as you said he is not willing to support you in terms of looking after the children?
Hope you are otherwise happy with him! Good luck with your journey, but as some said, do this for yourself and not for him and think perhaps long and hard whether this guys is really worth your time.
Stef.0 -
He uses "honesty" to motivate you, yet refuses to help you in any way to lose weight?
So a couple years ago, i dated a guy who decided to call me "fat-*kitten*" and then make fun of me anytime i measured my food in order to count calories. Maybe not the same situation, but it's completely ridiculous to attempt to "motivate" someone you "love" and then do nothing to help them.
I ditched his sorry *kitten* and have since lost weight.
meanwhile, he continues to date women who weigh at least 30 lbs more than i do. What a strange form of honesty. And i feel like the same applies here. It sounds as though there is a major relationship issue that goes far beyond whether or not he is attracted.
So change for yourself and your kids, and be just as honest with him as he is with you: he is selfish for expecting you to lose weight while doing nothing to help you on that journey.
My fiance stays home with my kids every night so i can go running, and they are not his kids. He does this because he wants to support me in my efforts.0 -
Exactly man!! I thought this about him from the get go!The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.
Yep.
Kind of think the husband or boyfriend is a douche.0 -
Yeah right, that's exactly what I ment... Do you know what being a drunk entails? Getting DUIs, getting into accidents, pissing your pants, saying messed upn**** you don't remember. You people need to be a grip, instead of criticizing my post. The Op is hurt by this, and I just simply want to let her know that this not the way a man treats a woman. Let her also know that she's going to make it, and its going to be all right! And I'm done, peace out!
Pretty muchThat's good that it motivated you to change, but this is different, she's not stinking drunk or a meth addict,she's a mother of four!! There's a difference, you letting yourself go and being a drunk, you pretty much wanted her to leave, no one is going to put up with that, and you sound like you were a mean, and condescending drunk...
Letting yourself go and being a drunk - BAD
Letting yourself go and getting fat - GOOD
But lying to her and keeping your feeling from her is. Right!
A lot of people in this thread seem to be under the impression that lying is absolutely 100% wrong, and that sharing is always virtuous.
Which is pretty stupid.
You know what's equally stupid? Being under the impression that a conversation like the one the OP had with her husband is wrong 100% of the time and that white lies are okay in these situations 100% of the time.
Absolutes are a pain.
No that's not equally stupid as believing lies are always wrong and sharing is always virtuous.
I don't think his honesty was admirable, nor do I think that this kind of sharing is fruitful. And I explained why. My reasons are more complex than "but lying is evil! Sharing every thought rattling around in your noggin about your spouse', no matter what, is a virtue!"0 -
I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
And suddenly it all changes0 -
Your husboyfriend doesn't deserve you.I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...0 -
Wow.thats alot to deal with. Im surprised he wont watch the kids if he knows you going to the gym. Personally im sorry but it sounds like a control issue but thats just me.
I agree with alot of the previous answers. I would start by learnig your measurements and by a digital wcqle for kitchen...that helped me alot. I already knew my measurements since I work in a kitchen but the accuracy of the scale helps log cals and prevents errors.
Next I would brush up on nutrition basics. What are the 3 macronutrient categories which calories come from. Answer is protein fat and carbohydrate. Etc.....things like this. Learn differance between simple vs complex carbs. Learn which are good fats.
Personally I have tried alot of things and have only just found something that works for mem I restrict my cal intake based on my age sex activity level to 1700 cal per day. I also log all my food and dont eat simple carbs.
Just remember your a beautiful person and keep moving forward. Dont give up.0 -
Exactly man!! I thought this about him from the get go!The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.
Yep.
Kind of think the husband or boyfriend is a douche.
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we've been together for 1 1/2 years.
what i've listed are the only things about my body he is not content with. about my breast, i've wanted to get them "fix" since high school, so we both want that. Overall I'm glad that he was even ok with it to begin with.I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
How long have you two been together?
I am bit worried about all the things that he wants you to change...should he not love you the way you are? I am not arguing about being honest or not and until your latest post, I thought this is all up the individual couples...but as said, it is apparently the weight, the breasts...the skin...anything else, he is not content with? And as you said he is not willing to support you in terms of looking after the children?
Hope you are otherwise happy with him! Good luck with your journey, but as some said, do this for yourself and not for him and think perhaps long and hard whether this guys is really worth your time.
Stef.0 -
Your husboyfriend doesn't deserve you.I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
^^^^^^ this
1.he's a jerk
and 2. if you want to do it for you find a gym with childcare so you don't even need him....0 -
THE MEAT WAS FOR THE CAT!I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
And suddenly it all changes0 -
THE MEAT WAS FOR THE CAT!I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
And suddenly it all changes
WHAT!? LOL0 -
THE MEAT WAS FOR THE CAT!I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
And suddenly it all changes
TRUTH!
I was ready to be on the side of truth and honesty and then boom, hammer drops, he is in fact an unrepentant tool box.0 -
Exactly man!! I thought this about him from the get go!The difference between the op's first post and the clarification post was staggering.
Yep.
Kind of think the husband or boyfriend is a douche.
Hahaha!! I love it!! Your the first overall pick my brother!:drinker:0 -
If you've been calling him husband and you aren't legally married, you should demote him to boyfriend and see a relationship counselor for your well being and to communicate better. He sounds like he is emotionally abusive as how you feel about the things he says that you write here is obvious from your writing I am sure tears have been shed over this.
Your list of ways of how he is unhelpful is appalling. He could also be "honest" by helping you cook healthier meals or get you fitness related gifts to assist you.
Selee1987, I checked your profile and you are a beautiful woman. You mentioned that you have 4 children, I'm assuming the 1987 is your birth year so we are the same age. If he is so fit why not suggest that he help you work out, help get you started instead of saying terrible negative things about the mother of his child. That seems very callous to me. If he wants you to get plastic surgery he seems kind of like a jerk for that. And doesn't deserve you.
I'm gonna level with you here and hope you read this. If my husband said these things when I wanted to get into shape that would have been terribly demotivating, I think this man is trying to demotivate you. I said I needed to join a local gym and he said we would figure out the budget to make room for it. So I did. I said I need to have more accurate nutrition data, he got a food scale. He helps me cook healthier meals and we are both healthier for it. THIS is how someone should motivate you, not by saying bad things about your body.
It wouldn't be so hard to drop him. At 26-27 I know this may sound cynical but 1.5 years is a drop in the bucket compared to a potential lifetime of dealing with a total jerk.0 -
Thank god you haven't uploaded the audio conversation else the 'Judges' sitting here would have just achieved a next level of judgement about your relationship.
Its a sensitive topic for your family and reading from people's opinions and judgement will not help but will confuse and frustrate - IMHO.
Getting a better version of yourself is good for your health.
Good Luck.0 -
meh, he aint that great from what i can see.0
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I am normally one all for truth, honesty and being upfront. I also do not believe if my husband acknowledged something he didn't like I would take offense, also after 17 years I know what he likes........BUT....after THIS →I will answer a few unanswered questions here;
1. 3 of my kids are from a previous marriage
2. we are not legally married, common law? I sometimes say hes my bf or husband depending on my mood lol
3. He will not watch the kids so i can work out at the gym
4. Being "honest" is his way of motivating me
5. Part of the reason why he finds me unattractive is because... (im ashamed to say this on the internet but i have to let it out) my breast are asymmetrical by a lot. He wants me to get breast implant in the near future. also he complains i have too much skin... down there..
6. I want to lose weight to look good, finally be able to buy nice clothes, for my kids, for my health.
7. My lack of self esteem is not only because of him, but because of all the above...
WTH, this isn't honesty...this is someone being a *kitten*. First one of my biggest pet peeves....#3...."watch" the kids, I am sorry but a MAN does not babysit his child or the ones he is helping to raise. A man and father steps up to the plate and spends time with his kids and gives his wife some time to enjoy herself and take care of herself.
As for his other ...hmmm....more intimate complaints. F*** him, with his personality he should just be happy any woman let's him near those areas.
#4.....honesty is a motivator, but his level....that's not honesty that just nitpicking and being a tool.
In another post you said 1 ½ years together!??! That's not even common law, honestly that's just a really long fling. I understand with 4 kids it would be hard, but if you have daughter's.... They should not grow up thinking this is OK, and if you have sons, you don't want them behaving this way.
Sorry your man isn't being honest, he is just being a prick.0 -
meh, he aint that great from what i can see.
I think she is way more beautiful then he is handsome that's for sure! Salee, your the beautiful one in the relationship lol!!0 -
I don't really feel that people are judgy, I just think that mental and emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse in relationships. From what I have read, which was the whole thing before replying, this man seems like he is being cruel. OP as you lose the weight, and you will as long as you want to do it for you, you will find out alot more about yourself, possibly more than you bargained for. Cardio is alot of thinking time. You may realize hey this dude's a jerk, you may not, if he continues to be cruel I hope you will. Be well.0
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I don't really feel that people are judgy, I just think that mental and emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse in relationships. From what I have read, which was the whole thing before replying, this man seems like he is being cruel. OP as you lose the weight, and you will as long as you want to do it for you, you will find out alot more about yourself, possibly more than you bargained for. Cardio is alot of thinking time. You may realize hey this dude's a jerk, you may not, if he continues to be cruel I hope you will. Be well.
I love your posts!!
Is this guy really nit-picking at your body?? This guy is a major Dikkk! I hope that when you do reach your goal, with said transformation, you have also realized that you deserve a man that worships you! And your new future as a fit mom doesn't need or include him!0 -
oh wow. the more i read the more i'm starting to realize what a jerk hes being, and thats because im not adding about the way he feels about my son. I know you MFPers will have a ball on that one.
I know if i were to drop the weight i'd be out of his league... maybe you're right, this could be his way of diminishing my self-confidence in order to keep him on a pedestal.0 -
Trader Joes is awesome.0
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hey girl...i think my husband is close to saying this to me as well. But, i am doing this not for him, more for my own self esteem.
There are many like minded people here and I am sure with everyone elses' support you can persevere on!
Keep going and never stop moving (no matter how slow...)0
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