Sexual Assult Prevention Week

Reedern

While I believe that situational awareness and self defense are important to people in general, I think that implying that a woman has to do her part to prevent herself from being raped is a subtle implication that she bears partial responsibility for her own rape if it should happen.

A woman dressed provocatively is not asking for it, neither is a woman who enjoys flirting, and neither is a woman who happens to walk on a dark street at night. She should be able to freely do these things without the fear of being assaulted.


The responsibility rests SOLELY on the shoulders of the person who initiates force against another.

Absolutely! I think the point though is that we have to do our best to protect ourselves as well. Knowledge is part of prevention.

ironanimal

If I see **** like that go down, I do something.

Speaking of just because you don't have a man's plumbing it doesn't mean that you can't rape. If your partner is saying no, and you proceed, that is rape, whether they are a man or a woman. If your partner is saying nothing at all, and you proceed, same thing. The absence of consent is rape.

I can not rape or sexually assault people. That tends to help. You can also help by kicking the everliving **** out of people that do.

If I misunderstood your post then I'm sorry for calling you out.

Your confusion confuses me

I have gotten in a few fights, especially when I was younger and going out drinking more often, in defense of someone being harassed.

sissiluv

If I see **** like that go down, I do something.

Speaking of just because you don't have a man's plumbing it doesn't mean that you can't rape. If your partner is saying no, and you proceed, that is rape, whether they are a man or a woman. If your partner is saying nothing at all, and you proceed, same thing. The absence of consent is rape.

I can not rape or sexually assault people. That tends to help. You can also help by kicking the everliving **** out of people that do.

If I misunderstood your post then I'm sorry for calling you out.

Your confusion confuses me

I have gotten in a few fights, especially when I was younger and going out drinking more often, in defense of someone being harassed.

I'm confused because of this-->"I can not rape or sexually assault people."

TheRoadDog

make it normal to teach men and young boys about not raping about how they are in no way ever entitled to someone elses body

instead of always making it up to the women and young women to not get raped - yes learning these things is still important HOWEVER IT IS NOT OUR FCKING FAULT and we should never be looked at like "well you should of done this this and this or not worn this or never gone outside walking by yourself EVER or drank that or ororororororororor"

yea im getting upset

I totally agree.

My Father raised his boys in just that manner. We were taught to show respect. Not just verbally, but in the respectful manner he treated my Mother.

I had 3 girls and 2 granddaughters. Never raised a son, but I have set an example for my daughters that they expect from others.

I may be a dinosaur, but my daughters expect respect. No means no, And, trust me, they have no problem coming to their father if something happens.

ironanimal

I'm confused because of this-->"I can not rape or sexually assault people."

Oh - would probably make more sense if it said "I can choose not to rape or sexually assault people". Sorry about that!

sissiluv

I'm confused because of this-->"I can not rape or sexually assault people."

Oh - would probably make more sense if it said "I can choose not to rape or sexually assault people". Sorry about that!

Thank you for the clarification!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

While I believe that situational awareness and self defense are important to people in general, I think that implying that a woman has to do her part to prevent herself from being raped is a subtle implication that she bears partial responsibility for her own rape if it should happen.

A woman dressed provocatively is not asking for it, neither is a woman who enjoys flirting, and neither is a woman who happens to walk on a dark street at night. She should be able to freely do these things without the fear of being assaulted.


The responsibility rests SOLELY on the shoulders of the person who initiates force against another.

Absolutely! I think the point though is that we have to do our best to protect ourselves as well. Knowledge is part of prevention.

I think you may be missing the point, just a little. Having self awareness and self defense skills isn't actually preventing the assault from occurring -- it just might make the attempt be unsuccessful (while is pretty vile to even write).

Self defense/awareness have a place in the conversation, just not when you're talking prevention because it is always going to place a level of blame on the victim. If you were stronger/faster/more aware this wouldn't have happened to you. Which is not true.

baba_helly

While I believe that situational awareness and self defense are important to people in general, I think that implying that a woman has to do her part to prevent herself from being raped is a subtle implication that she bears partial responsibility for her own rape if it should happen.

A woman dressed provocatively is not asking for it, neither is a woman who enjoys flirting, and neither is a woman who happens to walk on a dark street at night. She should be able to freely do these things without the fear of being assaulted.


The responsibility rests SOLELY on the shoulders of the person who initiates force against another.

Absolutely! I think the point though is that we have to do our best to protect ourselves as well. Knowledge is part of prevention.

I think you may be missing the point, just a little. Having self awareness and self defense skills isn't actually preventing the assault from occurring -- it just might make the attempt be unsuccessful (while is pretty vile to even write).

Self defense/awareness have a place in the conversation, just not when you're talking prevention because it is always going to place a level of blame on the victim. If you were stronger/faster/more aware this wouldn't have happened to you. Which is not true.

Thank you, I was going to say something along the lines of this (most likely not as eloquently though). In my own experience being more aware would not have prevented it from happening. Having self defense skills may have deterred him but there still would have been an attempt. The attempt needs to be prevented along with the act itself and victims have zero responsibility for that.

wheird

It is important to address the cause of things, not just ways to protect against them.

Two of the main causes are mental illness and a culture that normalizes the behavior. Rape jokes add to the normalization and make it a joke. Take for instance reports in the media about HS boys getting a girl wasted to the point of passing out then making a YT video of them having group sex with her and inserting household objects into her. They thought it was hilarious and many adults had the audacity to lament them being punished for a youthful mistake.

odusgolp

*bump*


that's all I have to add at this juncture.

Lisa1971

Back in the late 80's, a gal at my work asked me to walk her to her car. She knew I taught Martial Arts in the evenings. Her ex-husband had been threatening her. I walked her to her car and her ex came out of nowhere with a gun. I took the gun away from him and administered my own beating.

That girl was part of a Woman's Club and asked me if I would come to her club and teach self-defense. I did. Later, several of those women joined my school. 3 of them went on to achieve their Black Belts.

YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

PRMinx

It is important to address the cause of things, not just ways to protect against them.

Two of the main causes are mental illness and a culture that normalizes the behavior. Rape jokes add to the normalization and make it a joke. Take for instance reports in the media about HS boys getting a girl wasted to the point of passing out then making a YT video of them having group sex with her and inserting household objects into her. They thought it was hilarious and many adults had the audacity to lament them being punished for a youthful mistake.

This makes me physically ill and shaky. My heart breaks for the victims.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

It is important to address the cause of things, not just ways to protect against them.

Two of the main causes are mental illness and a culture that normalizes the behavior. Rape jokes add to the normalization and make it a joke. Take for instance reports in the media about HS boys getting a girl wasted to the point of passing out then making a YT video of them having group sex with her and inserting household objects into her. They thought it was hilarious and many adults had the audacity to lament them being punished for a youthful mistake.

This makes me physically ill and shaky. My heart breaks for the victims.

Are talking about Ohio? Because the victim went on to get death threats because of the lives she ruined.

Holly_Roman_Empire

As someone who worked in an emergency command center in the military, this happened a lot, and not just on deployments. Most of the time alcohol was involved, where male and female were so drunk, there was no memory of any of it happening the next day. So one of the things that was being pushed for in training was that a person cannot give consent if they are mentally impaired, whether it be by substance or otherwise.

wheird

It is important to address the cause of things, not just ways to protect against them.

Two of the main causes are mental illness and a culture that normalizes the behavior. Rape jokes add to the normalization and make it a joke. Take for instance reports in the media about HS boys getting a girl wasted to the point of passing out then making a YT video of them having group sex with her and inserting household objects into her. They thought it was hilarious and many adults had the audacity to lament them being punished for a youthful mistake.

This makes me physically ill and shaky. My heart breaks for the victims.

Are talking about Ohio? Because the victim went on to get death threats because of the lives she ruined.

Yup. Because she was a worthless slut who ruined the lives of the beloved local football players.

_Emma_Problema_

Being open about and educating people on what consent is and isn't.

I was so embarrassed about one of my sexual assaults that I treated it like it was a joke. "Oh I was so crazy! What a crazy drinking story". Turns out performing sexual acts and having sexual acts performed on you while you're blacked out and in and out of consciousness isn't a "crazy night" but sexual assault. I know a couple other girls who were coerced into doing things blackout drunk with relatively sober men and didn't report it because they were too embarrassed. And the same thing can happen the other way around.

The other sexual assault was with a partner, who didn't even admit that what he did was wrong. I also didn't feel like I could tell anyone that my boyfriend raped me, because we'd been dating and sleeping together for 8 months and rapists are supposed to be creepy men who hide in bushes and attack you.

Acknowledging that sexual assault is most likely done by people the victim knows and trusts would go a long way towards prevention. Acknowledging that no matter what someone seems like they might want, if they are highly intoxicated or under the influence of drugs, they are not capable of consenting to sexual activity would also help prevent sexual assault. These are things that need to be taught in all schools.

Oi_Sunshine

I can teach my son to honour their fellow human beings, practice self control and compassion for others. I can teach them to protect the vulnerable, rather than exploiting them. And that violence has no place in a healthy sexual relationship.

I can teach them the correct names for their body parts, their right to privacy and that no one should touch them without their permission. I can tell them they are not required to hug relatives if they feel shy, because they have a choice about what happens to their own bodies, and to respect others in the same way.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

PRMinx

It is important to address the cause of things, not just ways to protect against them.

Two of the main causes are mental illness and a culture that normalizes the behavior. Rape jokes add to the normalization and make it a joke. Take for instance reports in the media about HS boys getting a girl wasted to the point of passing out then making a YT video of them having group sex with her and inserting household objects into her. They thought it was hilarious and many adults had the audacity to lament them being punished for a youthful mistake.

This makes me physically ill and shaky. My heart breaks for the victims.

Are talking about Ohio? Because the victim went on to get death threats because of the lives she ruined.

Yup. Because she was a worthless slut who ruined the lives of the beloved local football players.

I just don't know how you recover from something like that.

I bartended my way through college and, one night, one of the girl's that had previously been in the bar came back a complete wreck. From her appearance and torn clothes it was clear she had been assaulted in some way. I was the only girl on duty so I sat with her until the police arrived. I'll never forget that moment.

Once she was in the ambulance, the bartender (male) who overserved her said she had it coming because she was too drunk. It took two of my friends to hold me back. He was fired the next day.

We knew who she left with, but his frat brothers wouldn't come forward with the information even though his nickname was "DR". She got no justice.

She was in the hospital for a week and then dropped out.

Reedern

While I believe that situational awareness and self defense are important to people in general, I think that implying that a woman has to do her part to prevent herself from being raped is a subtle implication that she bears partial responsibility for her own rape if it should happen.

A woman dressed provocatively is not asking for it, neither is a woman who enjoys flirting, and neither is a woman who happens to walk on a dark street at night. She should be able to freely do these things without the fear of being assaulted.


The responsibility rests SOLELY on the shoulders of the person who initiates force against another.

Absolutely! I think the point though is that we have to do our best to protect ourselves as well. Knowledge is part of prevention.

I think you may be missing the point, just a little. Having self awareness and self defense skills isn't actually preventing the assault from occurring -- it just might make the attempt be unsuccessful (while is pretty vile to even write).

Self defense/awareness have a place in the conversation, just not when you're talking prevention because it is always going to place a level of blame on the victim. If you were stronger/faster/more aware this wouldn't have happened to you. Which is not true.

Thank you, I was going to say something along the lines of this (most likely not as eloquently though). In my own experience being more aware would not have prevented it from happening. Having self defense skills may have deterred him but there still would have been an attempt. The attempt needs to be prevented along with the act itself and victims have zero responsibility for that.

I am not disagreeing with either of you at all. I am not saying that being aware, trained in self defense, etc would prevent attacks all together. I would never ever say that without these tools a victim has a role in responsibilty. I am simply saying that it may give us more of an edge in prevention. An attacker is going to attack no matter what.

_Pseudonymous_

While culture may play a role I think its safe to say that no matter how many people you reach, how zen-like the world may become through higher understandings, there are people who are just not born wired right. Not every serial killer is the product of being fed dog food in a cage while there parents had orgies watching Barney videos in front of them. Know what I mean? (Sorry I have a tendency to over complicate my comparables).

So while 99.9% of the population may one day be perfectly harmless, there is still the .1% that I will continue to warm my kids about.

So to prevent it. I can do exactly what I do now. I have two daughters (18 & 15) and I CONSTANTLY warn them of the dangers of the world. The same as my mother did with me.

Be aware of who/what is around you.
Look under your car while you approach.
Check your back seats before getting into your car.
Lock your doors immediately.
Get your face out of your phone and pay attention.
Who cares if you hurt someones feelings if you get a bad feeling. Cross the street or run the other way.
ETC...

I walk frequently in the evening and usually take at least one of my daughters. A few weeks ago all three of us went. We saw the same van pass us three times with two men inside. My daughters picked it up immediately. My advice? In this OR ANY SITUATION SIMILAR that you don't feel right about. Dial 9-1 and keep your phone in your hand and be prepared to fight, kick, scream, scratch, bite, ripe, tear, shred....you get the point.

I think all of this is right. That being said. I think respect and boundaries need to be taught.

For ourselves we need to respect ourselves enough to stay out or get out of situations that may become hairy. We need to respect our bodies enough to protect them and ourselves enough to report a violation. Many of us do not feel safe or that anyone would even believe us. Part of that is from false accusations and some of that is from societal misconceptions. No matter what someone looks like or who they are they can be raped, you do not have to be beautiful or thin or even a woman because rape rarely has to do with physical attraction and has more to do with power.

Then we also need to know boundaries and respect for others. I honestly believe that there are plenty of boys and men out there that do not even realize that what they are doing is rape. I know that sounds silly but it's so true. I've seen these terrible videos of guys having sex with a drunk girl who has passed out and they all think it's some sort of joke and somehow cannot even concieve of the depth of their violation to the body, and then proceed to blame the girl for either A.) Dressing/being provocative B.) getting sloppy. Just because a girl is coming on to you drunk does not mean you get to violate her body. I personally cannot understand the appeal of sleeping with someone unconcious...

I personally do not do drugs, I do not drink in to excess unless I am around people that I 100% trust and even then... I still don't like it. Never be out of control of your body because you generally cannot rely on anyone else to defend your body for you. I realize this is putting some of the responsibility in the hands of the victims but we are the only ones we can truly depend on to defend out bodies and we cannot do that when incompaciated. There are some people who will come in and save the day but we cannot hope or expect for that to happen. We have to be prepared.


Last but not least is knowing that we are worth the fight and we did not deserve what happened. No matter what anyone says or thinks or beats us down to believe. We did not ask for or want that violation of body. The only person who gets hurt by this denial and coverup is ourselves. The victims, and by hiding it and tucking it away as a secret we deny ourselves the chance to heal and overcome.

Duck_Puddle

It is important to address the cause of things, not just ways to protect against them.

Two of the main causes are mental illness and a culture that normalizes the behavior. Rape jokes add to the normalization and make it a joke. Take for instance reports in the media about HS boys getting a girl wasted to the point of passing out then making a YT video of them having group sex with her and inserting household objects into her. They thought it was hilarious and many adults had the audacity to lament them being punished for a youthful mistake.

This makes me physically ill and shaky. My heart breaks for the victims.

Are talking about Ohio? Because the victim went on to get death threats because of the lives she ruined.

Yup. Because she was a worthless slut who ruined the lives of the beloved local football players.

I barely survived. When I finally mustered the courage to go to law enforcement, I was told that couldn't cry rape because things got a little rough and that I should be ashamed of myself for making false accusations because I could ruin a good man's life.

My body is disfigured, but my attacker lives a spotless existence. I'm saddened to know that such attitudes have not changed in 20 years.

vab_spencer

Look out for each other. Intervene if you think someone is in trouble.

Reedern

While culture may play a role I think its safe to say that no matter how many people you reach, how zen-like the world may become through higher understandings, there are people who are just not born wired right. Not every serial killer is the product of being fed dog food in a cage while there parents had orgies watching Barney videos in front of them. Know what I mean? (Sorry I have a tendency to over complicate my comparables).

So while 99.9% of the population may one day be perfectly harmless, there is still the .1% that I will continue to warm my kids about.

So to prevent it. I can do exactly what I do now. I have two daughters (18 & 15) and I CONSTANTLY warn them of the dangers of the world. The same as my mother did with me.

Be aware of who/what is around you.
Look under your car while you approach.
Check your back seats before getting into your car.
Lock your doors immediately.
Get your face out of your phone and pay attention.
Who cares if you hurt someones feelings if you get a bad feeling. Cross the street or run the other way.
ETC...

I walk frequently in the evening and usually take at least one of my daughters. A few weeks ago all three of us went. We saw the same van pass us three times with two men inside. My daughters picked it up immediately. My advice? In this OR ANY SITUATION SIMILAR that you don't feel right about. Dial 9-1 and keep your phone in your hand and be prepared to fight, kick, scream, scratch, bite, ripe, tear, shred....you get the point.

I think all of this is right. That being said. I think respect and boundaries need to be taught.

For ourselves we need to respect ourselves enough to stay out or get out of situations that may become hairy. We need to respect our bodies enough to protect them and ourselves enough to report a violation. Many of us do not feel safe or that anyone would even believe us. Part of that is from false accusations and some of that is from societal misconceptions. No matter what someone looks like or who they are they can be raped, you do not have to be beautiful or thin or even a woman because rape rarely has to do with physical attraction and has more to do with power.

Then we also need to know boundaries and respect for others. I honestly believe that there are plenty of boys and men out there that do not even realize that what they are doing is rape. I know that sounds silly but it's so true. I've seen these terrible videos of guys having sex with a drunk girl who has passed out and they all think it's some sort of joke and somehow cannot even concieve of the depth of their violation to the body, and then proceed to blame the girl for either A.) Dressing/being provocative B.) getting sloppy. Just because a girl is coming on to you drunk does not mean you get to violate her body. I personally cannot understand the appeal of sleeping with someone unconcious...

I personally do not do drugs, I do not drink in to excess unless I am around people that I 100% trust and even then... I still don't like it. Never be out of control of your body because you generally cannot rely on anyone else to defend your body for you. I realize this is putting some of the responsibility in the hands of the victims but we are the only ones we can truly depend on to defend out bodies and we cannot do that when incompaciated. There are some people who will come in and save the day but we cannot hope or expect for that to happen. We have to be prepared.


Last but not least is knowing that we are worth the fight and we did not deserve what happened. No matter what anyone says or thinks or beats us down to believe. We did not ask for or want that violation of body. The only person who gets hurt by this denial and coverup is ourselves. The victims, and by hiding it and tucking it away as a secret we deny ourselves the chance to heal and overcome.

Exactly my point! I believe there is no wrong answer when talking about ways to prevent. Protecting ourselves, knowledge, talking about it, creating harsher punishment for offenders, reporting the crimes and pursuing legal action, taking a stand are all great ways to aide in prevention. We will never be 100% free of attacks because as mentioned before, some people are just wired wrong, but we can do more to hopefully deter or prevent.

Reedern

It is important to address the cause of things, not just ways to protect against them.

Two of the main causes are mental illness and a culture that normalizes the behavior. Rape jokes add to the normalization and make it a joke. Take for instance reports in the media about HS boys getting a girl wasted to the point of passing out then making a YT video of them having group sex with her and inserting household objects into her. They thought it was hilarious and many adults had the audacity to lament them being punished for a youthful mistake.

This makes me physically ill and shaky. My heart breaks for the victims.

Are talking about Ohio? Because the victim went on to get death threats because of the lives she ruined.

Yup. Because she was a worthless slut who ruined the lives of the beloved local football players.

I barely survived. When I finally mustered the courage to go to law enforcement, I was told that couldn't cry rape because things got a little rough and that I should be ashamed of myself for making false accusations because I could ruin a good man's life.

My body is disfigured, but my attacker lives a spotless existence. I'm saddened to know that such attitudes have not changed in 20 years.

I am so sorry to read your story. God bless you!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

While I believe that situational awareness and self defense are important to people in general, I think that implying that a woman has to do her part to prevent herself from being raped is a subtle implication that she bears partial responsibility for her own rape if it should happen.

A woman dressed provocatively is not asking for it, neither is a woman who enjoys flirting, and neither is a woman who happens to walk on a dark street at night. She should be able to freely do these things without the fear of being assaulted.


The responsibility rests SOLELY on the shoulders of the person who initiates force against another.

Absolutely! I think the point though is that we have to do our best to protect ourselves as well. Knowledge is part of prevention.

I think you may be missing the point, just a little. Having self awareness and self defense skills isn't actually preventing the assault from occurring -- it just might make the attempt be unsuccessful (while is pretty vile to even write).

Self defense/awareness have a place in the conversation, just not when you're talking prevention because it is always going to place a level of blame on the victim. If you were stronger/faster/more aware this wouldn't have happened to you. Which is not true.

Thank you, I was going to say something along the lines of this (most likely not as eloquently though). In my own experience being more aware would not have prevented it from happening. Having self defense skills may have deterred him but there still would have been an attempt. The attempt needs to be prevented along with the act itself and victims have zero responsibility for that.

I am not disagreeing with either of you at all. I am not saying that being aware, trained in self defense, etc would prevent attacks all together. I would never ever say that without these tools a victim has a role in responsibilty. I am simply saying that it may give us more of an edge in prevention. An attacker is going to attack no matter what.

I am sorry, but if you are saying an attacker is going to attack no matter what, your agenda isn't prevention. I have tried to choose my words here very carefully, because I don't see a malicious spirit in your post or your words.

But the idea that an attacker is going to attack, no matter what, is effectively saying that rape is an unavoidable part of our society. What I can do to prevent rape is to call bullsh*t on that. Access to mental health care, as well as the stigma that comes with receiving mental care are part of the problem. The other part of the problem is our society as a whole has normalized sexual violence to the extent that it is seen as an inevitable part of society, so we have to find ways to "cope". Self defense, self awareness -- those are coping strategies. They are super important. But they do not have a place in prevention. Period.

mank32

i can model for my 8-yo (boy) cousin (closest thing to a kid i've ever had) that women are sovereign unto themselves.

BinaryPulsar

I don't know how to prevent it.

I speak up.
I gave talks as part of the training for counselors and crisis workers at sexual assault and domestic violence centers and the police station. I shared my experiences, what I learned, I answered questions.

When I was able I reported my former stepfather to the police and I testified.
I have told and spoken up and continue to.

I have taken part in educational events and educated myself. I was trained by Darkness to Light.

I have been an available parent to my children and raised them differently than how I was (too much to write it all). I teach them to speak up instead of keeping secrets.

I was trained in self defense.

I have been there for others and helped others to heal and get help.

ItsCasey

Any suggestion that puts responsibility on the potential victim is going to come off like it's said victim's fault if s/he is, in fact, raped, but let's be real: there are things, as a woman, that I can do to make being raped less likely.

I can avoid getting so drunk that I require a baby-sitter.

I can avoid being alone with men I don't know (and do a better job of assessing the level of *kitten* achieved by those I do know).

I can avoid obvious date rape situations, like having several drinks, inviting a guy I just met a couple hours ago into my home, letting him shove his tongue down my throat while removing most of my clothing, and then suddenly telling him to beat it when his "friend" wants to come out and play.

I can avoid being alone at night in a situation where no one is likely to notice or be able to help if someone grabs me and takes off.

To say none of these things are my responsibility is a bit like saying I'm not responsible for my friend robbing a bank just because I loaned him a gun, a ski mask, and my car.

Beyond that, it is just a fact that rape happens, and women need to be prepared to defend themselves. I am not strong enough or big enough to overpower most grown men, but I am strong enough to put up enough of a fight to make it not worth their while or to call enough attention to the situation that a would-be rapist is scared away. I also have a concealed carry permit, am armed 99% of the time, and am, thus, always hyper aware of my surroundings (never sitting with my back facing the door of whatever room I'm in, for example). I'm not saying this is a solution for everyone. God knows if you are afraid of a gun, don't know how to safely use it, and don't know how to carry it so that no one else can get to it, you are more likely to be killed with it yourself than to kill an attacker. But it's an option for the reasonably intelligent who are willing to put in the effort to learn and practice.

Reedern

While I believe that situational awareness and self defense are important to people in general, I think that implying that a woman has to do her part to prevent herself from being raped is a subtle implication that she bears partial responsibility for her own rape if it should happen.

A woman dressed provocatively is not asking for it, neither is a woman who enjoys flirting, and neither is a woman who happens to walk on a dark street at night. She should be able to freely do these things without the fear of being assaulted.


The responsibility rests SOLELY on the shoulders of the person who initiates force against another.

Absolutely! I think the point though is that we have to do our best to protect ourselves as well. Knowledge is part of prevention.

I think you may be missing the point, just a little. Having self awareness and self defense skills isn't actually preventing the assault from occurring -- it just might make the attempt be unsuccessful (while is pretty vile to even write).

Self defense/awareness have a place in the conversation, just not when you're talking prevention because it is always going to place a level of blame on the victim. If you were stronger/faster/more aware this wouldn't have happened to you. Which is not true.

Thank you, I was going to say something along the lines of this (most likely not as eloquently though). In my own experience being more aware would not have prevented it from happening. Having self defense skills may have deterred him but there still would have been an attempt. The attempt needs to be prevented along with the act itself and victims have zero responsibility for that.

I am not disagreeing with either of you at all. I am not saying that being aware, trained in self defense, etc would prevent attacks all together. I would never ever say that without these tools a victim has a role in responsibilty. I am simply saying that it may give us more of an edge in prevention. An attacker is going to attack no matter what.

I am sorry, but if you are saying an attacker is going to attack no matter what, your agenda isn't prevention. I have tried to choose my words here very carefully, because I don't see a malicious spirit in your post or your words.

But the idea that an attacker is going to attack, no matter what, is effectively saying that rape is an unavoidable part of our society. What I can do to prevent rape is to call bullsh*t on that. Access to mental health care, as well as the stigma that comes with receiving mental care are part of the problem. The other part of the problem is our society as a whole has normalized sexual violence to the extent that it is seen as an inevitable part of society, so we have to find ways to "cope". Self defense, self awareness -- those are coping strategies. They are super important. But they do not have a place in prevention. Period.

While I understand what you are saying, let me clarify what I mean. I am not stating all attackers will attack no matter what. Some can be deterred or with help change their behaviors, but there are those out there that will attack no matter what. If one person is not an accessable target, another may be. Does this make sense?