Sexual Assult Prevention Week

MireyGal76

I do my best to teach my daughters what boundaries are. Theirs, and others.
I teach them that other people have different boundaries to, and that you have to respect their space.

I teach them that if something makes them uncomfortable, they don't have to do it.
AND that if something they are doing is making someone ELSE uncomfortable. THEY HAVE TO RESPECT THAT.

I teach these in all areas - not just sexual. And I hope it has been enough.

eta:

an example of this... my oldest daughter is a hugger. She wants to hug everyone and everything - people, pets... I'm teaching her that she shouldn't hug strangers, that if she wants to hug a friend, that she should be sure that friend wants a hug (if in doubt ask), and that when she goes to hug her sister - if her sister resists that hug - she NEEDS TO STOP.

BinaryPulsar

I do my best to teach my daughters what boundaries are. Theirs, and others.
I teach them that other people have different boundaries to, and that you have to respect their space.

I teach them that if something makes them uncomfortable, they don't have to do it.
AND that if something they are doing is making someone ELSE uncomfortable. THEY HAVE TO RESPECT THAT.

I teach these in all areas - not just sexual. And I hope it has been enough.

eta:

an example of this... my oldest daughter is a hugger. She wants to hug everyone and everything - people, pets... I'm teaching her that she shouldn't hug strangers, that if she wants to hug a friend, that she should be sure that friend wants a hug (if in doubt ask), and that when she goes to hug her sister - if her sister resists that hug - she NEEDS TO STOP.

Yes, me too. I teach my daughters to respect the bodies and boundaries of others.

We can do our best. But, a child is no match for the manipulation of an adult.

neandermagnon

I teach my kids that no means no - in all contexts. I have two girls, if I had boys I'd teach them the same. They're still young so it's more about what parts of their body are private and no-one can touch them without their permission, etc (I'm following NSPCC guidelines about how to teach them this kind of thing)..... but when they're older, yes they'll do self defence classes, and probably they'll be doing martial arts before that (something I'm going to be actively encouraging them to do) - but at the same time I'm going to tell them never to rely on self defence alone... that the first rule of self defence is to run away, and that avoiding certain situations decreases their risk, etc etc.... from personal experience, one time this guy in a pub would not take no for an answer, and I floored him (judo/aikido kind of move - I got to brown belt/2nd kyu in Judo and have done other martial arts as well) then I got the largest of my male friends who I was with (I was with a group of friends) to walk me back to the nearest tube station, in case this guy followed me, even though I knew I was stronger than him and could do martial arts on him.... because someone can still follow you and take you unawares and manage to overcome you before you have a chance to fight back, especially if they have a weapon.... self defence moves are only for when you can't avoid the situation or get out any other way. they absolutely are extremely good to know, and just knowing them improves your self-confidence, but they're not to be relied on and not to replace stuff like situational awareness or getting out of the situation ASAP.


Also, men and boys get raped and sexually assaulted too. No-one should forget that. Everyone's talking about teaching boys to respect women and girls but they can become the victims of this as well, and unfortuately boys and men who are raped or sexually assaulted often don't get take as seriously as women and girls who do, because they have the additional stigma of the fact that men are supposed to be strong and protect themselves, and men are supposed to like sex with anyone regardless... for example I've heard of cases where a man is raped or sexually assaulted by a woman being not taken seriously at all because apparently he was supposed to enjoy it and he automatically wanted it just because he's male. Really, people need to teach boys about the fact that they don't have to just suffer in silence if something like this happens to them, and girls need to know that no means no. Yep it's rarer but it does happen.

Reedern

I just want to say thank you to everyone giving their opinions. Some very good points being made and also some good advice.

On my lunch break today, I happened to be reading the news and was floored by this article. You would think as a victim, he would be the one saying spare no cost.... test them all!

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=30369533&nid=148&title=debate-over-untested-rape-kits-spurs-accusations-of-insensitivity&s_cid=queue-14

BinaryPulsar

I just want to say thank you to everyone giving their opinions. Some very good points being made and also some good advice.

On my lunch break today, I happened to be reading the news and was floored by this article. You would think as a victim, he would be the one saying spare no cost.... test them all!

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=30369533&nid=148&title=debate-over-untested-rape-kits-spurs-accusations-of-insensitivity&s_cid=queue-14

There are lots of cases in which repeat offenders get away with crimes because of the backlog. And when kits are finally processed, they find the offender (due to being in the data base for other crimes), but the statute of limitations is up.

One things is that because of my working on a speaker's bureau for sexual assault, I do know many people and have heard many stories first hand. Plus I have been through so much of my own. I was sexually abused by my former stepfather (an extremely violent man) when I was a small child, I was assaulted when I was 9 and fought back, but I was too small. I was attacked when I was 15 by a stranger and I did fight enough for him to eventually run away. And those are just a few of my own experiences. A lot of people think this is "just stuff that happens on tv", but those are all real people, it happens to real people, even though it sounds so horrible it must only happen to "those other people" that no real people ever know. And there will never be any progress if people don't listen and have rational and productive conversations. Demonstrating that people will publicly mock women and stay fixated on them that way for asking a safety question is not going to help anything. It is possible for people to communicate and express different viewpoints and to get people to think things through in a calm, rational, productive, and intelligent way like adults. I think this issue warrants that.

bloodyhonest

They need to bring back the chastity belts

mank32

make it normal to teach men and young boys about not raping about how they are in no way ever entitled to someone elses body

"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

Reedern

They need to bring back the chastity belts

Hahahaha

_errata_

Castrate frat boys.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

They need to bring back the chastity belts

Hahahaha

Care to explain why you found that funny?

patfriendly

Is banning music video the solution to preventing sexual assult?

http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_9tciflln/

trojan_bb

make it normal to teach men and young boys about not raping about how they are in no way ever entitled to someone elses body

instead of always making it up to the women and young women to not get raped - yes learning these things is still important HOWEVER IT IS NOT OUR FCKING FAULT and we should never be looked at like "well you should of done this this and this or not worn this or never gone outside walking by yourself EVER or drank that or ororororororororor"

yea im getting upset

stupidest thing ever. this line of twitter groupthink is beyond stupid.

Teach non violence and non aggression. To both men and women. This should not be a gender based movement or argument.. Its a matter of reducing violence

Every rapist knows they aren't entitled to someone else's body. Every murderer also knows they probably shoudn't kill. Teaching boys "not to rape" (newsflash: we were all taught this already) is not going to do a thing. Teach PEOPLE to be better PEOPLE will help. Correcting issues which lead to mental disorders will help.

This isn't an issue about teaching boys vs telling girls what not do do. 40% of sexual assault victims are male. Most violent crime victims are male. Males are also taught and told not to go into dangerous areas and put ourselves in comprising positions. As we should be. And women should be told the same. It's common sense in a dangerous world. The world will always be dangerous. We can reduce the danger, but never eliminate it. People CHOOSE to murder and rape.

"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

so stupid. men are killed more often than women. We are just as wary of other men. This is not an issue of men vs women. It's an issue of violence. Period. Egalitarianism over gender bias, in either direction.

Teach non violence and non aggression. To both men and women. This should not be a gender based movement or argument.. Its a matter of reducing violence

MireyGal76

I do my best to teach my daughters what boundaries are. Theirs, and others.
I teach them that other people have different boundaries to, and that you have to respect their space.

I teach them that if something makes them uncomfortable, they don't have to do it.
AND that if something they are doing is making someone ELSE uncomfortable. THEY HAVE TO RESPECT THAT.

I teach these in all areas - not just sexual. And I hope it has been enough.

eta:

an example of this... my oldest daughter is a hugger. She wants to hug everyone and everything - people, pets... I'm teaching her that she shouldn't hug strangers, that if she wants to hug a friend, that she should be sure that friend wants a hug (if in doubt ask), and that when she goes to hug her sister - if her sister resists that hug - she NEEDS TO STOP.

Yes, me too. I teach my daughters to respect the bodies and boundaries of others.

We can do our best. But, a child is no match for the manipulation of an adult.

I know, and that terrifies me.

The reason I mentioned this, is that if we, as parents of tomorrow's adults, teach our children to respect boundaries, and stop with the selfishness - but rather learn to at least recognize and respect the needs of others (not necessarily meet those needs), then perhaps we ARE helping to prevent future sexual assault. To some minimal extent, that is.

MireyGal76

Castrate frat boys.

this may have been an attempt at humor, but it falls flat on me.

BinaryPulsar

I do my best to teach my daughters what boundaries are. Theirs, and others.
I teach them that other people have different boundaries to, and that you have to respect their space.

I teach them that if something makes them uncomfortable, they don't have to do it.
AND that if something they are doing is making someone ELSE uncomfortable. THEY HAVE TO RESPECT THAT.

I teach these in all areas - not just sexual. And I hope it has been enough.

eta:

an example of this... my oldest daughter is a hugger. She wants to hug everyone and everything - people, pets... I'm teaching her that she shouldn't hug strangers, that if she wants to hug a friend, that she should be sure that friend wants a hug (if in doubt ask), and that when she goes to hug her sister - if her sister resists that hug - she NEEDS TO STOP.

Yes, me too. I teach my daughters to respect the bodies and boundaries of others.

We can do our best. But, a child is no match for the manipulation of an adult.

I know, and that terrifies me.

The reason I mentioned this, is that if we, as parents of tomorrow's adults, teach our children to respect boundaries, and stop with the selfishness - but rather learn to at least recognize and respect the needs of others (not necessarily meet those needs), then perhaps we ARE helping to prevent future sexual assault. To some minimal extent, that is.

Yeah, I completely agree with you!!

Also, a great way to teach about boundaries is to teach our children what boundaries are in this way.

The last part of my statement was only as a support to anyone reading, not to blame themselves.

:flowerforyou:

Also just want to add to the discussion that I think it is important that we also teach our children to speak up if they witness another child (or adult when they get older) being abused, or to get help from an adult when a child confides in them about abuse.

BinaryPulsar

This is not an issue of men vs women. It's an issue of violence. Period.

I agree. It's not a competition.

Too often it turns into a gender competition and everyone loses site of productively dealing with violence.

The statistic are notoriously wrong. People can get into arguments all day with statistics. It's just a distraction from dealing with the issue.

I know girls and boys that have been assaulted, I know men and women that have been assaulted. Many many murders are actually committed in domestic violence.

MyChocolateDiet

As a mother of boys what I can do to prevent sexual assaults from happening is have these uncomfortable talks with my boys just like I have to have other uncomfortable talks with them about drugs and gangs and birth control and smoking and etc. and so on.

It should just be one more topic that girls AND boys get talked to about from their parents BEFORE it's a problem and this I think would go a long way in molding the minds of boys who will become men as to what is and isn't appropriate and as to what is and isn't good power.

Secrets are the breeding ground for toxicity and the uncomfy nature of the rape topic allows it to fester in our society as an unchecked weed.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

http://www.davidlisak.com/wp-content/uploads/pdf/RepeatRapeinUndetectedRapists.pdf

darrensurrey

It's about respect. Teach children to respect others.

_errata_

Castrate frat boys.

this may have been an attempt at humor, but it falls flat on me.

So I am not very funny. Sorry.

But the point I was making is that frat boy culture has normalized the behavior that leads to sexual assault.

Besides that, date rape is the most common form of rape, and that comes from creating a consent-based culture.

What can I do to prevent sexaul assault?

I can always ask permission before beginning any kind of advance, sexual or not, and make my intentions very clear. If the girl says no or stop at any point, I can cease and desist immediately.