Is he into me?
Replies
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If he was into you, he would move mountains to be with you. IMHO
You beat me to it. OP, save your heart for someone who deserves it.0 -
Lol at the advice here. She dodges him for a year, yet he's the one whose interest is in question.
Right!
:laugh:0 -
Ask him:
"Hey. I kind of like you but it seems like I'm always the one initiating things. What's up with that? If you aren't interested just tell me."
And really, "Don't chase men."? We want power and to be treated equal yet we make up stupid rules where we are not free to pursue the partner we want simply because we have a vagina? Obviously, yeah, back off if he makes it clear he's not interested, but there's nothing "wrong" or "desperate" about asking a guy out.
You never disappoint me.0 -
If he was into you, he would move mountains to be with you. IMHO
Agreed. His passive behavior is a bad sign.0 -
I feel like I know the answer to this question, but I'm driving myself nuts. I'm usually able to give my friends advice, but for some reason can't follow my own.
Met this guy through a friend who was getting married. She'd been trying to push me on to him for years, but I always ducked her. We met at her bachelorette party. Had fun, flirted, but nothing exciting. I went home early because I tired. We met up at her wedding and again, had fun, flirted, spent most of the festivities together. The evening ended on a good note, and the next morning was not as awkward as it could have been. We've met up one time since then, after I asked, and again had an amazing time. He always says, He'd be happy to do it again, whenever we part. I at one point asked if we'd ever be more than this and he say gladly, he'd be willing to go as far as I'm comfortable with. I agreed.
Here's the problem: I initiate all the meet ups, and texting. He will text me constantly, after I text him. I told myself, I would not initiate another meetup unless he did, and so far...two weeks and nada. No request for a date, no asking to come over, nothing. Sure, I can see all the mistakes I've made here, but is this just the most passive guy ever...or he really not that into me and I should move on?
he's into having sex with you. assuming i am reading between the lines in your post correctly. since you're not pushing for more, he's probably fine with how things are and has other pots on the stove and he's tending to those right now. sounds like you're just one of those pots and since you're not demanding attention, you're not getting much. but he's more than happy to see you and have sex with you any time you want if you initiate it.
that's my take on it.0 -
She didn't dodge him for a year. She avoided her friend's fixup and she never actually met him until recently.Lol at the advice here. She dodges him for a year, yet he's the one whose interest is in question.
The "don't chase men" advice is legitimate. Certainly, it's fine to call and ask a guy out if you're interested. But if he isn't reciprocating and never initiating contact, he isn't interested (and, yes, this goes both ways) and chasing after someone who isn't interested isn't worth it.
It sounds like maybe he could make a nice friend, but he isn't interested in a relationship. Why should she waste her time?0 -
Dating rules are dumb. If you are into him, tell him. There aren't any rules or games that work for meeting the right person.
I had a similar issue with my husband. I really liked him right from the door, which wasn't the norm for me. I wasn't looking for anything steady. I usually followed the wait a couple of days to call thing, but called him an hour after he left my house the next morning to tell him that I had a fabulous time and would he like to get together again real soon.
For the first 6 months of dating I felt like I liked him more than he liked me. I finally asked straight out and he told me that my friends (we met at a party for a mutual friend) told him to play a little hard to get or that I would get bored with him.
We've been married for 5 years and have 2 kids and are crazy about each other.0 -
Yeah. this is the only viable reason a guy may seem aloof when he doesn't want to be.Not so sure I agree.... I was far too cool with someone I was very interested in - even when I was "initiating" contact. So even though most people on the Boards would consider this "chasing" behavior, the man is very shy and he got the idea he was being friend-zoned. He decided not to pursue me as a result. How do I know? Because he was honest enough to tell me but it was too late by then and I am still very sad about it.0 -
Dating rules are dumb. If you are into him, tell him. There aren't any rules or games that work for meeting the right person.
I had a similar issue with my husband. I really liked him right from the door, which wasn't the norm for me. I wasn't looking for anything steady. I usually followed the wait a couple of days to call thing, but called him an hour after he left my house the next morning to tell him that I had a fabulous time and would he like to get together again real soon.
For the first 6 months of dating I felt like I liked him more than he liked me. I finally asked straight out and he told me that my friends (we met at a party for a mutual friend) told him to play a little hard to get or that I would get bored with him.
We've been married for 5 years and have 2 kids and are crazy about each other.
This is what I'm afraid of. You are the first person to pick up on the mutual friend problem. I'm pretty sure we've been feeding info back and forth between a mutal friend (the one who got married). I have been a flake in relationships before, and I tend to hate being pestered. I'm about 96% sure my friend has told him this and he's trying to appear aloof. It's not work. In fact it's driving me nuts.0 -
With an avatar name of NinaSharpe.....you know the answer to your own question. Fringe..............:drinker:0
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Dating rules are dumb. If you are into him, tell him. There aren't any rules or games that work for meeting the right person.
I had a similar issue with my husband. I really liked him right from the door, which wasn't the norm for me. I wasn't looking for anything steady. I usually followed the wait a couple of days to call thing, but called him an hour after he left my house the next morning to tell him that I had a fabulous time and would he like to get together again real soon.
For the first 6 months of dating I felt like I liked him more than he liked me. I finally asked straight out and he told me that my friends (we met at a party for a mutual friend) told him to play a little hard to get or that I would get bored with him.
We've been married for 5 years and have 2 kids and are crazy about each other.
This is what I'm afraid of. You are the first person to pick up on the mutual friend problem. I'm pretty sure we've been feeding info back and forth between a mutal friend (the one who got married). I have been a flake in relationships before, and I tend to hate being pestered. I'm about 96% sure my friend has told him this and he's trying to appear aloof. It's not work. In fact it's driving me nuts.
You could always ask the mutual friend if she knows anything...other then that I would either ask him or just move on. Good luck!0 -
Ask him:
"Hey. I kind of like you but it seems like I'm always the one initiating things. What's up with that? If you aren't interested just tell me."
And really, "Don't chase men."? We want power and to be treated equal yet we make up stupid rules where we are not free to pursue the partner we want simply because we have a vagina? Obviously, yeah, back off if he makes it clear he's not interested, but there's nothing "wrong" or "desperate" about asking a guy out.
yup nothing wrong at all about asking men out I do it if I feel so compelled
but chasing them is not worth the time or energy0 -
If you have to ask, the answer is no.0
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If you have to ask, the answer is no.
Especially if you have to ask a bunch of strangers on a public forum.0 -
I agree with the "if you have to ask"... The answer is no. To be blunt, if he doesn't want or express the want to be around you as much as you want to be around him.....it isn't worth it.
As for dating rules, who comes up with this stuff. Having a vagina or a penis does not dictate who calls or asks out. That is just silly junior high stuff. The truth is it has to be mutual, you initiate contact and vice versa. I always liked forward, self assured men too....so playing aloof would have me walking away.0 -
Ask him:
"Hey. I kind of like you but it seems like I'm always the one initiating things. What's up with that? If you aren't interested just tell me."
And really, "Don't chase men."? We want power and to be treated equal yet we make up stupid rules where we are not free to pursue the partner we want simply because we have a vagina? Obviously, yeah, back off if he makes it clear he's not interested, but there's nothing "wrong" or "desperate" about asking a guy out.
QFT. What if your friend told him you weren't interested all that time so he's being a little stand offish and just following your lead. What if he's used to being the pursuer and decided he wants to be pursued this time? What if, what if, what if. There are so many possibilities and you'll never know for sure unless you ask. If you have any inkling that there's a future with this guy, it's worth having a conversation over. If not, just write him off and move on.
And back to the quote - that last part made me think - what the heck do lesbian and gay couples do without gender roles involved? I'm sure they just treat each other like people. Why can't heteros do that? All those rules are stupid and juvenile.0 -
As an incredibly shy guy, it wasn't until college that I finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl out. It certainly wasn't for lack of interest in anyone during high school, but rather lack of self confidence or assertiveness. Years later, I discovered that there were a few of my female friends from high school that had wanted me to ask them out, but I was too afraid to risk rejection. So I guess I disagree with most of the opinions in this thread... depending on the personality, lack of initiation doesn't automatically equate to lack of interest. I do agree with the folks here that suggested asking him what's up. An honest discussion would help you know where he's coming from and let him know what you're concerned about. If you actually like the guy, then playing the game of "don't ever chase a guy" just guarantees more frustration and/or uncertainty for you. Communication is important in a relationship anyway, so why not start off right? Don't let fear of rejection control your actions.0
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As an incredibly shy guy, it wasn't until college that I finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl out. It certainly wasn't for lack of interest in anyone during high school, but rather lack of self confidence or assertiveness. Years later, I discovered that there were a few of my female friends from high school that had wanted me to ask them out, but I was too afraid to risk rejection. So I guess I disagree with most of the opinions in this thread... depending on the personality, lack of initiation doesn't automatically equate to lack of interest. I do agree with the folks here that suggested asking him what's up. An honest discussion would help you know where he's coming from and let him know what you're concerned about. If you actually like the guy, then playing the game of "don't ever chase a guy" just guarantees more frustration and/or uncertainty for you. Communication is important in a relationship anyway, so why not start off right? Don't let fear of rejection control your actions.
They already had sex. How shy can he be at this point?0 -
And really, "Don't chase men."? We want power and to be treated equal yet we make up stupid rules where we are not free to pursue the partner we want simply because we have a vagina? Obviously, yeah, back off if he makes it clear he's not interested, but there's nothing "wrong" or "desperate" about asking a guy out.
I am not equal to a man and don't want to be treated like one. I'm not better or worse than a man, but I am different. I value the things that make a man different from me. I will let a man know I am available and interested, but I will not pursue him in any way, shape, or form. It's not because I think I "can't" or "shouldn't." It's because when it comes to intimate relationships, I do not want to be with a passive man. It's not a stupid rule or a game. It's my preference for interaction with a potential boyfriend/husband.
It's interesting that women question "Is he into me?" when a man is making it blatantly obvious that he isn't (i.e. never trying to see you or speak to you), while men ask the same question when a woman does things like constantly canceling plans, never returning calls or texts, treating you like you're her once-a-week lunch buddy rather than going on real, grown-up dates with you, etc. I also find that when people won't put any effort into dating you and try to convince you that you're too high maintenance, it's because they're not interested. A grown man who really likes you will not think you are high maintenance because you'd rather go out for a nice dinner and have a meaningful conversation than sit next to him reading a magazine while he plays Call of Duty for 4 hours.0 -
Before you decide definitively based on forum posts, tell him it'd be nice if he initiated too because, as things are now, you don't feel like he's really interested anymore because he never does. Some people really are shy and afraid to come off as clingy.
That said, my gut reaction, based purely on your post, is that he's probably not into you. But that's assuming and so often assumptions can be wrong. There's no harm in telling him that. If he still doesn't, then let it go.0 -
Sounds like he's keeping his options open. If you called he would hang...but he ain't gonna chase you.
Seems pretty clear cut. Move on OP.0 -
Assuming that you slept with him... possibly a couple of times by the way your post is worded....
He's really just in it for the sex.0 -
And really, "Don't chase men."? We want power and to be treated equal yet we make up stupid rules where we are not free to pursue the partner we want simply because we have a vagina? Obviously, yeah, back off if he makes it clear he's not interested, but there's nothing "wrong" or "desperate" about asking a guy out.
I am not equal to a man and don't want to be treated like one. I'm not better or worse than a man, but I am different. I value the things that make a man different from me. I will let a man know I am available and interested, but I will not pursue him in any way, shape, or form. It's not because I think I "can't" or "shouldn't." It's because when it comes to intimate relationships, I do not want to be with a passive man. It's not a stupid rule or a game. It's my preference for interaction with a potential boyfriend/husband.
It's interesting that women question "Is he into me?" when a man is making it blatantly obvious that he isn't (i.e. never trying to see you or speak to you), while men ask the same question when a woman does things like constantly canceling plans, never returning calls or texts, treating you like you're her once-a-week lunch buddy rather than going on real, grown-up dates with you, etc. I also find that when people won't put any effort into dating you and try to convince you that you're too high maintenance, it's because they're not interested. A grown man who really likes you will not think you are high maintenance because you'd rather go out for a nice dinner and have a meaningful conversation than sit next to him reading a magazine while he plays Call of Duty for 4 hours.
Being equal has nothing to do with how you are treated (sterio typical man/woman roles). Also your preference is assertive men. Playing a game of catch me if you can is juvenile. I never chased a guy because those are not the type I was into....I always liked confident, assertive and straight forward men. I did not avoid chasing them because of some game. You seem to be confusing the games some play with your personal preferences.
I am equal to my husband but at the same time if there is a bump in the night I expect his behind to get up and go check it out. Now if he's not home, I am not hiding...I am more than capable of protecting myself but I still like a man to be the protector.0 -
Actions always speak louder then words . . . both spoken, or texted.
The dating merry-go-round is an interesting place, to say the least. But, ultimately if you want more from the relationship, then just being someone's hook up, don't allow yourself to be just a hook up. Based on what you have described, is sounds like that is what you are. Sorry
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She'd been trying to push me on to him for years, but I always ducked her.
Maybe he figured if he waited years to meet you, then you can wait a few weeks. You are apparently in no rush.0 -
Maybe, just ask him instead of us? And in person...not by text.
Preferably while you have him tied naked to the bed and you are holding a straight razor....
Always works for me.0 -
^^ Agreed. Don't chase after a guy, ALWAYS let him chase you.
Smh
Do not listen to this advice.
But no, unfortunately he isn't into you. No guy waits two weeks to contact a woman he is interested in.
Agreed.. perfect and simple advice0 -
Sounds to me like he's just in it for the sex. I'd move on, personally.0
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Sorry to say when a man is coy, it just isn't the same as when a woman is.
I think when they take less initiative, they have no/lukewarm desire for the lady.
*Hugs* I hate saying it but I think you deserve a better guy. One that shows
ya, he is attentive and won't drop the ball on you.0 -
I don't think the who texts who thing is an indicator but the two weeks without contact is a red flag. Oh and if he is the most passive guy ever do you really want him?0
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